Ch. 17
Knowing Skinner would not dare to enter my room again; I closed my door behind me once more and set my books on my desk. I pulled out on of my older and much less pretty outfits, and changed into them. Indeed, as odd as it was, there was a great difference in my wardrobe. Had I…Had I gotten dressed up? W-why would I…Dress up? I did not have any reason to look special, and I did not have anyone to impress…R-right?
Right! It was just a mistake, an accident! It not like I thought I might bump into…Nobody! No no no, just an accident! I wish not to impress anyone, no! It really was just an accident, and nothing more!
I grabbed my bag and all but ran out the door. What was I so anxious to evade? The truth, most likely, and it was a truth I would not admit. Especially not right before going down below with all the crew! Besides, it was just an accident, right…?
I made it to the door to below huffing. Somewhere between my thoughts of denial I had started to run as fast as I could. I stared at the door with apprehension. What if the men could see right through me, and guess what was wrong? It was not entirely impossible, even slow Achintya has had moments in which he could read me.
I sighed, 'Oh Kali help me,' I thought as I opened the door, my breath returned to me. I tried very hard, but I jumped when I was spoken too, gasped when I was touched. In the end, trying to act normal had stressed me out so much I had stood out. I could feel the men's eyes on me as I worked, and I felt myself grow cold. Was this a sign, a sign that my thoughts were wicked? This was a punishment, wasn't it?
No, I refuse to believe just because I wanted to look a little better today I am being punished for it. It is not as if it is hard to make me look better. Kali, clean clothes make anyone look better, and since I am usually covered in some kind of muck from here below, it must work well on me. So yes, forgive me for wanting to not look like a wild child in front of the League that was assembled to save the world. Do please forgive me!
I do believe I glared as I did my work, but that is of little importance. I am not sure when or how it happened, but it did, and I still do not believe it though the evidence is there…
I As I worked, agitated and fuming, I must have accidentally bumped into and opened one of the doors that concealed the ever-spinning wheels. Then, as I whipped around angrily, it must have caught the end of my braid…
I do not believe I was conscious as it was happening, because the full shock of what happened did not hit me until it was over. I know suddenly my head was being pulled backward, tugged into the wheels that unknowingly pulled me towards a most painful end. I remember banging into the bottom of the machine, trying desperately to pull away.
Without thought, I grabbed my knife from my boot, only to have it slip from my fingers. I could feel the tears flowing down my face, and I know I would have been screaming if I had a voice, because my mouth was wide in its silent scream.
Then I was falling, and I caught myself just before I hit the ground. Everyone was yelling, crowding around me. Then I was in someone's arms, and I pulled away to see Vishal, and his eyes were bright and watery. He was speaking, but I could not make out what he said with the others yelling so loudly. It was so noisy, and no one would be quiet.
I think around then is when it hit me. I had almost died, and I still do not know how I survived. It did not matter though, because I still lived, and fearing tears of relief would fall I threw myself into Vishal's comforting hold and shook.
The voices started to calm, and I could hear Vishal telling the crew to leave us be. Then he picked me up, and I gave no fight to stop him. I remember him walking with me for a long time, then he faltered as he opened a door. A few of his great steps later and he sat down and rocked me gently back and forth. Eventually my shakes stopped, and I pulled away, sliding off his lap onto a bed.
We were in my room, and I glanced at Vishal with a small smile. 'Thank you,' I signed, and he sighed mightily, "Ah lass, don't thank me yet."
My smile dropped, and I looked at him in confusion. Why could I not thank him for getting me away from the panicked men below? I had no chance to ask him, because at that moment pounding feet could be heard, and a mere few seconds later Captain and Ishmael burst into the room. Both looked panicked, and were breathing heavily.
I smiled at them to try to calm them, but instead of it reassuring them, they gaped as they looked at me. "Vishal?" Captain asked in all seriousness, as he walked up to me. "Sorry Captain, I told the lad to tell you of an accident, I take it he didn't tell you it ended…mostly well?" Vishal said, standing and looking apologetic.
Captain looked relieved, "No, he failed to mention that." Ishmael moved forward and pet my head softly as he sat, cooing, "Poor babe…" I smiled at him, hoping to put his mind at ease, 'I'm fine!' I told him. Captain looked at Vishal and said, "Does she…?" And Vishal shook his head, looking sad. I looked at them in confusion. Do I…What?
Captain dismissed Vishal and came to sit beside me. He waited until Vishal had closed the door behind him before saying, "Are you alright, Marina?" I was fine, I really was, but the tone of his voice and the concern in it set me off. Once more tears fell silently, and I rubbed at them, but they would not cease.
