Chapter 22: Royally Screwed

"Rachel!" She was in the middle of writing when she heard it. The shrill shriek made her stop dead in her tracks. She knew that tone. It didn't take years of living with the woman to know her nuances. That was her "you did something wrong missy" tone. But what had she done wrong? Surely she'd been punished enough for her not so drunken state. What had she done in the last twenty four hours to warrant the sounds of an angry hyena ready to pounce? "Rachel! Get down here right now!" There was no way she was going to willingly enter the lion's den, especially when she didn't know what she did to make it so hungry. She preferred to keep all limbs firmly attached to her body.

"What do I do? What do I do?" She continually asked herself. Talking out loud to no one but her own reflection didn't make her crazy. Right? She didn't have much time to think it over though. Shelby would only get angrier the longer she kept her waiting. And in the panic that was rising, all Rachel could do was think of her options. She could run. The window was always a viable alternative. But she was grounded and if she ran away again she was sure Shelby would buy one of those inhumane child leashes and follow her around or start to walk her like a puppy that had yet to be housebroken. There was no way she could handle that. The only other options were going to Shelby or waiting for Shelby to come to her. Neither promised a better outcome, but she didn't understand how she was in the situation to begin with. What could she have possibly done? Deciding it'd be easier on her if she just went to the living room where she knew Shelby was, Rachel quickly rolled down her sleeves and went on her not so merry way.

"Shelby? Why are you yelling?" She asked innocently.

"Come sit down." When she made no attempt to move, Shelby put on her "I mean business" face. "Now Rachel!" There was no arguing with that; not when combined with that tone and that face. She didn't like the lack of power she felt. She didn't even do anything and it was all going to hell. The control she was fighting to find and keep in her life was gone again.

"What's going on?" She was truly stumped. No amount of wracking her brain gave her any indication of what she did. Maybe there were a few little things. Like she did sneak out of the window to go for a run in the middle of the night because Shelby forbid her morning runs for the foreseeable future, but she wasn't caught. That she was sure of. So what was it? That was the continuous question and she really couldn't come up with an answer.

"I just got off the phone…" She was seething. Anyone could've seen that, but Rachel decided to push her anyway. She needed to find that control again and since there wasn't the option for her usual fix, she had to do it.

"Good, you managed to figure out over a century's old technology. Maybe next week you can master the microwave." It was after that that Rachel realized, for the first time, that Shelby's angry mother Corcoran face was worse than any Coach Corcoran stare. There was more anger in her eyes, more disappointment, and more negativity. With the coach face, it was just her trying to get her way. The mother face was definitely a hundred times worse. She couldn't stare at it. She had to look away, yet that didn't even allow her the luxury of escaping it.

"This isn't a good time to get smart with me."

"Whatever. As you were saying…" Shelby huffed. She wanted to strangle the girl, but she needed to figure out the root of the problem. She needed to figure out why her daughter did what she did.

"I was on the phone just now…" Rachel nodded in anticipation. She just wanted the whole thing over with. "With your doctor." There was no masking her face after that. She couldn't cover up the distress of being caught.

"Oh…" That was what she did. Suddenly option A, the window escape, seemed the better scenario. She was trying to hold back her shock. She really didn't think Shelby would ever find out. Why was she even talking to her doctor?

"Yeah, oh." For the first time since Rachel went down there, Shelby's voice was calm. She still had a hard time looking at her mother, but at least she seemed calmer; or too upset to be angry; not that that was any better. "Why did you do it Rachel?" How was she going to play it? Lie. She couldn't tell Shelby the truth. What mother would respond well to her saying, "I didn't go to the doctor because I have cuts all over I don't want him to see" or "I'm making myself vomit on a regular basis and don't want the doctor to catch on?" It didn't seem like something anyone would respond well to. So lying was what she was going to do; what she had to do. There was no doubt about that and she had become increasingly good at it. So good at lying and covering things up that she even scared herself sometimes. The only question was what lie to tell.

"I hate doctors." She blurted out hoping to buy some time.

"That's no excuse Rachel. I'm your mother and I have a right to be worried about your health. If I tell you to go to the doctor, you have to go. How can I trust you now?"

