Chapter 8: Everything Changes and All is the Same

After receiving that text, Kurt hesitantly made his way to the Corcoran residence. It wasn't every day that he was asked to go there, and he was pretty sure Shelby was terrifying enough as a teacher; he couldn't imagine what she'd be like out in the open where rules and codes of conduct were set at her discretion. But, as nervous as he was, his best friend asked him to go there, and that's what he did.

His anxiety and hesitation passed as soon as he saw a distraught Rachel locked away in a room, a room he later learned was her new bedroom. It took an hour for Rachel to tell him everything. And understanding, at least partially, what she was going through, Kurt didn't hesitate to comfort her. It was the first time he really saw Rachel cry genuine and heartfelt tears. He wanted nothing more than to make her feel better, but unfortunately, that wasn't an option. The only thing he could do was be there for her.

And he did his best. In between the body shaking sobs and the tight, comforting embraces, he offered small platitudes. There was an "Everything will be ok." There were a few "You'll get through this" thrown in for good measure. Nothing seemed to help, and he really didn't expect it to. But as useless as he felt, at least he was there for her. It took another hour, but she finally exhausted herself into a deep sleep. A part of Kurt didn't want to leave her, especially not alone in that house with people she neither knew nor felt comfortable with, but he really didn't have a choice. So, he left her behind sleeping as unpeacefully as one would expect, and made his way out.

"How is she?" He heard a woman ask as he was about to exit. Turning around, he came face o face with a woman who had the ability to scare even the toughest of men with a simple look.

"She's… sleeping." Anything other than that would have been a lie. Ok, fine, good… all of those were too far from the truth and he wasn't going to tell the girl's mother that she was anything but.

Shelby could tell he was holding back. She knew everything that Rachel so carefully bottled up was pouring over the surface. It had nowhere else to go but out. "Thank you for being here for her." She said quietly in a vulnerable way that Kurt would never have expected to come out of her mouth.

"Of course… She's my best friend. I'll always be here for her." They shared a simple look, one that spoke volumes. It clearly showed that both had an amazing amount of empathy for Rachel and were going to do whatever they could to get her through.

For Kurt, that meant telling everyone the news. Per Rachel's request, he was going to answer the one question they knew everyone would ask. Where is Rachel Berry? With Shelby's permission, Rachel took the next day, Wednesday, off as well. Shelby went into work and gave Rachel her space. Throughout the day, Kurt fielded all the questions. Some of them showed genuine concern. People like Puck, Mercedes, Brittany, and even Quinn were all worried that Rachel missed not one, but two days of school, and more importantly, glee. Others just cared that she wasn't there for rehearsal when Sectionals was only a few weeks away.

He decided early that he would answer everyone's questions and tell them everything he knew once they were all together. So when glee came around that's exactly what he did. Once everyone arrived, Shelby and Will included, he started. He told everyone that Rachel's fathers had passed away in a car accident overseas, that it didn't just happen, but she's only just dealing with it, and that she was now living with Ms. Corcoran. He couldn't tell what surprised them most. Honestly, he didn't know what shocked him most either. Was it that her fathers, men he never met, were dead, or that the mother that basically told her they would never have a relationship now had custody of her and were living under the same roof?

Both were their own form of conundrum. It seemed everything surrounding Rachel carried some sort of enigma. He could sense that behind her perfect veneer, Rachel Berry was hiding something. Not all was right in the land of Berry and it went deeper and further back than the death of her fathers. Nevertheless, Kurt's job was done. Her requests were fulfilled, and the group knew everything. Together, they all agreed to keep an eye on Rachel. They'd all try their hardest to be on their best behavior and refrain from names and unnecessary comments. It would be harder for some more than others, but they'd try nonetheless.

Shelby watched and listened as Kurt explained to the group what happened. It hit her that her daughter had barely strung a few sentences together to talk to her, but she went into a long detailed conversation with Kurt. She was hurt, but she couldn't really blame Rachel. She hasn't exactly been there or even put forth much effort to try with her. But she wanted to try now. That had to count for something. There was no making up for the past, but she was willing to do whatever to make Rachel comfortable in the house they shared. She wanted her to feel at home. It was all going to work out.

Glee practice went on like nothing happened; nothing changed. People were acting a little strange, but they were teenagers after all; that's supposed to happen. When Shelby went home that night, she attempted to get Rachel to talk to her. As expected, the conversation didn't exactly go as planned, or very well at all.

