Story Title: Build a God, Then We'll Talk

Summary: Monsters, Secret Agents, and Damsels in distress oh my! Trouble really has her work cut out for her.

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, both creative and traditional.

Author Notes: So chapter 10 and rolling, and already twice as long as either of my other storys. I initially intended to post this last sunday, but got sidetracked XP go figure. Also, for those who know who Flying Spagettie Monster is I have this to say: Ramen.

Disclaimer: Still not rich, but I do have a detailed plan for taking over the world by breeding my plot bunnys, with the dust monsters under my bed. Will let you know if it pans out.

Chapter 10: Bare Threads

By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

I felt for the briefest moment that my heart ceased to beat as my worst fear reared its head in full. My body locked up, and my mind ceased to function as I waited for the ground to come rushing towards me. A moment passed, and then another.

My mind seemed to be stuck in neutral as I hung there in limbo waiting for time or fate or whatever it was holding me up here to stop gloating and finally let go.

Instead I was rewarded with a severally tired arm and wrenched fingers as I realized that I wasn t so much suspended as I was clinging to the edge with the grip of a crazed woman. Shouting and shoving above me caught my attention as I hung there and I realized that the idiot twins above me were shoving each other to try and get to me.

You cannot be fucking serious!

Seconds seemed to pass like hours as I tried to move, cursing as I realized that the extreme stress of the situation was forcing my mind to disassociate itself from what was going on around me. Great thing when you're in distress emotionally, not so much when clinging to the edge of something like it's your last hope.

Which it is.

"Mrrrrrreeeeeeefffffh." Was quiet literally the only sound to come out of my mouth as I attempt to both scream and muffle myself at the same time. I felt myself twist a bit, and then my arm muscles seemed to align in some natural way the made it easier for me to grip the edge with more then just ONE HAND!

I grabbed at the stone, feeling my fingers slip off the small edge, swinging about wildly before trying once more. This time my fingers caught, and I tried to figure out how I was going to get my ass out of the frying pan as I looked up.

I was easily two feet beneath the actual platform area, just out of reach of the cultists but also far enough away from the top that I was uncertain as to how I was going to get back up.

An angered yell caught my attention, and the sound of something exploding in the distance made the cultists above me pause. It was closely followed by the sound of another explosion, and then another. The edge I was clinging to seemed to be some sort of gripping area, like something inserted itself into the edge to keep it in place.

I needed to stop wimping out here, and focus. How the hell was I gonna get out of this hole in one piece? I could brace my feet, but only just. It would take a lot of effort, that was for damn sure. I looked for another area that my hands could get a grip on, but came up with jack shit.

Maybe, if I could brace my legs just right I could move my elbows up and brace them against the thin lip. It wouldn t have to be much, just enough to give me the room to reach the edge of the platform.

Oh god please let this work...

Superman...

Flying spaghetti monster?

I moved achingly slow, up up come on you've got fuck all for upper body strength but that yoga class had to be good for something. Come on, come ON! My first elbow moved on top of the slick edge, slipping a bit but otherwise stable. Raising myself further, I managed to get my other elbow on top of the lip before I realized my crucial error in judgment.

I felt something move my hair a bit before a hand GRABBED and PULLED. Another hand grabbed my shirt, dragging me upward as I realized that the ganado were still there and very much intent on doing their job.

I kicked low, not caring for the moment that they almost dropped me back down into the hole I had tried very hard NOT to fall into. Before I twisted and turned away from the edge, breaking free for a brief moment I scrambled on my hands and knee's towards the safety of the gazebo.

Shrieks from the zealous ganado's caught my attention and I flipped around, crab walking backward and lashing out as one of the idiots came around the edge of the door. I caught him in the shins, sending him to his knees before shoving myself to my feet.

I clocked the second guy as the first got back to his feet, who I shoved.

Hard.

He did not get lucky enough to catch the edge as he went plummeting to his doom. His friend was even less lucky, as I booted him in the face down onto his back and over the edge.

"FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, GOOD NIGHT!" Was all I had to say as I collapsed back, against the cold stone.

Oddly enough, it was the silence that got my attention.

And then a shout, followed by another. Familiar voices, not the ganado ones that I usually heard.

