Chapter 7: The Truth is Out There
Shelby didn't know what to do with the information she received. Her daughter had been living alone and in pain keeping this life altering secret all to herself. And there she was sitting in a lawyer's office being asked if she would accept custody of her daughter. What was she supposed to do with that? Then she thought, "If it's this hard for me to deal with, what about Rachel?" Poor Rachel. If Shelby only knew the half of it.
She remained at a loss for words. "What happens to Rachel if I can't?"
"Well, that's not up to me, but social services would have to be contacted and they'd probably place her with a foster family or in a group home. She could also choose to legally emancipate herself and live on her own." He looked up to Shelby with pleading eyes. Rachel was a good kid and she has been through enough; she didn't need this too. "I understand that this is an important decision, but a decision will need to be made soon. While I was only recently made aware of their passing, Rachel, I was told, was informed shortly after it happened. She is a minor, and I assume that she has been on her own since. I can't, in good conscious, ignore this knowledge." Still, no thoughts in her head were coherent. Would Rachel want any of this? Did that matter? She had to think of what was best for her daughter. Obviously Rachel was scared of being taken from her life, otherwise, she would have said something; to her friends at least. Either that, or she was living in denial. Shelby didn't know which made her feel worse.
"Where do I sign?" Larry handed her the papers, pointed to the several places in which she had to sign or initial, and by the time the papers were processed, Rachel would legally be hers. A part of her was happy that her daughter would be, her daughter, but the other part was scared. She just wished it were under better circumstances, and she hoped it would work out.
After some legal talk and some fancy wording, Shelby was on her way out. But where was she supposed to go? Was she supposed to go straight to Rachel? Was she supposed to go right up to her and pull her out of the lie she has been living? Or was she supposed to go home and get everything ready? What was she supposed to do? Motherhood was new to her. And the only experience she had was with a baby, not a grieving teenager.
She wasn't going to come up with the right answer standing, in the cold of October day, in the middle of a parking lot. Still at a loss, she decided to head home. She needed to hold Beth and collect her thoughts before she faced Rachel. An erratic Shelby wouldn't help her at all. Her daughter's life was completely turned upside down and she had no idea how to help. She was lost.
Shelby spent a few hours just staying close to Beth and figuring things out. She couldn't avoid Rachel any longer. But just thinking of the pain Rachel must be feeling made her heart break. After asking a friend to babysit, Shelby drove to Rachel's house, the home she was raised in. She couldn't bring herself to get out of the car. For a while, she just sat there. Eventually, she just did it. She had to make sure Rachel was ok, and being cowardly and hiding in her car wasn't going to help her do that.
Standing at the door, her hand was trembling. She was nervous, but she knew she had to do it. Hesitantly, she knocked. There was no answer. She tried again, and waited again. After ten minutes she began to worry. Looking around, she found a hideaway key inside the little statuette by the door and let herself in. It was oddly quiet and dark. It appeared no one was home.
When she entered, the first thing she did was feel for a light switch. Once she flipped it on, Shelby walked around the first floor. There was absolutely no sign of life. The house was meticulous, not a thing out of place, not a dish in the sink. It was too clean, too void of any interaction.
"Rachel?" She called from the bottom of the stairs. But there was no answer. Making her way up, she took notice of the stillness the place had. It was so sterile and, again, lifeless. "Rachel?" Again, no answer. Where was Rachel at such a late hour on a school night? Her car was there, so where was she? Shelby was worried to say the least. After a little exploration, checking each room for Rachel and finding nothing, she stumbled upon Rachel's room. It was the last room she had to check and she really hoped her daughter was in there. A part of her expected to find a peacefully sleeping Rachel, curled up in a mess of blankets. So she was disappointed when the door opened and the room was just as dark and empty as the rest of the house.
"Rachel?" She called for good measure before fully walking into the room. She was there, and she was curious, so she decided to look around. There was no snooping. While it wasn't beneath her, she didn't feel right looking through her daughter's things on such an occasion. But, just looking around without going through anything wasn't an issue. Finding the light, she could finally see the room her daughter grew up in. It was both as she expected it to be and totally unexpected at the same time.
It was way too put together to be a teenager's room. Except for a pile, of what appeared to be, new clothes in a box that said "Good Will" and a stack of sheet music that seemed to be blown off the desk because of the slightly open window, everything was alphabetized, organized, and neat. The bed was made. The next day's clothes were laid out next to her school supplies. Pajamas and a fresh towel were placed at the edge of the bed like she was getting ready to sleep, but never made it. So where was she? Satisfied with her look into Rachel's world, Shelby went back downstairs and sat in the living room. She'd wait for Rachel to come home. This had to be done.
