Chapter 14: Rumor Has It
The moment she left Quinn in the locker room with Mercedes, she knew some sort of rumor would start. She was hoping it'd be something stupid, like they were fighting over Finn again or that they were threatening each other with a sing off. No such luck existed for Rachel.
That night, she threw herself into her dance class, ran an hour as far and fast as she could, did another hour on the elliptical, and even managed a round or two of purging with little to no food actually consumed. She locked herself in her room, neglecting the calls from her mother. She didn't want to deal with anyone, especially her. People already thought very little of her, not just little of her character, but little about her in general too. What would they think after all the fake news spread? She definitely didn't want to deal with that. If she could've, she would've disappeared and never came back, but that didn't seem like a viable option.
All her fears were confirmed the next day in school. Word was absolutely making its rounds. That was clear by the first slushie facial she received in quite some time. That time it was followed up by a second and third. Apparently she needed a whole body treatment. She skipped lunch that day. Instead, spending time in her bathroom first cleaning herself up then chugging a bottle of water, no food, and flushing her problems away.
Walking down the halls, she could actually hear the whispers. It wasn't imagined that time, like she had done previously. There were whispers and looks, lots of questions, and they were all directed at her. "Who would want to sleep with her?" "I wonder if she's as annoying in bed as she is out." "Imagine the nose that kid would have." They were all so cruel and daunting. She thought this would be the better rumor, that she would be able to handle it better, get through it faster because it was a lie. Her life was still hidden, but it all seemed to be out there on display. Why couldn't Quinn just keep her mouth shut?
All the glee members heard the rumor by that Wednesday. During every rehearsal, every number, every step, she could feel their eyes burning the back of her head. She could feel Quinn's self satisfied smile and Puck's questioning confusion. It seemed the only people who didn't know what was going on were the teachers. But that would come soon enough.
Sure enough, that day after glee was over and Shelby was trying to get her into the car, Rachel was called over by Puck. "Ms. Corcoran, would it be ok if I drove Rachel home today?" He had ulterior motives, but Shelby realized that Rachel had been even more quiet than normal. She hasn't eaten much over the past few days and she barely even left her room. If Puck could change any of that, she was going to give him the opportunity.
"Rachel?" She asked, just trying to make sure she was ok with it.
"Fine." She said to Puck before turning to Shelby. "I'll see you at home." They watched Shelby drive away before saying anything else. "What is this about Noah?"
"There's a rumor going around about you. Did you hear it?"
"Most people have heard it Noah. What's the point to this conversation?" She knew where it was going and she wasn't in the mood for it. She really just didn't have the energy to deal with the crap that'd been dumped on her anymore.
"Did you know you were pregnant when you slept with me?"
"Do you hear yourself when you speak? What kind of question is that?"
"It's a fair question Rach? Were you going to pass the baby off as mine like Quinn did with Finn?" Do people think before they speak? What the hell was wrong with everyone? It just went to show that no one really knew her. No one cared enough to try.
"You are the only guy I've ever been with Noah. Maybe it meant something to you, maybe it didn't. I know what it meant to me so it really doesn't matter. But I thought you'd be better than this. I thought you would think more of me." She took a second to really look him in the eye and gauge his reaction. There was something there; she just wasn't sure what it was. "Obviously I was wrong." Deciding against getting in a car with him, Rachel turned to walk away."
"Wait!"
She turned around again. "What is it Noah?"
"You said I was you're first." She nodded while giving off a "where's this going" vibe. "Does that make it mine?"
"You're smarter than this Puck." He didn't like it when she used that name. That usually meant he did something wrong and she was upset with him, which she was. "It would take longer than the few days that passed since our encounter to even suspect pregnancy. And we used protection. So you see there'd have to be an it for it to be anyone's." Once again she walked away, this time not giving Puck the option to stop her. However, she did hear him call after her.
"Let me drive you home!" He called over the distance between them, shouting over the sounds of car exhaust and roaring engines.
"I'd rather walk." And that wasn't a lie. She was upset and angry. She didn't have access to food or a bathroom, so she needed something. Plus, she really needed the exercise. Quinn validated everything she already knew, what everyone really thought about her. She was disgusting and ugly and fat and every nasty thing a person could possibly be. That was her. And she had to do something about it. Walking home was a start.
It took over an hour to get back to Shelby's. Rachel decided to take the long, roundabout way of getting there basically circling the town. She passed her old house, her home, not missing the sold sign clearly displayed on the front lawn. It broke her heart to see it. The last piece of her life with her family was sold off to some new family, probably the perfect one at that. Behind the big white oak door would be the loving mother and father with the perfect son and daughter and a dog to boot. The only thing missing from their picture perfect family was the picket fence out front.
The actual fact that the house was sold wasn't a surprise. The will stipulated that if Rachel were underage and would no longer be living there, that the house be sold and the money be put into an account for her college tuition and expenses for following her dreams. That's all they ever wanted for her and she knew that. That was why they pushed her so hard and didn't mind paying for all the lessons she asked for. They just wanted her to be happy and she couldn't even give them that. The only time she seemed genuinely happy, and not that performance piece happy crap that she shows the rest of the world, is when she does things that to the masses would be deemed vile and disgusting. She was vile and disgusting.
