Chapter 26: In a House Full of People
Nothing in her life was going right. Actually, everything was going fine; as fine as it could be. But she felt trapped. She was claustrophobic in her own home, and she used the term home loosely. The space she once thought sacred was tainted by unwanted company. The first night they were there, she got away with very limited interaction. She had dinner with them, she allowed them to hug her, and she spoke when spoken to as long as she had to. And every opportunity she had to get away, she took. Homework seemed to be a great excuse when she came home from dance. And they were older so there was only an hour or so of a time gap between when she finished said homework and they went to bed, but things weren't so easy in the morning; not when she and Shelby were alone.
Rachel woke up very early with a massive headache and a throbbing arm. The cuts reopened… or never closed. It could've been either. All she knew was she was laying in a puddle of blood, her sheets stained and her clothes ruined. The plan was to go running before everyone woke up, but it didn't look like that was happening. She had some cleaning up to do.
Mere movement sent her body into vertigo. Standing made her eyesight fuzzy, the room suddenly crowded with two of everything. Every step away just drove her closer and closer to the darkness that threatened to consume her. But she wouldn't allow it. She couldn't chance it. The thud of her body falling was sure to wake someone and she couldn't let them see. So she used everything she could to fight nature. And as crazy as it was, as stupid as it was, and as terrible as it made her feel, it was working and that was all that really mattered then. She didn't know what caused it. Maybe it was the blood loss. Maybe it was the midnight workout that had her reeling. Or maybe it was something else entirely. She didn't know, but it really didn't matter. She just had to deal with it whatever the cause.
Drowsily, she made it into the bathroom safely. She needed water. First and foremost, she needed hydration. That was the only thing she could think to help. The dryness of her mouth made her think it was the best idea. Using the sink as leverage to keep her standing, she cupped the water in her hands and generously sipped. The process continued for several minutes before she opened her eyes and evidence of her real reason for being there was staring her in the face. Droplets of blood were collecting in the basin, spilling down into the water until the run turned pick in the drain.
Still lightheaded, Rachel tended to her wounds. Under the bright fluorescent lights the bathroom offered, she finally saw the damage she had done. It looked bad when she first did it. It looked deep when she first watched the blood flow furiously from her veins and took the time to bandage it. But looking at it then, more level headed and not so high on the release, it looked so much worse. Her hand felt tingly and numb and every slight movement of her wrist just caused the flow to move more hastily, in more abundance.
She reprimanded herself, whispering insults to her reflection. She should've done a better job with the first aide in the first place. Then she wouldn't be up at four in the morning with the need to wash sheets and the feeling of swift deterioration coursing through her body. She felt weak and tired, just all around worn. And the day was daunting enough before. The pile on her plate just doubled.
Did she really cut that deep? She knew she may have gone a little overboard, but she didn't realize just how far she pushed it. Usually, she was so careful. Sometimes, life would get the best of her and her hand would have a mind of its own, but never had she gone quite so far. She could just imagine what would've happened had she not tended to it. Sleeping on it only made it deeper, the jostling in her slumber causing friction between the wrapping and her skin only opening the raw skin. She could've died. And it scared her that that didn't scare her. But she didn't have time to worry about her unraveling. There was so much to do and so little time to actually do it.
Finally getting enough of her strength back, disregarding the warning signs her body was sending, Rachel finished up the new covering. This time it was tighter, applying more pressure. The blurry vision wasn't gone yet and she could barely walk in a straight line, but Rachel was still as determined as ever to go on like nothing was happening. Clearly, something was… But there was no reason to face it. It wasn't something she was ready to face, nor did she ever think she would be.
First task of the morning was laundry. She was yawning, desperately trying to ignore the aches and pains and the lingering effects of the bloodletting. Bloodletting… That was the only reason she'd except for her symptoms. She'd blame that and the anemia. The pills she had to take to up her iron ruined her entire schedule, but, in some ways, it gave her new excuses to get out of eating. But the blood she lost wasn't doing her any favors in the iron department. It just took more away.
All that was beside the point. The point was trying to cover her tracks and keep on schedule. But the unexpected arrival of her so called grandparents threw off everything. The office, which doubled as a guest bedroom, was right next to the laundry room. Hence, actually doing the sheets would have to wait. But she couldn't leave the dirty ones out in the open. So she ripped them off her bed, the pillows and other bed accessories falling to the ground with a quiet thump. It was just another mess for her to clean.
Where to hide them was her next issue. Trying to avoid any chance of getting caught, she knew she couldn't leave them out in the open. She was hoping that her family wasn't nosey, although she thought they were, that way she wouldn't have to worry about them going into her room, but she wasn't that naïve. She wasn't that hopeful. So she did her best to conceal them in the back of her closet. It was a temporary home. Even though the stains would probably set and the fabric ruined, she'd just put them there along with the marked clothes until she was able to find the alone time to safely wash them without witnesses. It was like getting away with a crime. A criminal doesn't want a witness.
It took forever; a good hour wasted on cleaning, but all evidence was gone. She was just happy that no one had woken up yet. Being quiet paid off. But she wasn't done yet. She needed to get a workout in, but the elliptical was noisy. Shelby was a pretty deep sleeper. Unless she heard Beth over the monitor, she was out. And once she was asleep, Rachel was free to use the noisy machine without worry, but it was five in the morning. In an hour, Shelby's alarm would go off and she'd get up to get ready for the workday. But the hour before that, Rachel learned, Shelby was more prone to jump at any sound like the internal alarm clock was preparing her for the real thing. If she was too loud, Shelby would wake up. That was why she usually had midnight runs and elliptical time when most people were safe in dreamland. Her dreams were never so pleasant.
Unfortunately, with everything else going on, she didn't want to risk it. Waking up Shelby or, worse, the grandparents, just wasn't an option. She probably should've just crawled back into bed after she grabbed some new linen, but that wasn't Rachel. Even with her balance off and her world spinning, she needed the exercise. So she'd do what she could. Putting the ear buds in and turning the tunes up, Rachel quietly ran in place. It did nothing for her vertigo. In fact, it only made it worse. But, to her, it needed to be done; it was worth it.
So she pushed herself, driving her fragile body closer to a breakdown. For about forty-five minutes, she just ran in place; as fast and as hard as she could without making too much noise. And then, instead of letting nature take its course and the darkness loom, she started her morning ritual before getting showered and dressed. The less time she had to spend with people, the better. And since there was another fifteen minutes before she needed to make an appearance or the cavalry would show up, Rachel decided to work on some homework.
