Chapter 25: Reconciliation and Whatever This Is
"Look outside and you'll know." Following directions, she did what was asked of her. Roosevelt Park… A tear fell from her eye. Quickly she wiped it away. He didn't need to see that. She didn't want him to see that. It was important that, even if she wasn't, she appeared strong. Looking around and seeing everything just made her think about the last time they were in a park together; the actual park not the parking lot to a park. She ended up in the hospital. That wouldn't happen again. Instead of saying anything, she just continued to look around and wonder why exactly they were there before turning to Puck with a questioning expression. "Let's go." That was all he said as he walked out of the car, grabbed a bag from the trunk, and brushed by her. He was a little rude, but she chalked it up to the Puckerman charm and let it slide. She was in enough of a mood. Adding to it would only make things worse.
Obediently, she followed, and the two stayed in silence. He wasn't going to say anything until she did. Following the same gray stones that once gave her comfort, all she felt then was nervous. What was going on? How did he know about this place? A self proclaimed "badass" would have no idea what, or where, a botanical garden was. Beyond the fountain and through the azaleas they went until they reached the pond and set up in the gazebo. Surely no one knew about its importance to her; not the overall place or the gazebo.
"I made us some lunch." He said as he interrupted her thoughts and rolled out a blanket on the cool ground. Setting up a few containers of food and some drinks, he kept talking. All Rachel did was stare. She had no idea what was going on. "Alright, you don't have to stare. I didn't make any o it. I had ma make some junk. When I told her it was for you she started talking about marriage and calling the rabbi and Jewish grandchildren. I told her it wasn't like that, but as an apology…" The word was so quiet he wasn't sure she heard, but she did and she immediately started to pay attention again. "She was disappointed, but she told me I better make things right. Whatever I did, 'cuz of course I was the one to mess up, that I better make it right or she'd kick my ass." He was rambling. He was setting up a picnic and rambling. If Rachel wasn't so stunned, she would've said something; anything. She would've commented on his language or asked him something, but she just stayed there. He was hoping for a comment about his foul language. At least then he'd know she was listening. Was she? "You look cold. Here." When did he move right beside her? There was no time to react as he draped a blanket over her shoulders and wrapped it around her. Why was he doing this? "That's better. Come sit… Please?" He begged, but she didn't even budge. All he was trying to do was be nice and apologize, and he was ruining it. First it was the fight or argument or spat or whatever that thing it the car was and then it was just her unwillingness to cooperate.
Was Puck actually being… sweet? He took her some place special to her, a place, she thought, no one else knew about. But yet, he did; he knew. She didn't know how, but he knew. And, for some reason, that made her happy, like maybe she wasn't so alone in the world. "Why are we here?" She finally spoke, asking in a way that was both sad and snotty. It was the last memory she held with her fathers. It was where she said her last goodbyes and made whatever peace she could with them. If he was going to ruin it, ruin the special place the park held in her heart, she wanted no further part in his plan; she didn't even want to be a part of it at all.
What he said surprised her. "When we were kids at temple you once told a story about this place being your favorite memory or whatever. Something about a picnic and gardens. I don't know, but I remember you loved this place…" She seemed shocked. That was a good thing, he thought. "And I know I've been a real ass lately, but I…" He was at a loss for words. Saying what he wanted was harder than he thought, and once he said what needed to be said, it was out there. He couldn't just say he didn't really mean it. There was no going back, but he was going to do it anyway. Now or never… "I… I care about you Rachel… As a friend or whatever. And I know you care about me too." As much as she hated even thinking it, never mind articulating and admitting it, he was right. She cared about him too, as a friend or whatever.