Walking through the front door, Rachel was immediately greeted by the sight of a happy Shelby and the sounds of a giggling Beth. Jealousy coursed her veins, but she reminded herself she shouldn't feel that. There was nothing to be jealous of. Shelby was nothing more than a human incubator and forced guardian. She shouldn't be feeling anything and she definitely shouldn't care about it. Yet, she did. She tried to sneak by, doing her best not to disturb the perfect mother daughter moment, but as she headed for the stairs, her weight on the wooden step created a loud creak.
"Rachel? You're home?"
"It would appear that way."
"How was your time with Noah?"
"It was fine." She didn't want to talk at all. The entire school thought she was a slut. Quinn was spreading false information to use it to her own advantage. And, she was fat, ugly, big nosed, and, again, fat. Elaborating in anyway, or confiding in her mother at all, just wasn't fathomable. Who would want Rachel as a daughter? And more importantly, why would Shelby care at all? She had no reason to, and Rachel had to accept that.
Rachel was about to leave for her room. She didn't want to deal with her mother or the rest of the world. She just wanted to get in a workout, write in her journal, and follow up on her rituals. Shelby had different ideas. "Rachel? Can you come back down here please?"
Releasing a long sigh and going over any escape options, only to realize there were none, Rachel gave in and forced herself into the living room. "What is it?" She asked in the most passive tone she could muster; yet, it still came out with a little bit of snarkiness.
"Watch the attitude." Shelby snapped back while patting the seat next to her on the couch.
"I'm sorry. It has just been a long day. What did you want me for?"
"I wanted to continue our discussion from the other day."
"You mean the one that we decided to table?"
"Yes, that one. We need to have a real talk, not just the basics and the run around act. I want to get to know you. I want you to open up."
"Why?"
"Why what?" Shelby asked, clearly confused. Was she really asking why her own mother wanted to get to know her?
"Why now?"
"Why am I bringing this up now?"
Rachel was getting frustrated and Shelby just wasn't getting it. "Why do you want to know about me now?" Her voice was raised even with her attempt to veil her irritation. "If my dads were alive and you didn't have to take me in, would we be having any sort of conversation at all… ever?" Shelby looked dumbfounded.
"First of all, I wasn't forced to take you. I could have said no." Saying that did nothing for Rachel. If anything, it just validated her thoughts about her mother pitying her. "And second of all, yes. I do believe we'd have some sort of a relationship even if you weren't living with me." Seeing the questioning look on her daughter's face, Shelby decided to elaborate. "You were, you are, in my class. We would have been forced to see and talk to each other no matter what."
"Yeah, so we'd exchange cordial greetings and talk about school work. That's not any different than what you'd have with any other student."
"No, it's not, but it's better than nothing. At least to me it is."
"Why did you even come back here? You could've accepted a job anywhere. You could've gone back to Carmel. So why did you come to McKinley?"
"I came for Beth." Obviously that wasn't what Rachel wanted to hear, and if she said it didn't sting a little to hear that leave her mother's mouth, she'd be lying. "I came so I could spend more time with her instead of working all the time. I came so Puck and Quinn wouldn't miss out on her life like I missed out on yours." She waited a moment to see Rachel's reaction, but she didn't get one. Rachel was stoic as ever and, although she was upset, she wasn't shoeing anything. "But I also came back for you."
Rachel's head shot up at that one. That wasn't true. She knew that. Her mother was just telling her that so she wouldn't feel bad for talking about her precious Beth and so Rachel wouldn't feel like the after thought she was. "I don't believe that." She said it so quietly it was barely audible, but Shelby didn't miss it. She almost wished she did, but she heard it loud and clear.
"Rachel…" Shelby said in a low and drawn out way, but she never got to continue because of the knock at the door. Rachel just got up from the couch and headed for the foyer.
"I'll get it."
"Rachel!" Shelby called, hoping beyond reason that she'd ignore the door for just a minute so she could say what she wanted to say. It was unlikely, and she knew that, so when Rachel foraged ahead and answered the door, she really wasn't surprised in the least. Evading seemed to be her daughter's new specialty.
Ignoring Shelby, Rachel rushed to the door, but didn't answer it right away. She wasn't expecting anyone and neither was Shelby, and since Beth was too young for visitors, it was either a salesperson or someone looking for one of them. A part of her was grateful for the distraction. She wanted to rip open the door and scream thank you, but at the same time it could've been Puck or one of the other glee members looking to harass her some more. She was already getting slushied again, she wouldn't put coming to the house for some verbal abuse past anyone of her school mates. Maybe they were there to egg the house, or worse, egg her when she opened the door. Another knock came from the door and she was pulled from her reverie. Shelby was also approaching, obviously annoyed from the continuous knocking and Rachel's apparent evasion.
"Are you going to answer the door?"
"Yes." And she did. Slowly she pulled the door open bracing herself for any possible attack. She was happy when she saw who it actually was. At least she wouldn't be picking egg shells out of her hair for the next few hours. "Kurt? What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to you. Can I come in?" Rachel didn't answer, instead opting to glare at Shelby waiting for her permission.
"Well, someone's popular today."
"Whatever, can he come in?"
"Of course. Kurt, come on in."
"Great." She grabbed his hand and practically pulled him up the first few steps of the stairs before calling back to her mother. "We'll be in my room."
"Ok Rachel, you can let go now." Kurt instructed as she slammed the door behind them. She hadn't even noticed the tight hold she had on his hand. It wasn't on purpose, she just wanted to get away from a conversation she still wasn't ready to have. If she let her mother in, she would get her that much more when Shelby finally realized that, while she thinks she cares about Rachel and wants to be a part of her life, the truth was that it was all based on pity and need. Then she'd leave Rachel high and dry and she'd be so devastated she wouldn't know how to come back from it. And it wasn't like Rachel didn't have enough pain in her life as it was.
