I'm going to begin by saying that I'm not Jewish. I know very little about the Jewish religion, so if anything I write is a little off, I apologize and hope that my lack of knowledge doesn't offend anyone of the Jewish community.

Chapter 6: The Last Goodbye

Friday rolled around pretty quickly. After Wednesday's little incident, Rachel knew she was being watched. When she left that day she was greeted by the constant buzzing of her phone. There were texts and messages asking if she was ok and what happened. She replied to them all the same. "I'm fine, just needed water and rest." Most of them believed her, but the select few could just look at her and see that something had changed. And it wasn't a recent change either.

In class, Shelby watched her daughter closely. She looked for any sign that the young girl would break down again and anything to answer the question why. What was wrong with her little girl? And how could she help? But in the few days following her breakdown, Rachel didn't show any signs of anything really. Her usual façade was up and running, and in her opinion, better than ever. No one would see behind it.

But Friday afternoon rolled around, and glee was kicking her butt. Her dizzy spells were getting worse. She even blacked out for the first time that morning after working out at home. Her hands were colder than normal, her skin paler, but she wouldn't let that change anything. She was perfectly fine.

Rehearsal ended a little early because of the parents' meeting, and Rachel couldn't have been more grateful. She needed to sit down. Her body was aching and she was having trouble catching her breath, but she didn't want anyone to see. So she chugged some water and hoped that'd be enough to clear up her vision and steady her on her feet before Mr. Schuester rounded up the whole group.

"Good rehearsal guys. We're going to kill at Sectionals. It's just a few weeks away, so make sure you're on time for practice from now on. I expect all of you to work hard and try your best." There was a short pause before he continued. "Well, I'm looking forward to seeing your parents tonight. They should be here soon, so you should all get going. Have a good weekend everyone."

The entire club scattered, all trying to get away before their parents showed up. Will found it quite amusing. About fifteen minutes after the kids left, most of the parents had arrived. Mercedes' mom, Quinn's mom, Burt was there for Finn and Kurt; everyone had someone there except Rachel. Will was very interested in speaking to them. He wanted to know if something was going on with Rachel. So when they didn't show, he didn't know what to make of it.

After the productive meeting where they came up with some good fundraising ideas and he got to talk with a few of the parents, Will headed back to the choir room. When he reached the door, he could see an anxious Shelby pacing back and forth next to the piano. He was going to give her a ring later, but since she was already there, he figured they could chat.

"Shelby, what are you doing here?" Her gaze immediately shifted in his direction as she heard her name being called. And there in the doorway stood the man he was waiting for.

"Hey Will. How'd your meeting go?"

"You could've come to the meeting you know."

"I didn't want to run into the Berrys. I don't imagine that would've been a good time."

"You could have come you know." He repeated getting his point across. He watched as her usual business like face sported a small frown.

"They didn't show. Did they?"

"No. They didn't."

"Did you at least get to talk to them?" He shook his head no and she continued. "Not even on the phone or anything?"

"No. I just get their voice mail. And when I called the house Rachel answered and said they were out and she'd have them call me back at their earliest convenience." They both couldn't help but smile.

"That sounds like a very Rachel thing to say."

"It does, but they never got back to me."

"Has she had any more…" She couldn't think of the right word. "Episodes?"

"No, but she has been kind of quiet. She hasn't been the outspoken girl for a while now. What about in class?"

"She never really says much in my class. I try not to take it too personally. But some of the other gossipy teachers were saying she has been pretty quiet. I don't think they know she's my daughter, so they didn't try to keep quiet when I was eavesdropping."

"That's very you Shelby." He said laughing. "But we have to get to the bottom of this. Maybe we should talk to her together,"

"Does she know that I'm going to help out New Directions?"

"No, I thought it best to not scare them into quitting before Sectionals."

"I'm not that bad."

"Well, to them you're the glee club Nazi. And that was one of the nicer terms."

"Seriously?"

"They heard stories about your time at Vocal Adrenaline."

"They're just over dramatized versions of the truth. There was no real bleeding feet, just bleeding blisters."

"I don't think I'll tell them that Shelby."

"That's probably for the best." The room fell into a comfortable silence before anyone spoke again. "How worried do you think I should be?"

"It could be nothing."

"But it could be something." Their conversation pretty much ended there. Shelby had to get home to Beth and Will wanted to spend some time with Emma. Will was worried about Rachel, but a part of him just thought it was one of her diva tantrums that took a different turn. Shelby, on the other hand, was very concerned. Her daughter looked pale and like she wasn't sleeping. She found her crying in the bathroom. If that wasn't a clear sign of problems, what was?