"What's your point Puck?" She asked as she finally took a seat. He was relieved that she was getting comfortable with him. If she stood there the whole time just staring down at him as he set up the picnic, well, the badass in him would've turned into the manliness of one of the dweebs he threw into the dumpster the other day. And that wasn't him. He needed to keep up the rebel routine just as bad as she needed to keep up the conceited bitch thing she had going on. But they were both more than what they were labeled. They were Rachel and Puck, broken and hurting in their own ways. One lost a father by distance. The other lost the only parents she ever knew in tragedy. No matter what the cause, they were both experiencing their own hurt. Rachel's was just a little deeper and darker than his. His was an appearance and a phase. Hers was a continuous downward spiral as the plane she was piloting nosedived toward earth.
"Please stop calling me Puck." He really hated it from her. He was always Noah. Since they were kids it had been Noah. She couldn't just stop calling him that.
"What is all this? What is it really?" She had her doubts. She knew he mentioned an apology, but he had yet to do any apologizing.
"It's an apology." She was still waiting for the actual words.
"Some apology Puck." She emphasized his name.
"Don't be like that." He gave her pleading eyes. She was all for the dramatic gestures, so why was she rejecting his? "At least eat your food." He held out a container for her. "It's vegan and crap, Ma made it just for you." Guilt tripping always did the trick.
"Thanks." While she accepted the gesture, nothing was solved. They just sat there for a while, no talking. Puck just shoveled his food into his mouth while Rachel used the plastic fork to play with hers, and both just randomly looked over to the other searching for some answer to a question they never asked. Rachel wanted to understand just why he was apologizing. It wasn't like him and she didn't feel important enough for him to actually try going all out. And he wanted to know why she was so different. He wanted to know why he cared the way he did. And he wanted to know if she knew that he cared.
"I'm sorry." He broke the quiet. That was what she was waiting for, and she finally got it. He figured he wouldn't make her wait much longer. They wasted a lot of time. The drive only got so much out in the open. They were sitting there for almost an hour and nothing. He needed to start. "For everything, I'm sorry." The words brought a faint and, unrecognizably, genuine smile to her face. He wouldn't see it. She wouldn't let him because that would be giving in. But it was there.
It was another half hour before anything else was said. Once again, they were back to the occasional glance and waiting for the other to start. But she didn't know what to do or say. He was losing any hope of his plan actually working, but then she spoke. The whole time she was silent she just let the thoughts simmer into a boil. Everything was swirling around and she couldn't make sense of it. So she said the first coherent thought that came to her. "God I hate you Noah." She was calling him Noah again. He took that as a good sign. The hate part he didn't like so much, but by the way she said it, he knew she didn't mean it to be serious.
"Why?"
"One minute you're the biggest jerk face…"
"Jerk face?" He questioned laughingly.
Rolling her eyes, she just ignored his comment. "One minute you're the biggest jerk face, and then you go and do something sweet or you say something that makes me melt. I hate it, but I like it. So I hate you and everything, but I like you too." They were being honest with each other. It was something they never really had before; a much needed, open and honest conversation about feelings and whatnot.
After cleaning up and walking around for a while. They finally got to talking. Everything was out in the open; everything meaning their misunderstandings and miscommunication. They still had their issues, but they were making do. He apologized again. This time he apologized for everything separately; the slushies, the jokes, and the name calling… There was a list of things he should have apologized for a long time ago. And she needed to hear it just as much as he needed to say it.
Rachel, however, wasn't saying much. She was so wrapped up in Puck. What had gotten into him? What caused this sudden change? Why was he being nice? She didn't want to feel it, but a part of her felt like it was a ploy. He wanted to make her feel good just to sleep with her again and drop her for Quinn once he got what he wanted. He had his cake and he wanted to eat it too. She just didn't know if she was the whole cake or the chewed up bits and pieces that were dissolving in the metaphorical stomach.
"I'm sorry for Quinn too. I didn't sleep with her though. I know you think I did, but I didn't." Relief; she felt relieved. "I haven't slept with anyone while we were… you know." He made a hand gesture to make his point.
