When I first saw Magnus in his casual clothes, the kind he lounged around in, it had been a bit of a shock. Still, it was actually a pleasant surprise to see him with his hair natural and his face void of makeup.
This, however, was something else entirely.
Today each of Magnus' years seemed present on his face. His eyes were more hooded than usual as he took me in and his smile seemed to take considerable effort.
He started leading me to the living area without shutting the door. I had to press all my weight against it to make it latch. When I eventually caught up to Magnus, I found him baring down over a box on the coffee table. Photographs and the odd keepsake were scattered all over the surface and there were some on the floor too. I picked up Chairman Meow before he could walk all over Magnus' memories.
When I looked at Magnus again he was putting a hand through his hair. It didn't run the whole way without hitting a snag. I wondered if he'd brushed it at all.
It was like a car wreck. Do you stare or look away?
"What's the matter with you?" I asked. I was genuinely confused. In all the conversations we'd had about this day coming, Magnus had never seemed like it bothered him.
In all honesty, I had kind of been expecting party poppers or something when I turned up.
"My wife is divorcing me, Alexander. I was hardly going to be in the best of spirits." Magnus responded starkly, plonking himself down beside his box of photographs.
"Yeah, Magnus, but I thought that was what you wanted." I sounded petulant. I didn't care. He was the one talking down at me like I was a dumb kid. Okay, getting dumped wasn't nice under any circumstances, but as far as I knew Magnus and Camille weren't even a couple anymore. "Unless you didn't really stop seeing her?"
"Excuse me?" Magnus growled. It was a remarkably male sound where I might have expected a hissy fit from somebody as often flamboyant as him. Sometimes I kicked myself for confusing being colourful with being effeminate.
Magnus didn't stand but he did glare up at me. As much as I liked having the extra height on him, I knelt down. I found myself a little closer to his face than I should have been.
"I asked you if you were still seeing Camille." I reiterated. Slowly, firmly. Without taking my eyes off his.
Magnus got a look on his face like he was seeing red. "Did you, now?!"
I'm not proud to say that I actually jumped with the shock of it; so loud and so close to me. I leaned back - fell back - onto my backside, which took me to what was a less threatening distance.
Or would have been, if Magnus didn't then crawl closer.
He had each of his hands resting knuckles-down on the floor on either side of me. I was trapped there, suddenly ultra-aware of how much larger than me Magnus was. He had a slim build, but he was still fully grown while I was... Not.
"How dare you." He growled again.
"I'm sorry." I stammered. The statement had clearly been a big mistake. I shuffled backwards, but didn't get far before my back hit the couch.
It wasn't that I was scared; I couldn't envision Magnus hurting me physically in a million years. But the vicinity seemed to be making the conflict escalate. I was cornered, and that was making my heart rate rise.
"No, Alexander. I stopped seeing her, for you. I have been celibate for you. I'm living in this-" He rose up to free his hands and gestured around to the apartment. I was only mildly relived to have my space back. I took the opportunity to sit up on the couch while it was there, and sure enough Magnus made no move to trap me again. "This shit hole for you!"
"I said I'm sorry!" I snapped back, fed up with being yelled at. The cat, meanwhile, had scurried off into hiding. Lucky Chairman Meow. "I never forced you!"
Magnus smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile, and I didn't like it one bit. When he caressed my face it still sent shivers through me but it wasn't like the other times. The whole gesture felt mocking.
"Of course not..." Said Magnus. "Ever the innocent one, aren't you?"
I shuddered. It wouldn't have been very clever to agree with Magnus out loud. Instead I didn't say anything, though I did wonder what he found me guilty of. If I'd wronged anybody it was Camille, and she didn't care in the least about the whole ordeal we'd been through.
I turned my attention away from Magnus. Both of us needed to calm down. We were both feeling pretty insulted. Not to mention snappy and altogether unkind. I guessed that was just the combination of his earlier bad mood and the edge I was feeling from the incident at work.
I stood and walked to look at one of the pictures on the table, just for something to do rather than gaze into space and avoid Magnus' stare.