"Rachel, sweetie… Will you please come out of your room? I made dinner." Shelby continued to knock on the locked door. Rachel refused to open it.

"I'm not hungry."

"Will you at least come out of your room for a little while? You barely left it at all the past two days." Shelby knocked again when she received no answer, not even the slightest of sounds. "Come on Rachel. Please." After about a minute, a click came from the door, and knob turned. Dressed in workout gear, Rachel stood in front of her mother.

"Happy now? I left the room." She started passed Shelby only to be stopped.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a walk. I need some air." Before Shelby even had a chance to respond, Rachel was rushing down the stairs. Standing by the top of the staircase, she could hear the boom of the door slamming shut, followed by the innocent cries of a frightened child. Shelby didn't know what she did wrong. She chalked it up to a mix of grief and her lack of adjusting.

Rachel was gone for a good three hours. During that time she thought about her day. While Shelby was at work, Rachel went on one of her binges. Shelby had a surprisingly well stocked pantry of vegan food just for Rachel. At least she knew to buy that. That was something. When her binge was over and her jaw hurt from all the chewing, she immediately ran to the bathroom to follow her routine. It all helped some. The purging process was purifying. It made her forget everything for just a little while. When she repeated the process she felt even better. But the high of it all quickly faded and she was pulled back to the reality that is her life.

She didn't have her elliptical with her at Shelby's and she didn't feel at home enough to look through the house for a gym or any equipment. So pacing in her room, she settled on whatever exercise she could do from her room. It wasn't enough. She needed to go running, but she didn't want to face the outside world yet; not during school hours at least. She didn't want, or need, to be seen and have more gossip than she was expecting being spread around when she returned to school the next day. But when she heard Shelby at her door, knocking and telling her to come out, she knew she had to get out. It was time for her run. It was a matter of both physical necessity and mental well being. Life or death…

Exhaustion took over as she reached the house. She pushed herself as hard as she could, running at the fastest pace she could manage. Her body felt on the verge of a blackout several times. Water was a must. But as she was running, even when her body screamed for her to stop, she had to keep going. She needed it. The pain it caused felt good. It helped her forget everything. It was only second to the other ritual she followed. But when she got home, she could barely keep her eyes open. She didn't grab a water bottle when she left, and the amount of moisture on her clothes led her to believe she emitted a lot of sweat. She was definitely dehydrated. Pushing passed Shelby when she came in the house, she quickly ran into the kitchen, grabbed a drink, and ran up to her room.

It didn't take long for the dark to take over. But a soft knock on the door, not ten minutes later, pulled her from her light headed dreamland. She, however, didn't have the energy to respond, never mind move. Shelby took her lack of answer as a sign to enter freely. It wasn't early, but only minutes had passed since her return, so she didn't expect Rachel to be sleeping, so she came in talking.

"Rachel, you can't just leave the house without telling me where you're going and come back at ten at night acting like you didn't do anything wrong." That's when she saw a sleeping Rachel plopped on her bed, shoes still on, in a spread eagle position. Slowly, trying not to wake the sleeping girl, she approached the bed. Keeping her eyes shut to keep the role of sleeping girl alive, Rachel listened to her mother talk as she removed her shoes. "You look so peaceful when you sleep. I wish you would talk to me. I want to be here for you." If Rachel weren't pretending to sleep she would have scoffed. Her mother didn't care, she never did. The only reason she cared then was because she felt pity. Poor Rachel lost her parents and got dropped off, unwontedly, on her unsuspecting biological mother's doorstep. Yeah, she really wanted her there. "I'm sorry for everything you're going through, but I'll be here when you're ready." Shelby took the throw blanket from the end of the bed and tucked Rachel in. She finished by approaching the head of the bed, placing a kiss on Rachel's forehead, and saying, "Goodnight baby girl. Sleep tight."

Hearing her mother's descending footsteps, Rachel whispered, "Goodnight."

When she returned to school, things were definitely different. Most people avoided her for the simple fact that they didn't know how to act around her. But she didn't mind that. The invisible thing worked for her. Even the slushy wielding jocks stayed away. So that was a benefit. And those that did dare to be in her company just acted strangely. Except for Kurt and Puck, people treated her like a leper. Santana actually censored herself. Quinn was flipping back and forth between avoiding eye contact and apologizing for past wrongdoings. The "I'm sorry"s she received was overwhelming. And it didn't help that she felt them to be less than genuine. No one could blame her for that. None of those people were ever really nice to her. Why should that change just because she was going through a hard time? She was going through a hard time before that too.