"I'm sorry." She released his hand and really looked into her eyes. At that moment she knew why he was there. At least she had her suspicions, but she needed them confirmed. "So what brings you by Kurt?"
"Can't a gay just hang out with a fellow diva?" That question brought a smile to Rachel's face as she took a seat on her bed.
"I would say yes, but I know that's not why you are here. Out with it. Why did you really come by?" Kurt joined her on the bed, sitting across from her so they'd be facing each other when they spoke. She watched as he struggled to talk, his mouth opening and closing a number of times. It was obviously about the rumor. She was impatient because she didn't want to have that conversation again. Why did everyone think so little of her? Anyways, she decided to help him spit it out. "Just ask what you want to ask Kurt. Drawing it out is only going to make it harder."
"You know I'd be here for you right? We all would."
"Be here for me for what? That wasn't the question you were going to ask."
"No…" He was still stalling, alternating between playing with a button on his vest and the edge of his scarf. Seriously looking in her eyes for the truth, he finally asked. "So is it true?" So it wasn't the exact question, and she needed to hear him ask that question, but at least they were getting there.
"Is what true Kurt? You have to be a bit more specific."
"Are you pregnant?" And there it was. It didn't make her feel any better to have it out there. She thought it would. She noticed him avoiding her, probably unsure how to broach the subject with her. She let out a heavy sigh and stood from the bed. Before she could say anything, Kurt jumped from the bed, let out a gasp, and put a hand to his mouth. "Oh my holy gaga, you are. You're pregnant…"
"No Kurt I'm not!" Her anger was quickly rising. "Why is everyone so quick to believe that I am? Does everyone want to see me fall so bad? I don't understand. And you're my friend Kurt. At least I thought you were. You're supposed to defend me and believe in me. You're just as bad as the rest of them."
"Rachel…" He pleaded as she began to pace. "Please don't be mad. It's not like that."
"Not like what? What is it supposed to be like?"
"Rachel, the reason I've maybe been avoiding you is because I didn't want to believe the rumors. They were just so persistent and then people said there was proof. So I just let it all fill my head."
"So you just believe them? Without coming to me and asking me, you just believe them? You know the other rumor is that I don't even know who the baby's father is? So the whole school is, basically, calling me a slut and saying I'm having some mystery man's illegitimate offspring and you just go with it? What kind of friend does that?"
"I'm so sorry Rachel, but they said they caught you throwing up. They said you had morning sickness and all that other stuff."
"People throw up for all different reasons Kurt. A little vomit isn't a baby make. And if I were pregnant, I'd know who the father is because despite what every loser at that school thinks of me, I don't sleep around and I'm most definitely not a slut. But the worst part about this all is that I didn't have my friend to help me through it. Instead of coming to me and asking me right away, you avoided me. I had to deal with this all on my own and when I got slushied everyday this week, where were you? Where were my friends to offer to go get the clean clothes from my locker of to help get all of the gunk out of my hair? Where were you?"
"I said I'm sorry Rach…" She cut him off. The rant was not over and she wouldn't stop until he heard everything. After dealing with Noah and then her mother's need to talk, he was getting her emotional sewage. The tank was full and there wasn't a way to do her normal eradication procedure, so Kurt was the lucky recipient of Rant de Rachel.
"Well that's great Kurt. You're sorry. But here's another thing. I'm glad I know how everyone truly feels about me. I mean, where was all my support? Everyone thinks I'm pregnant and all I get are more crude comments and people questioning me. Where's my song of support or the 'we'll be here for you' pep talk? I guess all of that was reserved for Quinn and Quinn alone. Good to know that her bastard spawn is worth more than mine."
"Rachel that spawn is your sister."
"No, she is Shelby's daughter, and a toddler I happen to occupy space with from time to time. But that doesn't matter right now. I think we're done here. You should leave."
"I don't want to leave when you're like this."
"Like what Kurt? Upset? Yes, I'm upset and I have every right to be. But you need to leave." He hesitated, not moving even the slightest bit from his spot. "Now! Leave now!" He shook his head in defeat, realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere when she was obviously upset to a point on the verge of hysterics. Accepting that there was no other choice, Kurt started to leave, placing, what was meant to be, a comforting hand on her shoulder. Her only response was to shrug him off and quickly shut the door behind him. The first thing she needed to do… raid her private stash. It was strictly for emergencies, but she figured the day she had definitely qualified.
As Rachel was finding her own form of emotional release, Kurt scrambled down the stairs nearing tears with each passing step. However, he was doing his best to conceal that fact as he'd undoubtedly pass Shelby on his way out. He rushed his way to the door, but didn't quite make it. Shelby was coming in from the kitchen when she spotted him.
"Leaving already?" She asked, not yet noticing the boy's state of mind.
"Yeah." His voice was timid and quiet. He refused to turn and face her, just standing there, his back to her, his shoulders slumped and body tense. The smile on her face was beginning to fade. Something happened between the two teens. What was it?
"Is something wrong Kurt? Did something happen?" He could read her concern and he knew it was genuine. But he also knew that Rachel didn't see that and she wouldn't want him to say anything to Shelby. And no matter how angry Rachel was at the moment, she'd eventually forgive him, but it would be a lot worse if he talked to Shelby about anything, so he wouldn't.