She used to be so ahead. Homework was done weeks in advance. Part of her punishment was doing homework in front of Shelby. That should've been motivation enough. And Shelby watched her work. Shelby even checked most of it. But that still wasn't enough. She'd do some of the work with Shelby and say she did it all. But the work she was doing was usually due the very next day. Rachel just wasn't used to it. She felt behind. And if Shelby ever asked about the other work, especially for her class, Rachel would just say she finished it and left it at school. Of course, she was lying. And that morning, she had a worksheet to finish before going to English. She couldn't get any further behind. She wouldn't allow it. It just wasn't allowed.
Pretending all was ok, Rachel slapped on the warmest and most welcoming smile she had and went to face her "family." The work was done and she put it off as long as possible. And while she still felt seconds away from passing out and falling into a deep unwakable coma, she wouldn't show it. She had to appear strong, confident, and in control even though she wasn't. God only knew what the Corcorans thought about her. She imagined they thought what everyone else thought. They thought Rachel Berry was a spoiled little brat, so full of herself that nobody put her immoral fathers wanted her, and they only settled because nobody else wanted to hand a baby over to a gay couple. That was the polite way of looking at her. Rachel was sure people thought worse. She knew worse was said. And every single word spoken about her, not about her fathers, rang true. She was everything bad and more. So, while she could, she didn't even want to imagine how they felt about her. What grandparents want their granddaughter to be such a loser?
"Morning." Shelby said as she sat in the dimmed kitchen nursing a cooled cup of coffee.
Rachel hadn't had much of a conversation with Shelby since Maggie and Pete arrived, but seeing her sitting there like she did nothing wrong made her angry. "Yeah, right. Good morning."
"Sit down Rachel." Her voice was apologetic but demanding. Rachel wanted to avoid the talk they were about to have. She didn't want to sit down. One, because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to get back up, and two, because she really didn't want to yell and wake up everyone else. That was the last thing she wanted to deal with.
"Can we not do this now? I don't want to talk to you and tomorrow's our last forced Friday chat. Can't we just discuss it then?"
"No." She said firmly.
"No? What do you mean 'no'?" Rachel was outraged.
"Exactly what I said Rachel." Shelby looked to her pleadingly, trying to get the girl to understand. "We need to discuss this now. Yesterday was an exception. You were mad that I sprung this, them, on you, and I felt you deserved your space. Because of that, the rules didn't stand. I didn't make you sit with us to do homework, nor did you have to do dishes. You got off easy."
"Easy?"
"Yes, easy. Yesterday was like a normal day. No punishment. And soon, your grounding will be completely lifted."
"Yeah, that's great. But none of that changes the fact that you just threw them at me. You didn't even hint at this and you know I told you that I wasn't ready."
"Yes Rachel. I remember you saying that. But it was over two months ago."
"Yeah two months ago… Such a long time."
"Rachel…"
"Nothing has changed, I'm still not ready. I… I…" She was panicking. Among everything else flowing through her body, she was seconds away from hyperventilating. "And I can't be here…"
"You can't just…" The thought would never be finished.
"If you want to ground me again, that's fine." She'd prefer it. It would get her out of activities she didn't want to participate in without her having to lie. "Do it, but I'm leaving. I can't be here and you can't stop me."
Someone else stopped her. Before she could make her dramatic exit, the masculine voice of one Peter Corcoran resonated throughout the kitchen. "Morning ladies." He said with a smile on his face like he wasn't just woken up by his family's yelling.
For Rachel, it was weird having to worry about others being in the house. At first, when she moved in with Shelby, it was weird just being around people all day; never a moment alone. But this was different. Everything was weird, but weirder still that the voice came from someone of the testosterone variety. They didn't get much of that there.
Hearing his voice momentarily stunned her. She wasn't prepared for it. And unable to verbally respond, Rachel gave a warm smile and nod of the head. Shelby tried to egg her on, possibly get her to open up and say something… anything. But Rachel wasn't up for it. Pete, however, was going to try his luck. "Off to school Rachel?"
"Yes." One word answers… better than nothing.
"It's a little early isn't it?"
"A little. But I have to go. Bye Mr. Corcoran." Turning to her mother with a death glare she simply said, "Shelby." And off she went, hoping beyond reason that the day would get better.
Walking out of the house, there was only one coherent thought in her head. The day was going to suck. That was evident by every single thing that went wrong since she first woke up that morning. She had never been so happy to go to a building where she was bullied, insulted, underappreciated, and bathed in stickiness almost daily. That spoke volumes. It seemed wherever she went, she found herself in an unsafe and unwelcoming environment, but she never did anything about it. She missed the warmness of her old bedroom, her home; her real home. Absentee or not, her heart was always with them and their home.
"Rachel." Shelby called after the girl. As soon as Rachel grabbed her bag, Shelby was out of her chair and ready to pounce. But as she got to the archway, her father's hand blocked the way. "Let me go dad. She needs to come back."
"Let her go Shelby." He suggested as he gently pushed her back into the room.
"I can't. She didn't even eat breakfast."
"She'll be ok."
"You don't know that." She complained. He didn't know about the problems they were having or the concerns the doctor shared.
"Then why don't you explain it to me? What's going on?"
"She's teenager. Does there need to be more?"
"Let me get you a refill and you can tell daddy all about it."
"Thanks."
"Anything for my baby girl." With fresh coffee and a little time on their hands, the father and daughter entered into a staring contest. It wasn't the battle of the wills or any sort of competition at all. They were just waiting for the other to break the ice. When it was clear to Pete that Shelby didn't even know where to begin, he took it upon himself to do it. "So she calls you Shelby huh?"
"You noticed?" Shelby humorlessly laughed.
"Does it bother you?"
"Sometimes. I would like nothing more than to hear her say I love you mom, but I'm not going to hold my breath and I'm not going to force her."
"When we spoke at Christmas you said she was still adjusting, but you didn't give much detail. Tell me, how is she doing?" Without divulging all the things Rachel wouldn't want anyone to know, Shelby told him as much as she could. It felt right to be talking to her father. She was such a daddy's girl, so confiding in him was natural.
He expressed his concerns as well and reassured her that, in time, Rachel would come around. Being angry, which he concluded Rachel was, was just a phase that she had to work through. He offered her whatever fatherly advice he could and shared a few stories about her teen years that he'd never forget. If it weren't for the Rachel situation, it would be like a great get-together; just a bunch of reminiscing and wisdom passing.