"You just can. I did one thing wrong and now I'm an untrustworthy liar. Why can't you trust me? What could I have done that was so bad? Surely you've done worse. I know you have. Why can't you trust me a little?" She was pleading. She needed to get out of the situation. Confrontation was not her friend.

"We're not talking about me. But I can't trust you because you're not telling me the truth. I know you don't like doctors; no one really does, but be honest with me and yourself. Why didn't you go to the appointment?" She let out a deep sigh knowing she'd come up with the perfect cover. It was a lie she knew Shelby would believe.

"Studio time opened up and I wanted to get some last minute alone time there so I could practice. Getting a lead in the recital is important to me, and I had to do it. I'm sorry I lied, but I had to skip it. I just had to."

"Rachel…" Shelby was frustrated beyond belief. Nothing she did with Rachel ever seemed to go right. She never seemed to learn her lesson. Whenever they seemed to be on solid ground, she found a crack in the foundation. Some of the cracks just didn't appear to be repairable. "I don't…" She was truly at a loss. Sighing, huffing, scoffing; that was what came out of her mouth. "Don't you see that everything you do is wrong?" Her anger was getting the better of her and the words were just coming out. "Don't you see that you're too young to drink? That your actions have consequences? If I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it. There's no more arguing with me. There's no more fighting with me. I'm done. If I tell you to do something, you do it. End of story." She continued on without a following.

Rachel zoned out after Shelby told her everything she did was wrong. She caught bits and pieces of the rest of the berating, but that one sentence stuck with her the most. It was true. She knew it and, apparently, Shelby knew it too. There was no more hiding what a screw up she had become. Knowing it and having it reinforced by her own flesh and blood were two completely different feelings. The latter hurt so much more than the former and she refused to let it show. The tears were welling in her eyes, begging to be released and free to flow, but Rachel wasn't having that. She couldn't let Shelby see that she was affected in the least. She wasn't weak. She wouldn't be weak. But half listening to the words Shelby was dishing out made her want to run to the kitchen stuff her face until the cupboards were bare, release it all, then spend some time soaking in a blood bath. That was the plan too. As soon as Shelby was done adding to her punishment and telling her what a failure she was as both a daughter and a human being, that was what she intended to do. She just had to get through the monologue first.

"I'm extending your grounding until Regionals. The same rules apply. For the next seven weeks, when you're not in class or at glee or in dance, you're either in your room with no electronics or you're with me. Are we clear?" There was no sense arguing. She wouldn't win. She had no illusions that she would, so she simply nodded. "I can't believe you sometimes Rachel. I'm very disappointed with you. I don't know when or if I can trust you again. I don't know if you're telling me the truth from one minute to the next. I don't know what's going on in your head. Maybe this is about your fathers' deaths. Maybe it's about me and the move in here, but whatever it is, it needs to stop. There's no more lying; there are no more lies. I'm too tired to fight you anymore. So it needs to stop." She was obviously frazzled. Shelby stopped yelling sometime ago. Even Rachel could see what she was doing to her poor mother. And all she could think was how horrible it must've been to know that she had such a loser, such a failure, such and inconsiderate bitch for a daughter. Was it any wonder she walked out on her? "I don't get why you do what you do. Maybe I never will. But again, I'm telling you it has to stop. I can't take it anymore." She took a poignant breathe, each sound emphasized her utter anguish. "Barring physical punishment, there's not much more I can do. So stop testing me." That last part came out like a strict demand; a warning that there would be hell to pay if Rachel didn't get her act together soon. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Shelby asked after a silence took over. She saw Rachel's face. There was so much emotion there; more than she had shown in the months she'd been living there. But she wouldn't open up. All Shelby wanted to do was squeeze her tight, tell her to just be herself, her good normal self, and make things better. That seemed a little unrealistic given where they were at.

"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered. She couldn't take much more. Fighting the tears of heartache and self loathing was hard enough. There was no more adding to the well before the levee broke. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry I can't get anything right." It came out mumbled as silent tears flew from her eyes. She tried to shield them from Shelby. She turned her head away and quickly wiped at them, but it wasn't enough. Shelby saw them. And she wanted to help. So instead of holding back, she removed herself from her imposing and intimidating standing position and sat next to her daughter on the couch.

