Chapter 3: Normal

"What do you mean I can't change my schedule? It's only a few weeks into school; how can I not be able to switch classes?" Rachel's emotions were getting the better of her. She didn't mean to, or even want to, raise her voice, but the woman was just no help.

"It's not that you can't."

"Then what in the world could it possibly be? I don't want to change grades or anything, just one single, little English class."

"I know sweetheart. It's just that no other English classes fit in your schedule."

"What does that mean?" Her voice was filled with defeat, and the woman could hear it. She kind of felt bad for the young brunette in front of her and would help her if she could.

"The only other Junior English class is during your science period." She pointed out showing Rachel her schedule. "And there is no more room in the other science classes." She watched the young girl in front of her on the verge of a breakdown. There was so much sadness in her defeat. It was a depressing sight. "I'm sorry. I'd help you if I could, but the only way to switch your English class is to not take science and that would put you back a year. Surely things in that class can't be bad enough to warrant that." Maybe to Rachel it was, but then she thought about an extra year sharing a school with that woman. It was almost enough for her to want to vomit right there and then. Almost…

"I'm sorry for my harsh tone of voice. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you. Thank you for all your help." The woman gave a kind smile and offered Rachel her own platitudes before watching the young girl walk away. She watched as Rachel's shoulders slumped just slight enough for the watchful eye to notice. She saw her real frown turn into the fascia of a smile sure to put any questions to rest. More than anything though, she saw a girl turn into a child, slowly breaking at the seam. Luckily for Rachel, the woman was knew and wouldn't know whether her questioning Rachel's state of mind was warranted or from an off day, so it'd probably never be brought up.

Rachel left with her head held high, her show smile on, and the air of confidence everyone believed her to have. She thought the day would be better than the previous; she had been wrong. The day didn't even officially start, the school day that is, and her one wish was already denied. To make matters worse, on her way to get her books for Shelby's class, she ran into Karofsky. That's always a pleasant experience.

"Back to the freak clothes troll?" It wasn't a question as much as a statement of fact, but either way, Rachel was in no mood. And the threatening slushy wasn't in his hands, so she decided to actually speak back… Bad idea.

"Please step out of my way Karofsky. I'm not in the mood for your childish antics." Rachel attempted to step out of his direct path, but he wasn't having it. If she went right, he stepped left and vise versa, keeping Rachel from going anywhere. "Please, just let me go." Her voice was quiet and pleading. She just wanted to go to her locker. Was that really so much to ask?

"Aw, is the troll begging. Maybe you should get on your knees and ask me nicely." That was not a reasonable request and Rachel would not agree to anything of the sort. So she decided to try another plan of action. She tried to push her way around him. His large size against her tiny frame wasn't a fair fight; not that it was a fight, but it still didn't leave much chance for Rachel. Her attempt to get away just angered him, so when he let her pass and the relief set in, it was short lived. Karofsky must've sent some of his followers a signal because as soon as she thought she was in the clear

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. A few steps later and boom! An unsuspecting Rachel Berry was covered in purple goo.

"That was for Karofsky Bitch." She heard one of the jocks yell at her in passing. The only good thing about this incident was that more seemed to be on the lockers than on her body, and she finally got around to laundry, so she had her slushy kit in her locker. After a quick wipe of her face, she went to her locker, grabbed her bag, and went off to change. She had to decide between two outfits. Would she go with her normal troll apparel, or option? Maybe Karofsky was right. She made it an entire day without getting an icy facial when she wore jeans and a hoodie. Maybe that's what she had to do to avoid being the school's biggest underling. Hopefully, she'd move to the number two spot and Jacob Ben-Israel would take her spot. Anything was better than where she was.

That's why she opted for the jeans again. Skinny jeans, flats, a plain white shirt, and a light jacket; she was normal. That's what people wanted right? Normal? The thought crossed her mind. If she was normal, or as normal as a wannabe Broadway diva, raised by two dads, being taught by her mother, not mom, could be, then she could just blend in with the crowd. She could remain invisible from the school's hierarchy, and the slushies would go to some other unsuspecting souls. It could work. It had to work.

