Disclaimer: Characters belong to Fresh Tv. I'm only writing this for fun.

~A/N~ School was being a B... again. Sorry, but school is the top priority right now. Anyways, enjoy the new chapter. :)

Chapter 4: Oh, the Irony!

Sugar and Max left the stage room and were walking down the hallway when the evil genius sighed in despair. Sugar took notice to this and calmly rested her hand on his bare shoulder.

"Don't fret, Max. If you're still glum over losing that footage, we can always do it again. I have a spare camera somewhere."

Max shuddered. "It's not the video I'm upset about. It's being in this dump you call home that's ruining my day. Of course, walruses like you wouldn't understand."

Sugar groaned. "I know you haven't been enjoyin' our special day, but I promise that by dusk, you'll want to come back tomorrow for more sugary goodness."

Max rolled his eyes. "Only when pigs fly."

"Evil pigs?" Sugar asked with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, whatever."

Sugar smiled. "Great, now let's go get us some supper!" She grabbed Max's plump arm and pulled him down the hallway, dragging his entire body along the ground. When the two reached the front door, Sugar dropped his limb and lifted a set of keys off of a rusty nail that was jammed into the wall.

Max raised his head and massaged his carpet-burned cheeks. "Just get on with it!"

Sugar looked over each key at a snail's pace. "Hold your horses. I have to find the right key!"

The mastermind stood up and watched Sugar fiddle with the jingling keys. Then he got an idea. If he remembered which key unlocked the door, he could sneak out and drive away when his captor would be preoccupied with other matters!

"So, uh, what does this key look like?" Max asked innocently, trying to cover his intentions. "Maybe I could find it."

"Tough luck, buddy." Sugar singled out a golden key with a chip in the handle. "Found it!"

Max burned the image of that key into his memory before Sugar slipped it into the keyhole and opened the front door. This was his way out.

Sugar settled the key ring back on the nail and pulled Max outside with her. The sunlight burned Max's eyes, forcing him to shade his face with his hands. He looked around the driveway and saw his car resting a few meters away. He was tempted to run to his vehicle and leave Sugar in a cloud of dust, but then he realized that his keys where still in his suit, which was still inside the house.

"So, where are the fish?" Max asked. "Or are you too dull to know where to go?"

Sugar stretched her arms to the sky, revealing her rolls of arm fat to the evil wannabe. "We're goin' down to the river," she explained. "It's a little bit of a drive, but we'll be there in a jiffy."

"I don't suppose we'll be riding in one of those?" Max pointed to the multitude of rusted trucks that sat on blocks of concrete behind the house.

"Of course not, silly." Sugar giggled and rubbed her knuckles on Max's head. "I got a mule in the shed we can use."

"Evil doesn't ride asses," Max deadpanned. "Try again."

"Not that kind of mule!" Sugar snarled. "It's a car thingy!"

"Oh, I stand corrected," Max said arrogantly.

"Now stay here and don't move!" Sugar pressed her meaty finger against Max's forehead. "Try and escape and your dough's gettin' shredded."

Max rubbed his forehead as Sugar pranced around the corner of the farmhouse. He blew a raspberry and sat down on the rocky ground.

"Just a few hours left," Max said, picking up a small twig and drawing pictures in the dirt. "Just a few more stupid hours."

He looked up at his car and scratched his head in thought. He stood up, casually walked over to the driver's side door, and fiddled with the handle to find out that the car wasn't locked. Max's heart raced with adrenaline as thoughts of driving away from the farm filled his mind with glee. But without his car key, he wasn't going anywhere, and there really wasn't anything in the car that he could make use of.

Suddenly, the roar of an engine echoed across the farm and Max jumped in shock, closing the car door and hurried back to where Sugar had left him.

Within seconds, a black vehicle had rolled around the corner of the house and parked in front of the evil mastermind. It wasn't really a vehicle as much as it was a frame on wheels, like a buggy.

"So, ya' ready?" Sugar asked.

Max snorted ignorantly. "Unless we're taking over the world, not really."

"Get on the mule, Max," Sugar deadpanned.

The genius rolled his eyes and crawled onto the passenger's side of the mule, struggling to raise his short body onto the seat. Sugar grabbed his arm and pulled him up.

