Chapter 9: Losing Balance on Even Ground
With a sleepy and cranky Beth in one hand, her cell in the other, Shelby was doing her best to get a hold on the situation. Dialing a friend's number, she waited through the ringing for an answer. "Come on, pick up." She said to herself. Finally, after what felt like forever, she received an answer.
"Shelby?"
"Hi Will. I know this seems out of the blue and it's late, but I need your help."
Sensing the worry and slight panic in her voice, Will didn't hesitate to comply before asking the obvious question. "Sure Shelby. What's going on?" Her pacing increased. The heels of her pumps were close to leaving scuff marks on the floor from the constant movement.
"Rachel and I… I don't know. It wasn't really a fight or an argument, but she stormed out. She has been gone for hours and it's raining and I don't know what to do or where she is. I was going to call her cell phone but I realized I don't even have the number. What kind of mom doesn't even have her daughter's number? Then I thought about calling her friends. Kurt might know where she is, or some of the other glee kids, but I don't have their numbers and I left the glee contact sheet at school."
"Shelby breathe. It's going to be ok. Why don't I give Kurt a call and I'll give you Rachel's number? Shelby began to calm a little. Her blood pressure was definitely decreasing.
"Ok. I'm calm." Once Will agreed that she was indeed calm, he passed along Rachel's number.
"I'm going to call Kurt, you call Rachel, and we'll let each other know what we find out. Does that work for you?"
"Yes. Thank you Will."
"Of course Shelby."
As soon as they hung up, they both made their respective phone calls. Shelby must've called Rachel's number at least a dozen times. Each time it went straight to voicemail. But, Rachel wouldn't be getting any of those calls anytime soon. When she made her hasty exit, she neglected to grab much of anything. Her cell phone was in her room, resting in silent mode on her night stand. She left in such haste that she didn't even grab a jacket. She left with a hoodie, but that was quickly drenched by the abundance of rain.
Leaving the house, she went as far as her feet would take her. Her mother wouldn't let her do her ritual… Her mother interrupted her cycle. Because of her she had to get out, she had to run and push until everything was gone again; until she was empty. It was necessary, like breathing. The compulsion, the need, it all just took over and made her bolt. If she were more reasonable, she would've asked to leave, apologized for not listening, and maybe even pretended to enjoy their conversation. But at the time, she wasn't reasonable. There was nothing rational about her state of mind, but she didn't see that.
The only thing she could see was the need to keep going. She had to push through the pain in her joints and the aches in her muscles to make up for the day's prolonged intake. Eventually, her body just couldn't endure anymore. Running was just too much stress for her body to take. But somehow, she ended up at the outskirts of Lima in a little park that always made her feel safe. It wasn't Roosevelt Park and it didn't have the scenery the botanical gardens offered, but it was dark and the pathway provided a safe haven to keep moving. She couldn't run, her body wouldn't let her, but she could walk. And that's what she'd do. She'd just keep walking, power walking.
But the slowing of her pace allowed her to feel more than she bargained for. She finally felt the rain hitting her skin and the trembling of her hands. It was colder than she anticipated, but it was November after all. The strong winds making contact made her skin burn. Everything was so cold, but she couldn't stop. Moving meant burning more calories, burning more calories meant that the day didn't set her back too much. Honestly though, she didn't know how much longer she could go. Her body felt heavy, shaking from the shivers stopped, and she felt like each step was one step closer into never again. She never experienced that feeling.
As sick as it sounded she liked it. After all the pain and the cold and the heaviness went away, she felt nothing. She felt light and free like with each step she was moving into oblivion and the happy freedom that came along with it.
As Rachel paraded around dealing with her demons, Shelby was still worried sick. She talked to Will who said he called Kurt, who then talked to a few other glee kids who might know where she was. It wasn't much, but he promised they'd find her. All she could do was call Rachel's phone over and over.
"Damn it Rachel. Answer your stupid phone!" She was angry and worried, just overall stressed. She never had to deal with an emotional teenage daughter and she really didn't know what to expect. But she wasn't expecting that. It was just after midnight and still no word on Rachel. Just then her phone began to ring. "Rachel?" She answered hoping for the best.