"TROUBLE! DAMNIT, TROUBLE!" said an all too familiar male voice, followed soon by a more feminine one. There were still a small distance away, and making a lot of noise. I crawled over to the side of my small shelter, and looked out just in time to see Leon slid to a stop at the top of the hole shouting. Ashley was just behind him, hiding her face in her hands.

I rolled my eyes and braced myself the wall next to me.

"Who died?" I asked, staring at them from my perch against the stone doorway.

Surprised expressions were shot between Leon and Ashley, before I found myself bear hugged by both the man who I swear had been on the other side of the hole not five seconds ago and the blond spaz...I think I've passed the realm of brain dead and am traipsing lightly in the vale of clinically insane.

Leon Kennedy and Ashley were hugging me. An excited bark and the feeling of pawing on my thigh let me know that Battle was there as well and I grinned as I caught sight of his wiggling tail.

And for some reason all I could do was keep myself from molesting Leon... Just a little. WHAT? He's pretty hot and you KNOW it. Must. Not. Grope. Would. Ruin. Moment.

"THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!" Leon said as he moved away, shaking me a bit like a rag doll.

"Ahhhhhh, I don t know anymore." I said, at the moment I was completely out of umph. Yeah, near death experiences can do that to yah.

"Why don t you EVER listen to me?"

"It's a part of my contrary nature, you tell me not to do something and I DO it just to prove I CAN." I said, neither defiant nor emotional. Merely stating a fact, nothing more, nothing less. It was one of the gaping flaws in otherwise normal personality.

"Do NOT do that again!"

I just glared back at him, too tired to do anything further. I would do it again, or something equally as stupid as it if I felt like it. No amount of scolding from him could change that, even though I knew he meant the best. And now I'm feeling guilty. Fuck. I ran my fingers through my hair as Leon turned away, powerful scowl on his own face.

"If it makes you feel any better," I said as he seemed to perk up a bit, "I don t think I have it in me at the moment to do something stupider?"

He rolled his eyes at this before motioning toward the oversized door we'd run past on the way to the stone shack.

"I don't suppose that your astounding brilliance could possibly have any idea as to how we are going to get through those?"

"Actually, I do." I said, grinning smugly.

"Oh? Please enlighten me."

"Look down." I said as he gave me a look of confusion. "Just do it."

And he did.

And then he noticed something that I'd noticed offhandedly when trying desperately not to die.

The big ass cannon.

The big ass battle ready (Even though it shouldn t have been because it was as old as the castle) cannon. That for some reason was pointing towards the castle, but hey who's counting anyways?

"That's a good plan, but how are we going to get it up here?" He asked.

"Easy," I pointed over to a crank that was sitting not ten feet from us.

"How do you know it works the cannon?"

"It doesn't." I deadpanned.

"Then wh-"

"It does not WORK the cannon, it raises it." I said, cheshire grin flitting across my face.

"I... Do I? Never mind. Let's go with your idea." He turned towards the thing before trying to moved it, it took a good few tugs since the thing had obviously never been used before, but we managed to raise it.

Why WAS it pointed towards the castle I had to wonder? It clearly wasn t doing any good that way.

"So, do we know if this thing still works?" Ashley asked skeptically.

"Not a clue." I said back scratching the back of my head, "The movies never actually cover this part. The damn thing is always already set up for them."

"I think..." Leon looked around before tugging on a small rope. The cannon surged and Leon jumped back as it hurtled some sort of explosive round at the gate, shattering the wood like a baseball through a glass window.

"And you're always telling ME not to touch things if I don t know what they do!" I said, waving a finger at him.

"Quiet you, no comments from the peanut gallery."

"Says the head nutter of this particular group." his glare told me that my lovely little addition was neither funny nor clever, well, in his eyes anyways. No one said Mister Super Secret Agent Man had any right to stem the flow of horrible puns that come to me naturally.

Ashley rolled here eyes at this point, not bothering to glare as we made our way to the jagged hole in what was left in the wooden doors, hopping over chunks of wood and debris that littered the ground.

"So, how many catapults DID they have?" I asked curiously.

"Three." Leon said.