"No, I just have to be home, family dinner. Bye Ms. Corcoran." Yet to turn and face her, he opened the door and made a hasty exit.
"Bye Kurt." She said, her voice waning as she knew he wouldn't hear her. By his actions and inactions alone, Shelby could tell there was something a lot deeper going on and decided to go check on Rachel. Beth was safe and sound in her playpen and dinner needed to cook for another thirty minutes, so there was no time like the present. Taking one last peek at Beth to make sure she was ok, Shelby headed up to Rachel's room. "Knock, knock…" She said, reiterating the sounds of her hand tapping against the wood. When she didn't get an answer, she pushed the door open and looked around. "Rachel?" She called, not seeing her daughter anywhere, but that's when she heard the sounds of water running and a toilet flush.
Bypassing the stoic Shelby standing, almost expectantly, in the middle of her room, Rachel just plopped down on her bed, face buried into the plush pillow. Muffled sounds along the lines of "What do you want?" were sounding through the room.
Shelby didn't let Rachel's obvious attitude and highly emotional state dissuade her from continuing. A few tears and puffy eyes weren't enough to scare Shelby away. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do you want to come up with a new question to ask?" Rachel sarcastically asked as she turned over on the bed. She did her best to act like she wasn't crying, quickly wiping away the evidence in the form of tear tracks on her cheeks. She shouldn't have been crying. She had to realize she never really had any friends to begin with. No one wants to be friends with the fat, bossy outcast. That just wasn't the way of the world. She should have realized that sooner then this, whatever it was, wouldn't have bothered her so much. When she got her hopes up, it was always an inevitability that the world around her would come crashing in on her like a collapsing cave, effectively trapping her in an emotional abyss. She just wanted to be alone. That's what she deserved. She deserved to be alone, separated from the rest of the world like dark secret.
"Please Rachel, just drop the attitude. I just came up here to see if you were alright. Kurt seemed upset and he left in a hurry. And now I see you and it looks like you've been crying." She sat on the bed and hesitated a moment, her hand hovered over Rachel's form. She wanted to make that connection with Rachel, to give her a comforting squeeze and show her support, but she didn't know if Rachel would accept it, and she didn't know if she wanted to deal with the rejection. But she went for it anyway and rested her hand on Rachel's upper arm as the girl laid on her side, once again facing away from Shelby. "I just want you to talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Did the two of you get into a fight?" Much to her surprise and excitement, her gesture was well received. Rachel didn't flinch and push her away. If anything, she just acted like it never happened. But that was something. In actuality, Rachel didn't even register the touch. All she was thinking about was how oblivious Shelby was to Rachel's actual life. There were several options really. Shelby really was oblivious to the rumors, the rumors hadn't reached the teachers yet, which would make Rachel very happy, or she just didn't care.
"Please just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to listen to my music and work on my project." Shelby was slightly pleased with that answer. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn't have been the ideal answer, but she was more forthcoming than she'd been since she got there and Shelby didn't really have to drag it out of her. What she didn't know was that Rachel was in for another round of bathroom appointments and excessive exercise. She'd do what she told Shelby she wanted. She'd listen to her mp3 while she worked out and she'd add some finishing touches to her presentation, but most of the night would be spent feeding her addiction. And that's exactly what it was; an addiction.
Shelby stood from the bed, reluctantly loosing the only intimacy she'd had with her daughter in quite some time. "Fine, I'll go. Will you at least come down for dinner?"
"I told you. I ate already."
"Ok. I'll come check on you later."
"Don't bother."
"Rachel, stop that. I want to and I will check on you later." With that, she left and the routine ensued. The conversation that Shelby so badly wanted to continue, so badly wanted to let Rachel know she truly cared, dropped once again, put off for another time.
It was finally Friday. Rachel had been avoiding everyone, ignoring the few texts she got and the excessive calls from Kurt. She wasn't ready to forgive him. Maybe it was irrational, but it was how she felt. She ignored Puck too. The way he just jumped to conclusions irked her. Why was everyone just so maddening? For Rachel the day was long. She brought three pairs of seemingly identical outfits, all of which were used after several slushy bombs, but that wasn't even the worst of it. Glee, the one thing she usually looked forward to, her safe haven; it was glee that made the bad worse.
Shelby's day didn't go much better. With the exception of the few people in the office in charge of confidential paperwork and the glee club, most people didn't know she was Rachel's mother. That was both good and bad. It meant the other teachers wouldn't censor what they said around her. They wouldn't get all hush, hush and secretive when she came into a room, not even when discussing Rachel. But that also meant that she heard all the things about Rachel. Up until that day, everything was good. Mostly, they were saying that she's a promising student, but has gotten quiet since her parent's unfortunate demise. That was no secret, but what she walked in on that day really threw her for a loop. The first half of the day was fine, but everything changed after walking into the teacher's lounge.
"Did you hear the rumors too?" Shelby loved the idle gossip, so as she ate her lunch, she inconspicuously leaned back in her chair in order to hear better. She'd regret it later.
"It's so sad isn't it? She's just sixteen. It's like the Fabray girl all over again." Someone was pregnant…That wasn't hard for Shelby to figure out. But it did get her curious. Who got herself knocked up this time?
"I didn't expect it from her."
"I know she's one of my brightest students. She's so much smarter than this."