Across town, Rachel and Kurt were hanging out in her bedroom listening to music and talking. Even though Rachel preferred to be alone as of late, she was grateful for Kurt's company. She knew that when she woke up in the morning, she'd have a long drive to scatter the ashes, and then she'd be all alone. So for the time being, at least, she wanted someone with her.

"Rachel, let's order that vegan pizza you like and watch a bunch of musicals."

"I don't know Kurt. I don't know if I'm in the mood."

A flood of gasps left his mouth. "Did Rachel Berry just say she wasn't in the mood for a musical marathon? Who are you and what did you do with my friend?"

"Funny Kurt." She stood up from her bed and walked over to Kurt and the collection of movies he was staring at and passed him the phone. "You win. Order the pizza and whatever else you want, and I'm going to set up in the living room." She grabbed a few of the movies, the ones she knew Kurt liked best, and headed for the door. "Meet me downstairs when you're ready."

Shortly after, Kurt came barreling down the stairs and joined Rachel in front of the TV. She was cuddled with a blanket and pillow leaving just enough room for Kurt to squeeze in if he wanted. He, however, thought it was rather warm in the house and opted for the love seat to hang out on. Not long after that, food arrived. Rachel paid and brought it into the kitchen waiting for Kurt to join her. Food wasn't exactly on her to do list. Rachel and food weren't really on speaking terms. In fact, she pretty much avoided it. But Kurt was there, so she had to at least pretend to eat.

"Kurt, come make a plate." As soon as there was food on their plates, they were back in front of the TV. For the longest time, Rachel just played with the food. She ripped the pizza into tiny pieces and shuffled them around her plate. She even went as far as to arrange the pieces into designs like a smiley face or a star. She vowed not to let even a fraction of it pass her lips.

"Rachel, what are you doing?" He gave her a weird look as he saw her star of pizza

"Well, I'm watching a movie Kurt. What are you doing?"

"I mean why aren't you actually eating your food? You're playing with it. You haven't been eating much lately. You've skipped lunch almost every day."

"I skipped lunch because I had things to do, but I always had a granola bar or whatever snack I brought with me. And I am eating Kurt." She knew she would have to eat some. He'd be watching to make sure. So to appease him, she picked up one of the smallest pieces from her star and, never touching it to her lips, chewed for a very long time. "See, I'm eating."

"Whatever you say Diva." She had to take a few more bites as he kept looking over at her like without the pizza she'd be dead and void. It was only a few bites, but it was more than she had eaten in one sitting in a while, at least calorie wise. Feeling it resting in her stomach revolted her. She needed to get it out. She had to excuse herself.

"Kurt. Stay here and watch the movie, I'm going to go change into my pajamas."

"Ok, I'll be here."

Practically jumping from her seat, Rachel raced up to her room, and then into her bathroom. She was going to change, but she had things to take care of first. She wasn't accustomed to having people around when she did this, so she took the necessary precautions. She didn't want Kurt to hear anything, so she left the water running to muffle the sounds. Then, she promptly followed her normal routine.

When she was done, she felt so much better. A wave of relief washed over her and the day just seemed to be cleansed away. She didn't realize how much pent up emotion she had buried inside of her that day. But releasing it felt wonderful. She felt lighter, both physically and emotionally. She wanted to revel in the moment, but she had to change and get back to Kurt before he realized how long she was taking.

Before they knew it, it was late, they had watched about three movies, and Kurt had to leave. They exchanged their pleasantries, and Kurt was headed home. After his departure, Rachel cleaned up the living room, went through some of the mail, paid a few bills, and headed up to bed. It was late and she wanted nothing more than a good night's sleep before the painful trip she'd have to make in the morning.

She just couldn't fall asleep. From one side of the bed to the other, in every position possible, there was just no sleep. Instead, she just continued to toss and turn. As she lay there, flat on her back staring at the ceiling, she could hear her stomach growl. She was physically hungry, but she could not eat. The aching in her head was a regular occurrence, but sitting in the dark and trying to focus on anything that would help her sleep just seemed to make it worse and keep sleep away.

It was a losing battle. She knew that sleep would not come. She was too anxious, her body was revolting. So she did the only thing she could think to do that would keep her occupied in the middle of the night without raising the noise levels. She pulled out her journal and finally filled the page she left blank for her fathers. She didn't write much; not because she didn't have a lot to say, but because no matter what she wrote, it wouldn't change anything. They'd still be gone, and she'd still be a failure of a daughter.