I fell forward into Captain's arms as I had the day I awoke on the Nautilus for the first time, and cried myself dry. I could feel Ishmael's hand rubbing my back, and Captain hugging me. Finally, I sat up sniffling, and signed, 'Thank you, I'm sorry.'
Ishmael smiled, "Don'worry little one, anyone would've been scared." I nodded, knowing it was not true, but appreciating it nonetheless. I looked at Captain and asked, 'What was Vishal speaking of, what do I not know?' Captain opened his mouth to answer, only to be cut short as a knock was heard at the door. He went to answer it, and I heard him talking low with a man I could not see well. Captain sighed and looked back and Ishmael and I, "I have to go take care of something, Ishmael…?"
"I got it, Captain," Ishmael said, and Captain looked at me sadly, "Forgive me Marina, it shall be alright." I was confused, but nodded my head anyway. He left and shut the door behind him. Ishmael sighed and gathered me in his arms, my brows knit together, was this really so bad. I was okay; I pulled out of the wheels did I not? Sure, I had panicked and was going to cut my hair, but I had not needed too thankfully.
"Marina, little babe, I promise it's not that bad, so don' worry. Everyone knows it had to be done, and nobody'll think it queer, I promise-" Ishmael was talking softly, assuring me, but of what? Whatever it was, it was starting to scare me, please do not say…
"-Your hair is gone, Marina…"
I did not believe him. I pushed away from him in distrust, and his face showed no lie, but I could not believe it! I ran to my mirror, he must be mistaken!
I stared at my reflection in horror. My hair was gone, cut jaggedly to the nape of my neck. How had I not noticed before, because my hair kept it shape from being in my braid? What did it matter, my hair was gone!
I gripped my boy-like hair in horror, and though I thought they were gone, tears came again. Ishmael held me again as I cried. It was not fair, why must I have such a long list of what is wrong? What sin had I committed that made the gods want to punish me? Was I the incarnate of a wicked person, forced to pay for my souls last life's sins? What else could they do, now that they had stolen the only thing I possessed that would pass me as a suitable bride?
I think the shock of my last thought stopped my tears. Why would I care about being a bride, I had always sworn never to marry, had I not? Then why would I care about no longer looking like a proper woman, a bride? Did I perhaps want…to be a bride?
Why now?
"Marina, are you okay now?" Ishmael asked, thinking it was so now that I no longer cried. I pulled away, and I must have looked frightfully confused, because Ishmael said, "What's ailin' ya?" I could not look at him as I signed, 'I do not know why, Mother, but I'm upset because I can't be seen as a proper bride! What is wrong with me, mum? I've never cared about being proper or pretty, what's wrong with me?!" I asked, all but completely panicked. Ishmael looked at me in shock, and then he grinned, "Why Marina, have you taken a fancy to someone?"
I stared at him in shock. Taken…a fancy…too…someone…? I shook my head viciously, it could not be possible. I could not fancy…someone…
Then again, it would explain a lot. Why I blushed, and why my stomach hurt. I looked at Ishmael, and he was still smiling happily. With wide eyes, I nodded. He laughed heartily, and gave me a hug. "Don' worry girl, it's about time! He's a good one, right?" he asked, and I nodded again. He was a good choice, of that I was sure, not that he would ever choose me. Not when he had women like Mina around…
Eventually Ishmael made me lie down, and told me to sleep. He left after kissing my forehead and I smiled. Ishmael was better than a real mum, because he was Ishmael. I grinned as I turned in the bed, I was not tired but I did not want to move. I did not want to face them staring, I was not brave enough to face him…
After lying for who knows how long in the dark, a knock came at my door. Perhaps Captain had come back after whatever it was he needed to fix. It was an excuse to get out of bed at least, so I kicked back the sheets and ran for the door. I opened it with a smile, which dropped to a frown.
There he was. Standing there in my doorway looking shocked. "Oh Marina, they said you were okay, but I…" he looked down, "I'm sorry." I shook my head, looking down ashamed. He had seen, he was not supposed to see! I was going to cover myself in a sari until my hair grew back, but no…
"Are you alright? You're not hurt are you?" I shook my head, still looking at my bare feet. I heard him sigh, and I hated it. I knew I must be horrid looking now, but he did not have to-
His hand was on my head, and I gasped in surprise, looking up in shock. "I'm glad your unharmed, I would've been most vexed if you had been hurt," he smiled, and he seemed so genuine I had to smile back. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" he asked, and I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat. He smiled wider and bid me goodnight, before walking towards his room. He had come to check on me, to make sure I was okay. As I shut the door and slid down it, still smiling, I knew there was no denying it now.
I had fallen for Henry Jekyll…