"I heard she doesn't even know who the father is. That glee club is like an incestuous group." Glee club? Now Shelby was really listening. "They pass along partners like they're sharing a toy or something. It's a little unnerving." They really didn't know what they were talking about.
"But her? I never would have guessed it'd be her. Santana maybe, even the Pierce girl, but not Rachel." Rachel? Shelby's entire body tensed after hearing her name and she practically choked on her coffee.
"Ah, Shelby right?" She nodded her head as she tried to control the coughing that came from nearly choking. "Are you alright?"
"Fine. What was it that you were talking about? I heard you say Rachel. As in Rachel Berry?"
"You haven't heard?" Shelby shook her head. She needed to hear it directed to her, not just in a conversation she dropped in on. "It's all around school."
"What is exactly?" It needed repeating. She needed to hear it from their mouths directly to her ears.
"Well…" Her colleague began, way too excited about a potentially life altering and earth shattering revelation. "The kids are saying that she's pregnant. Apparently someone caught her with a pregnancy test in the bathroom."
"And to make matters worse, she doesn't even know whose it is. I hear there's up to three potential fathers." Shelby didn't like how the gossip made them so happy. That was her daughter they were talking about. Hearing the words didn't make it any better or any more real. It just made the rumor known and led to more questions.
"That doesn't sound like Rachel."
"I know. She's so smart and she seems like such a good kid, but she has been different for a while. Even before her dads died." That last part was news to her.
"How's that?"
"She was in my class freshman year. She always answered questions, never missed a beat, and she was always smiling. This year, you're lucky if she raises her hand to ask to use the bathroom. And she still smiles, but it's not the same."
"I see." Shelby collected the rest of her lunch. "It was nice talking to you." She said as she left the room. She needed to find Rachel. They obviously had a lot to talk about. She wasn't ready to be a grandmother. She was just too young. Both she and Rachel were just too young. She immediately went looking for Rachel, her head in the middle of a tailspin. There were so many thoughts and nothing was being processed. Maybe it was a good thing she couldn't find her daughter. It gave her some time to clear her mind a little, figure out what she was going to say. Her students enjoyed it too because she wasn't as tough on the as she usually was.
Rachel would've been happy with the small reprieve if she knew she had it. Her day was bad enough without a very public showdown with her mother in the middle of the school hallway. But as soon as the last bell rang she ran to the choir room as quickly as possible. She needed to avoid the Cheerios and all the sports teams and anyone else with even a little credibility in the social standings. She was slushied several times and she couldn't risk it again. She didn't have any clothes left. But showing up early meant that she'd have to be around the glee kids longer. Most of them were avoiding her, not really sure what to believe, but she could tell they wanted to talk about it, ask about it. That was why she never wanted to be alone with them, but then she was. She was an open target and there'd be no putting them off.
They didn't waste any time either. At first it was one by one, the room slowly filling. She really was that early. And at first they said nothing. The few that were in there shared a knowing look. They wanted to ask, but they didn't at the same time, and Rachel could feel their eyes burning the back of her head. She just refused to look at any of them. The most eye contact they got with her was when she looked to the door to see who was coming in, but the silence was quickly broken.
"So Rachel…" He paused. How to continue?
"Spit it out Artie."
"There's some stuff going around school and we just wanted to let you know we were here for you if you wanted to talk."
"Yeah Rachel." Tina added. "Whatever you need." They assumed it was true. Didn't they at least want to ask? Shouldn't they care enough to ask rather than just assume the worst? Rachel decided to just let it go, not add to her rising anger by giving any reaction.
"Yeah… whatever." They were the easy ones. Probably one of the nicest ones too. They might have just assumed she was a knocked up slut, but at least they didn't badger her about it. They just wanted too.
Then there was Santana and Brittany. "So Man Hands," she started, "all these things are floating around school and I need to hear it straight from the drag queen's mouth. What's the deal? Are you only a prude in the day time, but come nightfall you're a freak in the sheets, a natural vixen? Who's stupid enough to knock you up?" Rachel just glared at her, her fists tightly clenched in her lap. What was wrong with these people?
"Rachel's having a baby?" Brittany chimed in showing how truly naive and clueless she could be at times. But no one could fault her for that. Her innocence, while sometimes made her seem stupid, was a quality to be admired. It was what made her, her. "A mini Rachel would be really pretty. Oh, maybe it will look like me!" Only Brittany…
"Alright, enough. I need the details. Now who got you to give it up? Or should I be asking who didn't? Because apparently there's a bunch of people you opened up to." Rachel sat there in silence. She wanted to bad to react, to lose her cool and fight or scream… something. But she couldn't. She didn't know why, but she couldn't. "Speak midget!"
"Shut up Santana!" An evil smirk took over Santana's face. She was surprised and amused and waiting for more all at once.
"Wow treasure trails, I didn't know you had it in you. But just because you might be a little delicate right now," she said while pointing to Rachel's stomach, "doesn't mean I won't go all Lima Heights Adjacent on your preggers ass."
"You can't hurt her if she's pregnant San." Brittany reminded her.
Mercedes thought that was a good time to add in her two cents. She leaned closer to Rachel and in a tone a little louder than a whisper said, "Kurt told me that it wasn't true, but if you were really lying, do you think I could be the Godmother?" Rachel's head snapped in her direction with a look of pure disgust. Really? Seriously? Kurt remained oddly silent, doing his best to look in any direction that wasn't Rachel.
