Chapter 11: Things Just became Awkward
Time seemed to move quickly as soon as Rachel got back to her routine. Her secret was still safe and, although Shelby was on her about food, watching to make sure she ate as much as she could, she learned to work the system. When Shelby wasn't watching, as much food as she could fit would be stuffed in her napkin, and when she was watching, Rachel would take small bites and chew for as long as she could, but never swallow. That food too, would end up in a napkin. The only bites she would eat came when everyone else at the table was done. That way, she knew she could make her escape right away rather than let the food fester in her stomach and allow the calories to be absorbed. If she was the last one finished, she could excuse herself right away and purge herself of all her impurities.
It seemed to be working. But that day would be different. That day was Thanksgiving. Traditionally, it was a day to stuff food down and indulge in more than normal. How could she get out of that? She had some ideas, but all of them would get her grounded again, and she was just relieved of her punishment. On the upside, if she did get grounded, the last of her stuff was brought over to her new house, including her elliptical, so she would have something to occupy her time. But was she really willing to risk it? Then Shelby might make her spend even more time with her and Beth. She didn't think she could handle that. So she'd be on her best behavior. All she had to manage was dinner with her "mother," her "sister," and whoever else Shelby decided would grace them with their presence.
The day started like any other. It began with her four AM wakeup call and two hours on the elliptical; two hours to herself with no one else awake to bother her. Following her sweat inducing workout, she showered and changed before joining Shelby in the kitchen. She knew if she didn't, Shelby would come knocking sooner or later so she might as well make it easier on herself. At least then she could have coffee. Coffee boasted metabolism for an hour after drinking; that seemed like a good idea to her.
"Good morning. Happy Thanksgiving." She was oddly chipper. Rachel didn't know what to do with that.
"You too." She answered as she poured herself a rather large cup of black coffee.
"Someone's talkative this morning." Shelby said as she sat down across from Rachel at the table.
"Someone's a little too happy for their own good this morning." Rachel quipped before scooting out of her seat and heading out of the room.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"To my room." She answered like it should be the most obvious thing in the world.
"I need your help prepping. I thought we could make it a family thing." Rachel looked at her skeptically. They weren't a family. She was just a surrogate mother who got stuck with her because her fathers died. If they didn't, they wouldn't be where they were.
"One big happy family…" Rachel mumbled under her breath, quiet enough so Shelby couldn't hear.
"What was that?"
"I said I'm not really good in the kitchen." She actually was a pretty good cook. And although she wouldn't handle meat, she always helped her fathers around the holidays, especially when it came to the cooking and decorating. "Besides, I'm not really in the holiday mood."
"Please Rachel. It would mean a lot to me." Was that supposed to be some kind of guilt trip? Should she care that it would make her feel better? What had she done to make her feel better? Nothing… That was the answer. But that was also because nothing, other than what she did for herself, could make her feel better.
"Whatever." Rachel didn't smile once or say much of anything, but Shelby did. Knowing she got Rachel to help without too much convincing was enough to bring a toothy grin to her face. Maybe they were getting somewhere.
Guests, meaning a few of Shelby's friends (yes, the fact that she had friends surprised Rachel too), started arriving just as the food was ready to be eaten. Rachel would not be indulging. She would not be eating the tofurkey. She would not let a single piece of dessert pass her lips. And she most definitely would not include herself in any meaningless conversation with a bunch of strangers. Obviously she would be cordial and speak when spoken to, but she didn't need to start or join any conversations. So for most of the day, she just remained the wallflower. It worked for her.
She made several trips to the bathroom that day, none of which were for normal reasons. But what's the fun in being normal anyway? In the end, she was just thankful to get through the day. Not like she'd admit it out loud, but it was the first major holiday without her parents and it was harder than she would've anticipated. So getting through was better than she even hoped for.
"See that wasn't so bad." Shelby said as she joined Rachel on the couch with Beth snuggled in her arms. She kicked her feet up onto the table and really sunk back into the couch relaxing after a long day. "Thank you for all your help today."