"Onward to adventure!" she bellowed, pushing down on the gas pedal and rocketing the mule across the pastures.

Max grabbed onto his seat to avoid being thrown off during the bumpy ride. Each bump in the road sent him crashing into Sugar or leaning out the window.

"This is more fun than cow tippin' durin' the mating season!" Sugar howled in joy, forcing Max to shield his eardrums with his hands.

Sugar tapped her visitor on the shoulder. "Hey, you better hold on! We're going through the muddy stuff!"

"Muddy stuff?!" Max groaned. "Evil doesn't like-"

Suddenly, the vehicle crashed through a massive puddle of thick, black mud, coating Max from head to toe in blotches of muck.

He squirmed and let out a childish whine. Sugar laughed.

"How dare you laugh at my misfortune! Mud is no laughing matter... this is mud, right?!"

"It's what's in the mud you should be worryin' about!"

"Like fecal matter?!" Max gasped in horror. "Not again!"

"That, and parasites!"

Max was thrown into Sugar's flabby sides by another bump.

"But don't worry, little man. That'll wash off when we hit the water!"

"Swimming!? You said we were going fishing!"

Sugar giggled. "Yeah, with our hands!"

"Hands?" Max asked. "Evil demands an explanation!"

Before Max could receive an answer, Sugar slammed the brake and sent Max tumbling out of the mule in a daze.

The scantily dressed pageant queen turned the vehicle off and stepped out, overlooking the riverbank.

"Well?" Max groaned as he stood up. "Explain!"

Sugar turned to Max and smiled. "Well, my family has a little time-honored tradition we practice every year: noodlin' for catfish!"

"And why does evil have to use it's hands for this 'noodling' business?" Max crossed him arms stubbornly.

"When ya' go noodlin,' there ain't a rod or reel in sight. It's all about your hands, strength, and endurance. Well, and holdin' your breath too, if the water's deep."

"That sounds horrible!" Max sneered. "Sure, my gorgeous frame could handle the tasks of which you speak, but my pure, evil mind is too valuable to waste on this!"

Sugar scowled. "Look here. I dragged you outta your borin' life for a day of fun on the farm. Now, you can either participate, or watch your money-"

"Yes, yes, I know. It'll get shredded." Max rolled his eyes. "Your threat is losing it's value the more you use it."

"Exactly! Which is why you're gettin' in that river and wrestlin' some slimeballs!"

Max turned away. "No," he said.

Suddenly, Max felt something lift him off his feet and into the air.

"No, put me down!" he screamed at Sugar. "I will not tolerate this behavior from my future underling!"

"Hold your breath!" Sugar laughed maniacally and tossed a screaming Max into the frigid water.

Max immediately swam to the surface and frantically waved his arms in distress. The cold river was searing his pale skin with it's icy grip.

Sugar leapt in with a bombastic cheer. "Cannonball!" She landed near Max, sending the tubby boy downriver with her massive splash and covering him with a blanket of frigid water.

Max screeched and tried to pull himself onto the riverbank, but his short stature prevented him from reaching the top of the outcropping. Exhausted, he gave up and inhaled deeply, letting himself sink into the water up to his chest.

"Told ya' there was no escape," Sugar chuckled. "You're goin' fishin' and you're gonna like it!"

Max gulped in fear. Sugar reached over and pulled him to her side by his arm. "Ready to have some fun in the sun?"

Max shook his head. "N-n-no," he said through his shivering.

"What's wrong? Is it the cold water?"

Max nodded.

"Don't worry, Max. You'll get used to it... if ya' don't get hypothermia."

Max whimpered. "Hypothermia?"

"Well, I've never gotten it before, but my Uncle Roy got it bad doing this exact thing. He didn't die from it... I think." Sugar happily snuggled up with Max, pressing him against her curves. "But don't worry, little man. I'll keep ya' plenty warm."

"Yeah," Max said sarcastically. "With your bl-blubber!"

"Whatever," Sugar said. "Now let's get to fishin."

Max was dragged through the ripping current along the side of the river as Sugar examined every inch of the rocky wall that ran alongside the stream.

Sugar finally stopped and tapped Max's shoulder. "Here!"

Max looked at the rocks and scoffed. "Re-really? I don't see any f-fish."