Rachel, meanwhile, was out in the cold, running as fast as her aching body would allow. Her mind was racing when she was home. There were so many memories that, for the past few weeks, she had been trying to avoid, but they all kept coming back to her. It was just too much. So when the lack of sleep started to catch up to her, and she tried to go to bed early; when she lay on her bed and heard her father's quiet whispers and silenced giggling as they walked to their room when she knew they weren't really there, she decided she needed to go out for a while.
Sleep obviously wasn't an option. So she made her bed back up, slipped into something weather and exercise appropriate, and made her way out into the cold fall air. It was late for a week night, so most people were enjoying the warmth and comfort the indoors seemed to offer to so many. The streets were pretty empty and pretty dark; the only light illuminated from the dim streetlights and the bright rays of the full moon. She wasn't running at first. She really just wanted to get away, take a walk to clear her head, but she figured she wasn't going to sleep anyway; she might as well do something useful with her time.
Her body was telling her to stop. The throbbing in her head didn't help the building dizziness either. But she couldn't stop. She was only about two miles away from being home. Pushing herself made things worse. She tried to keep going, but each step pushed her closer to the edge of darkness. And, she couldn't allow herself to pass out in the middle of a residential street. Even as she sat on the curve, her vision slightly blurred from being on the brink of passing out, each labored breath burned in her chest. It was not a fun time. But once she was breathing better and could see fine, she got up and moved forward. She walked four miles before turning back, ran two before almost passing out, and walked two more to make it home.
Knowing full well that no one would be home to catch her coming in at such a late hour on a school night, no less, Rachel still opened the door as quietly as possible, shutting it in much the same manner. She walked into the kitchen, quickly getting a drink of water before returning to place her shoes by the door. She had yet to turn the light on, but when she did, she was in for a surprise. At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but as she walked deeper into the living room, she saw the back of someone's head. Who was in the house? How'd they get in? Should she be worried? It's not every day you come home to find some random person you may or may not know, chilling on your sofa.
All anxiety aside, Rachel slowly tip toed to the figure. She didn't know why they didn't say anything when she first came in. But she was quiet, so maybe they didn't hear her. Then she turned on the light and practically threw her shoes by the door. Still, they said nothing. They didn't even move. Obviously whoever it was wasn't there to rob the place. As she rounded the sofa, still trying to be as stealthy as possible, Rachel finally saw who it was. It was Shelby. It was her non-mom. What was she there for?
For a moment, Rachel just stood there and stared at a sleeping Shelby. She debated just picking up and leaving, but it was her house. Why should she leave? Shelby was the unwelcomed guest. "What are you doing here?" Rachel asked. Shelby didn't even stir. Now Rachel was slightly frustrated. She wasn't feeling great, she was freezing and sweating at the same time, her mind was going in every direction. She didn't want to deal with her too. "Hey!" She yelled, finally getting Shelby to jump.
"Rachel?" She said quietly, her voice still racked with sleep. "What time is it?"
"It's almost twelve. What are you doing here? How'd you even get in?" Shelby ignored her daughter's inquiries, instead trying to wake herself up and sit all the way up in the chair.
"I found the key." She finally replied to an unsatisfied Rachel. "Where have you been?" Rachel chose not to answer the question. It was her house; she didn't have to answer anything she asked.
"That would explain the how. What about the why? Why are you here Shelby?"
"Where have you been?" Shelby asked again, this time ignoring Rachel's questions.
"I went for a walk. Can you answer my question now?"
Now Shelby was nervous. How do you broach such a sensitive topic with such a strong, yet fragile, girl? "I'm here because of your dads."
Then it was Rachel's turn to be nervous. Did she know? How could she? Who would have told her? No one knew… right? "What about my dads?" That was the only question she could ask in hopes of getting an answer without giving away too much information.
Shelby could see Rachel's angry demeanor change to defeat when she mentioned her dads. She watched as her daughter became antsy and started fidgeting. "Rachel, we need to talk."
"I don't really want to talk to you. And even if I did, it's late. Don't you have a daughter to get home to?"
"Beth's fine Rachel. She's with a friend of mine." She stood up to be closer to Rachel and have a height advantage. "This is about you."
"What do you have to do with me? I thought you made it pretty clear that you didn't want me in your life. So again, I'll ask. Why are you here?"
"You know why I'm here."