Rachel was about to say something when Finn made his grand entrance, Quinn trailing right behind him, watching the scene unfold in utter amusement. "Rachel is it true?" He asked, shouting from the entryway. He didn't even give her a chance to respond before going on his tangent. "How could you do this to me?" To him? "I've been holding my breath for a while now, but how could you? We were together for a long time and you wouldn't do anything with me. We break up and you hop into the next warm bed with some random guy. And if the rumors hold any truth it wasn't just one guy!" He practically threw his hands up in the air with pure distain. These people were all ridiculous. Some friends. "Jesus Rachel, what's wrong with you?" Rachel was on the verge of tears, but she refused to cry. Everyone was staring at her during Finn's Rachel bash and Quinn was completely happy that her plan succeeded. But Rachel had to speak up. She couldn't take it anymore.
"That's enough! It's not true! None of it's true! Quinn's just a vindictive bitch who gets off on hurting others to make herself feel more important! And that's all I'm going to say, so drop it… now!" The last word was poignant and there was a force in her voice that rivaled Shelby at her best Coach Corcoran moment. No one wanted to push her any further; mostly because they were afraid to find out what she'd do. They knew she meant business when there was swearing involved. But right after her little outburst, Mr. Schue made his entrance. He saw the look on Rachel's face, the scowl and pain. Then he looked around and saw guilty faces on some of the other kids, surprised faces on the rest; Quinn with a mixture of both as a few of the others looked at her.
"Is everything ok guys? Did something happen?" His gaze passed every face, taking in the tension of the room.
Rachel took the initiative to answer for them. If Mr. Schue didn't hear the rumor, none of them were going to fill him in on it. "Everything's just fine. Let's just talk about sectionals."
"Ok, we can do that."
"Where's Ms. Corcoran?" Quinn asked. She really wanted to stir the pot.
"She'd running a little late. The tailor finished with the adjustments and she went to go pick them up. She should be here soon though." He failed to mention that she jumped on the opportunity to get out for a little while. Something had her frazzled and he had no doubt it had something to do with Rachel. He tried to ask her what it was, but she just let out some incoherent babble about schools and chatty teachers and, if he wasn't mistaken, something about a baby. He thought for a second it was about the rumors, but she had to know they weren't true. Right?
Mr. Schue went on and on about the routines. He was giving some sort of pep talk and talking about some last minute adjustments. The only thing left to talk about was the solo. It was obvious that it belonged to Rachel, but they haven't picked the final song. He usually waited until the last minute. Rachel wasn't really listening. She was distracted, and obviously so was Santana. She was sitting right behind Rachel, faking listening to Schuester's lecture, when she leaned in, her face parallel to Rachel's.
"So you never did tell. Who's the daddy?"
"You're infuriating Santana. Just leave me alone." Santana listened. It wasn't so much listened, but rather Brittany pulled her back and snuggled the chair closer to hers. Rachel was grateful. But then she caught the end of the speech.
"So let's talk about the solo. We have some suggestions already, but they all seem over done. Rachel do you have any suggestions?"
"Hold up Mr. Schue. Don't you think the others should get a chance at the solo? And by others, I mean me." Everyone was looking at her. "We all know I'm the best singer we got, and I deserve it more than Rachel. The only reason she gets it is because she'd like your little pet. But this sister has soul and a voice that will rock those judges world."
"Mercedes, we've been over this. We already had a diva off this year and we went with Rachel. However, you'll have another shot if we make it to Regionals."
"That's really not fair. Why does she get…?" Rachel had enough. It was time to say something. They all thought they were better than her, let them prove it.
"You know what? I've had enough." She stood abruptly from her seat and turned to the group, Mercedes first. "Mercedes. You want the solo so bad? Take it. I don't care anymore. I'm so sick of all of you. You belittle me and call me names. You really don't appreciate my talents. Well, you all think you're so great and that you don't need me. So prove it. I'm done." She grabbed her bags and started for the door. "Have fun at Sectionals without me. I quit." She stormed out of the room running into Shelby on the way. That didn't stop her though. There was a, "I'll see you at the house." But, she just kept going as Shelby walked into the room.
"What was that about? Do I need to go after her?"
"Your daughter's a diva. That's what it's about. She just stormed out after quitting."
"What?" She was genuinely surprised. Why would she quit? "What happened?"
"I'll fill you in on the details later. You should just let her cool off." He said quietly to his co coach before addressing the group. "I don't know what happened before I came into the room, but by the way everyone looked when I walked in, it was obviously something. Whatever just happened wasn't just about the solo. But you all better hope that she comes back and this is just another one of her storm outs, because if she doesn't come to Sectionals, we don't have enough members to compete." He turned to Shelby once again. "I think we're done for the day." Although confused, Shelby nodded in agreement. "You should all try to work things out with Rachel. We are like a family, and whatever this is about isn't worth it."
The members all left leaving a flustered Shelby and Will behind. He immediately filled Shelby in on what happened. She knew it was more than the solo this time. It had to be the rumors. When she brought it up with Schue, he just shot the idea down He told her how ridiculous the idea was. It wasn't Rachel, and while she could've made that mistake, she was such an emotional girl that it wouldn't be much of a secret anymore. Shelby agreed with what he was saying and immediately felt guilty. Her daughter's teacher knew her better than her own mother. How could he believe the best in her while she so easily believed the stories that were probably spread by some insecure bully? Everything was just out of control.