"Look at me Rachel." Her voice was soothing and calm. All anger aside for the moment, she put her hand on either side of Rachel's face and gently turned it so that she could look into her daughter's eyes. As motherly as possible, Shelby used her thumbs to tenderly dry her eyes. "It's not that you can't get anything right. You've been going through a rough time and you're acting out. But it really does need to stop." She put her hand on Rachel's waiting to see if she'd pull away. There was a slight flinch which hurt Shelby, but when she relaxed again, Shelby continued. "Mistakes happen. Bad choices get made. I understand that. But we're both going to work on being better."

"We are?" Rachel asked through the water works.

"We are. You and me, we're going to get through this. Starting now we are going to have a serious talk once a week, more if need be."

"Talks?"

"Yes, consider it part of your punishment, although, talking to your mother really shouldn't be considered punishment." It is when it's forced. "Every Friday we'll talk about our week and what we're feeling. If something happens and we need to talk before then, that's fine. But we need to communicate."

"Is this necessary?" She wiped the remainder of her tears away as the crying subsided. She was a little ashamed that she openly cried in the first place. It was weird doing that in front of Shelby. It was weird accepting any form of comfort from Shelby. And thus, she quickly took her hand from her mother's grasp. Shelby was a little hurt by that move, but a part of her understood. Rachel still wasn't ready.

"Yes, it is." The anger was still there, but their conversation was much more civil. Shelby finally got the confirmation that Rachel was still in there somewhere, hiding behind her enforced concrete walls. She got emotion and truth out of her daughter. And Rachel realized that she needed to be better at what she claimed to be great at. Her acting needed to be better. She needed to be better. It all needed to be better, but most of all, she needed to start getting things right. All she seemed to be doing was making mistakes.

"Fine." She conceded. She knew she'd have to face some sort of awkward conversation with Shelby eventually. At least a planned one would give her time to come up with convincing lies to share.

"Well, that was easier than I thought it'd be. You're already learning."

"Whatever. Are you done yelling now?"

"It has been a long day, and yes; I'm done yelling. Go up to your room. You have an hour to do whatever and then you have to come down to do homework in the kitchen while I cook dinner. You're on dish duty."

"Right." She stood abruptly, but that wasn't the end of it.

"I wasn't done." Shelby scolded. Her tone said that if Rachel kept going the whole argument would just start again. So, Rachel obedient returned to her previous spot, this time opting to stand while Shelby sat.

"What else could there possibly be?"

"Wednesday, Beth has an appointment with your doctor. I figured since you were more comfortable with him, instead of moving you to Beth's doctor, I'd move her to yours."

"Ok, that's nice." Another thing she'd have to share with her "sister."

Shelby huffed. She wasn't fond of the sarcasm. "I've set it up so that just before her appointment, you'll be seeing Dr. Cantor."

"What?" Now Rachel was upset. There were reasons she avoided the doctor. Why couldn't Shelby see that? Or, since the reasons were meant to stay hidden, why couldn't she just accept it and leave it alone?

"The appointment is important. There's no arguing this. You're going." She was angry again. Her voice was raised again. That was not how either thought they were spending their Monday.

The fight continued a little longer. Rachel tried to stand her ground and get out of the appointment, but Shelby didn't budge an inch. She even threatened Rachel's dance and glee future. "When do you find out if you got a lead in the recital?"

"Wednesday is the call back day and Thursday we get spot placement. Why?"

"If you don't go to the appointment, if he doesn't clear you and tell you that you're healthy enough to dance and participate, then I'm pulling you out of class and you will no longer be a part of glee."

"You can't do that!" She was fuming, but she didn't even have it in her to want to fight. She wanted to run to her room and be left alone. She wanted some quality time with her little metal friend and the snacks hidden in her drawers. She didn't want to be arguing over Shelby's persistence to make her life a living hell.

"I can and I will." Argument ensued from that point on. Both were too strong willed and too stubborn to just give up. Normally Shelby would've been more even tempered, but she was done being passive. Rachel, meet aggressive. Shelby wasn't backing down.