It was time for the first class of the day… Ms. Corcoran's English hell hole; where souls went to wither and die a slow and painful death. Also known as Rachel's least favorite class of the day. She was early, even after changing and washing bits of dyed purple ice from random places in her hair. She was happy for the moment of piece. It gave her a chance t journal a little before the rest of the day really began. Making sure her food journal was safely tucked away in her bag, Rachel pulled out the slightly larger, more diary like notebook and began writing. It was more of the same. She wrote about how worthless she was, how fat she was, and how perfect she wasn't but needed to be. Rachel must've been going at it for a while, because the next thing she knew, Noah was sitting right beside her staring.

"Is there something I may be able to help you with Noah?"

"Berry, what's up with you and that notebook? And why are you dressed so… different again?"

"Noah, I have no idea what you mean. I happen to be working on an assignment I have yet to finish." Lie number twelve of the day… "And I'll have you know that this is normal school attire. I don't always dress like an overgrown toddler." Noah let out a stifled giggle as Shelby walked into the room.

"Ok class." Her voice boomed over the chatter that encompassed the room. "Let's get started." Whether Rachel liked it or not, she was stuck in the class. And as much as she wanted to just slack off and give into her urges to just write down everything and anything in her mind down on the notebook pages, she had to maintain her grades. That was the only thing semi decent about her entire existence. That and her subpar voice. The class still chatted quietly as Shelby took the attendance. And for a fraction of a second after the last name was called, Shelby found herself staring at a preoccupied Rachel. In that time she longed to be her mother, to have her be part of her family, a sister to Beth, a daughter to her. But she couldn't think about that. She told Rachel that she wasn't a part of her ideal family, and that's the way it had to stay. Thinking about her would almost make it worse. So she shook the thoughts out of her mind and started her lesson.

"What's the meaning of human life?" Rachel quickly finished up her last thoughts before securely stowing the journal with its counterpart in her bag. It was time to listen to her mother teach and take notes if necessary. Goody for her. No one answered as the question was most definitely rhetorical. That's a topic we're going to be exploring with our first reading assignment." Shelby walked to her desk and pulled a box from the floor, resting it on top of her lesson planner. "The Stanger by Albert Camus. Everyone will get a copy at the end of class today. Part one s to be read by next Wednesday and I will give you some time in class to read. But for now, I want everyone to take out some paper and something to right with."

"Great." Puck angrily whispered as he turned to Rachel. "Is your mother a hard ass?"

"How would I know?" She asked returning his angry tone. "It's not like I talk to her all the time."

"Relax Berry."

"Noah, is there a problem?" Shelby asked drawing the class' attention toward Puck and Rachel. When she got no response, she continued. "If you and Rachel want to share what's so important to the class, we're all ears." Still no response. "Ok then, save your conversations for later."

"Thanks so much Noah. Now, on top of everything else she thinks I'm a delinquent." Rachel mumbled under her breath. Puck wasn't meant to hear her, but he heard something.

"What was that Berry?"

"Just pay attention Puck. I don't want to get in trouble." She had enough to worry about without detention with the likes of Shelby Corcoran.

"Today's assignment is to right a short essay about what the meaning of human life is to you. Once we're done reading the book, we'll broach this topic again and see if your views have changed. So for the rest of the class period I want you to work on the essay. It's due at the beginning of class tomorrow, no exceptions."

As Shelby went to work on lesson plans or whatever crap she had in front of her, the rest of the class, with the exception of a few slackers, started their essays. Rachel was at a loss. Did she write what she truly believed and what she truly felt or what she thought Shelby would like to read? She didn't know which to choose. Then she thought that some of the things she truly felt were just too dark and the lighthearted stuff would be a much better sell.

"Rachel, what's the meaning of life?" His smile grew larger signaling that he was about to tease her. "I mean, I know for you it's all Broadway all the time. You're meaning of life is to become a star. But what's the meaning of life?" That's really what people thought of her? Was she really nothing more than a wannabe Broadway actress with man hands and a messed up nose?

"Maybe you should write about your daughter Noah. Surely there's some meaning in life when a part of giving life." The words were meant to sting him, make him feel as bad as she did even if for just a moment, but she really just gave him an idea. She could help others, but there was nothing she could do to help herself. That's life.

