Disclaimer: All characters belong to Fresh Tv. I'm only writing this for fun.

Chapter 2: Just Another Day On the Farm...

Max couldn't help but scream. "What are you doing here?!"

"Easy," Sugar squealed in a southern drawl. "This here's my farm, and I'm your client!"

Max frowned. "Cease your shouting and explain why I'm standing on your porch! I have a life, you know! An evil life!"

Sugar shrugged and her rolls of fat jiggled like bags of gelatin. "Well, I called you 'cause I need your services as a sitter. Fine and dandy."

"Ugh," Max groaned. "Could you at least put some clothes on? You're disgusting!"

"Uh, excuse me, little man. I'm the one with the dough here, so unless you want to live out of a box, you'll do as I say!"

"I will not take orders from a blubbery buffoon such as yourself!" Max angrily stuck his fist in Sugar's face. "As the sitter, the children will take orders from me, the most evil mastermind in the world! I'm their master now!"

Sugar let out a small giggle.

"Now show me the children so I can get this horrendous day over with!" Max demanded.

"Oh, the kids?" Sugar nervously glanced to the side. "Well, uh, they're nappin' right now and I really don't want to wake 'em up. So maybe it's best for you to come in." The chubby teen stepped aside and gestured for Max to enter.

"Oh, of course." Max let out a snort. "It's babysitting 101 that children shouldn't be woken up during their nappies." The genius walked past Sugar and rolled his eyes. "Of course, evil masterminds do too, as someone wasn't aware of."

Sugar smiled menacingly at Max as she closed the wooden door. "Yeah, whatever you say."

Max entered the living room of the farmhouse and instantly grabbed his nose. "Ugh! It's smells like something crawled in here and died!" He turned to his hostess. "Are you even smelling this?!"

Sugar crossed her arms. "Uh, no," she said rudely. "You got a problem with my house?"

Max gagged at the stench of rotting flesh and excrement. "Well, you do live here, so you're probably used to rolling in your own filth."

"Excuse me, Max, but a pageant queen never gets dirty unless it's for a thematic show or a mud wrestling contest. And no, I don't roll in my own filth." She scratched her chin. "Although, I do play with the pigs a lot, and those pens are full of nasty stuff, so I guess you're half right!"

"Evil is never half right," Max said, still covering his nose. "So, where are the kiddos at? I want to pinch their little round cheeks right now."

Sugar smiled gleefully. "Oh, the kids? They can wait. Until then, we can-"

"Uh, pardon me, but I'm a babysitter. I sit babies, so without children, I have no job. Now show your master where they are!"

"Now, now. No need to rush. All will be explained once we get some small problems outta the way."

Max glared at Sugar impatiently. "Oh yeah? Is one of those problems why you're taking so long to get on with what I came to this trash dump to do?"

Sugar put her hands on her hips. "You can wait a little longer, little man. Remember how much I'm payin' you for this?

"Enough?" Max answered.

"Right, and the better you work with your client, the more money you get. Deal?"

Max blew a raspberry and sighed. "Deal. Now where are the kids?"

Sugar giggled and Max raised an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?"

"Well," Sugar snickered. "The truth about that is..."

"Yes?!" Max shouted. "Spit it out!"

"The truth is that I'm the baby!" Sugar erupted in mellow laughter.

"Yes, I know you're a big, stinky baby, but I'm serious. Where. Are. The kids?"

"Right in front of your face!" Sugar cackled, sticking her greased hand directly in Max's face. "I can't believe you were that gullible!"

"Evil doesn't like to infer!" Max said with grinding teeth. "Get on with it!"

"You ain't sittin' no babies. You're sittin' me!"

Max looked up at Sugar with eyes the size of saucers.

"What?" Sugar asked. "You too happy to flap your trap?"

Suddenly, Max let out a nasally scream and bolted for the door, bumping into Sugar along the way.

"Hey, get back here, you wily goose!" Sugar chased Max down the hallway and snatched the collar of his jacket as he reached for the doorknob. "You ain't leavin' just yet! Not until I'm satisfied!"

"No!" Max squealed. "Evil will not stand for this!"

Sugar lifted Max into the air and gazed into his eyes with a glare that can only be described as maniacal. "Looks like somebody's been Sugared!"

Max bit his lip as Sugar raised him above her shoulders and carried him down the hall. Max wasn't normally one to obey authority, but Sugar was not only bigger than the egomaniac, but more vicious as well.

Sugar carried her captive into the living room and dropped him on the couch. "Listen close, little man!"

Max nodded in fear.

"Here's what's goin' to happen. First of all, I just woke up and I'm very ornery in the morning. So, I'm going to go get dressed up for our special day while you keep your tooshie on this couch. Got it?"

"Of course." Max trembled in his seat.

"Good," Sugar grunted. "See how smooth this all goes when you co-op-er-ate?" The pageant queen walked into the hallway and looked back at Max. "Oh, and don't think about tryin' to escape again. I locked up all the doors and windows before you got here."

Sugar vanished down the hallway. Max looked down at his hands and noticed that they were shaking.