Dad and Daddy… I love you both. If you only knew. I'm sorry for failing you. That was all she could manage to write on the page before tears escaped from her eyes. It would be another night where she'd cry until she couldn't cry anymore and sleep would take over. Maybe it was better that way. She'd be too exhausted to dream and it did get her to sleep. That was the goal. Of course, she was supposed to relax and fall asleep, not become so physically strained that sleep is the only way to stop it, but the end result was still the same.

When she woke up the next morning, it was later than normal. Her whole day was off balance because she forgot to set her alarm. While she'd agree that she needed the sleep, waking up after her set time just made her restless and jittery. It was like asking for more bad things to happen. But today was the day. Her fathers talked about it once. It was a morbid conversation, but they said that after their passing they'd both like to be cremated.

Cremation is looked upon with dismay in the Jewish religion. The body is a sacred medium to bring goodness into the world; it is the temple of the soul. But Leroy, unlike Hiram, wasn't raised Jewish, and he wished to be cremated. His beautiful rendition of what it would be like to live forever as part of the elements instead of buried in them was enough to sway Hiram and agree to Leroy's wish. They continued on with the conversation saying that once both of them were dead, they'd like to be scattered together in the park they first met, bonded forever in a happy memory. Rachel had no choice but to agree because they said it would be stipulated in their will.

While Rachel didn't know much about the legal aspects of death, and she didn't know whether, legally, she was supposed to spread their ashes before the will was officially read and the executer did his thing, she knew that her fathers would want it done as soon as possible. So that's what she'd do. One of her father's lawyer friends would probably be in touch with her soon, once news spread about their deaths, but she couldn't wait for that to fulfill their last request. So, she worked out a little, showered, got dressed in one of their favorite outfits of hers, and drove for two hours to get to the vacant park.

No one was there. The weather wasn't great. It looked like rain was ahead, but Rachel found that fitting. The world would cry with her as she said her last goodbye, as she watched the only remaining pieces of them get swept up in the mighty current of the wind, as their souls took comfort in a bed of clouds like angels up in heaven. Where ever they were, she just wanted them to be happy.

The urns containing her fathers' ashes were gripped tightly in her hands as she walked into the botanical gardens of Roosevelt Park. Even in the colder weather, the flowers still grew, the beautiful colors surrounding her as she made her way across the grey stone paths. Dead center, in the middle of the garden rested the most magnificent fountain. Left through the azaleas and rhododendrons led to a gazebo by a small pond where her fathers would take her for picnics to celebrate an achievement or for special occasions. The northern leading path took you through the cottage garden full of lavender, annuals, biennials, perennials, bulbs, herbs, everything of every color, and led to a stone wall that encased most of the area and a small hedge maze. Right through the rose garden was the path she needed to follow. Red roses, white roses, pink and yellow too, were all bedding the path to the one spot her fathers loved.

She had to stop and literally smell the roses. It was getting late in the season, so they wouldn't be alive much longer. They'd be dead just like her fathers. But she also needed to stop because scattered through the rose garden were some of her favorite statues. She took a minute to sit on the bench just off the beaten path and look around, really take in the place her fathers enjoyed so much over the years. Directly in front of her, surrounded by a circle of red roses, was the one set of figures that, especially as a child, she loved to look at. The granite statue of a mother and daughter playing with the ducks was always one she envied. She'd never have what that pair had forever engraved in stone. But she had two loving fathers, and that's way she was there, not to stare at a memory that would never be hers.

Stepping out of her fantasy land, out of the nonexistent place where she had both her fathers as well as a mother who loved her, Rachel made her way through the rest of the garden. Beyond that point was a small clearing then a vast expanse of trees the led to the top of a small hill. The view from there was amazing. Resting on the abandoned stone bench, anyone could just look out and see the entire park. That's where she wanted to let them go. That's where she wanted to say goodbye.

Rachel began with a Jewish prayer she learned when she was just a child. It was a death prayer said by mourners sending them off to the great hereafter. The El Malei Rachemim prayer asks that the departed find peace. And that's all she wanted for them. The Kaddish prayer, usually recited at funerals or by mourners, would have probably been more appropriate. If she were a son, it would be her duty to say the prayer for eleven months, but she preferred this prayer. To her, it was more fitting, more meaningful, and just more beautiful.