"Sure, whatever." Rachel said as she got up from the couch. "I'm going to head up to my room."
"Do you want to join Beth and me for a movie? It's Alice in Wonderland." She said hoping it would entice her.
"No, thank you, but I have some work I want to get a head start on. I'll see you in the morning." Rachel neglected to mention that the work she wanted to get a head start on was already done and ready to be handed in on Monday. That didn't seem important. She heard a faint "goodnight" called to her as she made her way up the stairs, but she didn't feel the need to respond. She just wanted to get away, to escape somewhere, anywhere. She did that the only way she knew how; by escaping into her own mind and journaling. Her thoughts were heavy and not for the faint of heart. She poured her soul into her words and yet, she had nothing to show for it. As the hours passed and she finished putting her thoughts into words, Rachel got ready for bed. It was earlier than she was used to, but she knew it would take a few hours to actually fall asleep so she might as well get a head start. But as she was putting her head down against the cool pillow, her phone buzzed. She got a text from Noah.
How was your Turkey day?
Fine Noah. Yours?"
"Good, ate until I passed out then ate some more.
That's not very healthy Noah. She wasn't exactly one to speak about healthy eating habits, but she couldn't help herself either.
Whatever. So a bunch of us are going to hang out on Saturday. Are you in?
Where?
Puckerman household of course.
I'll see if I can escape the commandant and let you know. Night Noah.
Night Rach.
After the brief and meaningless exchange of abbreviated and half misspelled, on his part of course, words, Rachel easily fell asleep. She didn't understand why. Maybe it was the way he was looking after her. But she usually hated that. She did hate that when it came from everyone else, anyone but him apparently.
She pushed everyone away. She purposely pushed everyone away. At first it wasn't intentional. It just sort of happened when she started feeling those urges, but then it became a persistent voice in her head and it told her she wanted to, needed to, be alone. More than that, it told her she deserved to be alone. And she believed it. She would have to choose between her addiction and her friends and each time the addiction won. Being alone didn't scare her, but being without the voice did. That kept her grounded. It made her feel all the good and forget all the bad. All her people friends couldn't do that. So that was the only true friend she had and it wasn't even real.
After a countless number of hours exercising and doing her thing, Saturday came quickly, quicker than she could have hoped. It took some convincing, and a little lying, but she scored the "ok" from Shelby to go to Puck's party. Granted, she thought Rachel was going to the mall and maybe the movies with Kurt and possibly a few others from glee, but she got permission to go nonetheless.
She was the last one to arrive at Puck's, and when she did, she felt a little over dressed. Her clothes weren't anything special, just a flowy long sleeved dress and a jacket. Everyone else was simply in jeans, except for Quinn who also went with a dress. It worked in her favor since she was all over Finn trying to get his attention. It didn't bother Rachel though. They were over and Finn always had Quinn in the back of his mind, so they were free to do whatever they wanted, and so was she. But she was at a party, she didn't want to think, she didn't want to work, she just wanted to let loose a little. She never really did that and she thought it was time that she did.
As she pulled off her jacket she got a lot of looks. It made her self conscious and a little nervous, but then she heard what people were saying, and she kind of liked it. There was a whistle from some random guy that she didn't think she knew. Mercedes went with, "Whoa girl, you lookin' good." Kurt's was equally flattering as he said, "Diva, I love your outfit. You look so in style today. Have you been working out more?" She didn't bother to answer. It didn't feel like it needed one. Finn shot her a few looks, checking out every inch of her new physique. As much as she hated the attention, the fact that people were encouraging her behavior made her feel better, almost validated. And she'd take that where she could get it.
Her favorite comment, by far, came from Santana. "Not bad Man Hands, not bad. You look almost human." It seemed like the nicest thing she ever said. But Rachel wouldn't read too much into it. One day of nice comments wouldn't make up for the years of verbal torture.