Once it was over, ended by Shelby sending Rachel to her room to collect her homework and just stay away until they both calmed down, Shelby was frustrated. How could they fight over something so simple? It was just a doctor's appointment, wasn't it? So how could that lead to another blowout? Letting out an aggravated groan, she tended to a surprisingly calm Beth and tried to go over what could possibly make Rachel so angry about a doctor's visit before going to start dinner. She'd leave Rachel in her room to stew a little longer.

Meanwhile, Rachel ran right to her bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her. The first thing she did was grunt and angry grunt as she leaned against the solid door and crumpled to the floor. She released the real tears that she'd been holding; not the silent ones she couldn't help in front of Shelby, but real tears. Why couldn't things be simple? Why couldn't she be normal? Why couldn't Shelby just leave well enough alone? They were getting along just fine. They even managed a civil resolution to their conflict before she threatened to take away the only things Rachel had left. She couldn't just leave it alone and that made Rachel furious, sad, and everything else related to the situation.

When she heard Shelby enter and then leave Beth's room, the next step began. Rachel calmed her breathing and ran to the snack drawer. In a path of pure destruction, she ripped out the entire drawer, tearing through each packet and stuffing her face like she was in one of those championship eating competitions or fighting for survival. In a way she was; she was fighting for her sanity's survival. It didn't take long for her to demolish everything and leaving a mountain of empty containers and wrapping on the floor before her. She'd have to vacuum the crumbs later. She didn't want Shelby to get suspicious.

Once that was done, she didn't leave anytime for the food to digest. She ran the few feet to the bathroom so fast she barely felt her feet hit the ground in the process. The toilet seat was up, the finger was down her throat, and her stomach contents were spilled all in a matter of minutes. Instantly, she found her relief. The fight with Shelby was forgotten and all was right. That was, until she heard Shelby calling. Apparently she was in her bathroom basking in the glory of the high for longer than she realized.

"Rachel, dinner!" Shelby said it in a way that demanded Rachel not push her any further and just do what was asked of her and get down there. And Rachel would comply. She didn't have a ready excuse to get out of the meal and she was positive Shelby would be watching her like a hawk anyway. She had to do it. Cleaning herself up, she quickly made herself presentable and went into the kitchen. It wasn't going to be fun.

As expected, dinner didn't pass without its problems. It started off alright. There were no major issues for the first half or so. Rachel's eyes barely left her plate as she pushed her food from side to side doing her best to listen to whatever Shelby was saying. She'd respond to direct questions. But mostly she just shot out the occasional "a huh" and "yeah;" just enough to pass as an active participant.

"Eat Rachel. You're not leaving until your plate is empty, the dishes are done, and your homework is finished." She wanted to scream. How did Shelby expect her to eat the mound of toxin and not immediately expel it from her body? She wanted her to get fatter; that was the only explanation. Why else would she force her to eat food she didn't want?

"I don't like this." She insisted, but Shelby knew otherwise.

"You liked it when we bought it." She vaguely remembered Rachel saying it was her favorite brand of vegan meatballs and pasta, which happened to be one of her favorite meals.

"Well then I'm just not hungry." Sitting there felt painful, and with every bite it just got worse, and Shelby made her eat; watched her eat. It was disturbing and it made Rachel feel sick. Every taste of the food made her feel sick. It felt awkward and wrong.

Everything added together just pushed her closer to the edge. Things weren't going well anymore. Rachel could literally feel the food digesting completely, breaking down and widening her waist. It felt like a disease spreading through her body in a rapid fire. As Shelby watched her do the next week's homework, work she didn't need to be doing then, she was antsy. Her foot was shaking and her hands were trembling. She needed to get into that bathroom, but she knew it'd already be too late. She'd have to punish herself later and work it all off after Shelby went to bed. All she could do was remind herself that she'd get through it even if it didn't feel like it at the time.