"I don't believe I do, but I think you should leave now." Rachel began to walk away, but Shelby quickly grabbed her shrinking wrist. Luckily for Rachel, the boniness of her body couldn't be felt through the layers and layers of fabric.
"Rachel…" Tears were welling in Rachel's eyes. She knew then that Shelby knew. It was in her voice. One look into her eyes and you could see the pity. You could hear the forced empathy in her tone; forced in Rachel's ears anyway.
"You need to leave." Rachel said as she pulled her arm away and fumbled her way up the stairs. It wasn't the normal diva storm out she normally supplied. Shelby quickly followed only to get a door slammed in her face. Giving herself a second to calm down, trying to push down the Coach Corcoran attitude and remember that Rachel was grieving, she opened the door.
"Rachel, you can't keep pretending this didn't happen." Shelby looked around and didn't see Rachel or any of the clothes that were on her bed. She was talking to no one. She walked over to the bathroom door and heard the shower water running. She'd have to wait even longer. "Rachel, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be out here when you're done." And she would. She made sure the baby sitter knew it might be a while, possibly all night, before she returned. She was ok with that. So Beth was taken care of, now it was Rachel's turn.
It was a long twenty minutes before Rachel came out. And when she did, she looked tired. Her pale skin looked even paler in the dark color of the baggy pajamas that consumed her body. Unable to break from her normal routine, Rachel walked passed Shelby to her desk, and wrote down her current weight in the journal; she wrote in the other journal earlier. Then she moved to her bed and folded down the covers.
Shelby watched as she robotically followed some sort of weird routine and just looked at her trough worried eyes before speaking. "Rachel, sweetie, I'm so sorry." What else was she supposed to say? She was really at a loss.
Still not looking to Shelby, she responded, "Don't apologize. Don't be sorry. Just leave. I don't want you here. You shouldn't be here. This was their house and you have no right to be here." Rachel pulled the covers tighter against her body willing her mother away, willing sleep to just take her over and shut her mind off. Even if it was just for a little while, she needed some peace.
Instead, she cried. As silently and as motionlessly as she could, she cried. Shelby knew she was trying to hide it, but she heard the soft murmurs of her daughter's tears. Not knowing what else to do, Shelby made her way to the bed, her weight making the bed shift ever so slightly. Scooting closer, she laid next to her daughter until she was close enough to wrap an arm around her. "I know… they should be here and I'm sorry that they're not."
Rachel's sobs became louder. She couldn't hide it anymore. She tried to push away from Shelby's embrace. It worked the first few times, but Shelby wasn't giving up. She just embraced her tighter, holding her daughter as she cried and doing anything she could to comfort her. However, there wasn't much she could do besides being there and holding her. There were no more words exchanged; no shared glances either. Shelby just watched and listened to her crying, a few tears of her own slipping out as her heart broke for the little girl she saw in her arms. They stayed like that until the weeping stopped and Rachel's still wheezing breaths evened out. Even then, Shelby didn't move. They stayed like that all night long.
The next morning, Shelby woke up first. It was early, and they had a long night, so she decided to let Rachel sleep. More than that, she decided that she and Rachel wouldn't be going to school that day. After making a call to the school, she called and let the babysitter know the nanny would be there soon and to just check up on Beth. Shelby wanted to go see Beth. She wanted to be there when her little girl woke up and have breakfast with her like every day, but Rachel needed her then more than ever.
Shelby wanted to talk to Rachel. She wanted to know why she didn't tell anyone. She was fairly certain none of her friends knew. She wanted to know how she has been doing for the past few weeks. She really just wanted to make sure she was going to be ok. But she also wanted her to sleep. The girl looked like she hasn't been sleeping at all. Once she woke up though, they'd talk.
It was around eight when Rachel woke up. She was pulled from the dark and nonexistent dreamland by the sounds of her cell phone going off. Not opening her eyes, she stuck her hand out from under the blanket and searched the end table for her cell. It was a text from Puck. Where you at Berry? And there was another from Kurt. Hey Diva, running late? Where was she? She was at home. What time was it? She looked at her alarm clock and realized she was late for school. She couldn't be late for school. So, without bothering to respond, Rachel tried to get ready.
Sitting in the living room, Shelby could hear the pitter patter of rushed footsteps coming from the floor above her. Instantly, Shelby was on her feet and making her way up stairs. Standing just outside the door, she watched Rachel multitask, trying to brush her teeth, in her room no less, while putting some books into her back pack.
"Rachel/" Shelby called, trying to interrupt the process.
