Disclaimer: Characters belong to Fresh Tv. I own nothing; I'm only writing this for fun.

~A/N~ Just as I was hoping to do daily updates, school decides to load me with AP essays and the like. Oh well. I guess it's better this way. Enjoy!

Chapter 3: Sugar, Spice, and... WTF?!

Sugar grabbed Max's plump arm and lifted him off of the battered sofa. Max used his free hand to hold onto the couch cushion.

"No! Evil doesn't play dress up!"

Sugar became visually flustered and pulled Max away from his safe haven. "Oh yes, you will! You ain't screwin' up our perfect day with your bull-headed 'tude!"

Sugar heaved and tossed Max over her shoulder. "It's pageant time, and you're gonna enjoy it!"

Max beat on Sugar's back with his scrawny fists. "Evil doesn't participate in competitive games of fashion expression, you rotund behemoth! Release your diabolical master at once!"

Sugar smiled and strutted down the hallway, ignoring Max and his angry rant. When she reached the bright, glitter-coated door at the end of the hall, she looked over her shoulder at Max. "This is where the magic happens!"

Max had grown tired of beating on the fatty back of his captor and was only able to let out a stubborn grunt.

Sugar turned the doorknob and opened the door, revealing a large, open room with boxes of bright clothes and accessories scattered about the floor. In the center of the room was a stage surrounded by pink and white curtains.

The pageant queen loosened her grip on Max and the genius fell to the carpeted floor with a loud thud.

Max grabbed his nose in pain. "Ow! First you stop my nappies, and now you break my nose! I will have my revenge!"

Sugar giggled. "You still wear diapers?"

Max winced. "Not those nappies, you imbecile! The beddie-bye kind of nappies!"

"Whatever," Sugar scoffed. "Time to get this show on the road." She hurried over to the one the cardboard boxes and pulled out a dirty, pink dress.

Max nervously raised his eyebrows. "Uh, I'm not going to have to wear that, right?"

Sugar sniffed the dress. "Nah, it's too big for ya'. Plus, it kinda smells worse than a mule in a sewer."

Max crossed his arms. "Good. It's nice to know that my future minion has actual standards."

The pageant queen pulled out costume after costume. However, one costume caught Max's eye. He walked over the the green cloak and picked it up. On the front of the suit were four yellow buttons and a large, yellow stripe running down it's center.

"Hey," Max said, stroking his chin. "Isn't this-"

"Oh!" Sugar gasped in joy. "Look what I found!"

Max dropped the green cloak and looked at Sugar to see her holding up a small pig costume, complete with a curly tail and floppy ears. "No! Evil will not be demeaned by the likes of costumes."

"Uh, yes!" Sugar snarled.

"Uh, no!" Max retorted.

Sugar whipped out her spray bottle and shot Max in the face with a burst of lukewarm water. "Now, what was that you were tryin' to say?"

"Evil would... love to," Max answered halfheartedly.

Sugar clapped her hands and jumped in place. "Oh goody! Quick, put this on!" The pageant queen flung the swine suit into Max's face. He coughed in disgust.

"Ugh, have these jammies ever seen a washing machine before?"

Sugar ignored Max and continued to run her meaty hands through the boxes of clothes.

Max looked over the pig suit in his hands. It was just right for someone of his height. Suddenly, he heard Sugar release an ear-busting squeal and slapped his palms over his ears. "My diabolical eardrums!"

"It's been so long!" Sugar pulled a blue maid's outfit and a shepherd's staff out of the pile of garments. "I haven't seen my Bo Peep outfit in nearly two years! Maybe it still fits!"

Max scoffed. "With that frame? Evil disagrees."

Sugar glared at her companion. "Do I have to spray you again? I will if I have to!"

"No thank you. Evil is content with staying dry." He ran a hand over his wet cheek. "Well, partially dry, anyways."

"Perfect." Sugar gave Max a thumbs up. "Now put that suit on so we can get started."