"Ok…" She was happy about that, but she didn't know what to make of it. He wasn't a monogamous kind of guy. Was it real? What was it? Why was he saying it? "I'm sorry too, but why are you doing this Noah?"
He hesitated for a moment deciding whether he wanted to answer honestly or not. "I've been thinking about what you said that day at school."
"I said a lot that day." That day didn't need to be clarified. She used to talk a lot, and she still tried to, if for nothing else but a show, but that day was a blow up between the two. No other reference was needed.
"I know, but it all got to me, and then you started calling me Puck. You never call me Puck. I don't like when you call me Puck."
"Everyone calls you Puck." She knew that bothered him, that was the purpose of doing it and because he was acting like the ass he claimed to be, but she had to play it off like it was nothing.
"But you don't. You've always called me Noah; ever since we were kids. The only time you didn't was when I made you call me Puck. And even then, it was a fight."
"You weren't being Noah. You were being Puck."
"I got it. I was a dick."
"You were worse than that. You were just… not Noah." She didn't know how else to word it. With a more level head, she didn't know how to say it and not sound crass. She didn't want to sound like him.
"You asked me what happened to the guy who apologized and brought you your favorite slushie. And I want to be that guy. I am being that guy now."
"I want you to be that guy too."
"And I'm going to be Noah."
"Good for you Noah, but how does that involve me? Why go through all this?"
"You tell anyone I'm saying this and I'll deny it, but I liked what we had going. We slept with each other when we needed it. And I want that again."
"So this is all about sex?" Her fears were realized. She started moving away. She needed to leave. Even if she had to walk, she needed to get out of there.
"No." He grabbed her hand to keep her from bolting. "We need rules, but I want us to be real friends too. But I am a sex shark so that part's implied." Rachel didn't know whether to be disgusted and disturbed or happy that she was getting two things she wanted and missed. For the moment, her fears were quelled.
"Rules? What kind of rules?"
Without really answering he said, "I know you've been going through some stuff, but you have friends. You can't shut me out. I'm here for you."
"Those are the rules?" They didn't should like rules. It sounded like fact. She was going through some stuff and she was shutting people out.
"The rules are simple. We just have to be there for each other, really be there for sex or talking or anything else."
"Ok." She wanted that. She really did; the sex and the friend. Sex was a good distraction and a friend was… a friend. Kurt was her friend and, while she was pushing him away, he was there for her, but he had a new boyfriend. She wanted him to be happy and that meant him staying away from her poison. Noah was the only one that didn't seem affected by her venom.
"Ok?"
"Ok."
"Good." They were by the car then and he pushed her up against the door and leaned in until his lips were practically touching hers. Then he went in for the kill, enveloping her in his embrace and pressing a hard and passionate kiss on her mouth.
"I need you." She whispered as they stopped for air, her eyes boring into his with the most penetrating gaze.
"I know. I need you too."
"Not just like that." She said, not really pushing him away, but not giving it her all either.
"I know, and I'm here. Whatever you need."
He was there, but was he? "You didn't just apologize so you could sleep with me again, did you?"
"No, but I do want to sleep with you."
At least he was honest about it. "We're not doing this in a car in a park where people are around."
"Come on." He pleaded as he started kissing down her neck and collar bone. "It wouldn't be the first time in a car."
"Noah… Oh." She whined as he kissed a sweet spot on her neck. It was a little soon. They just made up and she wasn't entirely sure that his words were genuine. No one was genuine with her. But she wanted to give in.
"Please, I need you." She needed him too. For some crazy reason, they just worked together. They knew how to make each other feel better. And she wanted to feel better.
Looking around, she couldn't see anyone else. "You can't be with any other girls." She stated as she got up on her toes to kiss him again.
"What?"
"If we're going to do this, you can't sleep with any other girls." If he did, he'd lie about it. He cared about her and wanted to hit that, but he didn't know if he could only be with one chick. He'd deal with that later. Right then, all he wanted was her.
