Disclaimer: All characters belong to Fresh Tv. I'm only writing this for fun.

~A/N~ Hooray for quick updates! Anyways, this is my favorite chapter yet, and you'll understand why after you read it. The comedy is somewhat lacking, but not the plot. I'm just gonna say that this is where things get real.

Chapter 5: I Kinda Saw That Coming...

The mule roared as Sugar smashed the brake with her petite foot. Max felt himself shaking to his core and tried to crawl out of the vehicle.

Sugar grabbed his wrist. "No. I want to talk, and you're gonna hear it."

Max took his seat and listened to Sugar while leaning towards the exit.

"I don't understand," she sighed. "I've done everything in my power to make your six hours on the farm the best day of your life. I played games with you, I took you fishin', and I was about to cook a good ol' country-style meal for supper. But you ruined everything!" A tear rolled down her cheek, staining her skin with running mascara. "You broke my camera, you insulted me, and then you hate on me for saving your life! I just don't know what's wrong with you! You're just so... evil!"

"Why, thank you," Max said, smiling at Sugar.

"That wasn't a compliment!" Sugar screeched as tears filled her eyes. "You don't get it!"

"Evil? Oh, I know evil like the back of my hand."

"Not that, you moron! It's me you don't understand!"

Max stroked his chin in curiosity. "Hmm, tell me more," he hummed.

Sugar glared at Max. "I've been lonely forever, and I never had any true friends."

"Quite understandable," Max said. Sugar shot her elbow into his side, causing him to yelp.

"Shut up and stop being so rude for just five minutes! Look, I've never had any friends, I've never been on a date, and I've never left this farm unless it's for a pageant! You're just like everyone else who comes here: arrogant and stew-pid! I gave you more than a chance, but you just kept pushin' like you were the boss of me! All I ever wanted was a friend to play with and a boy to love. Was that so bad?"

Max paused and pondered his possible answers.

"Well? Was it?"

"No," Max sighed. "The truth is... I'm a loser too. Well, not as big of one as you, literally, but still a loser. I have no friends, but I don't care. Who needs friends when you have minions who will do whatever you demand and more? Though I have no friends today, my plans of world domination are all I need. Just follow my advice and don't worry about friends. They'll just betray you down the road when you become all-powerful. See what I mean?"

Sugar wiped her cheek, staining her hand with black mascara. She sniffled. "I guess your right."

"Of course I'm right. Now, I despise the image of crying women, so how about we head inside. You can cook me that dinner if you want. I'll try not to complain too much, as long as you stop being gross and annoying."

Sugar smiled. "Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you!" She grabbed Max and gave the boy genius a tight hug, nearly suffocating him in the process.

Sugar released Max and jumped out of the vehicle. "Let's go. I'll have everything ready for dinner in a jiffy!"

"And my money too, right?"

"Yeah, that too!"

Sugar grabbed Max and carried him into the house without hesitation.

As Sugar shuffled her feet around the kitchen, Max had some time to retrieve his clothes and lay back on the couch. The television wasn't getting a good signal, so Max decided to do more exploring in the living room.

He turned over each and every book, looking to find something that would keep him occupied until dinner was ready. Max flipped through the degraded pages of an old cook book and picked up another large book. Under the book was a slick, polished stick of about a foot in length. The thin piece of wood was bent in a few places, giving it the look of a lightning bolt. Max casually tossed it aside and went back to searching through the piles of books.

Meanwhile, Sugar was stirring a massive pot of stew with one hand, and scratching her rear end with the other. A fly buzzed around her head and she flicked it away. She heard a shuffling sound coming from the living room. "Max, you okay in there?"

"No. I'm bored. You wouldn't happen to own anything interesting, would you?"

"You could go to sleep," Sugar called back. "I promise I won't draw anything lewd on your face."

Max walked into the kitchen. "Evil doesn't sleep on the job. Are you sure there aren't any machines around here that I could rig into atom bombs? This place is pretty much a scrap heap."

Sugar glared at Max. "I thought you agreed to stop mouthin' off."

"Oh," Max rolled his eyes. "Excuse me for my remarks."

"You should probably just wait in the den until dinner. It's better for my sanity and yours."

Max nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he said politely as he walked out of the kitchen.

Max looked at the front door as he strolled by the hallway. If Sugar wasn't standing right next to the hall, he could make a break for it and escape, and Sugar wasn't even close at the moment. But something had changed inside Max. He couldn't explain it, but he felt... remorseful. It was a strange feeling, but Max had never felt this way before. He didn't know why he was doing this, but he decided to drop his escape plan, even though it was entirely likely that he would succeed. He sighed and sat down at the couch. There was only an hour left in his shift.

Sugar poured a serving of stew into two bowls and placed them on the table. Max grabbed his bowl and pulled it closer, examining the dish with a careful eye.

"It ain't poisonous," Sugar deadpanned. "You can stop your worryin' and just enjoy the meal, you know."