"Oooooook next question," I paused as I caught sight of the merchant standing near the door that seemed to be our immediate path, "Why did they HAVE catapults if they had a cannon? Don t you think they would just invest in those...? Or maybe get an upgrade or two and use more modern equipment?"

"Because they don't have the merchant?" Leon said shrugging.

A brief haggling session ensued, and we were on our way as I cooed over my new handgun. What? It became my newest best friend since we ended up in this shit. A gentle push to the copperish or rusted metal door in front of us revealed a small room, a heavy wooden table sitting in the middle of it. Off to the left hand side sat a stairway, in front of us on the far wall sat something that looked to pretty for words: a silverish sword set a gold plate wall setting. I didn t stop to think for a moment as I ran to it yanking it from the wall with a relish that made Leon twitch.

"What? You gonna look a gift horse in the mouth?" I said, swinging it around a bit and getting the tip stuck in a smallish cupboard not far away.

"Didn't you say you were too tired to cause anymore trouble?" He said, looking at it skeptically.

"You doubt me now, but I'll have you know that I have indulged in many a mock sword fight at the local renaissance fair." I said, tucking it into my belt. A moment passed in which Leon and Ashley tried and failed to find a way to counter my 'flawless' logic, before Leon's radio beeped. He flipped it open and Hunnigan's voice echoed through.

"Leon. Where's your current location?"

"We decided to lay low in a castle, but it looks like it was a bad move."

"Meaning?" Hunnigan said, sounding some what annoyed.

"Well it appears that this castle's also connected to the Los Illuminados." He said shrugging, "They must not get visitors here cuz they're giving me one hell of a welcome."

"Sounds bad. She said, I have an idea Leon. I need you to-" The radio began to crackle and buzz, losing the signal.

"What? Repeat Hunnigan." He slapped it closed with a grimace, "Great. Just my luck."

"That's odd." I said scowling.

"What?"

"There wasn't any preliminary fuzz on your radio-thingy."

"So?"

"So thatss usually what happens when there is interference."

"You saying you think this was an intentional thing?"

"More likely then not." I said before Leon tensed, his hands moving to his shotgun.

My own found my handgun and I nodded to Leon to show him I heard what he had as well. Movement. And not the friendly sounding kind either...

He crept slowly up the stairs, as I moved Ashley behind me. I pointed while snapping my fingers and Battle leaped forward up the stairs, rushing the creeps at the top.

The random noises of movement broke into random noises of violence as Leon hit the top of the stairs, and I backed Ashley and myself into a corner so I could keep an eye out for trouble. Ganado screams ceased after a bit as I heard Leon rustling around upstairs, before the door near us slammed open, a red cloaked ganado leaping for us. I fired, actually hitting him in the head for once, and knocking him back into two black cloaked ganados that ran through the door after him.

I drew the sword, screaming something just short of a battle cry as I leaped at them, catching the red cloaked guy across the neck while barely nicking the black cloaked one on the right. He carried a crossbow, and I took the opportunity to flip the heavy table towards him knocking him to the ground while rounding on the second. I could hear Leon shouting something, before the squelching of splattered brain bits hit me, the shriek of something inhuman had me skittering back, sword up but shaking.

Oh. Hell. No.

A creature flailed out of the area that had been the red cloak's head, and I felt sick as I looked at it. The tentacle guys had NOTHING on this; they at least all seemed to 'fit' in a sort of macabre comical way, these guys though... I just. There were no words for how wrong this was. It was like some sort of centipede, stuck on a human body trying to burst free.

A sort of horrified realization filled me as I thought about the creature (Oh god get it out, get it out NOW! I have to... I HAVE TO GET IT OUT NOW!) that they'd injected me with. Was this what I had to look forward to?

Was I really going to die this way? As some parasites host, waiting for it to burst out and what? Lay its own eggs? Infect someone else like I'd be 'infected'? No. I would end my own life before I gave them the satisfaction; I would die and take as many of these FUCKERS AS I COULD WITH ME!

I leaped at the thing, dull sword slicing through the small wiggly legs that flailed towards me, and halfway through the body before getting stuck. I pulled hard, yanking the sword from the screaming hissing thing in front of me before swinging again with a crazed scream, slicing clean through.