Max ran the suit through his hands and looked at his grey coat. "Do I have to undress right here? Evil requires a restroom break."

"Restroom?" Sugar chuckled. "We don't have a restroom. Well, we used to have an outhouse, but then there was the drowning of '04." She pressed her hand over her heart. "Poor Uncle Otis didn't stand a chance."

"While your tale of woe is tragic, I request access to another room. A private room, to be precise."

"Like a dressin' room?" Sugar scratched her head. "Sorry, but we ain't got one around here. Looks like you're stuck with this room for now."

"Fine," Max sighed. "Just don't peek!"

Sugar covered her eyes. "You got it, evil guy."

Max gazed from his coat to the suit; he was hesitant to put it on. Sugar would skin him alive if he disobeyed, plus he wouldn't get his payment. He slowly lifted his coat off of his tubby build.

"You done yet?" Sugar asked impatiently.

"Patience, foolish creature. Give your master a few minutes."

"We ain't got all day!" Sugar argued. "Hurry up!"

Max removed his pants and slipped the legs of the suit onto his body as Sugar stood in front of him, tapping her foot.

"Done," Max grunted, pulling the rusty zipper towards his neck. He looked at his new attire. "Evil is ashamed."

Sugar opened her eyes and giggled. "Dear Lord, you're adorable. Even I didn't look this cute in that costume, and I'm just adorable no matter what."

Max felt an itching sensation near his thigh and scratched at his leg. "Gah! Something's nibbling at me!"

Sugar shrugged. "Oh, that's just the chiggers. Don't worry. You won't die, but you'll have a nasty set of bites."

The irritation was growing in intensity and Max was scratching even harder. "I think they've started a World War on my skin! Get them off!"

Sugar grinned. "Sorry, buddy. There ain't nothin' I can do. Looks like you're gonna have to get used to it. Now, stay there while I get the stuff set up for the show."

Max collapsed to the floor and continued to wildly scratch himself. This trip was becoming more annoying by the minute, and Max had a feeling that it was far from over.

A few minutes passed and Max had finally stopped scratching at the bites. The sensation was still there, but like Sugar had said, he would get over it.

"Ready!" Sugar sang from behind the closed curtains that covered the stage with a field of rosy pink. The curtains slowly spread apart to reveal Sugar standing in the center of the platform, wearing her blue maid's dress and holding her shepherd's staff in the air.

Max groaned. Sugar's rolls of belly fat seeped out from within the costume, which was quite a few sizes too small.

"Quick," she said. "Get up here."

Max sighed and made his way up the steps to stand only inches from Sugar and her massive figure. He crossed his arms and scoffed arrogantly.

"Oh man, you have no idea how long I've been waitin' for this moment," Sugar told Max as she rubbed her plump hand over Max's head.

"Can we get this stupid show over with?"

"Just a minute," Sugar said. "Let me get the camera set up first."

Max gulped in fear. "Camera? You never said anything about a camera. And for your information, evil is camera shy."

Sugar pulled a small video camera and a tripod stand out of a box leaned against the stage. "Oh, really? Well, give it a try. You want the money, right?"

"Duh. Of course I want the money. I just wanted to have an easy job. Instead, I'm stuck in this infernal costume of sweat and mites."

The pageant queen balanced her camera on it's stand and fiddled with the settings. "Here's a tip. Suck it up!"

Max frowned as Sugar brushed against his side while she took her place on stage. "Evil hates life."

Sugar smiled and looked into the camera. "Welcome to 'Sugar's Guide to Pageants.'"

"And doom!" shouted Max, prompting Sugar to violently nudge his side with her elbow.

"This is 'Episode Ten: Roleplay,' starring your host, Sugar." Sugar pushed her thumbs into her chest. "My guest today is the funniest guy outside of the farm." She gestured to Max. "Say your name," she whispered.

"Max," he deadpanned. "Your future ruler of the world."