"Then you can't be with any other guys." He insisted.
"I never have been." He took that as the yes he was hoping for. Holding on to her, not releasing her from their kiss, he dragged her toward the trunk where he threw the bag in and then lifted her to carry her into the back seat. Thankfully, it was spacious, so they weren't too cramped as he laid her down and hovered over her.
"So this is a yes?" He asked in between kisses. People could say whatever about him, but he'd never pressure a girl.
"Mmmhmm." As he continued to assault her mouth with his own, he inched his hand down her pants. "Careful." She said. "Got cut up in a fall during dance." She had to cover her tracks. If there was a way they could do that without him seeing or feeling any cut on her body… Well, then they wouldn't be doing it right.
"I'm always gentle." He assured her and slowly slid her pants off her body before undoing his own. He never saw the cuts, never taking the time to look, and their bodies were cloaked with a blanket. Rachel was careful. She stayed focused on keeping her injuries secret, hidden away from his eyes. It actually wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. With a long sleeved button down, she was covered. If he unbuttoned a few off the top, he had all the access he needed to her chest and all else was concealed.
She had to guide him a little to keep him from slipping a hand under her shirt and to keep the sleeves from riding up, but it was worth it. With all the touches and kisses, the caressing and embraces, they got the high they were both looking for; the endorphin rush of being together, just the two of them in the most intimate way. It was what they needed then. Rachel wasn't a fool. She wouldn't buy into his act completely, but she'd forgiven him. Never forget, but she'd forgive. And as he thrust into her, she really didn't care about later. It was just about then. Like most of what she did, it was a temporary fix.
He loved the sound of her voice as she called his name during her release and the way she made him feel like a good guy instead of the screw up. She loved that the way he looked at her and the way he touched her made her feel the beautiful she wasn't. They were gentle with each other, giving exactly what the other needed. And when it was over and they caught their breath as they cuddled, for the brief moments before the high wore off, they felt untouchable. They felt like the perfect people they pretended to be and all was ok.
As they redressed themselves, Puck turned to Rachel. "We should really get going. It's a long drive and we have a stop to make."It wasn't the ideal post coital activity, but if they didn't leave, Shelby would serve him on a silver platter.
"The library?" She joked.
"No. Believe it or not, I did my research already." He wanted to impress her. It was the finishing touch on the plan. If all else failed, at least he'd only have to deal with her when they put the final product together.
"I guess I'll believe it when I see it." She was a little skeptical. Puck and slacking were like bees and honey. Puck and actual work was a new concept.
"Good. We'll leave now, stop for dinner, and I'll show you after we have a little fun at my house."
"No one's home?" She really hoped not. It would give them a chance to be together again before she returned to prison and it would give her the opportunity to clean up so she didn't smell like sex when he dropped her off.
"Nah, ma's at work and my sis is at a friend's house until ma picks her up."
"Ok. Great." The dinner part she wasn't happy about, but she'd look beyond that. "Let's go." Both hopped out of the back and into the front and headed out. Noah was surprisingly affectionate with her. She knew once they went out in public view it wouldn't stay that way, but, in the privacy of the car, he held her hand as he drove and was just sweet with her. As weird and unfamiliar as it was, she was eating it up. She enjoyed it. She felt like a real girl, not the freak she was.
They went to a diner right outside of Lima where Noah made a point of saying, "You really do need to eat more. You're getting too thin." He had to question whether their, Santana's and his, suspicions about her issues were worse than he thought. He though she was over it like a phase she outgrew, but maybe they were wrong. Santana wasn't wrong. She never doubted there was a problem, but he did. He still doubted it. He was a guy, what did he know? He'd try to keep an eye on her; try, but he didn't really know what to look for. But having his hands all over her body, exploring her wonderland, he realized what little there was to explore. That couldn't be healthy. But she danced a lot. Weren't they supposed to be all small?
