Hey guys! I know it's been *gulp* a while, but here is an update for our story. I just reread it, so it's fresh in my mind and I am hoping to have this finished in the next few months. Definitely by the end of this year. I expect this to get close to 60k-80k before I'm done.

If you want to know why I haven't been on here for about a year (yes, it's been that long), I updated my profile to showcase some of the highlights of my life. I would call them 'low'lights as last year sucked pretty good, but anyway. You can read about that there so I don't have to go over everything again. Lame of me, I knooooooooow.

Anywho, I really hope you guys enjoy the update. and please expect another one in the following days because it WILL be happening.

Please leave a review as I would really appreciate it. As always, you guys are awesome and fingers crossed you come back to this story.

"Deep breath in. Focus on your breaths cleansing the turmoil within. Exhale slowly." Master Luke stated softly, soothing the distracting thoughts in Rey's mind.

"I am quite aware of how to meditate," Kylo bit out from his position on the floor, sitting across from Rey. She had spent most of his weeks here both elated at his return and avoiding him like the plague. She couldn't stand the thought of coming close to the darkness as she had three weeks back, how she had been more than okay at the time with killing anyone around her if they didn't get in line. There was also the slight issue of all their recent encounters and how he had called her a whore, for whatever reason, and how he had actually tried to kill her while she slept.

Rey knew deep down it was only because of the conditioning Snoke had put him through after Kylo helped her escape, but she couldn't help but feel that if he was able to disregard his feelings for her, then perhaps their love hadn't been as strong as she had hoped. As she had felt.

Maybe it was only Rey who had truly loved him.

"Then you should shut your mouth and do it," Rey snapped back at him, all the while keeping her eyes squeezed shut to avoid his dark gaze. A light movement around her belly had her eyes popping open to meet Kylo's a second before her eyes shifted to stare down at the bump that had been forming for the past six months. Hands pressing gently to her sides, Rey focused all of her attention on the little life growing inside of her.

Along with her hands, Rey gently eased her essence around the life force she could sense, wanting to ensure everything was alright.

The innocence and contentment Rey felt immediately upon connecting with her son was enough to bring tears to her eyes and for her to cradle him as best as she could with her hands.

"Are you alright, Rey?" Kylo asked gently, having moved while Rey had been distracted. He now knelt next to her, his hands out as if to hold her own, but not daring to actually touch her.

Master Luke slipped out of the room, giving them privacy for whatever reason.

"Yes," Rey smiled slightly through her tears. Not thinking, which was foolish on her part, Rey grabbed Kylo's gloved hands and placed them on her belly, where she had felt the initial kick. "Our son kicked me. I felt his essence also. He's so happy. I've never felt such peace and tranquility."

Kylo cupped his hands around her stomach, startling slightly when he felt the gentle kick as well.

"He's strong," Kylo mused, his entire being focused on the lives in front of him. Shutting his eyes, Kylo sought outside himself in search of his youngling, instantly connecting to the bundle of life Rey's aura was focused around.

Staring at Rey, Kylo felt the most inexplicable amount of warmth seep into the hatred and anger he constantly felt, for a moment blocking out every negative thought, every insecurity he felt, leaving him feeling nothing more than tranquility. A weight, somehow lifted from Kylo, even for a moment, had the oddest feeling, something he had not felt since he was a boy, really.

Peaceful.

Is that what this was? Peace?

A slight fluttering around his mind was the answer, as if his child, his son, knew the angst his father felt and sought to ease it.

It was what his son had done for him when Kylo had visited his mother in her dreams three weeks back, intent on harming her. The child had given Kylo a glimpse of what a future could look like, and Kylo wanted it. It was enough to override the order from Snoke, to truly think for himself for the first time in months, to decide what Kylo wanted, which was the woman sitting in front of him, alive and well. Kylo had given everything up for her and he would do it again.

He would always choose her.