Everyone at the party was drinking. Rachel wanted to join in, but she remembered last time. The picture of oddly colored vomit spewing from their mouths in the middle of the gymnasium during a performance wasn't exactly appealing. On the other hand, she said she wanted to loosen up a bit and alcohol seemed to do the job. Forgetting all her other problems and really just escaping the feelings that she had no control over were the two things she wanted at the moment. It was a small mental debate, she had to consider the amount of empty calories she'd be consuming, but in the end she decided she'd just make up for it the following day. So, she made her way into the kitchen for a little liberation. She found Puck in there.
"Hey Rach. When'd you get here?"
"Just now, thought this would help liven me up a little." She said pointing to the array of various liquors scattered around the counter.
"Well look who's taking a step to the wild side and looking real fine when doing it."
"I'm going to just assume that, that was a compliment and say thank you Noah." He couldn't help but laugh. Only Rachel wouldn't understand that he just called her pretty.
"It was, and you're welcome." He moved closer and passed her a cup. "Here, try this one."
She happily took the cup, but wasn't exactly sure what was in it, so she had to ask. "What's in this?" She put the beverage up to her nose and tried to decipher the smell. It wasn't getting her anywhere. She didn't know the difference between vodka and gin.
"It's my own concoction. I call it the Puckeroni. Try it, you'll like it." It was then or not at all. She knew she could chicken out and no one would care or think any different of her. Everyone already thought she had a stick up her ass, but she said she didn't want to be that girl that night. Hesitantly, she took a swig and really had to choke it back. Once she got over the initial shock, it wasn't so bad. It was very, very strong though. "So? How is it?"
"It's… It's good."
"Alright. Don't overdo it. That's strong stuff right there."
Before she knew it, the party was winding down. The moon was high in the sky and half of the part occupants were more than drunk, the other half was a mix of buzzed and completely sober. Kurt was one of the few alcohol free. He and Quinn were the only glee club members that hadn't had more than one drink. Apparently Quinn learned her lesson. And that lesson was asleep in the bedroom down the hall from Rachel's.
Puck said his goodbyes to all the guests. Kurt made sure to tell Rachel to call him in the morning if she wasn't too hung over. She hadn't had more than a glass and a half, but that was more than enough to push her past the happy point. She wasn't plastered, but she was more than just buzzed; definitely not sober and neither was Puck. They were both in the same boat, so Rachel decided to stay a little longer to help him clean up. His mom and sister were getting back the next afternoon and he wouldn't be in the mood to work on it in the morning.
"Thanks for staying Rach."
"It's better than going back to that house. Besides, I'm in no shape to drive right now and I need to sober up before I walk there. And, since I'll undoubtedly be grounded or receiving some form of punishment due to my current state, I'd rather be here anyway."
"Too many words Berry… too many words." Rachel looked at her watch. It was a little after twelve. Luckily, she thought ahead and said the movie was going to end at 12:30 and managed to convince Shelby to let her stay out until one… just this once. It took some pleading, but when Rachel put her acting skills to good use, it usually worked in her favor.
"You shouldn't walk home aloe Rachel."
"Well I can't drive Noah. What do you propose I do? Call a cab?"
"No, nothing like that." He threw the last trash bag into a pile and moved closer to her. "You can stay here."
"I'm sure Shelby would approve of such requests."
"Tell her you're at Kurt's, and you don't want to drive. You know she's probably waiting up anyway." She thought about it for a moment. It was the safest option. Also, probably the smartest.
"Ok Noah, thank you."
"What are friends for?" He joked before taking the garbage to the trashcans outside leaving Rachel to lie her way through a phone call with Shelby.
"I'm at Kurt's and he's asleep. We both fell asleep watching a movie and I don't think I should drive. Would it be ok if I spent the night?" She said in the most sober voice she could muster. Luckily, the tiny, barely noticeable, alcohol induced speech impediment worked in her favor. It helped support the lie that she just woke up.
"I guess it's ok. Just come straight home in the morning. You're lucky I'm so good to you." Lucky wasn't the word that came to mind…
Puck returned shortly after the call ended. He showed her up to his room. He was going to offer up his sister's room, but informed Rachel that she locked it when she wasn't home after a diary reading incident. She scolded him a little saying, "It's not polite to read a girl's journal Noah. It's not very gentlemanly." He scoffed it off and offered up his bed politely and saying that he'd take the couch.