Then she saw her out. She and Shelby were already on shaky ground because of their earlier argument and what happened then was her ticket. It didn't take much to ignite the fire. Shelby simply said something that rubbed Rachel the wrong way. If Rachel was asked what was said, she wouldn't be able to answer. But at that moment, all she saw was her escape. She used the spark to create a flame, pushing Shelby away even further. She just wanted to get out and an argument was the usual way. That time was no different, and it worked just like it always did. Once Shelby had enough and did her yelling thing, she did just what Rachel wanted. A little louder and a little angrier than anticipated, Shelby demanded Rachel stay in her room and stay there until the morning. Rachel gladly obliged and ran up the stairs. Maybe she made things worse between their mother daughter relationship, but it was only temporary. She'd make peace with Shelby later. She'd play the dutiful daughter. She'd be mommy's little girl, but not that night. That night all she could think about was her silver release and the feel of the cold blade in her hand as it ran across her soft flesh.

When she was finally alone in the comfort of her own room, she didn't know what to do first. Well, she did, and she did it. She went to the bathroom and expelled all that she could, but that wasn't enough. It was all settled by then, Hours had gone by. It was what came next that she couldn't decide. She needed to work off the calories, but she yearned for the blade. Pushing the cravings aside, she went onto the elliptical. Even as it got late, she wouldn't get off. She spent hours on the machine only stopping when Shelby got annoyed by the noise and demanded Rachel get off it by nine thirty. Shelby only gave her the few hours because she knew exercise was how Rachel let out frustration.

It wasn't enough for Rachel. She needed more exercise; she needed something, but obviously, with Shelby around, she couldn't do much. So she took to the bathroom, turned the bathwater on to a scolding temperature, waited for the tub to fill as she undressed, and then she slipped into the water. Her foot gently glided over the water, feeling it out before submerging fully. Once she knew the water was right, she lowered herself in slowly, easing herself limb by limb into the steaming wetness. Soothing her aches and pains, the water cleansed her. The water immersed her as she sank deeper. She needed a calm moment, like the clear skies before the storm rolls in. Taking in a deep breath and holding it, Rachel dipped her head under the water. She wasn't going to drown herself. That wasn't in the nights' plans. She just needed a solitary moment. She needed to be free from her thoughts and the world for just a few seconds. And she got that under the water. Through the rippling water she looked around at nothing in particular. There were no sounds, no thoughts, no nothing; it was just her and the tranquility of the water's movements around her. And she stayed like that until she was forced to come up for air. Her mind was clear, but it wasn't empty. Quickly, her thoughts went back to the day and she instinctively reached for the razor she strategically placed by the tub before getting in.

Like a mantra, she kept repeating that she deserved it, that she deserved the pain. "I deserve it. I deserve to be punished. I'm not disciplined. I'm a terrible daughter. I'm stupid. I shouldn't have eaten that much. I deserve this. I deserve to be punished." She said. She knew she needed to be careful. The cuts couldn't be anywhere the doctor could see, but her mind wasn't in a normal place. Not all thoughts were rational, and some of her actions just couldn't be help. But even so, she was as tempered as she could've been. Although she promised to stay away from that area, the scarred skin of her upper thigh was the night's canvas, and there was no holding back. She knew she should have, but all inhibition was lost after the first run on her skin.

The clearness easily tinged pink as the blood meshed with the water. Letting the razor fall from her hands, she stayed stationary sitting in her own blood stained bath. As the water levels drained slowly around her and she watched what once enveloped her deplete, Rachel just sat there contented. Once it was completely drained, she stood and turned on the shower head. She needed to rinse the remnants of red from her body. And as the water hit her, she felt right. She was calm again and everything with Shelby was forgotten. The stresses of the coming days were put on hold. She was just Rachel again and it felt good. She would sleep easy that night.

As her head rested on the pillow and she effortlessly succumbed to the sleep she needed, she couldn't help but wonder about a few things. But one thing she dreaded most. If that was how her Monday went, she couldn't imagine how the rest of the week would go. She didn't foresee many happy days in her immediate future. But, like everything else, those worries were on hold. Then, it was about a peaceful sleep that she rarely enjoyed and tomorrow would be left for the morning. That night would be trouble free. She was bandaged and sleepy; it was time for bed.