"Fully compassionate God on high: To our loved ones who have entered eternity, grant clear and certain rest with You, in the lofty heights of the sacred and pure, whose brightness shines like the vey glow of heaven. Source of mercy: Forever enfold them in the embrace of Your wings; secure their soul in eternity. Adonai: they are Yours. They will rest in peace."

The tears were welling in her eyes as she spoke. She was still hoping that everything was a dream, a bad one that she'd wake up from at any moment, but then, after finishing the prayer, she knew it was real. She knew that this was one nightmare she'd never forget or ever wake up from. It was her burden to bear. She took a minute to get herself together and wipe the tears from her eyes before she could continue. Once a little more stable, she opened the container holding the ashes. Standing up on the bench, she released her fathers into their final resting place, out into the elements as they wished. The tears quickly began to fall in a steady stream.

"It shouldn't have been you, either of you. It should've been me. The world needs you; it doesn't need me. But you're free now, free from all the ridicule and backwards glances because you lived differently from the rest of this ignorant town; free of me. You're free to fly, so spread your wings and soar. Maybe I'll see you again someday." Slowly, she began to let the ashes get taken by the wind watching as the dust seems to disappear into the nature that surrounded them. "I love you." There was so much more she wanted to say. She wanted to tell them she was sorry, sorry for being so self centered, sorry for being a disappointment, sorry for not being the daughter they deserved; she was just sorry. But what she said was all that she could say.

She watched as the wind carried her fathers away from her, and she listened as the first clap of thunder shuddered around her. A storm was coming, both inside of her and out in nature. For a good ten minutes she just cried. She sat down on the bench, her knees curled tight against her chest, and she cried. The rain started to fall but that didn't get her to move. The droplets, both little and large, of icy water felt like daggers against her skin. It was welcomed. Any physical pain was better than the emotional one she was already feeling.

She stayed in the same position for over an hour, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs and her head resting against them. The tears never ceased to fall, soaking the only part of her body not exposed to the pouring rain. Droplets continued to immerse her in cold, but she remained until the first strike of lightning. Then it was time to go.

"Goodbye." She whispered as she stopped at the gate before exiting the park and heading to the car. When she sat again, she finally felt the shaking of her shivers. She didn't know how long she was trembling; probably a while, but it didn't bother her. It just made her miss the warmth of her fathers' touch when they hugged her after a hard day or simply trying to comfort her by bringing her a glass of water when they didn't know how else to help. It was the simple things she'd miss the most. But, that always seems to be the case.

When she returned home, she couldn't think of what to do. She wanted to eat everything and anything then throw it up, and repeat the process over and over all afternoon until she felt better or her body became too weak to move. But she couldn't. With the exception of left over pizza that she forgot to refrigerate, there were no groceries. She didn't have the will to go to the store and stock up. So option A was out of the question. Instead she went with option B. As tired as she was and as weak as she felt, she also felt fat and that trumped the others. So she compelled her aching body to work out spending hours on the elliptical just listening to the rain crash against her window. By the time she got off of the machine, her body was so weak and the dizziness so strong, she barely made it a few steps before the world went black.

It didn't even faze her when she got up. She didn't know how long she was out, but she didn't care either. What's a little black out every now and again? It was nothing; she assured herself… nothing serious. Her body felt heavy as she trudged to her bathroom. She took a glass of water hoping it would help ease the lightheadedness. It did, with little avail. Somehow, she mustered enough strength to shower and change before passing out in her bed. The rest of the weekend was pretty much a blur. The next thing she knew, it was Monday and she was getting ready for school.

Across town, Shelby was just about ready to leave for work. Beth was dressed, the babysitter had just arrived, and she was headed for the door when the phone rang. As quickly as she could, she went over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, my name is Larry Steinman; I'm looking for Shelby Corcoran." She didn't recognize the voice or the name. So who was this guy, and what did he want?

"This is she. What can I do for you?"

"I work at Steinman and Burke, an attorney's office." A lawyer? What did a lawyer want with her? "I was wondering if you could find the time to come in and discuss a matter with me." That was not something Shelby was expecting when she woke up that morning. What kind of matter needed discussing with a lawyer she never met?

"What is this regarding?" Her face was visibly contorted, something the nanny obviously saw.

"I'd prefer to discuss this in person if at all possible. It's a rather urgent matter, so whenever you're free, we should really discuss this." She was worried. It wasn't everyday that she got vague phone calls from attorneys asking for a meeting. What was going on?