But the reality was a depressed and enraged teenager that refused to accept her mother into her life, a toddler who was getting into new and exciting things every day, and a clock that was ticking down. She had to get ready for work soon. And she had to make sure that Rachel actually showed up. Shelby wanted to be mad at her daughter, but she practically asked for the reaction she got. She was just lucky Rachel knew how to behave in front of others so at least her parents didn't think she was as incompetent as a parent as she sometimes felt. At least Beth was growing up alright.
"Why didn't you tell her Shelbs?" Her father asked, effectively pulling her from the thoughts of Rachel.
"Mom wouldn't take no for an answer."
"Well, that's your mother. That's where you girls get it from. You had to expect that."
"I did, but Rachel… I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to meet you all in her own time. But I was afraid that if I gave her too much time she'd run away. I wouldn't put that passed her. And you're her family too. I didn't want you to never meet."
"Honey, we are her family, but she's still going through a lot of changes. Your mother may have been hurt, but she would've understood if you wanted to wait."
"No she wouldn't."
"She probably wouldn't, and she probably would've showed up anyway, but now Rachel feels ambushed. I don't know her that well, but I imagine that she feels bombarded by us. Don't you remember how you felt when your cousin came to stay with us that summer? She just appeared out of nowhere."
"And I didn't take it well."
"No, you didn't. You refused to leave your room for a week and you wouldn't talk to us."
"I was upset."
"And you were just a hormonal teenager. She is dealing with the loss of her fathers and so many changes in her life."
"I get it dad." She said defeated as she abruptly stood from the table and began packing her briefcase. "I messed up. That's all I seem to be doing with her."
"That's not what I'm saying honey. I'm saying you have to give her time."
"Isn't that a little late? You're already here."
"You know that's not what I'm talking about."
"I know dad." Her voice was sad. Things with Rachel have been hard, but they seemed better. After their first talk at that restaurant, she seemed to be coming around. At least, she was trying. And simply throwing relatives at her could ruin any and all progress.
"What time do you need to leave for work?"
"Now."
"So go. Go check on Rachel." He knew that was what she was going to do first. It was what he would do.
"Are you sure you and mom are going to be ok with Beth?"
"We raised two children and they turned out just fine. I think we can handle it."
"All my contact information is on the fridge. If you need me, just call."
"We have this under control Shelby."
"Fine, but it's your first day here. Just take it easy and don't go anywhere too far."
"We know Lima pretty well Shelby." He knew she was just a worried mom, but she was being a little overbearing especially with her parents. "We won't get lost. We're just going to run a few errands and, weather permitting, we'll take the little cutie down to the park."
She reminded herself that Beth would be fine, kissed her father on the cheek and said, "Ok dad. You and mom have a good day, and call me if you need anything."
"Have a good day." Checking in on Beth one last time before she left, Shelby was satisfied. One kid down, one to go.
Arriving at McKinley, Shelby immediately went in search of Rachel. She checked everywhere she could think of. The auditorium… Empty. The choir room… Empty. She checked by the lockers and the bathrooms, and still no Rachel. Of course, Rachel was hiding the one place Shelby didn't think to look, her office, and wouldn't get a chance to go to because of the warning bell. Class time. Luckily, Rachel would be forced to see her then. Obviously, there'd be too many people around to actually deal with anything, but at least she could assess the situation and get a feel for just how angry her daughter was.
When Rachel finally came into the room, just seconds before the second bell rang and she'd officially be late, Shelby couldn't tell what she was thinking. She simply strolled into the classroom, her patented smile on her face, head held high, and no cares in the world. If Shelby didn't know better, she would've been convinced. And that worried her. If she was so good at faking, what else was hidden behind that perfect exterior? What other secrets were locked away for safe keeping?
Rachel felt behind all day; not physically behind; although she was that too, but emotionally. It felt like, for the first time, everybody else was ahead of her. The work felt too difficult. The teachers seemed to be moving too fast for her to keep up. She was pretty sure she bombed the pop quiz she had even though she actually did the reading. She just failed to remember what she read. Shelby's class was just awful. She made it seem like all was well, but all day there was only one thing on her mind. Well, there was a lot on her mind, but one phrase kept running over and over.
"I don't want you to die!" Santana's voice echoed her in head. "I don't want you to die! I don't want you to die! I don't want you to die!" She tried not to think about it much since Santana blindsided her with the sentiment, but with it running on repeat like a mantra chanting in her mind, she couldn't escape it. With everything else, it wasn't exactly a forethought the night before, but it was all day. And the thought of seeing Santana scared her. She was avoiding the Latina as best she could. What did she mean by that? Why did she think she was going to die? It was all just so torturous and annoying. She didn't know how to act or what to say when she saw Santana at glee. And at that point, there'd be no more avoiding. She'd have to face Shelby too. But her act was getting better, and she'd play nice.
Fortunately for her, it appeared that Santana was just as freaked out by the words as she was and they were avoiding each other. There was a look and then they both scurried off to opposite sides of the room. That was it, and for that she was grateful. After the day she had and the sick feeling she was still experiencing, she didn't know if she had an awkward confrontation in her. So she took it as a gift and just accepted it.
As behind as she was all day and as out of place as she always felt, it was the first time in a long time that she felt remotely normal. It was like repressing everything just made it all go away. Her act was becoming real; even to her. It was temporary, like all good things in her life, but she'd take it. She had to if she wanted to be able to live any kind of life. The happiness needed to be found somewhere and, even if it was fake, at least she had it.
"Hey Kurt." She said as she approached the chair. She needed to sit. Being the second to last practice before competition, she knew it would be grueling. And while she was a little better, pushing herself would make it worse. So she'd rest while she could before the beat down began.
"Hey Diva."
"How's Blaine?" Kurt had kept her updated on their growing relationship. She liked Blaine. They all got along fairly well.
"He's good. We're going to the movies tomorrow if you want to join us. We can get coffee." He was hopeful. She could see that. She had been a terrible friend; a terrible person. He wanted to spend time with her. He missed the overly dramatic, super talkative, run on sentence of a girl that he dubbed his fellow diva.
"As much as I would love too, especially with the grandparents in town, I'm still grounded."
"How are you still grounded. It has been forever."
"I know. But that's Shelby. I'm still on lockdown until after Regionals. And if we lose, I don't think I'll want out of house arrest."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault I'm a screw up." The girl in front of him wasn't his Rachel Berry. Still a diva, she was nowhere near diva enough, but he'd take her however he could get her and hope for the best. Concerns aside, he was just happy that she was talking to him and participating more. He missed her.
"You're not a screw up Rachel."