"I'm going to talk to her. Don't worry Will. She'll be in glee on Monday and all the members will be there to compete. I'll make sure of it." He gave her a nod before exchanging parting greetings. "Bye, see you Monday." "Have a good weekend." That sort of thing. And then they both went home.
Shelby was home waiting for Rachel to return. Rachel ran to the nearest store to get supplies to restock her secret food drawer. All the junk food and vegan candy made the cashier look at her like the fat girl she felt. There was definitely a look of disgust exchanged before she paid and made her hasty exit. She slipped the rather large bag into her book bag and ran all the way home. Shelby didn't waste any time when she walked in the door.
"Where have you been? I tried calling. I thought it was another one of your disappearing acts."
"That happened once and I told you I wouldn't do it again. I apologized. And I said I'd meet you here. Didn't I? So what's the problem?"
"Your attitude is the problem." Shelby walked over to Rachel, pulled the bag off her shoulders and placed it on the ground, and then escorted her to the table to sit. "What happened in glee today Rachel?" She gave her patented stare.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Why'd you quit? Did something happen?"
"Nothing happened. I just don't want to be in glee anymore. It's not fun." She looked at her daughter skeptically.
"Does this have anything to do with the rumors?"
"What rumors?" She feigned surprise.
"You know what rumors Rachel. And I want you to know that I don't believe them, not for a minute." She neglected the part where that was a lie and she really, at least for a little while, thought she was going to be, well feel like, the world's youngest grandmother.
All Rachel could think about was what her mother was thinking about her. She must seem like some bed hopping Trollope. Now she really wouldn't want her as a daughter. Who would? "Well that's great." She pretended to believe her. "But I'm not going back to glee."
"Yes you are Rachel."
"You can't make me." She raised her voice, anger obvious. "And I won't do it."
"Rachel, just listen to me." She waited for the girl to calm a little before continuing. "You're an amazing performer, but glee was about more than that. They are your family. And I don't know what happened. I already said that, but whatever it is, it's not worth losing all of them. And that's what will happen if you quit. They need you to compete and they need you even more to win. So you're going back on Monday. I won't even make you apologize for storming out."
"Why are you doing this?"
"You'll thank me one day." She said with sincerity as she placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Now I have to go run some errands and pick up our dinner. I need you to watch Beth."
"What? No!" She didn't feel comfortable with that, especially not with everything Quinn has been doing to her lately. Beth's mother hated Rachel, Beth was sure to hate her too. It was only a matter of time before the mini Quinn learned what a slushie was and how to use it.
"You'll be fine." Shelby told her as she was already halfway out the door. "I'll be back soon. Call me if there are any problems."
"Yeah, right…" She mumbled as she heard the door shut. She had never really been alone with Beth. A part of her was afraid to care about her. Much like she was afraid to care about Shelby. It was pretty stupid to be afraid of a tiny little kid. She wasn't even two yet.
"Ray-chel." She heard Beth say as the little girl tugged at her pants. It was the first time she said her name. It was kind of sweet. "Play."
"Oh Beth." She picked her up for the first time really and just looked at her. "You're kind of cute you know. I think it's the Puck in you. I hope you're not as mean as your birth mother when you're older. You don't want that."
"Ray play." She said gain, this time snuggling into Rachel's arms guaranteeing she'd get her way. Rachel grabbed one of the toys from the floor and began playing with Beth. They played for a while and she had to admit it wasn't so bad. She also felt good using the girl, who really couldn't talk back or understand, as a sounding board. She needed to get some things off of her chest. And what better way to do that than with a toddler who can't spill your secrets?
"Beth, my life's a mess. My teammates are mad at me. I'm mad at him. Nothing's the way it's supposed to be. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I wish my dads didn't die. I miss them you know. They may not have been there a lot in the end, but I loved them all the same. And don't tell anyone this, but Shelby's not so bad. She'll never love me, but she's not so bad. And neither are you. Just don't go around spreading cruel rumors about me. Ok?"
"Ok…" She had no idea what she was saying. But Beth said it was okay as she nestled against Rachel's chest ready for her pre dinner nap.
"Ok, good. I like you squirt. Don't tell your mom though. She might make me babysit you. And we don't want that. I might mess you up as much as I messed up myself. Shelby doesn't need two damaged children. But don't worry. Even if you make mistakes, she'll always love you. You're everything I could never be for her. You're her perfect little angel." Rachel talked a little more, even after she heard the quiet snores of slumber emitted from the little girl. She needed to get it all out to something, or someone, other than her journal. And for the first time in a long time, she felt herself relax. It was amazing what having a child in her arms could do. For the moment, she felt safe, and like Beth, she fell into a peaceful slumber. She hadn't had that in weeks. Her sleep had been restless and miniscule. She couldn't fall asleep, and when she did, it was impossible to stay asleep. But there, holding Beth on the couch, she did it. She got some rest and she had to enjoy it for however long it lasted.
That was the scene Shelby walked in on. "Rachel, I'm home." She called when opening the door. After receiving no answer she looked around a bit and found them fast asleep, cuddled on the couch. She knew it wouldn't happen often, if ever again, so she savored the moment as much as she could and decided to let them sleep. Once they woke up, Rachel would sulk and spend the rest of the weekend hidden in her room doing god knows what. But for that moment, they seemed like a real family. Her daughters were acting like sisters and she was doing her motherly duties. All was right in the world no matter how wrong it really was.