"Why didn't you wake me? I'm late for school. I can't be late."
"It's ok. You don't have to go to school today. I called the office and told them both you and I are taking the day off."
She stopped everything she was doing to face Shelby with an almost equally intimidating Corcoran glare. "What? Why would you do that? You had no right to do that."
"We need to talk. I figured this would be the only way to do it. And you needed the rest. When was the last time you slept through the entire night?" It was a serious question, one she didn't expect an answer to.
"I'm fine. And I don't need you."
"You're fathers thought you did."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
Shelby slowly made her way to the bed. She wanted the conversation to go well, but she didn't have high hopes. "Sit down Rachel." She patted the space on the bed next to her. "Please." She pleaded when Rachel didn't even start to move. "This is important Rachel. Please sit down.
Hesitantly, Rachel made her way to the bed, sure to sit as far away as the space would allow. "Fine. Tell me what you meant."
"First…" She turned to face Rachel, the softest, most compassionate look she ever had showing in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell anyone? You didn't have to be so alone." Didn't she? Wasn't she already alone? Whether or not her fathers were alive or dead, she was alone.
"It was easier this way." That was the closest thing to the full truth she could come up with. It was easier, but that's not why she did it. She felt she had to.
"I got a call yesterday." She decided to deal with that statement later. Maybe it'd give her some time to come up with an appropriate response. "It was from Larry Steinman; your fathers' lawyer." Rachel looked at her confused. What did her fathers' lawyer need with Shelby? Was she in the will or something?
"And?"
"They made a plan for you. They wanted to make sure someone was there to take care of you if something happened to them."
"Yeah, and who would do that? We don't have any family. We don't have anyone that would want to take me." Shelby didn't like the way Rachel was so down on herself. That wasn't the Rachel she thought she knew. But did she really know?
"There's me."
"You? And why would you do that? Aren't you the same person who made it very clear that I'm not the daughter you want? Aren't you the same woman who decided to adopt my ex-boyfriend's and his ex-girlfriend's baby? So why?" The animosity in her voice was getting to Shelby. She thought they were past some of those issues, that they were ok. Guess not…
"I was surprised when the lawyer called me. And even more so when he told me that they asked that I take custody of you after their death. But, as terrible as the circumstances are and as dumbfounded as I was, I'm grateful for the chance they're giving me… giving us."
Rachel sat there in stunned silence. Why would her fathers think it was a good idea to place her in her care? Her whole world was turned upside down, and then it was just spinning off its axis. What was she supposed to do? She could run? But wasn't the whole point of everything to stay exactly where she was? "And if I don't want to, if I don't want you to take care of me?"
"I've already signed the papers. It's what they wanted. Don't you want to give them their last request?" That was a low blow. She knew that. And Rachel felt it. Using her dead fathers to make it easier on herself wasn't fair play, but it did work. "I know this is going to be hard. But you're going to come live with me. We'll paint one of the extra rooms and decorate it however you want. We'll make it your new home."
Rachel knew there was no other option. She'd have to do it, for them if nothing else. Maybe something good would come out of it. "It won't be my home, and you are not my mom. I'm only doing this because I don't think I have another choice."
Her words didn't exactly make Shelby hopeful, but she'd take what she could get. Unhappily, and fairly silently, the two spent the rest of the day packing up anything she'd need for the rest of the week. Anything she forgot, she could come and get as she needed until they packed up everything else.
After settling in at Shelby's and locking herself in her room, Rachel could finally be alone. None of anything went as she expected. She was definitely not supposed to end up with Shelby. Her dads weren't supposed to be dead. Nothing was right. The rest of the day and well into the night was spent in solitude, ignoring Shelby and her pestering to take solace in her journaling and simple routines. Around eight, however, she decided to check her phone. It was buzzing all day. She had tons of texts from Kurt and Noah. Even a few from Mercedes and Finn. She decided then that she needed to tell them. She sent Kurt a text.
Come to Shelby's, there's a lot I need to tell you…
This chapter gave me trouble. There were many ways it could've gone, but I went with this. Next chapter will have more plot and move along a little. I'm still sick so I didn't check for mistakes; there's bound to be a few. I apologize to those it bothers.
Is there anything you guys would like to see happen? I can't promise I'll incorporate it, but if it fits with my vision, then I'll see what I can do.
I really appreciate all the positive feedback this story has garnered, please keep it coming. Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorited and/or added this story to their alerts. It's much appreciated. And remember suggestions and input are always welcome.