The morning went fine, surprisingly. She offered Shelby as sincere an apology as humanly possible. And, in Rachel's defense, it truly was sincere. She didn't want them to always be at each other's throat. "I am sorry for being such a bitch last night." It was genuine, and she even threw in a bad word that she normally wouldn't use. She didn't know why, but maybe it would've lightened the mood.

"Language Rachel."

"Seriously though, I am sorry. It's just that time of the month and you have this way of rubbing me the wrong way." It was a rough way of saying sorry, but it was the best she could offer. In all honesty, she still wanted the great relationship she always dreamed of having. But that was just another thing she'd never admit to, especially not to Shelby.

"I understand Rachel. Sometimes you make me want to rip my hair out too, but we're working on it. We agreed to that and we're going to stick to that. Both of us are going to learn to cooperate and communicate with each other."

"Ok, let's go now. We're getting to mushy." She joked. "I'm assuming I'm still not allowed to walk to school on my own."

"No, no you're not." Shelby confirmed as she put a hand on Rachel's shoulder and guided her out of the house.

After the apology, things weren't so bad. When she got to school she put on a happy face and caught up with Kurt. She was happy to stay quiet and listen to him go on about Blaine and their budding relationship. It took her away from her problems and made it easier to be a passive participant rather than have to force conversation. She didn't want to do all the talking, but she didn't want to be a bad friend either, so when Kurt went on a tangent, she was actually grateful for the change and lack of attention. She gave a mental, "Thank you Kurt."

The rest of the pre-class morning was fine too. After speaking, or listening, to Kurt, she went to English. The tension between Shelby and Rachel wasn't there any longer. They were cordial and acting accordingly for a teacher and a student. That was, until Ms. Corcoran decided to dole out group projects and she handpicked the groups without student input. Shelby had the bad taste to pair her with Puckerman. She went on to explain, to Rachel, that she was pairing stronger academic students with their opposite. For her, that meant Puck. Rachel was fuming, and that was the beginning to the day's undoing.

By lunch, she had a run in with Quinn and a bunch of football jerks. Quinn decided it was a good time to make her feel like pond scum and, not so covertly, tell whatever cheerleader she was with that Rachel Berry, Treasure Trail, although less eloquently said, was going nowhere in life because she was a Lima Loser. Of course, Quinn being the head bitch she was, had to throw in a few other names and an embarrassing anecdote or two, but Rachel did her best to ignore her. But it just wasn't in the cards. Everything was getting to her and the laughing made it worse. Then, she had the luck to walk right into the petting zoo for unsightly creatures, aka Karofsky and his followers. It was like they were expecting her, waiting for her to come around the bend as they stood in the perfect pouncing position. Just as she turned the corner to head to the cafeteria, she became part of the unicorn poster on the wall. A rainbow of artificial dyes and sugary glop painted her entire body as the cackles filled the otherwise empty hallway.

Rushing to the bathroom she felt like crying, but she had to stay strong. Luckily, she had clothes in her bag, which didn't get ruined. Every cut on her body was stinging from the mess of syrup that poured into them and caused the fabric to dig into them. That didn't bother her as much as the facts that Shelby was definitely going to notice the change of clothes and would most likely question it. Her hair was already matting to her head like a protective helmet; hard and stiff. Washing it and getting cleaned was a pain, but she made it through. And she made it through without resorting to her normal measures. As sad as it was, and as much as it still hurt, she was used to it and the sting was a temporary relief in itself.

But all that junk aside, the day was barely half over, and it was already worse than she thought it would be. Skipping lunch completely so she could get cleaned, Rachel was off. She was late to two classes. Santana watched her every move all day. She thought Santana was done with that, but apparently not. It was all so irritating. And when she asked Santana what her problem was, she just got some snide remark about Rachel's appearance and her attitude. It wasn't so bad. In fact, it was a little lame for Santana, but it was icing on the proverbial cake; a cake that was baked with salt instead of sugar.

At the end of the day, after her subpar performance in glee and Shelby's pre-Regionals boot camp, all she wanted to do was go home. "Let's go Rachel." Shelby called out to her, but she wasn't inclined to go, not yet. Puck was giving her dirty looks and attitude since the stupid party and she was tired of it, especially since they had to work together on a Shelby's project. She was done dealing with it. And right then, when she heard him whisper something rude under his breath, she knew she had to sort things out.