The rest of the weekend, and most of the next week, was spent exactly how Shelby predicted, with a few things she never would have predicted. Rachel, for no real reason, was having a difficult time. She exercised nonstop, binging more than usual. It was like she was on overdrive to compensate for something she didn't even know. Nonetheless, she was on a dangerous path.
Come Monday and Rachel's return to glee was pretty uneventful She had gotten some messages of apology over the weekend, but she ignored them all. She knew they didn't mean it. They needed her. No, they needed her voice and her body to make the count. They didn't need her. They definitely didn't want her.
"I'm back. But know that I don't forgive you, nor do I intend to. But I was threatened with severe punishment if I didn't return, and while I seriously considered my options, this choice won out." Shelby just rolled her eyes. That was her daughter alright.
"Well thank you Rachel." Will said as the group got started. The solo went to Rachel, this time without complaint.
The rest of the week was spent rehearsing, perfecting every routine and every note. It wasn't hard for Rachel, even with her aching body. She was pushing herself so hard, but she had to work through it. She had to do it. No pain, no gain. That was just the way of the world. The slushies didn't die down, and the rumors still swirled, but Rachel did her best to ignore them. She wasn't doing a great job, but she was trying. On top of that, there was still tension amongst the group. They talked a little, mostly because they had to. Schue threatened to keep them from competing if they didn't work things out. So they all agreed to be cordial with each other, for appearances sake. It was better than nothing. And the teachers seemed to by the act.
Before they knew it, they were a few districts over, ready to fight their way to Regionals. "New Directions, five minutes." Some stagehand called. The group was amped up, all scattered about the green room. Rachel was standing in front of the mirror putting on some final touches with her makeup. Shelby was in the audience. She wasn't technically a coach and she wanted to be able to watch like the rest of the spectators and tell the group how great they were while Will watched from backstage.
"Everyone finish getting ready." Schue instructed. "It's almost show time." Most people started for the door, Rachel hung back with a few others.
She stared, disgusted by her own reflection, into the mirror. "I feel like I'm one stick of gum away from someone screaming, 'Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!' Then I'll be rolled away to be squeezed back to a more acceptable size." She didn't say it to anyone in particular. In all honesty, she didn't think anyone could hear her.
"Well Violet, I think you look beautiful." Puck… She almost believed it.
"Whatever, let's go." They made their way to the stage. For some reason, Rachel was more nervous than ever before. And when they called their name and they got on stage, she actually felt butterflies. It wasn't about the talent. They were great, they did great, but it felt like the audience knew. It felt like they were whispering about her. She felt like they were all looking at her for the wrong reasons. It was like the rumors were told to friends and then to cousins and then to friends of cousins and then everyone knew. They all knew something that wasn't true and they were judging her, laughing at her. She needed to finish the number, get off stage and get her release. She needed it. She needed it right then and there.
The performance was flawless. Rachel's solo brought on a standing ovation. Santana and Finn rocked the duet. And the group number was a real crowd pleaser. They all knew they did great. And, while two more groups had to go, they knew they were better than the groups before them and felt that the prize was theirs. All of them headed back to the green room to celebrate their great show. Even if they didn't win, they were amazing and they knew it. Rachel, however, seemed to slip away. No one seemed to notice at first. No one ever really noticed her unless it was to make fun of her or they needed something from her, but she was definitely gone.
"Anyone seen Berry?" Puck asked. He was going to apologize again, for what he wasn't sure; he apologized so much he forgot what actually happened, and tell her she did great out there. But she wasn't around. The group all looked at him.
"I knew the room seemed a little too chill."
"Where is treasure trails?" Quinn just had to throw in her out little quip.
"I think she went to the bathroom." Brittany told them.
"Someone should go check on her. She has been gone a while." No one volunteered. There was just a long silence before Santana finally stepped up.
"Ah, whatever. I'll go find the midget." Everyone went back to their conversations as Santana made her way to the nearest ladies room. When she reached the room, she opened the door tentatively. "Berry if you're in there with morning sickness r some crap like that, I might just have to barf on you." She joked as she entered the room. "Man Hands, you here?" She asked again before walking further into the bathroom. It was oddly silent, but that was the only bathroom near them so she had to be in there. And that's when she saw her. "Aye dios mio! Rachel!" She frantically yelled.
I am so very, very terribly sorry for the long wait. It's really not like me but it couldn't be helped. A part in my computer broke and the new one only just came in. But fret not, I have installed it. Well, let's be clear, I didn't install it because if I did the whole computer would have been irreparably damaged and the wait would be that much longer. But nonetheless, the part is in and I'm back in business. Life's really kicking my ass right now… So I hope and I thank all readers who have patiently waited for this story to return. Updates will be a little erratic because I haven't updated my other story, one I usually update one a week, in almost a month. So please bear with me while I get back on track.
Thankthatstar, the answer to your question is yes. I have it all worked out already, just wait for it.
As always, I apologize for any mistakes in Grammar or spelling. It happens…
This chapter is a little longer, so I hope that makes up for the wait a little. I know I'm a bitch for the tiny cliffhanger, but I bet you all figure out what happens. Next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Once I write the chapter for my other story, this is on my to do list. Normally I'd give some sort of spoiler here, but every time I give hints about what's coming up in the next chapter I end up looking like a liar, so I should really stop that. Well, until next time…
I want to say that I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful comments. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and/or added this to their alerts. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think or if there's anything you'd like to see happen.