"No, sorry Ms. Corcoran. It's just Kurt."
"Hello Kurt. Did you hear anything from Rachel?"
"I was calling to ask you. Puck said he might know where she went though. So hopefully we'll hear from him soon."
"Hopefully." She paused a moment. She was a little confused. Were Puck and Rachel close? Oh, god, was she having sex with her sister's father? Shelby couldn't allow her mind to go there. Rachel was a good girl, and she just wasn't going to let her mind go there. "What about Finn? Does he have any ideas as to her whereabouts?"
"No, sorry. But I had him go with me to her fathers' house and she wasn't there. The place looks pretty empty. It's weird seeing it like that." The house! Why didn't she think about that? That should have been the first place she thought to look.
"I know. Thanks for letting me know about Puck Kurt. I'll make sure Rachel let's you know that she's safe and grounded when she gets home. But it's late and you should probably get to bed. Goodnight Kurt."
"Goodnight Ms. Corcoran." When she hung up the phone, she didn't feel any better. Her daughter was still wandering about the streets in the middle of a rainstorm on a cold November night. That didn't exactly make things seem any better. But at least she could call Puck and see what he knew.
It took three rings before he picked up. "Hello?"
"Noah, it's Shelby. Kurt told me you might know where Rachel is."
"Yeah, I have an idea. I'm actually just pulling into the parking lot now. I'll call you as soon as I know something."
"You better Noah. And if she's there, tell her she is in so much trouble and to never do this again." Puck let out a small chuckle before both parties ended the call.
Puck pulled into the empty parking lot and quickly looked around before exiting the car. Even with the street lights and the lights scattered throughout the park, he really couldn't see much. So grabbing the extra rain coat and flashlight, he decided to go look around. First he checked the playground. Swings, Rachel loved the swings. That he remembered. But she wasn't there. And why would she be? It was pouring rain. Who swings in the rain? Then again, who takes off in the middle of a rainstorm to go to a park?
Questions aside, Puck made his way through the park. There were a few other places she liked to hang out after a bad day. And he assumed, after running out on her mother and walking around in that weather, that the day would qualify as bad. But she wasn't in any of those places. She wasn't sitting on the rocks they would sit on to get a nice view of the park while away from the foot traffic and playing kids. She wasn't at the picnic area that the glee kids went once for some group bonding. She just wasn't at any of the normal places. But that's when he saw her. Rachel, with her hands wrapped around her chest gripping to create as much heat as possible, was walking around, jacketless and cold.
The first thing he did when he saw her was call her name. But she was either too far away or too zoned out to hear him. "Rachel!" He called again, still receiving no response, not even a flinch from her tired looking body. Instead of trying again, and failing another time, Puck began moving closer, making the gap between the two smaller. When he was finally near her, he could see that she wasn't ok. She seemed lost like a little puppy that strayed from its mother.
"Rachel…" He said making his way over to her and putting his hands on her shoulder in hopes of getting her attention. Instead, he got the icy feeling of the water against her skin. "Geez, you're freezing."
"Noah? What are you doing here?" She looked up at him confused.
Taking the extra coat from his hands and wrapping it around Rachel's shoulders, Puck said, "Me? What are you doing here? Why are you walking around in the rain?"
"I needed to get out of there. I just had to." Not really understanding what was so urgent, Puck just tried to nudge her toward the car. She was soaked and, from what he felt, freezing. Not to mention that she looked pale and sickly. She shouldn't stay in the rain any longer.
"It's ok Rachel. Come on. Let's get to the car and get you warm. Then we can talk." Puck began walking at a faster pace unknowingly leaving Rachel behind. She tried to keep up, but the lightheadedness was winning over the rest of her body. She tried to move faster, she tried pausing for a breather; she even tried taking long deep breaths. Even that didn't help. Nothing helped. It all just made things worse.
"Noah." She said barely audible and not much more than a whisper. "Noah!" She called again. That time a little louder. Puck immediately turned to face her. He didn't like what he saw. All the color was drained from Rachel's face. Her body looked hunched and weak. He made his way over to her as quickly as possible.