Halloween came and went. All her friends went to big Halloween bashes and trick or treating in Carmel where the rich folk gave out full candy bars. Rachel wasn't having it. She was actually invited to everything, but she opted for ritual instead. Shelby was a little disappointed that she didn't want to join her and Beth on their first real trick or treat experience, but she understood. Rachel hadn't spent any time with her new sister and she just wasn't ready for that yet. So while the Corcorans were out around town, and her friends were having a great time, Rachel was doing her own thing; the only thing that could free her of any emotion and make her feel even the least bit better. She decided to use the alone time to binge, purge, and torture her body with a round of an excruciatingly painful cardio regimen.

The rest of Halloween week went much like the week before. It was getting better, but people were still behaving oddly. She was grateful for the lack of slushy facials, and only being called six or seven names a day was an improvement, but she almost preferred things the way they were. At least that was real. This, whatever it was, while it should've made her feel better, was nothing. It was like living in a fantasy land where things were actually better and the world didn't hate her as much. But as soon as people stopped thinking of her as a broken China doll in the process of being glued back together, everything would go back to the way it was. The rug would be pulled out from under her and the fall would be even greater. She didn't know if she could deal with that. Everything seemed to be different, but it was all still the same. She needed to either live in the constant fairytale where things were great and dandy all the time or she needed to live in the sucky world she called reality and just deal with it. She almost preferred the latter.

That Saturday, things started to change. Shelby gave Rachel enough space and time. She wasn't going to push her into anything, but she wasn't going to allow Rachel to run wild any longer. There were rules that she had to follow. Grieving or not, that was the way things were.

Rachel spent most of the time in her room. She'd write in her journal for hours avoiding all contact with the outside world. The only time she'd leave the room was for her daily run and binge sessions. Shelby decided not to enforce it at first, but she wanted Rachel to eat dinner with her and Beth. It was part of being a family after all. She allowed Rachel to do her own thing for awhile, but that was something she needed to start enforcing. It would help her to get to know her daughter, and it would give Rachel a chance to get to know Beth. That was something she wanted too. She wanted Rachel and Beth to be like real sisters, but that's pretty impossible when, with the exception of a forced meet and greet full of uncomfortable introductions and small talk, she didn't go near the toddler. So that Saturday, she was setting down the ground rules.

"Rachel, it's time for dinner." Shelby called from the bottom of the staircase.

"I'm not hungry." Rachel yelled back.

"I don't care Rachel. Come down here now or I'll come up there and drag you down myself." Not wanting to deal with that side of Shelby unless absolutely unavoidable, Rachel unhappily made her way to the dining room table.

"Nice to see you Rachel." She said sarcastically.

"Whatever." She mumbled in a manner in which she obviously didn't want Shelby to hear.

"Rachel, please… No attitude. I just want to enjoy a nice dinner with both of my girls." Rachel really wanted to say something, but she controlled herself. But really, she was her girl all of a sudden? Where was that mentality when she pushed Rachel away?

"Why? You never made me eat with you before. Why now?"

"I've been pretty lenient with you. You haven't been getting into trouble for just leaving for hours at a time not telling me where you're going or when you'll be back. I haven't yelled at you for coming home after the curfew I set. I understand that life is hard right now, but it's time to set some rules." Rachel just sat there for a moment giving a look that was a cross between a pout and anger. She didn't want to have Shelby's rules. She wanted to be in her own home doing whatever, whenever, like she used to.

"So… What are the rules?" There was a slight attitude, but Shelby let it slide. That was the most they talked in weeks and she wanted the conversation to continue.

"Curfew is ten on weeknights and all of your homework has to be done before you go out."

"Ok."

"Eleven on weekends unless you ask and I agree. Put if you go out with friends I need to know where you are and what you'll be doing." There was an eye roll that Shelby decided to pretend she didn't see.

"I guess that's reasonable."

"Good." Maybe they were getting somewhere. At least there wasn't any fighting. "We will be having dinner together every night. Without my permission to do otherwise, I expect you to be down for dinner and set the table by six." That Rachel didn't like. She would be forced to eat. She didn't like that at all. Would she be able to handle that?

After releasing a deep sigh, Rachel said, "Do I have a choice?"