"I'm not sure Shelby would say the same."
"Enough of that, tell me about your grandparents. Ms. Corcoran's parents?"
"Yeah."
"Have you ever met them before?"
"No, and I wasn't planning on it now either."
"When did you meet them? What are they like? Oh, are they exactly like your…" He knew how she felt about calling Shelby her mother so, luckily, he caught himself before he could finish the thought. "Ms. Corcoran?"
"I don't know. They just showed up out of the blue yesterday. They seem nice enough, but I haven't really spent any time with them."
"Are you going to?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Rachel…" She had no idea what he was about to say, and she didn't want to find out. If she had to guess, she'd say it probably wasn't something she wanted to hear; probably a scolding or something along those lines
"Is it just me or is everyone acting odd?"
"What do you mean?" Former thought forgotten, Kurt was curious to hear her thoughts and possibly get into a little gossip.
"I mean…" But he wouldn't get to get anything.
"Ok guys. Today and tomorrow are our last practices before Regionals." Mr. Schue announced as he and Shelby came into the room. "We have to work out the last of our kinks and make sure we're completely ready for Sunday. That means putting our all into the next two days. So let's head to the auditorium and don't hold back."
The group did as expected. The first hour felt like they were in a military boot camp. It was odd for Schue to push so hard, so they had to assume the change was spurred by Shelby's leadership. It was a good thing that they were so focused, but their limits were quickly being learned. The boot camp was rough. First were warm ups and then they went through the vocals, no dancing at all. Any wrong note and they started over. Then they just did the dance. One misstep and it was back to the beginning. With Finn's clumsiness and others' laziness, they started over more times than they could count. And when they combined it all they just got worse.
"We're never going to win like this." Tina said. She didn't mean for anyone, let alone everyone, to hear, but they did.
"Don't think like this. That's what these practices are for. It's better we do this now than figure out all our problems while we're up on that stage." He tried to be encouraging, but sometimes the Spanish teacher was pretty dense.
"Whatever. All I know is right now, we suck." Santana added.
"Listen guys. You can't think like that. We want this and we're capable of winning, going all the way so let's prove that to ourselves, right here."
"Let's try it all together, one full run through and then we'll take a break." Shelby offered. The kids looked wiped and they weren't used to her antics. They were lucky though, with Vocal Adrenaline it was ten times worse every day. She went easy on them because Will asked her to and because they were more heart than skill; meaning while talented, they didn't have to be flawless to be brilliant. They just had to be themselves and they'd shine through. With her old group, they were robots. Their skills needed to be honed or they were nothing.
They did their routine. All three numbers were preformed with many flaws, but they were all drained. Rachel took the brunt of it. She thought she was feeling bad before, but then was worse. The lightheadedness was back at full force. Her head was pounding like a bomb just went off and she was dealing with the aftershock. Water… she needed water. But she couldn't move. The lights illuminated her sweat riddled body. She could barely stand straight, and as everyone else sauntered off to get something to drink, she stood stationary. Her eyes slammed shut hoping to block away the feelings and regain her balance.
She was afraid to open them. The world didn't spin in the dark, and if it did, she couldn't see it. But she was alone. She heard the doors open and close and the room suddenly became devoid of all noise but her ragged and tired breathing. Glee never made her feel so exhausted. She blamed the stress. She blamed Shelby. Whatever the cause, she had to pretend it wasn't happening and just start moving. People would get suspicious if she just stood there forever and she really needed water.
Opening her eyes once again, she had to blink away the blurriness. Things weren't looking great, but her body was craving water. Hydration; she needed lots and lots of hydration. Somehow, she made it to the dressing room area where she left her bag. "Damn it." She yelled. "Where is it?" She could've sworn she packed several water bottles. What did she do with them? She didn't drink them. Did she?
Break was almost over and she was desperate for something. Water seemed to help before. It could help then. She just needed to find some first. But as soon as she turned to head for the stage door, all equilibrium was lost. She went to grab for the dressing vanity, but she was tumbling. It all happened so fast, but she braced herself to land on the hard wood, only it never came.
"Watch it Man Hands."
"Quinn?" She weakly looked up from the hands that held her; hands that kept her from feeling the full impact of the fall.
"Get off the floor." Quinn demanded, but there was a kindness to her bitch. She even held out a hand to give Rachel the leverage she needed to stand on her own.
"Thanks." She didn't know whether to be skeptical, thankful, or both.
"Whatever RuPaul. What's wrong with you?"
"Nah… Nothing's wrong." She couldn't even talk straight. Was it hot in there? She felt seconds away from heat stroke.
"Then why were you seconds away from eating the floor?"
"I tripped."
"On air?"
"On my feet." She hissed. Interrogations and headaches just weren't fun. And dealing with Quinn, public enemy number one at that point, made it worse. The fact that she was seeing two only made it exponentially terrible. Two Quinns? She'd really have to cut a little deeper and mean it. Living with that would kill her; literally.
"What's wrong with you? Every time we're alone together you're in the middle of some dramatic event."
"Is it hot in here?"
"What?"
"I'm really hot. And thirsty. Have you seen my water?" It wasn't often that Quinn worried about Rachel. It wasn't often that she thought about the brunette before her in any capacity other than contempt. But, as of late, she had been a little worried. She noticed the strange behavior and the growing distance, but it never bothered her. Until then… She looked… bad.
"Are you ok?"
"I need water."
"Here, drink this." Quinn handed her the unopened bottle. It was a spare. She wasn't really being kind. That's what she told herself. "What's going on? You're not going to ruin Regionals for us are you? Because we can find someone to take over for you." That was the Quinn Rachel knew.
"I'm fine Quinn." She said as she wobbled over to the chair and attempted, more like struggled, to simply open the cap. "Thank you so much for your concern." Sarcasm was a mask that suited her well even though she didn't use it often. Her tongue had the ability to be sharp if she used it. She just chose not to.
"Thirsty much?" Quinn asked as she observed Rachel guzzling the clear liquid. "Don't choke. We don't want you to die right before competition." I don't want you to die!
"I thought I was replaceable."
"You are." She quickly stated. "It's just short notice." Ignoring her at first, Rachel just kept drinking; drowning the pain.
"Not that I'm not grateful, but why are you being nice to me?"
"I felt bad for you."
"Oh." Was it pathetic that she was hoping for more? She thought it was but she didn't really expect much. Why would Quinn ever have a change of heart when it came to her? "Ok."