"He's so strong," Kylo said again softly, his eyes locking on Rey's. "He is like you in many ways." Rey's cheeks heated until a pretty blush covered them. Kylo removed one hand from her stomach so that he could cup her cheek in his hand.

"I believe he's a lot like you, actually." Rey countered, licking her dry lips. Kylo was so close to her. She could smell whatever cologne he used. It always made her think of a midnight breeze and sandalwood. It also made her think of other things, like him without his clothes on, ravishing her until morning when she was forced to wake up and face another day without him in it.

Forcing the thought from her mind, Rey broke eye contact and made to stand from her position on the floor. Instead she found herself flat on her back, Kylo leaning down over her, his hair falling forward and caressing the side of her face as he stared down into her eyes.

"You're upset. Why?"

"You upset me." Might as well get it out in the open, Rey thought bitterly. The sooner they discussed things, the sooner they could move on with their lives. The sooner she could go back to pretending he wasn't on bored and the sooner she could still feel lonely and incomplete.

"If you won't tell me what I've done, I can't correct the issue." Kylo sighed down at her, his face coming just a little closer. Almost too close.

Rey narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Right. Pardon me for assuming you wanted to talk, as your usual method is to handle 'issues' lightsaber first." Rey would have crossed her arms over her chest to complete the haughty effect, but for some blasted reason the pesky things had wandered of their own accord, the grasp onto the black vest at Kylo's chest, almost as if she meant to push him away but instead was intent on drawing him closer to her.

What was wrong with her?

"Nothing is wrong with you. I feel it too. The pull. We will always be drawn to each other. I used to think it was just strong emotions, but I believe that when we first connected on Takodana, we force bonded." Sensing Rey's confusion, Kylo continued. "A force bond is something that occurs naturally between two force users. Commonly between a Padawan and a Jedi. If they are strong enough in the Force, their bond is that strong as well."

"But if it's between a Jedi and a Padawan, then how would it work for us? We're on two opposite sides of the Force."

"You aren't wholly light and I'm not wholly dark. Maybe that's how it can work for us. We compliment each other. It might also explain why you haven't force bonded with Luke." Kylo smirked at his last comment. Rey tilted her head slightly, some at his comment and some at the fact that her hand, of it's own accord, was now cupping his scarred cheek, while the other rested on his sternum, feeling his heart beat.

Traitorous hands.

"You sound very smug right now."

"I don't know if 'smug' is the correct word. But yes, I am pleased."

"Smug," Rey reiterated, if only to watch his smirk turn into a small smile. Her answering smile almost hurt her face, as it felt like she hadn't smiled in six months, always full of such turmoil.

"Maybe."

"I don't like being apart from you." Kylo said roughly before burying his head into her neck, leaving her hands with little option but to wade through his thick black hair and settle at the back of his head, keeping him with her. Kylo lay beside her, careful to not add his weight to her ever growing stomach.

"Kylo," Rey sighed. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling his hollowness as it matched her own. "We've barely spoken since you decided to travel with us. It's the Millennium Falcon, not a planet. I have been within walking distance this entire time. You could have come to me at any point, but you haven't." Which hurt, almost as much as getting strangled by the Force. Rey would know, she thought bitterly.

"Please don't do that. I'm sorry for everything. For what I've done to you, for what I've said." His breath ruffled the hairs along her neck, causing Rey to shiver at the sensation. "I'm not a good person, I know that. I don't want to be Ben Solo, I want to be me, but I never wanted to harm you. Not really. Not you. You're the only one who has seen me and who has loved me."

"Then why did you do it? Why didn't you come with me? I chose to give up the Resistance for you, but you went back to the First Order. What if Snoke would have killed you?" Rey almost couldn't breathe at the thought. "You had a choice and you chose wrong."

"I stayed to help you escape." He sat up, hands resting on her shoulders as he glared down at her.

