Chapter 6: Denial

Present Day...

"You don't want to believe it happened," Azula whispers, punctuating her sentence with a mirthless laugh. "You are so far in denialthat I think reality has given up on trying. Like my brother, actually. Reality has just swept you aside and tries to pretend you don't exist."

Ty Lee had woken up to the sound of guards. They were very uncomfortable as they removed Azula from the room, and Ty Lee followed them. The cell is beautiful, very unlike the one Ty Lee saw so very long ago. It had hurt her to see Azula like this. Ty Lee thinks that she should feel pleased and relieved that Azula is locked up, that Azula was sent away here for her own protection and the protection of others.

But Ty Lee feels just as much guilt as she did when she was a misguided sixteen year old little girl who saw her first love in a straitjacket.

"I'm not trying to change you or what happened. But maybe I can change us. Maybe we can get closure," Ty Lee says, her eyes sparkling in the light. She leans against the bars and gazes at the cell that is as desolate but beautiful as the woman she married and then lost again.

"I have no obligation to be involved in this," Azula says clearly, that same detached, cold, inhuman tone that has made Ty Lee mentally throttle her a thousand times. "It was your choice, not mine."

"It wasn't right of you. But I don't think you meant it. When I say you were a victim, I mean it," Ty Lee breathes, wrapping her fingers around the bars separating them. The metal is the least of what keeps them apart, however.

"I didn't mean it. But I did it and I will not apologize. We lost her and you tried to replace her and I think you are just as insane as I am for that. Did you think that you could somehow comfort yourself with denial if you made another little baby?" Azula whispers coldly. "If anything, I should have divorced you and gotten you locked up."

"You're locked here because you are a fucked up murderer and you should stop pretending that you're at all righteous!" Ty Lee howls and Azula laughs hollowly. Ty Lee sighs. "Please just talk to me. Please. I can help you leave this place."

Azula licks her lips and shakes her head.

"There is nothing to talk about. It isn't mine if I don't say it is. That is how the laws work, as you must know. Don't feign ignorance; you knew my answer well enough since you did it all behind my back," Azula purrs. "I agree with you about why we should have separated. You are a liar and a cheat... and so am I."

"It wasn't your fault with her."

"It was my fault the second time. The second time it wasn't an accident. That's why I'm here, so stop pretending that it's somehow about my... mistake," Azula states and Ty Lee tries not to cry.

"Do you even care?" Ty Lee asks softly.

"I hear her screaming and it will never go away."

Azula slips away again.

4 Years Ago...

It is an accident with [name erased]. Azula doesn't mean it and they all know that. Azula cannot convince herself that her little girl is gone. She cannot admit to herself that it was because of her and her lack of control that it happened.

She refuses to say that she is crazy. She was in the midst of hallucinations, the worst she had experienced. She was hurt because of her father and because of herself as a mother. She didn't even know what happened until it was over.

But the little body breaks her more irreparably than anything had before.

And Ty Lee shares in that agony as they go to the funeral and watch their child burn on a pyre before she even reaches ten years old.

No parent should have to burn the corpse of their child. No parent should have to admit to themselves that it is their loss of control that killed her.

Death by lightning is a fate that makes Azula vomit all night when she isn't waking up screaming from her fitful slumber.

Chapter 7: Fave Movie Quote ("You can't trust someone who thinks you're crazy - Gothika)

Ty Lee would likely be happier if she leaves and went home to her pathetic excuse of a family. To Izumi, the niece she can pretend is a daughter like the one she lost. But Ty Lee stays at the asylum that is her temporary home, isolated without Azula.

Azula won't talk to her. Azula fucked her when they were half drunk, Azula talked to her when she did not have to. But, of course, Azula is in too much denial to accept this.

The royal guards come at the end of the second week. Azula and Ty Lee have been separate, but their pain is the same, their nightmares are shared.

"Princess Ty Lee, you have to return home now," the guards say and Ty Lee opens her mouth to say no. But she knows she has to do it.

She didn't get the closure she was looking for, but she was able to see Azula and touch her and feel her heat. She had sex with the woman who broke her, she tried to explain herself to the woman she broke.

"I learned my lesson," Ty Lee repeats to herself over and over again to try to keep from accepting the truth.

Azula knows Ty Lee is leaving, and, despite her reservations, agrees to speak to Ty Lee one last time. She... wants closure too, even though she knows that she will not receive.

"Are those the petals from the cherry blossom tree?" Azula asks, flicking the necklace draped over Ty Lee's breasts with one finger. The guards tense up when they see the physical contact, but Azula does nothing more than touch the petals. "I'm sorry I burnt it. I know how much it meant to... us."

Us in relation to Ty Lee. That is hard to say.

"I told you it's coming back. But my baby isn't," Ty Lee whispers. Azula is unrepentant. "One last time. Just one last time. Why'd you do it?"

Ty Lee will never forget the sensation of it. The pain that Mai and Zuko were beyond appalled by. No level of pity for Azula could have forgiven the sight of Ty Lee sobbing at the bruised, broken body of her own and the child she conceived in secret gone forever.

"You're looking for answers where there are no answers," Azula says, smirking. Ty Lee cannot believe she is amused.

"I... why won't you trust me? That's all I want. I want you to trust me enough to know how much I love you no matter what you do," Ty Lee whispers, pained. "You have no idea how it feels to not be trusted by you. I worked so hard to gain your trust back and I refuse to leave it."

"Because you fucked my brother behind my back because you wanted to replace our dead child?" Azula snaps before laughing mirthlessly. "Of course that deserves a second chance. Ty Lee, I don't trust anybody. Even you. I never started trusting you."

"I never stopped fearing you," Ty Lee breathes and Azula smirks again.

"I know."

"Will you try to trust me somebody?"

"You can't trust someone who thinks you're crazy," Azula says softly.

"I'm crazy too. Do you think that?"

"Yes." Azula nods. "So, I suppose trust is for people who were actually meant to be together."

"Sometimes the person you love isn't the person you're able to be with."

Azula is silent. She makes that gesture again and Ty Lee shrieks in anger about it.

I love you, she wants to say, but she just says, "Goodbye, Ty Lee. Will you let me know when the tree grows back?"

"Yes," Ty Lee says sharply, as the gentle hand of the guard rests on her shoulder. Time is up, time is up, no, no. Why would Azula do this? Why would Ty Lee keep loving her? "Yes, I'll tell you."

"Do you promise?" Azula looks so collected, fearless, but her eyes belie her icy demeanor.

"Yes. Yes, I promise."

"I suppose I'll have to trust you on that, then."

end