"Look, not that I care or anything, but… Are you going to be ok? You look pretty pale and you're all sweaty and disgusting. I thought you were going to pass out on me before." She almost did, but she had become better at fighting it off.
"I'm fine." Lie… "Thank you for the water."
"Just don't tell anyone I helped you." Not like anyone cared…
With that, Quinn was off, disappearing from Rachel's sight until everyone was called back. There was another two very long hours of limit breaking and possibly death inducing dance practice. However hard it was for everyone, by the end, they had it down completely. None of them knew how they were going to be able to walk the next day or make it through another round of the same, but they got it. They were ready. That was a good thing. They may never be able to move again, but they knew their routine inside and out.
They were all happy when it was over, but Rachel more so than the rest. She had no clue how she was going to make it through two hours of dance after that. What was wrong with her? She pushed herself all the time. She woke up in the middle of the night to run or work out. How could she possibly feel so bad from that? She had done more and harder for longer. So why did it make her feel so different? So rundown?
"Ready to go Rach?" Shelby called her Rach. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not. Had she called her that before? She couldn't remember.
"Yes."
"We have to stop at home and then we'll…"
"No. I have to be there at 5:30. We don't have time to go to the house. If we do you'll get distracted. Your parents will want to talk to me and you'll rush over to Beth cooing and awing. We don't have time for that." Was it a little twisted that Shelby liked hearing the slight resentment in Rachel's tone? To her, it meant that Rachel cared; that she was a little jealous when it came to Beth and their relationship. It gave her hope. The thing about her parents, well she couldn't argue that. They would want to talk to her.
"You need to eat something before you go. You just burned off a lot of calories and we're having a late dinner today. So you need to eat."
"I have some of my vegan snacks in my bag. If we go now, I can eat in the lobby before I go get changed." She was pleading with Shelby. She wasn't actually going to eat it. She had it, but she wouldn't eat it. There just wasn't any need. She was fine… Or so she kept telling herself.
"After dance, I expect you to eat your entire dinner, no complaints."
"Whatever you want." She told her. "As long as I can get to dance on time." Shelby was still reluctant, but she took the girl's compliance as a good sign and ushered them to the car.
Rachel didn't make good on her promise, and Shelby did make her promise. But she didn't care. They were learning the opening to her solo that day and she was super excited. Or she was, until she realized how hard it was. She didn't know if it was the day or the night she had or the way she was feeling or whatever else it could be, but she just couldn't seem to get it right. For two hours she continually tried and failed. Her landings were wobbly as she was unsteady on her feet. Her turns made the earthquake she was continuously living reach epic proportions. And yet, Renee applauded her; even having the audacity to say, "You did great today Rachel. I can't wait for our one on one time so we can really get into your solo." Why must everyone always lie to her? Great… She did terrible.
"Thanks. I got to go." She responded quickly. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep until competition time. But, since that wasn't a viable option, she just wanted to get out of there and rush through the rest of the night so she could just cuddle her blankie and get as much sleep as she could.
That really wasn't in the cards though. She wasn't feeling any better and when she went to get changed, she noticed, once again, that the cut on her wrist had reopened. It wasn't serious, just random drips, but it was just another pile to add to the load.
And Shelby was on her case as soon as she stepped into the car. "Did you eat?"
"Yes Shelby, I did." Not…
"Drop the attitude Rachel. I ask these questions because I care. And you should be happy right now that I'm not grounding you longer."
"You're not?" She was surprised, fully expecting another month or some other outrageous number of weeks.
"No, your grandfather convinced me not to." Thank you pops.
"How'd he do that?"
"He made me see why you were understandably upset and told me to let it go. That's all you need to know."
"How long are they staying?"
"You don't have to sound so miserable. They just want to meet you and see you perform."
"I know. When are they leaving?"
"Mom and dad are leaving Wednesday afternoon." She swore she heard Rachel whisper something along the lines of "Oh thank God." But she wasn't sure. "Excuse me?"
"I said what did you make for dinner?"
"Grandma made vegan friendly tacos." By using grandma and grandpa as often as possible, Shelby was hoping Rachel would warm up to the idea and call them something other than Mr. and Mrs. Corcoran. Her mother wouldn't tolerate that for long.
"Great."
"Be nice Rachel. Whether you accept them or not, they are still your family and they have been nothing but nice and understanding. They have been looking forward to meeting you for a while now. So if you're mad, be mad at me, but not them. They haven't done anything."
"I am mad. Why couldn't you just tell me? I didn't want to meet them. They don't know me. They might think they do, but they don't and, since we're on the topic, you don't either."
"Rachel, what did I just say about the attitude?" She had been waiting for it all day, and she preferred it in the privacy of their car than in front of her parents. "And you're right…"
"I am?" She was shocked that Shelby actually admitted it, not shocked that it was true.
"Yes, you're right. They don't know you. They only know what I've told them. But I like to think I know a lot about you. And I'd like to know more if you just gave me a chance."
"I've been giving you a chance."
"Maybe you think you have, but you could try harder. I'm trying as hard as I possibly can."
"I am trying." Shelby didn't think she was. Her and Rachel have been getting along better, and, in that respect, she was trying. But she never really opened up. The only things she learned about her daughter were what she observed. Rachel never willingly gave her anything to work with. There were no moments of secret sharing or stories about the past; it just was.
"Yeah, you're trying." It was easy for Rachel to see and hear the defeat. She was trying, but apparently, she still wasn't good enough. She never was and never would be good enough. That was something she'd have to learn to live with. Although, she wasn't sure how. "My point, Rachel, is that they haven't done anything to you. So when we get home…." Rachel wanted to correct her, to tell her it was house not home, but she didn't. If she couldn't get anything else right, at least she could give Shelby that. "You're going to sit at the table with us and talk to them. Get to know them. They want to get to know you. They love you, so get used to it."
She didn't know how to get used to it. The only love she ever felt was her fathers' and even that seemed to fade. She thought Finn loved her, but he always went back to Quinn. And cheating didn't exactly scream, "I love you." When she met Shelby, she thought, as her mother, she'd love her, but that never seemed to come to fruition. So how was she supposed to accept it? Was that even possible? Was the love even real? And if it was, how could she tell?
There wasn't much time to ponder the thought as they pulled into the driveway and parked. As Rachel was collecting her things, Shelby kindly reminded her to be nice and talk to them. She didn't give much wiggle room. Rachel was to do what she was told. Truth was, she didn't know what to expect. She didn't know the right ways to react or what to say. Normally people found her abrasive and conceited. She didn't want them to view her that way. Even though her opinion of herself wasn't all that great, she wanted just one person to think well of her. She wanted more, but she'd settle for just one of her grandparents.
