Disclaimer: Characters belong to Fresh Tv. I'm only writing this for fun.

~A/N~ After two chapters of seriousness and unintentionally dark subject matter, I'm hoping this chapter brings the jokes. Enjoy!

Chapter 7: Storytime!

Ella delicately removed the last strand of duct tape and carefully placed it on the basement floor. "There. All better."

Max stood up and stretched his arms out in front of his body. He calmly rubbed his sore wrists and turned to face Leonard and Ella. "Good work, underlings. For a pair of annoying imbeciles, you actually managed to do something right, so if we get out alive, you'll each get one sticker on your minion report card."

"Oh, I love stickers!" Ella exclaimed. "Especially the ones with adorable kittens on them!"

"And dragons!" Leonard added. "Don't forget dragons!"

"Yes, yes, kittens and dragons are nice, but we must come up with a perfect plan for escape immediately." Max approached the two teens and smiled. "Now, who has an idea? Any idea will do. There are no bad answers."

"Oh, me. I do!" Ella raised her hand.

"Yes, minion?" Max asked. "What's your diabolical escape plan?"

"We could politely ask Sugar to let us go." Ella touched Max on the cheek. "Kindness solves everyone's problems."

"No," Max deadpanned. He turned to Leonard. "What about you, lackey?"

Leonard rubbed his chin and immediately sprung his finger into the air. "Eureka! We could boil up a skin-melting potion and hit Sugar in the face with it. Then we could escape while she's screaming in agony!"

"Now that's an idea I could get behind," Max said. "If it was actually possible! Ugh, your ideas are stinky and un-un-useless! You should just leave this job to your humble and handsome master."

Max walked towards the stairway and looked back. "Watch and learn, minions. This is how evil pulls off an escape plan."

Ella and Leonard followed Max to the top of the stairs. Max nonchalantly approached the door and cleared his throat. "Excuse me, insolent door, but we must get through your passage. Now, would you please open up for your master."

Ella and Leonard shared a confused glance as Max eagerly awaited a response.

"Door, I'm warning you!" Max threatened the object, waving his fist in the air. "If you do not comply with my demand and reveal your passage, you will be melted into cheap cutlery when I take the universal throne! Now do as I say!"

Suddenly, the small slot in the door opened up, revealing a pair of menacing blue eyes. Max gasped and screamed. "You fiend!"

"Oh, shut it munchkin!" Sugar exclaimed, spraying Max in the face with water. The evil genius fell into Leonard and Ella, sending the three tumbling down the stairs.

Max sat up and groaned. "So much for 'Door-Whispering For Morons'. Stupid book!"

"Did we win?!" Ella said gleefully as she sat up next to Max. "If not, I could sing a song to cheer our spirits."

"Sorry, Madame, but this is a no singing zone," Max said. "And it shall stay that way until the end of time."

Ella sighed in disappointment as Leonard tapped Max on the shoulder. "Got any other ideas? I'm all out."

"Evil needs time to think," Max said. "Schemes don't happen overnight."

"Speaking of time," Ella said to Leonard. "How long do you think we've been down here?"

"No clue," Leonard answered. "Probably a few days."

"A few days?!" Max gasped. "You two have been here for a few days and still haven't gotten out... or died!"

"We're actually well fed," Leonard said. "Every night, or what I think is a night, Sugar tosses some half eaten steak down here."

Remembering that Sugar had pulled a piece of steak out of her cleavage earlier, Max gagged.

"Sometimes we get chicken skin as a bonus," Leonard continued. "If we're lucky, she'll even give us water."

"Sounds fascinating, but I have a question," Max said. "You two morons have been here for a few days, and haven't even tried to escape, right?"

"Oh, we've tried to escape," Ella told Max. "Multiple times."

"Yeah," Leonard said. "We've tried magic spells, magic beans, magic potions, Magic: The Gathering, Magic Johnson, Magic Mike, Magic with an exclamation mark at the end-"

"Okay, I get it!" shouted an annoyed Max. "I know you like magic. Now, tell me what else you've tried."

"We tried songs!" Ella interjected.

"No," Max moaned. "You don't know the first thing about breakouts."

"Oh, I had acne when I was twelve!" Leonard said. "I banished it to the depths of hell with a potion called 'Proactive."

"Not that breakout!" Max groaned. "I'm doomed."

"Oh, I get it," Ella said. "In that case, you might want to know how we got here in the first place."

Max's ears perked in interest. "Really? Do tell."

"Well..." Ella started.

Ella pranced up to Sugar's doorstep and hummed a merry tune. She rang the doorbell and eagerly awaited her friend's arrival.

The door opened and Ella burst into song. "My dear friend, Sugar, won't you play with me! Until we are friends, my soul won't be free!"

Sugar glared at Ella and let out a deep growl. "Get off my porch you scrawny rat!"

Ella touched Sugar's cheek. "Oh, Sugar. Why can't we be friends? If we were best friends, I'd do anything for you."

Sugar suddenly calmed down as an idea flashed in her slow mind. "Anything?"

"Of course. Anything for you, my faithful friend."

Sugar's face grew a nefarious grin as she grabbed Ella by the arm and dragged her inside. "Oh, I'm so about what I said. Will you ever forgive me?!" Sugar pleaded overdramatically and insincerely.

"Of course!" Ella squealed happily as Sugar slammed the door behind them.

"... and then she locked me up down here to wait for... something. She wasn't too clear." Ella finished her story and looked at Max.

"Interesting," he said. "And you?" Max asked Leonard.

Leonard cleared his throat. "Well, I was on quest to save my fair maiden, the lovely Sugar, from her boring life. She called me on my phone and then..."