"Rachel? What's wrong?" She didn't answer, she couldn't. "Rachel?" He went closer watching the scene unfold before him. In front of him stood an unsteady Rachel Berry. She took a wobbly step, trying to keep her balance. Instead, the step just made her tumble down. Rapidly approaching the ground, her fall was broken by the sharp pain of her head hitting the hard corner of the stone bench. "Rachel!" He yelled, quickly running to her side. By the time he was next to her, she was unconscious and unresponsive.
Doing the only thing he knew to do, he scooped her into his arms, one supporting her head and neck, the other resting under her knees, and carried her to the car. He knew she was still breathing and her pulse seemed strong. At least, he thought. From what he understood, those were good things. But, he needed to be sure and he didn't want to wait for an ambulance, so he decided to drive her to the hospital himself.
After resting a nearly lifeless Rachel in the passenger's and buckling her in, for safety, he quickly jumped into the driver's seat and rushed across town to the hospital. He didn't know what was wrong with her, but he was definitely scared. That was not how he pictured finding Rachel. He expected a confrontation, the normal overdramatic Ms. Berry. What he got was nothing close.
Every two seconds he looked over to her and checked to make sure she was still breathing. And even when he saw she was, he still worried. What the hell happened? All he could think was that she had to be alright. He wasn't going to be responsible for not getting Rachel the help she needed. He didn't need that on his conscience. No, he very well couldn't be responsible for the death of Rachel Berry. So if he had to take his eyes off the road every few seconds to look at her and make sure she was, in fact, still part of this world, then that was what he had to do. There were no exceptions.
When they arrived at the hospital, Rachel was still out. As quickly as he could, he lifted her into his arms and practically ran into the hospital. A nurse immediately went up to him seeing the girl in his hands and assuming she was in need of medical care. After calling over a doctor to assist and having Rachel placed onto a gurney, they all disappeared behind the Emergency Room doors. Puck tried to follow as well, but upon entering, he quickly got a swift kick in the butt out of there.
"Sorry sir, but no one but hospital personnel are allowed past this point." Obviously, he wasn't the first to try and get back there, but knowing that wasn't exactly comforting. He wasn't used to being the responsible type. And like the thousands of other lost souls that passed through that room, standing in the very spot he was, all he could do was wait. He felt helpless. At least when she was with him, he could check to make sure she was breathing; he was helping her. But waiting in the waiting room, he couldn't do anything for her. He knew he should call Shelby, but that would require coherent thoughts and his mind wasn't exactly forming those.
It didn't take long for the nurse to come back out. She told him they were running tests, but she needed to ask a few questions. He answered everything he could. They needed her name, age, and all the basics. Those were easy enough. When he asked how Rachel was doing, the woman just gave the same stale statement she gave just moments earlier.
"They're running tests." Legally, she couldn't tell him how she was. He wasn't family and there was the whole patient confidentiality clause that came with the job. So she watched him slump back into the uncomfortable hospital chair and decided to just proceed. "Can you tell me what happened?" Puck actually had to think about this question. In all his worry he seemed to forget everything that did happen.
"She was in the park. She was soaking wet so I put a jacket on her and tried to get her to leave with me. I must've gotten ahead of her and then she called out my name. Next thing I know, she hit her head on the bench and wouldn't wake up."
"Was she conscious right after?"
"No… She... She hadn't woken up at all. Not even on the ride here."
"Ok." The nurse said as she scribbled the rest of the information on the chart. "Do you know how to get in contact with her family?" He really didn't want to call Shelby, but he nodded to the nurse and pulled out his phone, but before proceeding, he just had to ask.
"Is she going to be alright?" The woman had sympathy for him. His friend was hurt and he didn't know what was going on. It was obvious he cared. She had to tell him something.
"We think she'll be fine. Right now, it looks like she has a concussion and is dehydrated and a little cold. We're running tests to make sure it's nothing more."
"Ok, thank you for telling me." Puck suddenly grew manners. Knowing she helped the boy as much as she could, the nurse left an unsettled Puck behind and went to see about Rachel .That left Puck to make the call he was dreading. Shelby needed to know. Using the phone in his hand, he dialed the number; the number he used to talk to the mother of his only child. But it was a necessity, and he knew it.