Shelby watched Rachel's demeanor change. There was a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that she just couldn't understand. But as she watched Rachel turn that miserable scowl of a look she had the whole car ride into a seemingly perfectly happy façade, it was disturbing. It bothered her how good she was at it. Just how good was she? She wasn't sure she was ready to know.
Entering the house, the grandparents, mainly Grandma, ran right over to her. She was a little overzealous for Rachel's new found need for tame, but she kept up the façade just like Shelby asked. "Oh dear, you must be famished. Come, I made plenty of food." Not leaving any chance for anyone else to speak, the happy Maggie continued. "Don't be shy, dig in. There's plenty to go around and I made that meat substitute just for you, so eat it all up and we can talk. I want to know everything. Let's start with glee." That seemed like a safe topic. And Maggie knew she needed to slow it down a bit. She wanted to just soak up her granddaughter, hug her, tell her how much she loved her, but she also knew the girl wasn't quite ready for all of that. That didn't mean she wouldn't try. She had to. That was her flesh and blood and she already missed so much because of Shelby's choices. Missing more just wasn't an option.
"Glee's good." Rachel began. She explained everything about it and how New Directions used to face off with Shelby's old team. "I have the solo on Sunday." She told them proudly, for once not as uncomfortable as she was.
"We're very excited to see you perform."
"You… You're all going to be there?" Her fathers came when they could. But it wasn't often. She could perform for a crowd, the all around pinch hitter, but them being there made her incredibly nervous.
"Of course we are." Pete told her. "We want to support you and see just how talented you are." Not helping the nerves… But in some respect, she was happy at the thought. It had been much too long since she had the support she needed.
"Enough of that. Do you have a boyfriend?" Everyone around the table seemed to turn and stare at Rachel expectantly. If she answered yes, she was sure Shelby would have a stroke. She nearly dropped her fork mid bite just hearing the question.
Blushing, she hurried to answer. "No. No boyfriend." Just a friend… with sex… Really good sex whenever either needed it.
"Are you interested in anyone? Do you have a crush?" When she said she wanted to know everything, she meant it.
"Mom, leave her alone. There's no boyfriend. She's not allowed to date. I'm not ready for her to date."
"Why can't I date? I dated Finn before." Before, when she wasn't playing mommy.
"Who's Finn?" Maggie asked curiously, only to be ignored.
Seeing where the conversation was heading, Shelby was quick to put an end to it. "Let's table this for later Rachel. I don't want to think about you and boys." Their hands all over her…. That was her baby.
In an attempt to bring down the rising anger levels that threatened to blow, Maggie turned to Rachel. "Did I not cook it right? You barely touched your food."
"No, it was delicious." It could've been if she ate it. "I'm just a slow eater. We don't usually talk so much."
"Ok." She bought it. "Well, eat up and tell me more. What about school? Or dance?"
Surprisingly, while she was still uncomfortable and her normal tricks were hard to pull off with more eyes on her, she didn't find the talk so bad. Sure, half of what she said was all a party line. "School's great… Dance is great… I'm good… Blah, blah, blah…" If she didn't know better, she'd think she liked having family. But then she reminded herself that her family was dead. These people were a temporary stand in until they got sick of her and left her just like everyone else. Finn did it. Her fathers did it. Shelby did it. They'd do it too. It was inevitable.
After being kept there for a long time just playing twenty questions that was more like one hundred and twenty questions, they were finally finishing up. They wanted to know all about her and she gave them what she could. But when she asked to be excused and Shelby agreed, she was ecstatic. Away at last. She was left with her thoughts and her journal. That was all she needed. They got to see perfect Rachel and she escaped so she could be real, unlovable Rachel.
The next day was more of the same. Everyone was thrilled that it was the last day before vacation. The glee club was a little on edge though. That always happened around competition time. They knew they'd be ok, but they still had their nervous moments. But she needed something. She still wasn't feeling great, better, but not great, and with all the stress and thinking about going back to Shelby's and having to talk again… It was all too much. And that made her thoughts turn to Puck.
Puck had used their arrangement to his advantage. Since she was grounded and they couldn't get any alone time for a little afternoon delight and she was opposed to doing anything quite so scandalous at school, Puck had to use her other abilities. Mama Puckerman was on him about his slipping grades so he took Rachel up on the friends thing and asked for help with some homework. Rachel had some free periods and decided to relinquish some of her alone time in the auditorium to help him pick up his scholastic slack. His grades had improved. It made his mother happy which made her go easy on him which made him generally nicer. So she helped him, she fulfilled her friendly duties; it was his turn.
"A closet quickie? Awesome!" He said as she felt her drag him into the nearest secluded space. She just needed an escape.
"No, that's not what this is."
"Are you going to go done on me?" He asked excitedly with an evil smirk as she got down on the floor. "Because I can so get into that."
"Jeez Puck, is that all you think about?"
Sitting beside her, he answered, "Well Berry, I am a guy. So yeah. What else is there to think about?"
"Whatever…" She didn't know why she was there, why he was there with her… It was the middle of the school day. He was on her mind. And she was a little lonely.
"What's going on Rachel?" He broke the long silence. "Why are we hulled up in a janitor's closet?"
"We haven't really done much since that day at the park."
"So this is about a little school time extra special curricular activities?" His voice perked up. "I knew it."
"Puck…"
"Don't go back to using that unless we're in front of the guys."
"Fine then, focus Noah. And stop calling me Berry. We agreed."
"Got it… Rachel."
They talked about nothing and everything. She asked him questions that he actually answered and she tried her best to do the same although she left out big chunks of detail. They just talked. They, mostly, stayed away from heavy topics and kept it light. She told him about her grandparents and asked about his. Somehow she got him to open up about his father a little. He even got her to talk about her fathers, which she hadn't done much of. With him, she didn't expect much and he didn't expect much from her. It was nice… simple. She missed simple. But she liked him. Being with him was easy where everything else seemed so hard.
"Come on. The bell's about to ring." She stood, holding out a hand for him to take.
Accepting the hand but pulling himself up, he asked, "Am I still getting some?" He was joking; sort of…
"No Puck, you're not." But before leaving, she did tug on his shirt until he naturally lowered to her height and she leaned up, just a little, to place a succulent, tempting kiss on his full lips. "I'll see you at glee." She turned the knob and said, "Thanks Noah."