"I have work until four. I can be at your office by five."

"That will work just fine. Thank you for your time and I look forward to seeing you." Given the circumstances of that call, looking forward wasn't the best choice of words, but at the time, Shelby wasn't aware. She was, however, very curious. So after explaining to the nanny that she would be late that night, she was off to work.

For both Rachel and Shelby, the day went by quickly. Shelby kept thinking about the call and impending meeting while Rachel just kept trying to stay focused. Really though, she just didn't have the strength to do much else. She wasn't feeling well, probably from soaking in the freezing rain, and even with the diet pills with energy boosters, the fake smile and attempt to keep her head held high was just draining. By glee, both women wanted to just go.

All of the glee members were scattered about the room when Mr. Schuester came in and handed out the week's assignment. They were going over power ballads. Leaving the group to discuss it amongst themselves, Mr. Schue kindly asked Rachel for a moment of her time in the hall. Before doing so, however, he told them that they'd have a guest aiding them every once in a while, at least until nationals. That left them curious enough to break into groups and think it over while he talked to Rachel.

"What is this about Mr. Schue?" She asked even though she knew the answer. Her dads, obviously, didn't show up to the meeting.

"Neither of your fathers was at the meeting Friday."

"I know." With her shy voice and demeanor, it almost didn't seem like Rachel.

"I've been trying to get a hold of them and they've yet to get back to me."

"I know, they've been busy and they went on a business trip. It has all just been a little crazy."

"I understand Rachel. Everybody's busy these days, but I feel what I need to discuss with them is important, so I'd like you to tell them to get in touch with me as soon as possible."

"I will Mr. Schuester." Just then Rachel looked over her shoulder when she felt someone else in the hall with them, and low and behold, there was Shelby. "Is she the guest you were telling us about earlier?"

"Yes Rachel she is."

Rachel uttered a "great" under her breath as she turned away and joined the rest of the group in the classroom, and leaving Will and Shelby to talk alone.

"What did she have to say?"

"She said her dads are busy and she'd tell them to call me."

"That's it?"

"That's it." He noticed the faraway look on her face and had to find out what caused it. "Where's your head at?"

"I got a really odd phone call this morning."

"Yeah? About what?"

"I don't know. It was a lawyer. I'm going to meet with him after glee."

"And you don't know what it's about?"

"No, he just said it was an urgent matter that needed to be discussed right away." They talked for a little longer before heading into the room. Her presence stirred mixed emotions, but she could tell Rachel was being a little distant. She expected as much.

About two hours later, glee was over and Shelby was sitting in Mr. Steinman's office. His secretary said he'd be in shortly, and she didn't lie. After exchanging greetings, he wanted to get right down to business. There was a young girl's future that needed discussing.

"So what is this all about Mr. Steinman?"

"Larry." He reminded her. He figured the informal approach might make the conversation a little easier. "We're here to discuss Rachel Berry." Her face furrowed. Was Rachel in trouble? She didn't seem the type, but she didn't really know her, did she?

"What about her?"

"By now you probably heard of Hiram and Leroy's passing." Her jaw fell open and he looked at her like she was crazy.

"When? How?" The shock was evident. How did she not know?

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew. They were travelling abroad and were involved in a fatal accident. I found out recently, but it has been just over two weeks now." That explained so much; her behavior, everything. When her mouth finally closed, he continued. "The Berry's left instructions for Rachel's care that we need to discuss." He pulled out a document and handed it to Shelby.

"What's this?"

"Since the Berrys don't have living relatives, they left you, as her biological mother, custody. They asked that I talk to you about it and see if that's something you'd consider before bringing it up with Rachel. If it's not something you want there are other options, but you need to decide fairly quickly. Should you decline; other arrangements need to be made." She didn't know how to answer. Was she up for it? Could she handle Rachel? Did Rachel want this?

"Does Rachel know about the deaths?" She asked still dumbfounded.

"She was informed of their death, yes." He tried to catch her spacey gaze. "Do you think this is something you want?"

So Shelby found out. I kind of liked this chapter. I hope you all did to. It's a longer chapter and I'm sick so I didn't check for mistakes; there's bound to be a few. I apologize to those it bothers.

Is there anything you guys would like to see happen? I can't promise I'll incorporate it, but if it fits with my vision, then I'll see what I can do.

I really appreciate all the positive feedback this story has garnered, please keep it coming. Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorited and/or added this story to their alerts. It's much appreciated. And remember suggestions and input are always welcome.