After a meal, that Rachel ate, but not a lot of it, they were back in the car and on their way home. Like discussed, they stopped at his house for a little more alone time and to prove he wasn't lying about doing the work before he dropped her off right on time. Any later and he would've been kept from Beth and served his manhood on for dinner. He wouldn't put that passed Shelby. She was the scarier, more amped up version of Rachel. She was capable of anything. The rest of the night was relatively quiet and simple. Rachel did her thing, Shelby did her thing; everybody just did their own thing.
As the days went by and turned into weeks, Shelby kept acting off. Ever since that original phone call, something changed. Rachel thought she was the one with all the secrets, but apparently, keeping things to herself was something else she inherited from her mother. Genetics was always a mysterious thing. Rachel really didn't give it much thought though. As strict as Shelby was, and as tight a leash as she kept, the rare moments of distraction were her reprieve and she was going to work it to her advantage. With Shelby distracted, that left Rachel with free reign. Well, not free reign, but a little leniency. She got away with a lot more as Shelby did whatever she did. In all honesty, Shelby was avoiding Rachel. She had a surprise for her daughter that she knew, probably, wouldn't be well received. That was why she let Noah take her out of the house that day. She was trying to cancel that surprise with no luck. But she put it off as long as she could and she couldn't do it any longer. They just wouldn't take no for an answer. The surprise was coming whether anyone wanted it or not.
Other than that, though, things were going fine. Aside from her super secret, very personal ritual routine, Rachel seemed to be on her best behavior. She and Puck were on better terms and they got an A on their project. The glee club numbers were really coming together, and it seemed like they had a real shot at taking first. And they wanted it. Vocal Adrenaline already won their spot at Nationals and they wanted theirs too. They had costume fittings, where Rachel made sure she got anyone but Shelby to do the measurements. She didn't want another weight conversation, because she wasn't gaining any and Shelby already noticed and reminded Rachel every chance she got. Puck and Kurt mentioned it a few times too, but she paid no mind. What did they know? And don't even get her started on Santana. That girl was riding Rachel whenever, with whatever, she could. And Quinn; Quinn was the opposite. While there were rare moments of concern like when Rachel almost fell off the stage because of a dizzy spell and the only one there was Quinn. She seemed to actually care. And if Rachel didn't know better, she'd actually believe it. But she quickly returned to being the bitch and telling Rachel she was the whale she knew she was.
Monday, a little less than a week before completion, Rachel overheard a weird conversation; well Shelby's side of it. It was one of many similarly coded calls. "When are you coming?" It started and already Rachel was interested in eavesdropping. "So the day of? And they're coming a few days before you." What was she talking about? "A week, yeah… I can't wait to see you again either…. No she doesn't know… I don't know. Probably not well. We'll see…. Ok, see you soon." Rachel was confused. Who was she talking to and who was she talking about? Who was she going to see soon? Rachel wanted to know and was about to do some investigating when Shelby caught her and sidetracked her. She forgot all about it until it reared its ugly head again when she least expected it.
Wednesday, four days before Regionals, the secret Shelby had been keeping finally came out. And she was right. Rachel would not be happy. Shelby stayed home from work that day telling Rachel she had some sort of nonexistent thing to go to as an excuse. That should've been Rachel's first clue that something was up. But she didn't put the pieces together. She had her own problems to worry about and adding Shelby's eccentricities to the list wouldn't do her any good.
Shelby was home waiting patiently. They would be there any time and she didn't tell Rachel. She planned on it, tried a few times, but never went through with it. Somehow, they would always veer off topic or she'd have to yell at Rachel for some reason or Beth would cry or Rachel would refuse to eat. There was always something. But, the point was, she still hadn't told her and that would be a regret she'd deal with later. In the meantime, she was anxiously pacing her living room, a curious Beth watching her like she was crazy. And once the doorbell rang; it was time to face the music.
"Maggie, Pete, please come in." Shelby teased.