"You're welcome." For whatever…
Glee was another tough day, but they made it through, and they were ready. Mr. Schue and Ms. Corcoran gave, what surmounted to be, a pep talk. It was pretty lame, but it made the point and they were sure to repeat it the day of Regionals. But they told the kids how proud they were at what they had accomplished and that, whatever happened, it would be ok. Yes, Sue was still threatening the club and they could be disbanded if they lost, but it would work itself out. It had too.
"Rest up this weekend, plenty of sleep and eat a good breakfast Sunday morning. The bus leaves at 8:30 so try to be here at least ten minutes before that so we can go over a few things."
"And don't forget to take your costumes on your way out. Have a good weekend guys." Shelby added.
Going home was a repeat of the previous day. Dance, dinner, talking, and more of the same. Rachel still felt crowded and claustrophobic, and it would only get worse the next day. Shelby had one more surprise that she thought she'd have a little more time to explain, but she was wrong.
Come Saturday, and the grandparents hogged the girls. Rachel was an unwilling participant, but she did what she had to do. Thus far, the act had most fooled. She appeared better, and most ways she was. Insecurities still ran rampant and she wasn't happy, but pretending she was made others happy and made her believe she was fake happy. It was better than nothing. And it was real to everyone else.
And as night approached and Shelby went to put Beth in bed leaving Maggie and Pete with Rachel, they asked her all the things they wouldn't ask in front of Shelby. They asked questions she had no intention of answering honestly. They asked if she liked living with her mother, if she liked being an older sister, if she really had a boyfriend, had she had the talk yet, and worst of all they asked, "Why don't you call Shelby mom? It's a sign of disrespect, and it's rude to call your parents by their first name." She was already disappointing them.
Before she could scream, "Well my dad and daddy are dead," the doorbell sounded. "I'll get it." She told them, silently thanking whoever it was for saving her from another awkward answer. Looking through the peep hole, she couldn't recognize the person. But it was dark out and the porch light didn't really illuminate the face, so it could've been anyone. Figuring that if it was a murderer, they'd find their way in anyway, Rachel opened the door. The woman before her was oddly familiar, but she had yet to actually see her face. She was just reaching down to grab her bags. Bags? "Can I help you?"
When she spoke, the woman's head immediately snapped up. "You must be Rachel."
"And you are?" Rachel asked confused. The woman seemed to know her, but she didn't know the woman.
"Oh god, you're like her little mini me, aren't you? I bet she loves that. You couldn't look more like Shelby if you tried." The smile on her face was warm and inviting, but it didn't ease the uneasiness Rachel was feeling.
"I'm sorry, but you've yet to answer my question."
"My name's Casey. Casey Corcoran."
"Corcoran?" Casey nodded. Was it another relative? Was Rachel missing something?
Just then, before Casey had a chance to respond, Maggie and Pete entered the foyer. "Rachel sweetie… Who's at the door?"
"What's the hold up?" Pete asked, but as soon as the door was in full view, there were no more questions. "Casey!" He exclaimed. "You're here."
"Hi daddy."
"Daddy?" Rachel silently questioned. What didn't she know?
"Come in. Come in." Her mother ushered her in, pushing right passed Rachel.
"Hey mom." Casey said as she walked into her mother's waiting arms. Rachel was lost.
"Casey did you introduce yourself to Rachel?"
"She knows my name."
"Rachel," she started as she held out a hand for the girl, which she reluctantly took, the other wrapped around her daughter's shoulder, "this is your aunt Casey. Casey, this is Rachel."
"It's nice to finally meet you Rachel."
"Likewise…" Maybe?
"We've seen pictures." Casey said while turning away from Rachel to face both her parents. "But in person, there's no mistaking that face. She is so Shelby's kid."
"We said the same thing." As they did their thing, catching up and hugging, a very loving reunion, Rachel took it as her opportunity to quietly slip away. Only that didn't happen. In their jubilee, their raised voices and laughter must've gotten a bit too loud. And as Rachel was just about to head upstairs, Shelby was coming down them.
"What's going on Rachel? What's with all the noise?"
Very bitterly, she said, "Apparently we're hosting a family reunion this week. Thank you for telling me all about it."
"Oh no, Casey?" She planned on telling her that night before bed. Honestly, she did.
"Yeah. I'll be in my room."
"Wait."
"Why?" She was angry. Yet another person she wasn't ready to meet just showed up out of the blue. Only, it wasn't out of the blue. Rachel knew. The phone calls and strange behavior all made sense.
"She is my sister, and your aunt. You owe her the same respect that you do your grandparents."
"I have to get my beauty rest. Competition is tomorrow and my voice needs to be well rested. I usually don't speak for twenty four hours before a major event. But seeing as we have company, I didn't think you'd take a vow of silence very well, and I didn't want to be stuck here for another two months." She decided, while being grounded was a good excuse to get out of things, it meant sneaking out more and she didn't want to do that. She wanted to be free to leave and go on runs or wherever without Shelby's threats looming overhead.
"Let's go Rachel." Neither moved, so Shelby walked down the last few steps stopping directly in front of her daughter, took the girl's hand, and said, "Now."
Rachel didn't have much room to argue. Shelby dragged her into the living room where everyone was then gathered and all but thrust her right into the conversation. There was a repeat performance of the prior few days. A lot of duplicate questions and lies being told. However, Casey did seem nice and Rachel liked the leverage she was feeding her with old stories of Shelby's moments of misspent youth. Tisk, tisk Shelby.
But as it got later, Rachel knew it was time to turn in. Her strict pre competition routine was broken and that already put her on edge, and she needed to salvage what she could. It wouldn't have taken much for her to snap, and, in fact, it didn't. She got up from the couch to excuse herself, and that was when things turned ugly. "I'm going to my room. Big day tomorrow. Goodnight everyone. It was nice to meet you Casey."
"It was nice to meet you too Rachel." Genuine, who would've guessed?
"Rachel." Shelby called to get her attention as she was about to enter her room.
"What is it Shelby?" She just wanted to get away. Couldn't she just get away? Why wouldn't Shelby just let her go?
"We're going to let Aunt Casey stay in your room."
"What?" It sounded absurd. It was her space; her room. It was the harbinger of all her secrets; secrets hidden all around. She couldn't let someone else stay in there. Surely Shelby was joking.
"I know Rachel and I'm sorry. I was going to talk to you about her coming tonight before you went to bed, but she decided to show up early so she didn't ambush you tomorrow."
"At least one of you is semi considerate."
"Hey, watch it."
"Where am I supposed to sleep if I don't have a room and your parents are in the office?"