"No. Dinner, just like this, every day at six."

"Fine."

"Ok." Shelby said while standing up from her seat. "Fill the glasses while I get the food from the oven." Rachel would give Shelby some credit. She was trying. She'd even made vegan vegetable lasagna for dinner. And while all Rachel could see was the number of calories she had on her plate and the amount of carbs she'd be consuming, at least she was trying.

They talked a little. The topic of school was brought up. Shelby wanted to know about Rachel's classes and her grades. Then they moved onto the torrential rain they were experiencing. School and the weather, basically small talk, seemed like safe bets. Then Shelby curiously watched Rachel push around her food and cutting it into small pieces. "You're not eating."

"I said I wasn't that hungry."

"For that past few weeks you haven't been eating very much." Technically, that wasn't true. She'd eaten a ton of food; she just over compensated with exercise and threw up as much as she possibly could. "You've been losing weight." Hearing that was like music to her ears. It made her happy to know she was visibly thinner. She knew she didn't look sick. She was a little boney, yes… not that she'd ever actually admit that. When she looked in the mirror, she only saw that flab and horrible things about herself reflected back. Nothing was sunk in and she still looked human, so no one would assume anything was wrong. If anything, they'd think she took a diet to far, but Rachel didn't think it would ever come to that. She was still to obese. "It's not healthy for a growing girl, such as yourself, to not eat. So eat up." Rachel decided to placate her mother. It was the best option and the faster she ate, the faster she could submit her deposit to the porcelain bank.

After eating as quickly as possible, making it look like she ate half of the plate when in reality it was just a few bites and a lot of cut and smashed other pieces scrambled around, Rachel began to get antsy. The day's insecurities, the reminders of everything bad in her life… Everything was back in her head and she needed to get it out. "Can I be excused now?"

"No, everyone stays at the table until we're all done. And you should really eat more."She noticed the glare she was receiving from Rachel. "Just a few more bites… Please?"

Placating her mother was beginning to be a pain in her ass. She couldn't eat anymore. The calories were being absorbed. Pounds and pounds of fat were being added to her body with each passing second. She needed the bathroom. She needed to feel the freedom that came from the simple act of two fingers being shoved down her throat and the endorphin high that followed. "Please, can I go now?" Her foot was bouncing. She was like an addict fixing for a high. She needed to go. Why wouldn't she let her go?

"Rachel, didn't I just say you couldn't until everyone was done? I just have to finish feeding Beth and then you're free to go." It didn't seem fair. Rachel couldn't allow it. She couldn't just sit there.

"Please, I really need to go to the bathroom."

"No Rachel. You can hold it." But she really couldn't. So when Shelby turned away, Rachel bolted to her room, turned o the water to cover the sounds of her much needed liberation. Wiping her face and shutting off the water, she could hear Shelby rushing up the stairs.

"Rachel, what the hell was that?" She couldn't think of an excuse. She couldn't even process what her mother was saying. The only thing on her mind was that purging wasn't enough. Too much had been absorbed. She needed to expel it. "Rachel… Rachel are you even listening to me?"

Rachel just looked at her with anxious, confused eyes, "I have to go." That was all she said before grabbing her shoes and bolting from the house. It didn't matter to her that the temperatures were cold and the rain was flowing like dam broke and released all of its contents over Ohio. She just needed to run. And that's what she did. She ran and left a bewildered Shelby behind.

She didn't know what happened. They were doing just fine. They managed to have a civil conversation. There was no yelling or arguing, put something must have happened. What set her off? Surely it had to be more than the refusal to let her leave the table before everyone was done eating.

Hours had passed. It was dark and getting late; later than weekend curfew. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to even begin looking. She didn't really know much about Rachel's favorite places. Where would she go in the pouring rain? So Shelby called the only person she could think to help.

I'm sorry this chapter wasn't uploaded in my usually timely manner. I've basically been in a coma the past few days. I've done nothing but lie in bed and read if I felt up to it. My voice is gone and I was feeling a little better so I wrote this. I wanted to get the chapter out so I didn't proof read or edit at all. Sorry for the mistakes I'm sure I made.

Enjoy the chapter. I hope you like it.

Again, if there's something you want to happen, let me know and I'll do what I can. I really appreciate all the positive feedback this story has garnered, please keep it coming. Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorited and/or added this story to their alerts. It's much appreciated. And remember suggestions and input are always welcome.