"Shelby dear, you know we hate when you call us that."
"I know, that's why I do it. What kind of daughter would I be if I didn't try to annoy you a little?" Since their visit around Christmas, the relationship between the Corcorans greatly improved. They had Rachel to thank for that; although, they didn't know that their reconnection was based on a guilt trip Rachel planned to get some alone time away from Shelby. While Rachel had yet to meet them, talking to her parents about her teenage daughter really helped bond them. And since Christmas, they talked about twice a week, sometimes more. Their whole family talked more.
"You'd be our favorite." Pete joked.
"You mean I'm not?" She asked in false hurt.
"Of course you are baby. You and your sister are our favorite children." Her father clarified as he hugged her and placed a paternal kiss on her cheek. Shelby resisted the urge to say he only had two children and just went to hug her mother instead. "How have you been baby doll?"
"I've been good. How was the trip?"
"Long." Her mother started. "You know you're father. He likes to speed and never stop. We almost crashed."
"And you know you're mother. She insists on stopping at every rest station and she likes to annoy everyone by changing the radio station every two seconds. And we didn't almost crash. Some jack ass…" Seeing Beth and receiving stares from the women, he backtracked. "Some imbecile tried to cut us off. That wasn't my fault." The bickering was part of their charm. They loved each other and that was their way of showing it.
Shelby moved them into the living room and offered them coffee. She didn't know why she was drinking it. She was jittery enough as it was, but she did. "She has gotten so big Shelby." Maggie said in reference to Beth. "We don't see you for two months and you have growth spurt. Don't ya?"
"Soon she'll be just as bossy and loud as her mother was at that age." Pete joked and shared a smile with his daughter.
They took some time to catch up, play with Beth a little, and talk about plans before the conversation steered toward Rachel. Shelby was waiting for her to come up and was actually surprised it took so long. But one minute she left to get a snack for Beth and when she returned, her parents were looking at the pictures scattered around the room.
"She's beautiful." Maggie whispered to her husband. Shelby continued to move closer as she eavesdropped. "Don't you think?"
"She is. And she looks so much like both our girls." Her parents were always great at the continuous back and forth banter.
"She's the spitting image of Shelby. And from what Shelby told us, she's just like her too."
"Rashell." Beth interrupted their moment as she pointed to the school picture they were staring.
"Yeah Beth. That's your big sister."
"Rashell play!" Her excitement delighted the grandparents.
"She can't right now Bethie. She's at school learning like you'll be soon."
"Don't rush it mom." Shelby chimed in.
"We didn't even hear you come back."
"When does she get home?" Her parents asked. They would've had Shelby keep her home from school if they could've.
"We have a couple hours before she gets here. I told her to get one of her friends to give her a ride after glee or call if she couldn't find one."
"Is she excited to have all her family at her competition?" Not exactly.
"I'm sure she'll be thrilled." She lied. Everyone wasn't even there yet and she knew Rachel wouldn't be the least bit excited. But she could've been wrong. Rachel could've surprised her. She really hoped that was the case.
"We can't wait to meet her. I'm sure the pictures we have seen don't even begin to do her justice." Maggie rambled unaware of her daughter's discomfort. Pete, however, picked up on it. He sensed something wrong, and he had a good idea of what it was.
"You did tell her, didn't you?" His voice was almost hopeful, like he was pleading with her to say she did. They didn't want to bombard their granddaughter or make her feel uncomfortable. And that was what would happen if Shelby was just waiting to drop the bomb.
"No." She meekly confessed.
"Shelby…" He scolded as the name was drawn out.
"It's ok hon. She's going to love us. She is our grandchild." He wasn't so sure about that… From what he knew, Rachel was reluctant to accept Shelby. How would she take to them? But he hoped his wife was right. He hoped things would work out for the best. They were about to find out.