One of the ganado came at me with a mace, and I kicked him in the nuts before slashing at the other idiot. A shotgun blast caught him full force as he stumble within range of the staircase, and Leon came barreling downstairs taking care of the other what was left of the mace wielder. And I stood there breathing hard.

I stood there staring at what I'd done, staring at the melting remains of the creature that I'd killed not just out of self defense, but out of malice and I felt a total disassociation.

I could physically FEEL my mind distancing myself from this.

"Trouble?" I felt my breath hitch as Leon's voice cut through my oddly numb thought process, and I turned around slowly leaning on the sword like some sort of crutch.

"Yeah?" I said, still breathing hard.

"You ok?" I looked at him this time, focusing on him as a person rather then just a part of the background like I had been. And I felt sick. I'd just hacked this thing apart, and I'd LIKED it. No, not just liked it, I LOVED it and that is what scared me.

I dropped the sword like it burnt me, shaking my head while trying to clear it and suddenly I realized something. I'd been injected first. I now realized that I quite definitely had a shelf life, and I was walking around on borrowed time. These two at least would have more time then I would, have more time to do whatever it was we were trying to accomplish.

What were we trying to do really? I mean, it's not like we had a chance once the parasites took hold. We were officially up shit creek without a paddle.

And then a stark pain across my face jolted me back into reality, mirrored by the sound of flesh hitting flesh in return.

"Ow. What was that for?" Leon said, rubbing his face.

"Smacking me, you idiot."

"I had to get you outta la la land somehow."

"Yeah, well, now you know not to HIT me when I'm not paying attention." I rubbed my tingling cheek in turn.

"I can't believe I just watched you, and Leon have a bitch fight." Ashley said somewhat amazed, as we both stared at her.

"Not my fault, he hit me. It's an automatic response I'll have you know." I said.

"How in the hell did THAT become an automatic response?" Leon asked.

"My friends, well my female friends that is, got tired of not knowing when I wasn t paying attention, so they would smack me. I would in turn smack them back, after awhile the body can become accustomed to such stimuli and adapt. Which basically means, they hit me enough times that it's ingrained in my brain."

"You really have a short attention span don t you?" Ashley said scornfully.

"Not my fault if my parents lacked the foresight to get me on A.D.H.D. Meds when they had the chance, particularly since I was the type to really need them." I said turning back towards "Leon, Also as a side note, you hit like a girl."

"I do not; I wasn't using all of my strength." Leon said rolling his eyes.

"A likely story." I said, waving my hand back and forth before skipping up the stairs to the room above. It was much larger then the room below, containing a bed several cabinets and weapons racks to one side was a silverish plaque on the wall much like the one I'd taken the sword from earlier. The one however was sans sword, and as I looked at it I heard the noise of metal on metal followed closely by the appearance of Leon with Ashley. Leon held the sword I'd dropped, blood stained and nicked as it was much like one would hold a towel that one wished to toss because the cat threw up on it or something.

"Turns out your little friend is a key." he said matter of fact, disgusted look on his face.

"Charming." Was all I had to add as I took stock of the condition of my clothing. Still no pants, underwear... No worse then to be expected. Shoes intact and shirt slightly singed at the left shoulder but otherwise intact. I was a mess, and I definitely needed a change of clothing.

He placed the sword on the plaque, and a shuddering filled the air as the silverish-platinum area moved to reveal another door.

Well, onward and forward. I said, grabbing my hand gun and walking forward.

Ending Notes: Yeah, the 'silverish' sword? Is actually called the Platinum sword, likewise the 'Silverish plaque' is the platinum plague. But Trouble wouldn't have known that, she doesn't have the kind of background that would allow her to tell the difference. I actually played around with the idea of Trouble traipsing around with the platinum sword, but nixed it after a bit of logistics. I might give her something else, but as of yet have not decided on it definitely.

Troubles skills with a sword that I spoke of before? Consist mainly of stick fighting with her friends, and whacking at people once at a county Renaissance fair. So don't expect her to go all 'Samurai' or 'Knight of the round table' on anybody, that's not in her character. Going all Friday the 13th on someone however? Yeah, she can do that.