Rachel watched as Puck began writing, watched as everyone around her was hard at work, and she just sat there at a loss for what words to put down on paper. She looked up for a second, catching a glance of Shelby, hoping she wasn't looking in her direction. Pondering a little longer, Rachel finally turned back to her paper and started searching for the right words to describe, what she felt was, the meaning of human life. What she wrote, and what she thought were two totally different concepts. Relief set in as the bell rang and it was time for the next class.

"Don't forget to take a copy of the book, and remember essays due at the beginning of class tomorrow." Shelby bellowed as the students piled up in front of her desk impatiently waiting to get their book and run. Rachel was hidden in the crowd trying to push through and get out with no avail. She was one of the last few left. And when Shelby saw this, she took it as her opening. "Rachel, can you stay a minute?"

Rachel stopped dead in her tracks. What did she want? Was it another opportunity to reiterate that she would not, under any circumstances, ever be a mom to Rachel? "What is it?" Her voice came out rushed and impatient. She didn't want to be there.

"We didn't get a chance to speak yesterday, but I wanted to make sure you were ok with this?" Like she really cared. If she did, they would have had that discussion before she dropped out of the sky and showed up at McKinley.

"I'm fine." She had no other choice than to be fine. There were no options besides being behind a year to get her out of it. "And if that's it, I have to get to my locker before my next class and I don't want to be late. I better get going." Although it seemed like Shelby was about to say something, maybe try to make the conversation a little less awkward, Rachel didn't wait to hear it. She just grabbed one of the last copies of the book off the desk and rushed out of the room. There was no parley at the locker or any chance for Shelby to go looking for her, not that she ever would; she just went straight to her history class.

Lunch rolled around without much incident Rachel joined her fellow glee members and indulged in a healthy brown bagged vegan lunch while partaking in meaningless, frivolous conversation, faking happiness and joy to match the rest. Once down with her food, she excused herself to go to her "locker," and drop off some books. Instead she headed to the bathroom and emptied some stuff.

Meanwhile, while Rachel was doing her thing, Shelby joined Will for lunch in the teachers' lounge. Asking as polite as Shelby Corcoran could to join him, Will welcomed the company and pulled out a seat for her.

"So you decided to come teach at McKinley? I've been meaning to stop by and see for myself."

"Well here I am, in the flesh." After a few minutes of getting reacquainted and catching up, Will finally asked what was on his mind.

"Why'd you come back Shelby?"

"I took Beth and moved to New York, and I realized I was spending more time at work than with her. I was looking for a job that I'd like and would allow me more time with Beth. McKinley needed a new teacher and that just so happened to be me."

"That's great Shelby, but what about Rachel?"

"What about Rachel?"

"Did you ever think about how this would affect her? What it might do to her to have you here?"

"I talked to her. She said she was ok with having me here. Do I think she's happy that she's in my class? No, but she hasn't exactly transferred out either."

"I talked to her in glee yesterday. She didn't seem to keen on the idea of you being here."

"Well she'll just have to deal with it. We both will."

"Let's hope it's that simple." Will said, almost solemnly.

"I should get going. I have to stop by the office. I'll see you later though Will." Throwing away the remnants of her lunch on the way out, Shelby headed down the halls of McKinley to the office. She was greeted with the bright grin and cheery face of the school's second newest hire; the new secretary.

"How can I help you?"

"I need the revised copies of my attendance list."

"I'm sorry, I'm new here. What's your name?"

"Corcoran, Shelby."

"Oh…" Shelby didn't like the way she said that. It was like she knew something Shelby didn't, and that wasn't ok with her.

"Oh? Oh what?"

"It's nothing."

"Obviously it's something."

"No really, it's nothing. One of your students just tried to switch out of your class this morning. Poor girl seemed to be having a rough day." Shelby didn't know what to make of this revelation. She thought Rachel was fine with her presence. She just got done telling Will that Rachel didn't leave her class, so everything was fine. Now, maybe not so much.

"You said tried? Does that mean she couldn't?"

"No, it wouldn't work with her schedule."

"What did this girl look like?" Shelby needed confirmation for some reason. She held out hope that it wasn't her daughter. The woman seemed apprehensive to answer. Was she allowed to be having this conversation? Probably not, but the woman in front of her seemed more concerned than curious. So what could it hurt?