"I don't want to inconvenience you Noah, and I'm smaller than you. Why don't I take the sofa in your room and you can have your bed? It's only fair." There was much debate between the two. Puck was trying to be a nice guy for once and Rachel was too worried about being a rude houseguest, and the fact they neither were sober made it all the more interesting. Finally, Puck came up with a solution.
"Why don't we both sleep on the bed? I won't try anything, but if you want to spoon, I'm ok with that."
"I wouldn't dream of it Noah, but I can live with that idea."
He offered her some clothes to change into and showed her to the bathroom to change. She left the door open just a crack and he was really trying to be the good guy, but he couldn't resist. He had to sneak a peek and he definitely liked what he saw. When she returned he was already changed into some boxers and a shirt. He kind of liked the fact that he was wearing his clothes.
They both laid in bed staring at nothing, saying nothing, just silent. Suddenly, Rachel turned to face him and feeling the shift in the bed, Puck did the same. Now they were facing each other. Nothing was said at first. They were just two friends who had too much to drink sharing a moment; a moment they both enjoyed more than they let on.
"Thanks Noah."
"For what?"
"For being my friend… For helping me."
"Anything for my hot Jewish Princess."
"I'm being serious here."
"Me too." Simultaneously, they both moved closer to each other, just inching their way there. She wanted to let loose right? And Puck was as loose as they came. They were friends. Couldn't they have a little benefit too?
Rachel snuggled her head into his shoulder, pressing her body against his. There was a connection there. It was there when they dated and it was there then. Feeling that led Puck to snuggle back. His face was lying next to hers allowing the smell of her hair flooding his senses. He didn't know what he was doing. It was like his mind lost control of his body and he just went for it. He gently kissed her neck causing her to move so she could look at him. For a short moment, no one did anything. But then, they both leaned in for the kiss, slowly deepening it.
One kiss led to the next. The kissing led to the feeling. Soon clothes were coming off and Puck was whispering sweet nothings into her ear. It didn't make sense to her, but coming from him, she actually believed what he said. She believed that she was beautiful, at least in that moment. His body hovered over hers and she felt safe for the first time in a long time.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked cautiously. He didn't want to stop. His little friend was ready and after seeing her change thoughts about her were already flooding his graphic mind. But he would stop if she wanted to.
"I'm definitely sure." The rest of the night was spent in passion before falling asleep, cuddled in each other's arms. She didn't know what came over her, but all she knew was being there with him, feeling him, was the only thing other than her secret that made her feel good. He did that for her, and obviously he felt the same way.
When she woke up the next morning and looked at the clock it was 7:30. Lying next to her, half dressed, much like her, was Puck. Everything that happened the night before came flooding back. If she wasn't sober then she definitely was now. Did they really have sex? Was that going to ruin the friendship they just built? She immediately got up from the bed, pulling her party clothes close to her chest before heading into the bathroom to change. As she returned to get her shoes, Puck began stirring in the bed.
"You're leaving?" He asked groggily.
"Yeah, I need to get back before Shelby decides to call Kurt's and check on me. I didn't want to wake you. I hope that's ok." He just smiled at her obvious inexperience. She was uncomfortable and he saw that, but he was willing to reassure her; to tell her everything she needed to hear and that he enjoyed their little encounter. She didn't know what to say. She never did that before. All she could think was about what came next. It was a one time thing. Were things going to be awkward now? Would they be ok?
Sorry for any mistakes of the Grammatical and spelling kind that I may have made and probably did make. Insomnia does that to a girl.
Hope you enjoy the chapter. So I had originally planned the chapter a little differently. I had two main plot points that I wanted to make, but the first one just took on a life of its own. So, I decided to break it into two different ones. It works. I'm pleased with this chapter, hope you all are too. Happy reading all and don't be afraid to let me know what you think.
I really appreciate all the positive feedback this story has garnered, please keep it coming. Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorited and/or added this story to their alerts. It's much appreciated. And remember suggestions and input are always welcome.