Leonard strolled up to Sugar's door and rang the doorbell. When the door opened, Sugar gave the wizard wannabe an enormous hug. "Oh, wizard," Sugar sobbed. "I thought you were gone forever! We have to catch up, now come in so we can get our special day started!"

"Hold now, my lady," Leonard said, fighting against Sugar's tug. "I can't stay. I have an appointment with another dame in one day and I need to get ready."

"Another lady?" Sugar raised an eyebrow. "Who's this 'other lady?"

"It's Ella. You know, from Total Drama. She asked me to a feast and I said yes."

Sugar glared at Leonard as her eyes filled with tears. Suddenly, her fist shot forward, into Leonard's face. The wizard hit the driveway and fell out of consciousness as Sugar dragged him inside. "Traitor," she whispered in his ear.

"... then I woke up with Ella by my side, holding my hand." Leonard finished his tale and tapped Max on the nose. "So, how did you get captured?"

"Uh, evil doesn't get captured," Max scoffed. "Evil gets defeated unfairly in battle with his foe."

"You went down fighting?" Ella asked with shimmering enthusiasm. "Please, tell us!"

"Well, if you insist, I suppose I have no choice," Max said happily, glad that someone was interested in what he said. "Listen closely, minions, for you are about to hear the true and not fabricated story of how I, Max, was unfairly conquered in battle with the harpy witch called Sugar."

Ella and Leonard leaned in closely as Max began his tale.

Sugar was sitting on her couch, watching television, when she heard a small knock at the door. She immediately stood up and dashed down the hallway to greet her guest.

Before she could open the door, the chunk of wood was ripped off of it's hinges by a brute force.

"What's goin' on?!" Sugar gasped in fear as she fell on her rear end.

"Your doom!" boomed a loud voice from within the cloud of dust that had been stirred up for some weird reason. Lightning crashed and boomed around the house, even though there was not a cloud in sight.

Suddenly, the house was shaken as a hulking frame pushed it's way into the doorway. Sugar opened her eyes and saw a huge, buff, and incredibly hot evil genius with purple hair and no shirt. His abs gleamed with definition and his giant arms were like tree trunks.

"Time to evil!" Max laughed in a maniacal yet oddly attractive voice. "Prepare to eat your brains for breakfast, fool! For I, the amazingly hot and extremely gifted Max, have come to save my poor minions from your evil clutches! No longer will you torment them and do lewd things to them in the dark!"

"In your dreams, you handsome and sexy man!" Sugar screeched, pulling out an AK-47 from behind her back. She let shots fire at the evil genius, but each bullet bounced off of Max's pecs as if they were shields.

When Sugar was out of ammunition, Max taunted her. "Fool! You should know that evil has pectoral powers! Time to evil!" Max said as he approached Sugar.

Suddenly, Sugar disappeared in a flash of light just as Max was about to get his hands around her neck. "Confound you, Sugar!"

Max turned around at the sound of heavy breathing to see Sugar standing behind him, breathing heavily with her eyes glowing red. Suddenly, the pageant queen began to grow in size until she was towering over the farmhouse.

Max smiled and pulled out a pair of scimitars from his pants. "Time to evil!" Max screamed as he leapt into the air and dug his blades into Sugar's leg.

The giant squealed in pain and tried to shake Max off, but the genius was too persistent for her slow wits, allowing him to launch himself up to her face. Max prepped his swords for one last attack as Sugar gazed in horror at the incoming blow. Thinking fast, she inhaled deeply and released a massive breath that blew Max away.

In mid air, Max dropped his swords and sprouted bat wings. With the power of flight, he soared towards Sugar and pulled a bolt of black lightning from his pants and threw it into Sugar's eye, blinding her and allowing Max to hit her where it hurt: her hair.

"Eat flames of darkness, foul demon!" Max launched a massive fireball into Sugar's bun, setting it on fire and burning her blonde locks to a crisp.

"You monster!" Sugar screamed in a deep voice. "My bun! Your gonna die!"

Sugar formed a massive ball of pink energy and raised it at Max. Unable to dodge, the genius was sucked into the ball of light.

Sugar cheered at her victory until the ball exploded, revealing a Max that was even more buff and handsome than before.

"Oh, God! You're too hot!" Sugar was blinded by Max's radiant glow, but she pulled a giant mirror out of her cleavage and reflected the glow back at the genius.

"No!" Max screamed as he felt his wings dissipate. "I'm too sexy for myself. My evil isn't strong enough!" He fell to Earth, where Sugar scooped him up in her hands and shrunk back down to size.

"Gotcha!" Sugar cheered. "You've been Sugared!"

"... and that is how Sugar tricked, uh, I mean cheated me down here... or something!"

Ella and Leonard had their jaws on the floor.

"That was awesome," Leonard said. "It's like I was there!"

"I agree," Ella said. "It was a bit violent for my liking, but it sure sounded interesting."

"Of course it was interesting," Max said. "It was about me! Now, how do we get out of this hole?"

Leonard and Ella looked at Max in confusion.

"Uh, escape? I don't know," Ella said.

Leonard nodded. "Yeah. We've been here for Merlin knows how long, and I don't think there's a way out."

Max sighed in frustration. "No need to worry. There's always a way out because..." He paused.

"Yeah?" Leonard asked, leaning in close with Ella by his side.

"She's screwing with the wrong evil."

~A/N~ I promised comedy, so there it is in it's random and nonsensical glory. That'd better be hilarious, because it's easily the funniest thing I've ever written , and this has easily been my favorite chapter so far. Reviews = cookie, so tell me your thoughts on today's... thing.