"Hello? Noah?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Did you find Rachel? Where is she? Is she ok? Can I talk to her?" There was both panic and slight relief in her voice. She assumed the call was good news; that he found Rachel and was in the process of convincing her to come home. Then she thought that call could very well be bad news and he may not have found her at all. Maybe he was giving up and calling it a night.
"I found her." Pure relief flooded her body.
"Where was she?"
"I found her in the park…" He was about to add the dreaded but into the sentence, but she decided to interrupt instead.
"What the hell was she doing there?"
"Ms. Corcoran."
"She had me worried sick. When she gets home she is so grounded." She was about to continue when Puck finally got her attention.
"Shelby!" Silence fell over the phone. Shelby knew something was off. Something had to be wrong.
"What is it? What happened?"
"Don't panic."
"You can't start off a sentence with don't panic and expect the person not to panic. What happened Noah?"
"I'm with Rachel and the doctors say she should be fine."
"Doctors? What's going on? Is she hurt? What happened?"
"She fell. She hit her head. We're at the hospital now." Shelby began rushing around the house looking for her keys.
"You should have called me right away. It's the middle of the night so I have to get Beth up and I'll be right there. If anything happens before I get there, you better call me right away."
"Yes ma'am." He said before they both hug up. Shelby quickly took Beth from her crib, careful not to wake her, and wrapped her in a blanket before rushing to the hospital. She wasn't expecting the night to turn out like that. If anything, she expected Rachel to storm into the house with an attitude, where Shelby would proceed with the yelling, and then they'd have a battle of the wits until the police showed up because of a noise complaint. It seemed plausible given both of their stubborn nature. Neither would have conceded easily.
Although it felt like it took forever, it didn't take long for Shelby to arrive at the hospital, rushing through the automatic doors with her sleeping toddler snuggled in her arms. She didn't bother looking around, instead opting to power right to the nurse's station. Her impatience rose as she waited for the woman behind the desk to get off the phone.
"Excuse me."
"One second ma'am." That pushed Shelby over the edge. She needed information about Rachel and she needed it right away.
"I'm here about my daughter. Could you please get off the phone and tell me how she is?" Still, the woman didn't answer and Shelby couldn't take it. She let out a deep sigh and was about to ask the woman again when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder and turned around. "Oh, Noah. Have the doctor's said anymore?"
"They won't tell me anything because I'm not family." Puck escorted her to the chairs in the waiting room. He just stared at his sleeping daughter and thought about how beautiful she was and how content she seemed in Shelby's arms. He and Quinn made the right decision. Doing the same as Puck, staring at Beth, all Shelby could think was that at least she knew one of her daughters was safe. Just then a doctor approached them. He asked if they were family and once he received confirmation from Shelby, he told them about her condition. Apparently, Rachel was suffering from dehydration and low blood pressure which they believed caused her to faint and subsequently hit her head. The good news was that Rachel was conscious and with a little rest she should be fine. But hearing everything just left her with more questions.
"There are some things I'd like to discuss with you."
"Can it wait? I'd really like to see my daughter now."
"Why don't we discuss a few concerns and I'll take you there now?" Before following the doctor, Shelby turned to Puck and kindly asked him to watch Beth. He was more than happy to do so; any chance to spend time with Beth. On the way, they talked about a few things. He had asked if Rachel had been sick as of late and whether she has been eating normally. Noticing the questioning look on her face, he told her that Rachel looked rather thin and that if she was over dieting, over exercising, or abusing diuretics, it would account for both the dehydration and low blood pressure. Same could be said for excessive vomiting. When she responded by explaining about the recent death of her fathers and that she hasn't been eating well for the past, probably, month since, he quickly said that needed to change and he'd be back later to check on Rachel and talk further if necessary.
Soon, the doctor parted and Shelby was in Rachel's room. Rachel looked weak and pale lying in the bed adorned in a hospital gown and attached to an IV and monitors. Her body looked so small buried under the horribly tacky sheets. Rachel didn't bother to look towards the door when it opened. It was either Puck, and she was too embarrassed to see him, or it was her mother and she just didn't want to deal with that. The wall seemed like the best choice for company.