Rachel was going to walk home. That was her plan. Without Shelby there to hound her, she had the opportunity for a little extra exercise and some alone time. Shelby's weirdness was getting to her. And the punishment that seemed to never be ending made her feel like a caged animal at the zoo. The world went on around her but she was trapped with only her handler to force her to do things she didn't want to do. And Shelby was the strictest of them all. Eat this. Eat more. Don't do that. Don't do this. She just wanted some space. So she was going to walk. Or, that was the plan until Santana cornered her.
"Get in the car." Santana demanded. At first Rachel just kept walking pretending that she didn't hear her. But then Santana sped up and swerved in front of Rachel before coming to a sharp stop.
"Are you crazy?" Rachel yelled. "You could've killed me!"
"Just get in. We need to talk."
"And if I don't? What? You'll try to kill me again?"
"I might. Do you want to chance it?" Unfortunately, she didn't. Huffing and resisting every urge to just sprint away, Rachel got into the car. "Good. Now we can go."
"Yeah, great…" Rachel responded under her breath. They didn't speak as Santana took off. It wasn't until they were close to Shelby's before Santana said what she needed to say.
"Listen Munchkin…"
"You know, some people use that as a term of endearment."
"Listen munchkin," she emphasized the word just to annoy Rachel, "we need to talk." Here it goes…
"What's this about Santana? On a normal day, you can't stand me. And now you're trying to get into my business, lecturing me, stalking me…"
"Hell no I'm not stalking you."
"Then what is this? You're everywhere." And every time she sees the Latina, she's worried about possible bodily harm, a string of insults, the likelihood of a shulshie facial, and whether or not that would be the moment her secrets were discovered.
"We already had this talk, but now we're having it again."
"What talk?"
"We need to win Regionals so we can kick Vocal Adrenaline's robotic ass at Nationals this year, and, unfortunately, we need you to do that. And we best be winning."
"Great, because I am going to be there."
"But are you? What's going to happen to your voice if you keep doing what you're doing?" What? The utterance of that single question was sending Rachel into a full blown panic. "Right now, you are in no way ready to go up there and perform. What's going to happen if you pass out on stage?"
"I never passed out Santana!" That was the only thing she could say. She needed to defend herself.
"Yes you did, and I know why." She was done playing it on the down low. Rachel was right, she had been watching, and that was how she knew her last plan failed. Rachel's problems were far from solved. She was the incredible shrinking girl. But how much more could she shrink before the damage was irreversible? She couldn't help it, she cared.
"You don't know anything. I was diagnosed with anemia. That causes fainting spells." She tried to cover herself.
"I thought you didn't pass out."
"I didn't."
"Rachel this is serious."
"I'm fine. Everything's fine. My voice is great and we're going to win…" She would've kept going spouting more gospel they knew to be false, but as they pulled into the driveway Santana practically screamed at her.
"I don't want you to die!" Neither knew where the outburst came from. Rachel honestly didn't think anyone would care if she died, and hearing that come from her of all people was pretty unbelievable. Santana even stunned herself with that one. She didn't want Rachel to die. She would always make fun of the midget and act like she hated her, but there was a weird frenemies thing going on. She genuinely cared even when she didn't want to. And she was doing everything she could to help the girl, but she could see Rachel pulling away from everyone. When was the last time she hung out with anyone from glee or came to any of the parties? "You need to stop, because I don't want you to die."
Still stunned and completely at a loss, Rachel came up with whatever she could to deflect the seriousness of the conversation they just had. "That's a rather selfish reason for me to do something. I should stop doing whatever you think I'm doing because you want me to live? I guess it's a good thing I'm not going anywhere." She opened the car door and began to exit as fast as possible. "Bye Santana. Thank you for the ride." She parted overly cheerful. It was an act so real and confusing, Santana was actually lost. The next time they saw each other would be awkward.