"Did you really? That's what I thought at first. That you did it for me. But maybe you didn't. Maybe you left me because you were scared of what a life outside the First Order might mean and you weren't sure if you would want that with me. You were scared and you would have rather abandoned me than face the unknown together."

"You don't know what you're saying, Rey. Stop talking." Kylo bit out, his face revealing the anger he was attempting to keep at bay. Rey tried to sit up, but was kept down by Kylo's hands roaming along her body before they settled lightly at her neck.

Perfect for strangling.

"I'm not going to hurt you!" He spat down at her, his fingers digging slightly into her neck.

"You already have. We're bonded by the Force, remember? I can see inside of you, just as you can with me. I know what I said was truth, as sure as I know the truth is what is making you angry. You went back to Snoke and nearly murdered me and your son in the process. What if he comes here for you again? Will you leave me, leave us? What if he demands you take us with you? Our child is of the light, I know you felt that. What if Snoke takes him and corrupts him, just as he did with you? Would you let that happen? Would you encourage it? I can't live with wondering, Kylo. I won't. So tell me. Tell me what to do. Tell me how we go from here." Rey's voice broke as she stared up at him, watching the conflict warring across his features with every word she said to him. "Just tell me." She whispered.

In the next instant Kylo's hands were away from her neck, cupping the back of her head and pulling her into a fierce kiss. Rey gasped in surprise, letting him in fully to taste her. Both of their walls came crashing down around them as the bond between them nearly solidified, a potent and living thing.

Rey felt it then. Kylo's love for her, nearly overwhelming her in its intensity. It wasn't full of light, but it wasn't wholly dark either. It just was. She was his reason for each breath he took since their first meeting.

She knew Kylo was feeling the same from her, how she never gave up on him, even when he had nearly killed her. How she always had hope that he would come back to her, come back for her.

They made short work of their clothing, hands roaming erratically on one another, as if they had been starved for each other in all these months of separation. Of worrying.

Kylo was behind Rey, lifting her bare leg over his hip so he could slip inside of her. Their breaths hitched together as their bodies joined. Rey felt a slight sting of pain as this was only her second time to physically share herself with anyone. Kylo felt the tightness around him, increasing his pleasure as he thrust shallowly into her, which he shared with Rey in order to help her forget the temporary pain.

He didn't ready her as he should have. He could have spent hours with his head buried between her legs tasting her sweetness.

Rey moaned loudly at his thought, her walls squeezing around him as he thrust harshly into her, her body giving him better access as she readied for him.

Kylo turned her face to his, leaning down and biting her lower lip before licking the sting and kissing her deeply as he thrust more harshly than before. His other hand wandered down Rey's body, teasing her clit as they rocked into each other, the slap of flesh nothing compared to the moans shared between them.

Breaking the kiss, Kylo kissed and nipped his way down her neck, almost as if he was branding her as his for all the world to see, which in a way he was.

He didn't care if anyone knew of them together. He was hers and she was most definitely his.

A few hours later, and some careful dodging and maneuvering, Kylo and Rey lay in a tangle of sheets in Rey's room aboard the Falcon. Kylo lay behind Rey, his arms around her chest. Rey's hands held on to his forearms, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I would kill for you." Kylo whispered into the darkened room. Rey stiffened slightly before he continued. "I would die for you. I would destroy anything that dared to harm you, even if that meant Snoke. Even if that meant myself. You are more important to me than anything. A life without you in it is not one worth living. I only hope you let me prove that to you."

"Rey turned slightly so that she could kiss his shoulder. "You don't have to prove anything to me," she stated softly before falling into a peaceful sleep.

Sometime later, Kylo dragged her closer to his body, his mind at war with itself as he inhaled her smell of jasmine and vanilla. "Yes I do." The words came out darkly to match the lack of light surrounding them. "Yes I do."

Boooooom updated. Please leave a review and I hope you guys like this update! I have been up since 5am working on it before my shift at work, so hopefully this isn't riddled with grammatical errors.

Okay bye!

Mo