"Hey Rachel; how are you feeling?" Shelby approached the bed and sat in the chair next to it. Rachel knew she couldn't ignore her, so she turned to face her. As she did, she tried to sit up and immediately winced at the pain in her head. Shelby didn't miss it, but she wasn't going to state the obvious.
"I'm fine. Can we just leave? I don't want to be here."
"Do you remember what happened?"
"Of course I do. I fell and hit my head."
"Do you know why you fell?"
"I tripped." Lying seemed best. Saying she was dizzy and passed out like she had several times before didn't seem like a good idea. It would only make things worse. When in doubt… lie your ass off.
"The doctors believe you fainted from dehydration."
"Well, then that was an unnecessary question; there's your answer. Why ask the question you know the answer to?"
"I needed to hear what you had to say."
"You mean you were testing me, to see if I gave the appropriate answer?"
"No… That's not it at all." Shelby scooted the chair closer before beginning her questioning. She was worried about her daughter. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe the doctor's concerns weren't warranted. Rachel was going through a hard time and grief tends to take a toll on appetite. There could be a dozen reasons for what happened. She just needed to know which one it was. "Have you been feeling sick lately? Maybe throwing up? Or have you been exercising more than normal?" All three applied to Rachel. Panic set in. Was her secret uncovered? How was that even possible? She was careful, she knew she was.
"Why do you ask?" She was trying to avoid or at least stall answering the question.
"Those things can cause your dehydration and low blood pressure. I know you haven't been eating much lately and that's understandable, but if there's something more, I need to know about it." Think Rachel, think. Lie Rachel, lie!
"I haven't been feeling great. I've experienced some nausea and it increases when I eat too much. That's why I ran to my room after eating." Two birds, one stone… "I'm sorry. I guess that compiled with my storming out and running around in the rain both contributed to my current state in which I find myself."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"There was and still is nothing to tell. As you can see, I'm perfectly fine." At least she would be once she was out of there and in her room, her secret still safe hidden away in a box under her bed.
"Look where you are. You're not fine." She had a point, not one Rachel would let change anything, but there was a valid point there.
"Ok, then I'm better now." Shelby stood and gave a stern look to Rachel. There were so many things they needed to talk about, so many questions they needed to ask, but Shelby knew she wasn't going to get anywhere with Rachel at that time. And it's kind of mean to interrogate a girl in a hospital bed, not that, that ever would have stopped Shelby before.
"I'm going to go to the waiting room and get Beth from Noah after checking with the doctor. But then I'll be back."
"Do I get to leave soon?"
"The doctor wants to keep you here for observation and to give you fluids, so no."
"Then you should just take Beth and go home. You don't need to be here." Shelby didn't like that idea. That was where she needed to be.
"Yes I should be here. You're my daughter and you're hurt and in the hospital. There's nowhere else I should be." Rachel couldn't help but feel she was only her daughter when it was convenient, when it could be used to some kind of advantage. But Rachel didn't want her there. She had enough of the questions for a while.
You should take Beth home so she could be in her own bed. I don't need you here." The last few words stung.
"Fine. After I'll tell Noah that you're doing better and send him home, then I'll come back and check on you before I go."
"No, don't check on me. But can you ask Noah to come in here before he leaves please? I need to talk to him." Shelby gave a solemn nod before exiting the room and leaving Rachel behind. She didn't want to leave, but she felt it best to respect her wishes for now. She wouldn't be walking on egg shells with Rachel forever, but at the time, given their location and the situation, it would do.
I'm finally feeling better! So yay for me and thanks for all the well wishes. Sorry for any mistakes of the Grammatical and spelling kind that I may have made and probably did make.
Enjoy the chapter. I hope you like it. Rachel's issues are starting to be uncovered, but the storm always gets worse before it gets better…
I really appreciate all the positive feedback this story has garnered, please keep it coming. Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorited and/or added this story to their alerts. It's much appreciated. And remember suggestions and input are always welcome.