Max nodded, picked up a spoon, and gathered a bit of stew. Pieces of vegetables and roasted beef composed the heart of the stew, but Max took a sip of the broth instead.

"Good?" Sugar asked him.

"Delicious," he gasped. "How are you so good?"

"Well, I-"

"Not you, the stew!" Max swallowed another mouthful.

"Oh," Sugar rolled her eyes.

"No offense to the chef, of course. This stew is one of a kind. You're clearly skilled in the culinary arts."

"Aww," Sugar cooed, blushing. "Thanks, little man. I've never cooked for anyone but my momma before, but I know my way around a kitchen.

Both teens were eating when Max asked a question. "So, when can I have my money?"

"After dinner."

"But, I'm almost done."

"What did I just say?!"

"After dinner," Max sighed.

The sun was setting as Max and Sugar finished off their dessert: a blackberry cobbler. Max was overjoyed when the clock struck six, but felt bad for having to leave Sugar alone. He certainly wasn't interested in returning, though he was open to a phone call every now and then.

"So," Max teased. "I guess it's time to go, huh?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Alrighty then, where's my money?"

"Well... I was thinkin' about that and thought that maybe you could... stay the night. I'd pay ya' double."

Max crossed his arms. "Sorry, but evil has a curfew that musn't be broken. I know it hurts, but I need my money now or I'll get grounded."

"Are ya' sure? We could go cow tippin' in the fields, firefly catchin' in the meadow, and then we could come inside and sleep all night long."

"That sounds... riveting. But I just can't stay any longer. I'm sorry, but I need my money. You promised a large sum, if I remember correctly."

Sugar stood up and eased her way in front of the hallway entrance. "Oh, come on. Please. I won't be a bother. I swear."

"I know. Just give me my money already. You swore, and evil hates liars."

"No," Sugar exclaimed.

"Uh, yes!" Max shouted in return.

"You ain't goin' nowhere! You're the first boy who ever liked me by the end of the day, and I ain't lettin' this go to waste." Sugar blocked off the exit with her hulking frame as Max rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Look," he said. "I have a bedtime, and I want my money, so move before I whip out my death ray and blast you to bits!"

Sugar remained silent, glaring at Max with burning intensity.

"Well?"

"I lied."

"What?" Max asked in confusion.

"There ain't no cash. Not a penny."

Max's eyes widened in realization. He had been duped, big time. Suddenly, he grabbed the China bowl off of the table and flung it at Sugar, hitting her in the face and shattering the bowl to bits. Sugar fell down and Max ran down the hallway, screaming his head off. He reached for the key chain and grabbed the key for the front door. He looked back to see Sugar rubbing her sore forehead, still lying on the floor.

Max jammed the key into the hole and opened the door. He ran down the driveway towards his car, pulling his own set of keys out of his pocket.

Sugar roared in anger and burst out of the house, charging at Max with the desire to kill. Max opened the car door and closed himself inside. He started the engine as Sugar slammed her body into the side of the car. The driver's side window cracked and Sugar smiled nefariously, pushing her arm into the quickly breaking glass.

Max smashed the gas pedal, sending his car forward and crashing into a wooden fence. He quickly switched into reverse and shot backwards, hitting Sugar as she charged the car. Max turned away and started driving down the driveway, but Sugar leapt onto the hood of the car, hanging onto the vehicle with rage filled strength.

Using his quick thinking, Max spun the car around, sending his attacker flying into the ditch alongside the gravel road.

Max leaned out the broken window and taunted Sugar. "See you never, insolent fool. You are no match the evil that-"

A rock flew over Max's head, causing him to yelp and retreat into his vehicle, speeding away as fast as possible.

When Max got a hold on is nerves, he slowed down and looked into his rearview mirror. Nothing was there. He took a deep breath and laughed. "So much for her special day. Just goes to show that evil always prevails when-"

Suddenly, the sound of a car horn echoed throughout the darkness. Max looked back to see a pair of headlights speeding towards him. He let out a feminine scream and pressed his foot against the gas pedal, easing his speed above the speed limit.

Max felt his car shake as the vehicle smashed into the back of it, and Max fell forward. He tried swerving off of the road, but the headlights followed his path.

Then Max saw the lights of the highway. Hope filled his heart as he raced against his attacker to reach the safety of the public road. He looked into the mirror to see that the headlights had stopped completely. He laughed with arrogance and was about to make a snide remark about his evil prowess until he felt the car crash to a stop. The airbag inflated, smashing his face and nearly knocking him out cold. His vision became blurry as he tried to unbuckle his seatbelt, but his arms turned to pudding as he slipped into unconsciousness. The last thing he felt was a warm touch on his arm and the hot concrete on his back.

~A/N~ Remember how I said that things were gonna get weird, well this is only the beginning. We've reached the halfway point, so you can probably guess that things can't get better for poor Max. And just a warning, what lies ahead my disturb you with its bizarre-ness. Until next time, review, fav, follow, or whatever. :)