"It's your choice, but you can take the couch, set up the inflatable bed to use in Beth's room, or…" And Shelby was hoping for option three. "You can stay in my room with me.'
"And where would you sleep?"
"We'd share the bed."
"Absolutely not." She was back to being outraged. She tried to stay calm, but every time she got there, something Shelby said or did just set her off again. "Why can't she sleep in your bed and you take the floor or the couch?"
"Because Rachel, this is life. And life isn't always fair." It was more a matter of principles. Obviously the timing sucked, probably one of the worst moments to do it, but Shelby made her choice and she had to reinforce it. That was what it was about. Rachel had to learn to listen and respect her choices and the rules. She was the authority and Rachel had to accept that.
There was some back and forth, not so friendly, banter shared between the mother and daughter. There were some raised voices and groans as well. Lots of sighing and huffing too. Shelby just tried to get her to understand. Casey was their guest. She deserved a bed. It shouldn't have been a big deal. And, normally, it wouldn't be. But there were too many things to find that would shatter Rachel's little glass bubble. There were too many clues into the real Rachel. Nobody was allowed to see. She couldn't leave herself exposed to an aunt she literally just met no matter how friendly she seemed.
"Rachel, you're being ridiculous. It's just a few nights. Just until grandma and grandpa leave. Can't you just do what you're told for once?" Finally, Rachel just snapped. Defeated and exhausted, she just let it out.
"Fine! You know what? Give it to her. It was never really my room anyway. Maybe when she's done with it, you can just give it to another kid you want to adopt. Maybe you'll get lucky and Quinn will pop out another kid and you can just replace Beth too."
"Rachel! That was uncalled for." Shelby was stunned. "Get back here!" She called after Rachel just ran into her room, slamming and locking the door behind her. "Open this door right now!"
"Go away!" She yelled through the door. "I'm getting the stuff I need and then I'll sleep on the couch."
"Open the door!" She tried again and again and again, each time to no avail. Eventually, she gave up and just went to her room thankful that Beth slept through it.
Inside the room, Rachel searched for everything she could think of that could give anything away. She was happy to give up her room even if it was on a competition night and she would've preferred the comfortable quarters the room happened to provide. It was for her aunt. But on the off chance that she snooped, Rachel didn't want to leave anything behind that could implicate herself. She did nothing wrong.
As soon as she got everything she could think of like the razors and ruined sheets. She picked up things in the bathroom and put the first aid kit away. Everything she could think of was either properly hidden or taken with her. Once that was finished, she went downstairs to find that Maggie and Pete already went to bed and Shelby was avoiding everyone. Only Casey was there. Before going in there, though, she went to the office and offered her apologies to them. "I'm sorry for the way I acted. I'm not usually so insubordinate. I just have a lot on my mind with tomorrow and all." They assured her that all was ok and offered her their goodnights leaving Rachel free to talk to Casey; another conversation she wasn't sure she wanted to have.
"The room's ready for you." She said timidly. "I changed the sheets and I put an extra blanket on the chair."
"You know Rachel, I'm perfectly fine sleeping down here if you want to stay in your room."
"That's ok. It's not about you or the room. Shelby is just so…" She needed to talk to keep the part. She was the good daughter. She was the good girl.
"Frustrating?"
"Yeah, frustrating. She just surprised me with everything and she knows I get a little crazy before we compete. But I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcomed."
"You didn't. You're fine. I understand it." She stood from the couch and walked over to Rachel. "Thank you for letting me borrow your room. I promise not to touch much. Have a good night."
"Good night." Rachel responded as Casey walked away. Of all of them, Casey seemed the most understanding, the easiest one to get along with, and she only just met the woman. Whatever, Rachel just wanted to go to sleep; just sleep the, too numerous, bad days away. So that's what she'd try to do, but it wasn't easy. As Rachel settled into the couch, Shelby came down and tried to talk to her.
"Rachel, I know you're awake." Yes, she was pretending to be asleep. She just didn't have it in her to fight or talk or even try to be civil. The next day was an important one, a hard one, and she couldn't deal with Shelby on top of everything else. She was angry with the older woman and it had absolutely nothing to do with the room. "Please talk to me Rachel. How can I know what you're feeling when you don't tell me anything?" She just stood there unmoving. Rachel didn't even stir as she listened for Shelby's movements. "I'm sorry if I upset you. I shouldn't have just assumed that you'd be ok with everything when it was put in front of you. I shouldn't have done that. But what you said was not ok. It was hurtful and wrong. So, so wrong. Beth was never about replacing you. She is about fresh starts and love. I hope one day you see that." Again she waited for any response. "Say something. Please?" Still nothing… "I know tomorrow's important to you, and since we didn't have our weekly talk yesterday, we are going to have it one day during this week. We need it because obviously we have things we need to work out. But I do love you, and no one could ever replace you. Goodnight Rachel, I love you." She hated hearing those words. Every time she heard them, they just rang so false.
In a house full of people, she still felt alone. She was separate from the rest. They were a lovely gaggle of geese and she was the ugly duckling; the one that didn't belong. Wherever she turned, there was someone. Mr. and Mrs. Corcoran, as she was still calling them, were just down the hall. Shelby was in her room probably sleeping soundly with the monitor close to her bed. Beth was in hers. And Casey was in Rachel's. They were everywhere in the crowded house; never a moment alone. But that only made it worse, because it only made her feel more distant. They were her family and she never felt less a part of a group than she did with them and she didn't think that was possible; apparently it was. Genetics was one thing that connected them, but Beth would always belong more than she did.
Her house was not a home. Her family was not her own. She was but a fleeting moment, a passing particle in their cohesive unit. She wasn't a part of the Corcoran world and she didn't know how to change it. The way she felt couldn't just magically be fixed. She couldn't help the way she felt even though she wished she could. She did wish she felt different, but she knew the truth. She was an outsider. No accumulation of genes would change that. Beth belonged. Shelby belonged. Casey belonged. But she never would. She didn't belong anywhere.
Thinking those thoughts made sleep nothing more than a dream. And if all that wasn't enough, meeting the grandparents, learning about her aunt, losing her room, worrying about Regionals, all of that, there was still one more surprise in store for her. Then again, had there ever been a drama free competition? Sad thing was, it wasn't even the competition that would be the problem.
Hope you all enjoy the long chapter. Broke it in two because I had so many ideas and they didn't all fit.
I apologize for any grammar and spelling errors. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time…
I want to say that I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful comments. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and/or added this to their alerts. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think or if there's anything you'd like to see happen.