As Rachel walked up to the door and Santana reluctantly pulled away, she knew something was going on. At first she didn't notice anything. She was so focused on everything Santana said, warning her that she needed to shape up and do her thing because they "best be winning." And apparently, Rachel wasn't in shape to keep winning. What did she know? Pushing the thoughts away, she saw what was different. There was a car in the driveway she had never seen before and that never happened. Maybe Shelby was dating. "Ewe." She shuttered at the thought.
As soon as she walked in the door, she was bombarded with new faces. It didn't take long for them to surround her. All the smiles and "Oh look at her."s and the "Isn't she beautiful?"s were more than she could take as she stood there wide eyed and confused. She was being backed up into a corner, literally and figuratively.
"Rachel…" Shelby finally interrupted the gawk fest. "These are my parents Maggie and Pete. They're your grandparents."
"What?" She looked over to Shelby in question. She was more scared than anything else. Seeing them was the last thing she expected and she just wasn't ready. After the day she had, the conversation she had, she just couldn't take it. All she wanted to do was run to her room and do what she shouldn't. Why didn't Shelby give her a choice? It wasn't fair. How was she going to get out of there? She needed to get out of there.
"Rachel, say hi." Shelby encouraged hoping her daughter would remain calm.
After shooting Shelby a look of utter disbelief and understandable anger, Rachel did as she was asked. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Corcoran." Rachel offered a hand as a pleasantry and her grandfather, reading the tension on Rachel's face accepted and said that it was nice to meet her.
"Nonsense, call us Grandma and Grandpa." Maggie insisted as she made her way closer to her granddaughter and pushed everyone else out of the way so she could have Rachel all to herself. "There's not much of you to hug. Is there dear?" Her grandmother asked as she held her arms tight around her. "We're going to have to put some meat on those bones." She pulled away. Everything about the meeting was uncomfortable. And as she put her bag down and was dragged into the kitchen for dinner, they just kept asking questions and trying to get to know her. Their intentions were pure, but she couldn't help but fidget. Thank god she had an excuse to get out of there soon after that. Dance was a life saver.
But when she was alone in the locker room at the end of class, she did something she didn't think she would; not there. She was never planning to do it there. The studio was a sanctuary and she was going to ruin it with her spilt blood. Pulling the hidden razor from her bag, she ran to one of the stalls to ensure no one would see. And the very second she was alone, she rolled up her sleeve and ripped apart her skin. The actions were sharp and swift, cutting deep into her flesh as the tears fell from her eyes. There were so many people she had to worry about. She was being bombarded everywhere she went. She couldn't escape it and she couldn't live with it. She needed it to go back. She needed Santana to mind her business, Shelby to se4nd everyone away and leave her alone. She needed Elaina and Annette to stop calling and leaving voicemails on her cell phone. She was actually thankful she never gave them Shelby's number. But most of all, she just needed to have the control back. Everything felt so chaotic that she was just lost in the sea of life. The blood seemed to calm her though; enough to make it home. But the cuts were deep and she was weak. She was ashamed for thinking it, but a part of her wished she went deeper. At least then she wouldn't have felt so overwhelmed. But she didn't do that. She just applied pressure to the wounds and wrapped it up nicely so she could get into the car and run straight to her room. She was going to play the headache card and mention how exhausted she was just to get out of spending time with her family. It wasn't a lie. But could she possibly get more pathetic?
As she went to bed, or tried to, that night, after all the avoiding she did, all she could think was, "How the hell am I going to survive this week?" The only answer she could fathom was that she wouldn't. Nothing good was going to come out of the Corcoran love fest, not when there was a Berry molding in the corner. All she saw were more people to disappoint and more people to hate her. If she wanted that… well, she never wanted that. There was enough disappointment around to last her a lifetime.
When had her life become a continuous purgatory? Hell on earth…
Enjoy the chapter. Drama coming up… Maybe good drama… Maybe bad drama… We shall see.
I apologize for any grammar and spelling errors. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time…
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