"Confound that woman!" Max said bitterly. "She has no idea how outmatched she really is. Once I manage to escape, she'll be sorry that she ever toyed with the evil that is me!"

"Hey!" Sugar shouted from her bedroom. "Keep it down!"

"Uh, yes ma'am!" The genius flinched in shock.

After a few seconds of dead silence, Max began to look around the living room. The brown sofa he was sitting on was coated in dust and littered with stains. The carpeting was just the same, but with darker and more noticeable stains spread across the floor.

The pictures on the wall were of Sugar and an obese woman who Max believed to be her mother. Shelves on the walls were stocked full of trophies and ribbons that were gleaming in the sunlight. In front of the couch was an old television set, complete with rabbit ear style antennae.

Max placed his hand down on the sofa cushion next to him and felt something wet. Not wanting to look down, the mastermind squirmed in place and wiped his soggy hand on the legs of his pants, leaving a yellow smear.

Suddenly, Sugar peeked out of the hallway. "So, you ready to have fun?"

"Hmph, no." Max looked away from Sugar.

"Well, if it makes ya' feel any better, I'm not nude anymore." Sugar stepped out to reveal her new outfit: a pair of vintage jeans and a large, pink t-shirt that read, "Sweet as Honey!"

"Great," Max deadpanned. "Now remind me why I'm even here, again."

Sugar innocently looked down and pouted. "Well, my momma's outta town for a while and I was really lonely. So, I saw your ad in the paper and just knew it was the right thing to do. All I wanted to do was hang with ya' for a day. There ain't nothin' wrong with that, right?"

"Not at all," Max said. "But lying to your new master and trapping me in your hideous abode is a different story!"

"Well, you're here in the land of Sugar now, and there's no way out unless you fulfill your part of the deal."

Max sighed impatiently. "Fine then. What are we doing first?"

Sugar smiled with glee. "Well, there were so many fun things for us to do today, so I made a list. Now I just have to find out where it's hiding." Sugar reached into her cleavage and pulled out a quarter. "Nope." Max stared in disgust as Sugar dug into her shirt and pulled out a half eaten piece of steak.

Sugar chuckled. "So that's where you went!" she said to the steak. "I'm saving you for breaky."

Max gagged a bit and covered his eyes.

"Got ya!" Sugar squealed. Max opened his eyes to see his new "friend" holding a piece of yellow paper. "Huh," she said, scratching her scalp. "I could've sworn this thing was white when I wrote it. Oh well."

Sugar walked over to the couch and plopped down beside Max. She handed him the piece of paper. "You wanna take a peek?"

Max groaned and leaned back towards the end of the couch. "No! Get that thing away from me. It's revolting!"

Sugar sighed and began to explain her plan. "Alright, first up is the introductory greeting. Then we'll have a nice little bit of pageant practice. After that, we can go down to the creek and try our hand at noodlin' for slimers! And finally, I'll cook us up a nice, homemade dinner. Sounds fun, huh? Kind of like, oh, I don't know, a date."

"No," Max said defiantly. "Evil doesn't date. Especially if it's with a blubbery tub of lard!"

Sugar curled her lip in anger and reached behind the sofa, pulling out a purple spray bottle. The pageant queen shot a burst of liquid at Max. "No! Bad Max!"

Max yelped in surprise and covered his face with his arms.

"No more disrespect, or I'll have to get crazy!" Sugar shouted. "Now, say what you meant to say!"

Max peeked through his crossed arms. "Uh, sounds like fun. Not as much fun as nuking a third world country or unleashing a plague on mankind, but fun nonetheless."

Sugar's face flashed with a dark, sinister grin. "Well?"

Max looked at her in confusion. "Well, what?"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"You know," Sugar leaned in close to Max's ear. "Evil."

"No," Max said.

Sugar lifted the bottle again, causing Max to give in.

"Evil," he said without a hint of enthusiasm.

"Really?" Sugar asked angrily. "Say it like ya' mean it, short stuff!"

Max took at deep breath and let it out. "Evil!"

"Good enough," Sugar said. "Now do it in your baby voice!"

"My what?"

Sugar sprayed Max with no hesitation. "Say it now!"

Max sighed and dropped his voice to a squeaky whisper. "I'm evil!"

Sugar broke out in hyena-like laughter and collapsed onto the floor.

"Please tell me you're dying," Max said with his arms crossed.

"Yeah," Sugar gasped through her booming laughter. "Of hilarity! It gets better every time!"

When Sugar had calmed down, Max rolled his eyes. "Any other demeaning tasks that you had in mind?"

Sugar wiped a tear from her cheek. "No, I'm good. Now that the meet and greet stuff is done, we can get on with the good stuff!"

"Oh yeah, and what's that?"

Sugar shot him a joyful grin. "It's pageant time! Now, let's go get those costumes!"

Max felt his right eye twitching. There was no way that this was going to be enjoyable, and he knew it.

~A/N~ See? It's not a lemon. Hopefully Max and Sugar are still in-character and hilarious. And just to warn you all, this story will get weirder... much weirder. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and I hope you stick with this thing until the end.