"I'll be right there Shelby. I forgot a book in my locker." It was a valid excuse.

"Fine, just hurry." Ah yes, punishment; any girl's downfall.

With Shelby's departure, she and Puck were the only ones left in the choir room. They started off simple; just hellos, but Noah was rougher than usual. And when she asked him how he was, he blew up at her and started saying things that made no sense at all. When he started sounding more like Quinn and the guy who used to bully her, she was done.

"What happened to that boy I once dated however briefly? What happened to the man that apologized to me for ever throwing slushies in my face?" She was getting heated and the anger was harder to control. "What happened to Noah? Because all I see is Puck. And while Puck may be popular, no one really cares about him. Noah is better than Puck could ever be."

"So… not all people like every side of me, but at least there are people who like me. Can you say that? No one likes any side of you. You're just crazy Berry and everyone hates you."

"You're infuriating!" She yelled after hearing enough of his, what she deemed, truths.

"You're annoying."

"You're a jerk."

"You're an idiot." They just kept going back in forth for a while; one insult after the next.

"Man whore."

"Regular female whore."

"This is so immature, even for you Puck, and I'm not playing this game any longer. I don't know what I did to make you so upset, but this isn't fair. I'm not going to stand here and let you degrade me. Grow up. Be Noah again." He didn't like her calling him Puck.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch Berry? It's no wonder the rest of glee hates you. Is it really hard to understand why people bully you? You're an easy target and you make it even easier." She couldn't listen to him anymore. He wasn't saying anything she didn't know, but just like hearing things from Shelby, hearing those things from him hurt more than the ice chips that cut her skin during an attack.

Solemnly beginning to walk away, she paused at the door and turned to him. "Being a badass may seem cool sometimes. Being a hard ass might get you places. But being a jackass gets you nowhere and gets you nothing. You should really consider that." With that she just left.

Puck came chasing after her. "Rachel wait! Wait!" But she wasn't stopping. "I'm sorry!" But it wasn't enough.

"Whatever Puck. I'm going to deal with you for this project, but that's the only reason I'm even acting remotely civil towards you. If you're not talking to me about glee and Regionals preparations or the English assignment, then you shouldn't be talking to me at all. Get back to me when you're ready to tell me what your problem is like a big boy would." She didn't give him another chance to talk to her. She headed to the car and went home with Shelby.

The rest of the night was normal; more normal than it had been in a while. They didn't fight. Rachel cooperated with what Shelby asked. It was an easy night even if Rachel's mind was on overdrive. The important thing was that they got through it. To Shelby it was a great feat. It was a good night. To Rachel, it was a night of whatever. She was neither happy nor sad; she just existed. And after the day she had, she'd take it. She would accept it as a good day and call it a night. She just had to get through her routine and push it all away. There could be no other activities with the coming inspection from Dr. Cantor. So whatever was on her mind just had to be on pause. She could do it… Just one and a half days.

Wednesday was a mute day for Rachel. She mostly ignored all people and kept to herself. There were only two things on her mind all day. The first was the appointment that she didn't want to go to, and the other was the recital results. She didn't want to be in the background. She wanted to shine. She wanted to be good at something and getting a lead would give her that. All in all, it was a lot of pressure she was putting on herself. So she just had to get through the day.

Come afternoon and glee was over. They headed home to change, but it was time. "Are you ready to go?" Shelby asked as she collected her bag from the table.

"As I'll ever be." She was not happy about going, but what other choice did she have?

Sorry it took so long. It has been a rough couple of weeks, but here's the update. I think I'm going to try and do shorter chapters so I have a timelier update, but I can't control my hands sometimes; they just type.

This chapter is absolutely without a doubt not even a little edited. I just wanted to get something out after the long wait, and normally this would drive me crazy, but the reader's deserve and update however erroneous it is. So sorry for any and all grammatical or spelling errors. It wasn't proofread at all. If I reread it I would've found something wrong and it'd be another month before updates.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time…

I want to say that I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful comments. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and/or added this to their alerts. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think or if there's anything you'd like to see happen.