"Brunette girl, pretty, petite, not that tall." That sounded like Rachel to Shelby. After processing everything, Shelby took the papers from the woman and headed to class. Unfortunately, she ran into a slightly flush and glassy eyed looking Rachel on the way there.

"I'm sorry." Rachel apologized for bumping into the woman, she only just realized was her mother.

"It's ok Rachel. Are you ok? You look a little…" Rachel felt no need to hear her false sense of concern. Nothing about their relationship was real, mostly because there was no relationship, so why listen to her fake concern? Just like the day before, Rachel just wanted the day to be over.

"I'm perfectly perfect. Thank you for your concern, but I better get going if I want to make it to class on time. I'll see you tomorrow Ms. Corcoran." She watched as Rachel rushed off and away from her for the second time that day.

"I'm sorry Rachel." She whispered knowing Rachel couldn't hear her, nor did she want to hear it.

For both women, the rest of the day went by in the blink of an eye. Rachel headed to her locker where she was greeted by Kurt and together they went to glee. They chatted the whole way and for even the slightest bit of time, Rachel felt ok. She knew it would be short lived, and she knew it wasn't true happiness, but she wasn't wishing for imminent death either.

The torment didn't come immediately. The first few minutes were spent chatting with Kurt about weekend plans and shopping trip. Apparently he liked her new style and wanted her to keep it up. Rachel, of course, agreed. Finally she gave in to what he wanted to do since they became friends; makeover! Then other people had to add their own input.

"So Man Hands, is this a recurring theme? Did you finally decide to graduate kindergarten and move into big girl's clothes?"

"Santana!" Kurt said trying to get her to just shut up. "I think she looks good. Don't you all agree?" Rachel felt the room's eyes turn to her and the paranoia set in. What were they thinking about her? What did they see when they looked at her? Was she as disgusting to them as she was to herself?

"I think she looks fine. You can see all those Berry curves that were hidden under layers of animal sweaters before." Puck added his two cents and immediately sent Rachel into a tail spin. Which curves was he talking about? She was trying to get rid of the roll of fat around her stomach. But then he could have been talking about her supersized thighs or her flabby stomach. She'd definitely add an extra hour to her workout that night. Around her, while her thoughts were spinning, the conversation about her continued. She didn't catch most of it, but she did get the last bit as it was a question for her. By this time Mr. Schue had graced the class with his company.

"Ok, I'll agree that it looks better. But why the sudden change Rachel, and how long are you going to keep it up?"

"I don't know. I like it I guess."

"Does this have anything to do with your mother?" Finn asked, slightly worried about how Shelby was impacting Rachel, but also rather indifferent about his ex.

"Why would you ask such a thing? Nothing about that woman affects anything I say or do, and it never will. She is just another teacher in this school, just like any other."

"You keep telling yourself that Diva."

That was glee in a nutshell. The first half was spent discussing Rachel's new façade, or new look as they called it, and the second part was spent on vocal exercises that Mr. Schue felt would enhance their performances. When it was finally time to go home there were two things distinctly taking up Rachel's mind. The first was what Puck said; he basically called her fat, and that made her feel the cusps of a panic attack setting in. The second was the essay for Shelby's class. What was the meaning of life? Maybe there wasn't one, and even if there was, she wasn't feeling particularly good about it.

Rachel's night continued with her daily routines. There was no dinner or snacking when she got home. She opted for an extra long workout and making food would just cut that short. Then she spent about two hours journaling. She was tempted to do more, but she had an English assignment to work on, and grades were still the only good thing going in her life, and even that was slowly fading because of the B- she got in science. The assignment worried her. She didn't know what to right, and then there was the added pressure of trying to impress her mother. Or, at the very least, convince her that she wasn't the epic failure that she appeared to be.

Then the idea hit her. Her entire day was spent thinking about being normal. Maybe that was the meaning of life. Maybe everyone's purpose was to find their own normal. But where did that leave Rachel?

Hope you all enjoy the chapter; let me know what you think. Sorry if there are any mistakes and thank you threeltlbirds for pointing out my misuse of faithful. I guess stupid mistakes like that happen when you're an insomniac that likes to write in the middle of the night.

Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorite and added this story to their alerts. It's much appreciated. And remember suggestions and input are always welcome.