Sugar glared at Max. "That wasn't your line, but whatever. It's time to show you how to make sure your competition gets Sugared good. Today, Max and yours truly will be demonstratin' the best techniques for winnin' roleplayin' shows. First off, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page and ready to work together."

As Sugar was rambling on, Max had grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper from the stage floor and written a note that he held up to face the camera. "CALL THE COPS!"

Sugar swiped the note from Max's hands shoved it into her cleavage. "What did I just say?!"

Max stuck his tongue out and mocked his partner. Sugar glared at Max and came up with an idea.

Without warning, Sugar grabbed Max's ear with her powerful grip. The short super villain screeched in pain. "Let your master go!"

As Max squirmed, Sugar looked back into the camera. "Today, we'll see how long it takes for the sweet little farm girl to make the cute piggy squeal."

"What?!" Max gasped and slapped Sugar's wrist. "No!"

Sugar pushed Max to the ground and straddled his back, keeping a firm grip on his ears. "Alright, little man. Can ya' squeal like a pig? I wanna hear ya' squeal!"

"Evil won't be shunned. You can't make me!"

Max felt Sugar grasp his arm and pull it over his back. He groaned in pain.

"Let me hear ya' squeal! Squeal like a pig!"

"Never!"

"Do it!"

"Never ever ever!"

"I said squeal!" Sugar pulled on Max's arm, sending a jolt of sharp pain through his body. "Squeal!"

Max let out a faint squeal. "Weeeee..."

"Louder!" Sugar put more pressure on Max's arm.

"Weeeeeeeeee! Weeeeeeeeeee!"

"Now that's a squeal!" Sugar laughed. "That's one for the record books!"

"I squealed, now get your rotund rump off of me!"

Sugar shrugged and stood up. Max tried to life himself off of the floor and felt an agonizing ache in his back. "My spine," he whined. "My diabolical, evil spine."

"Suck it up, Max." Sugar slapped Max on the back, doubling him like a lawn chair. "We've got so much to do in just a few hours." She looked towards the camera. "Alright, now that you and your partner are tight, it's time to start the performance."

"No," Max groaned. "No more. Please, no more." The evil genius tried to walk off the stage, but Sugar grabbed the curly tail of his pig suit and pulled him back.

"You ain't finished yet, little man! Not until the fat lady sings!"

Max fought Sugar's forceful tugs and the fake tail ripped away from the rest of the suit, sending Max tumbling into the video camera and off the stage.

Sugar gasped. "My camera!" She rushed to the side of the platform and picked up her smashed equipment. "It was... my baby!" Sugar shot a glare at Max.

"Hmph, I did you a favor. Any cops who saw that would have you arrested." Max crossed his arms smugly. "You may thank me later."

"You ruined my camcorder! Filthy swine!" Sugar slapped Max across the cheek. "Do you understand how much footage that thing had on it? Three minutes! Three minutes of our special day!" She wiped a tear from her cheek. "I've tolerated your disobedience, but it looks like your gonna get Sugared... again!"

Max slipped out of his pig suit, leaving him in his underwear. "Do your worst!"

Sugar smiled through her anger and giggled. Max looked down and noticed his lack of attire. He covered himself with the limp pig costume and groaned.

"Okay, I forgive you. But now... it's noodlin' time!"

"Can I get in my old clothes please?" Max whined. "And just to ask, what is this 'noodlin' you speak of?"

Sugar's face lit up with a mischievous grin. "Oh, you won't need your clothes for this job. It's all panties now!"

"And what 'job' am I doing, exactly?"

"You ever been bitten by a flathead catfish before?"

Max rolled his eyes. "Uh, no."

"Well then, you're in for quite a surprise then."

~A/N~ Yep, we're going fishing. As an avid fisherman myself, I can believe that this is probably the only story on the site (Total Drama, anyway) to feature a chapter about fishing. This is only the beginning, so prepare for some crazy stuff.