"The fish are in the water, silly. Just stick your hands in the holes in rocks and let nature take it's course."

Max frowned. "Evil doesn't stick limbs into ho-holes."

"I said 'Stick your hands into the hole!'" Sugar growled in anger and splashed Max in the face with river water. The genius groaned and splashed violently.

When Max had calmed down, he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine. I'll do it. But if I get eaten, you can see my parents in court." Max swam by Sugar and pressed his body against the rocks

"Do you're parents even know you're here?" Sugar asked slyly.

"No. I told them I was off babysitting for a few hours. I didn't actually think that I'd be sitting a manatee, so I didn't leave directions."

Sugar stroked her chin. "Interesting."

Max fiddled around with the opening in the rocks and gave up after a few seconds. "Nobody's home. What a waste."

Sugar pushed Max out of her way and reached into the underwater cave. "Move aside. Leave this to the per-fessionals."

Max watched as Sugar violently shoved her hands into the hole and dove under the surface. When she breached, Sugar squealed. "There's one in there! He ain't big, but he's a meal. You wanna get him?"

"Uh, no." Max scoffed and crossed him arms. "I'm too gorgeous to die."

"He ain't gonna hurt ya' unless ya' let him." Sugar tried to encourage Max with her calm words. "The worst damage you'll get is some cuts on your fingers."

Max rolled his eyes and reached into the hole again.

"Yeah," Sugar cheered. "You show that fishy who his evil mastermind is!"

"Your flattery will get you nowhere," Max said. "Of course, referring to me as a mastermind does make you more tolerable as a minion and my... Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Max screamed and fell back as something latched onto his hand. A searing pain shot through his palm and he jerked his hand out of the water, bringing a long, slender creature with it. It was a snake.

Sugar gasped and grabbed the fanged serpent, flinging up on land with her bulky arms.

"Dear Lord!" Sugar gasped. "I gotta suck the venom out! Gimme your hand!"

Max screamed. "No! It's fine! It's not poisonous! I know my reptilian minions like the back of me hand, so back off, underling!"

Sugar ignored Max and grabbed him by the arms. Suddenly, Max felt himself fly through the air and land on solid ground. Sugar climbed up after him and straddled his abdomen with her hefty thighs.

"No! Get off of your master, you foul beast! I will not stand for this!"

Sugar grabbed Max's hand and shoved into her mouth. Max groaned in disgust as she began to suck on it like a piece of candy. He tried to yank his hand away, but Sugar's jaws were a tight as a steel trap.

"I command you to release me! Evil has it's bubble!"

Sugar released Max's hand and smiled. "There. I got it!" She spat on the grass and stood up.

Max looked at his hand to see it covered in thick saliva. "Ugh!"

"Well?" Sugar asked. "Aren't ya' gonna thank me?"

"You almost killed me!" Max pointed his saliva-coated fingers at Sugar. "This is your fault."

"You're the one who got bitten!"

"You made me get bitten!"

"Well you, uh, you..."

"Hmm, no words?" Max taunted Sugar. "Looks like evil wins again, you, uh, dumb person!"

Sugar scowled. "Just get in the mule."

Max scratched his head in confusion. "I thought we were going to catch dinner."

"Just get in the darn mule, little man!"

Max smiled and brought himself to his feet. "Okay then." He hopped into the vehicle as Sugar joined him in the driver's seat. She started the engine and slammed her foot on the gas pedal.

"So?" Max asked enthusiastically. "Are we done yet?"

Sugar kept her eyes locked on the dirt road.

"Well?"

The vehicle sped up and Max fell back. "Hey, slow down a bit!"

The mule accelerated even faster and Max was tossed around the inside of the mule, bumping his head on the seats and frame.

"Uh, could you please slow down! Evil doesn't like high-speed rides!"

Sugar shot Max a frown and increased the speed even more. Max felt his insides rise into his throat as he was stricken with a sense of intense fear. For the first time in his trip, he was scared for his life.

~A/N~ Yep, this could get ugly. I've planned this story to go for about ten chapters, but I may write more. It all depends on how far I want this plot to go and how much reception I get. I'm having a blast by writing this, so I hope I don't go too far with my ideas. Until next time, leave a review if you have any thoughts or just love (or hate) where this is going.