Of course the picture was of Magnus and Camille. The banner hanging above them read Prom 1994. Camille's dress was a burgundy-red, pretty but simple enough to be home-made. It probably was, if Magnus was sewing back then. She looked really happy with her arm linked around his. They were both a little younger than me.
It seemed odd that I'd never even asked about when Magnus was my age. I'd heard stories about when he was younger, sure, but to me they always seemed like just that. Stories. As if Magnus just walked into the world one day the age he was when I met him.
"You were what... five? When that was taken." Magnus voice was softer, perhaps a little bitter-sounding. Far less angry, at least.
"Yeah." I said, thinking it over. Magnus was finishing his time at high school while Izzy was refusing to give up her dummy. "And it was probably past my bedtime, too."
Magnus let out a very long sigh. I tried not to take it to heart. Whatever the reason, he was clearly in a bad place.
"I knew it would happen. I just never really saw it." He told me, back on the divorce topic.
"Isn't it…" I hesitated, scared of what he might say. I managed to press on even with the summersaults going on in my stomach. "Isn't it what you want?"
"Of course it's what I want!" He groaned, running his hand down his own face, exasperated. "Alec, I love you."
I smiled a little. The trouble was that I was still feeling a little edgy and very confused.
"You'll still see her, won't you? She's your friend." I said, hoping it would ease his troubles to remember the woman wasn't out of his life completely. I couldn't see the ever-interfering presence that was Camille Belcourt disappearing altogether. Not even if Magnus wanted her to, which he quite obviously didn't.
"Try to understand, Alexander, I've been coming home to the same person ever since-" Magnus stopped himself, both from speaking and rifling through the pictures on the table.
It seemed as if Magnus and Camille had been all over the world. Yet for every shot of them in a new location, there was another of them at home doing something mundane. The two of them on a bridge in Venice, then both of them in the kitchen making a complete mess of their baking attempt.
Magnus snatched something up and paled. He looked towards the spare room down the hall.
"Since when?" I asked. I didn't know at the time how completely tactless I was being.
Magnus jolted, as if he'd forgotten that I was there for a moment. He studied my face, trying to figure something out. How much trust, I suppose, he was willing to place in me.
"Since my Mother's suicide." He said; with a great deal of forced control keeping his face unnaturally neutral. "I married Camille when my Mother hung herself."
"Magnus." I breathed. I didn't have the slightest idea what to say to that. "I'm so-"
"Don't. Don't do that." He interrupted, shaking his head. He held the picture in his hand out towards me and nodded that I should take it. I didn't, but I did come closer where I could see.
Magnus' Mother had had long, inky black hair. She seemed embarrassed to have her picture taken; but happy. There was a lot of her in him; in the exotic shape of his eyes, the build of his long frame and the tone of his skin. She was plainer, though. Their similarities benefited Magnus more than her; he was exceptional, she was only almost-pretty.
Still, obligation is obligation.
"She seems lovely." I said.
"That was before she got depressed." Magnus filled in. He placed the photograph back into the box carefully, like it preserved what she'd been before then. Maybe to him it did.
Clearly, I'd stumbled upon more than I'd expected. Story of my life.
Nothing I wanted to say seemed right. It didn't seem okay to just change topics with nothing more said and at the same time... Asking questions felt highly inappropriate and unwelcome. And Magnus had already stopped me from using the go-to 'I'm so sorry' response.
I hugged him. It felt like the most supportive, warm, apologetic action I could have applied. It wasn't long before the familiar feeling of Magnus' touch wrapped around my shoulders. He planted a kiss on my forehead and it felt good not to stop him.
"I should pack all this up." Magnus eventually murmured into my hairline.
"I'll help you." I whispered back, looking up to see his eyes were closed.
We devoted the rest of the evening to memories. Magnus had a lot to talk about and the conversation took us late into the night; right on to the early hours of the Morning. He kept asking if I needed to get home, I never told him that I had active plans for the next day and was going to be a zombie. Some things were just too important to brush off. I wasn't ready to go until Magnus seemed completely exhausted.
I did, however, leave him smiling.
Sorry it didn't get out as quickly as I hoped. Thank you for reading, I hope that it was enjoyable. The next chapter isn't named yet, but it is in progress. I shall try to get it out soon!