I spent most of the day hiding in my room
I spent most of the day hiding in my room. I had no desire to face the crew now that the 'secret' engagement was exposed. I do believe I worried Captain, for he sent a man to serve me food twice. I do not know whom, but I know that he knocked twice, and by the time I had opened the door, he was gone.
I quickly become agitated in my room turned prison. Hiding out in my room was my own choice, but by nightfall, I had begun to curse Prabir in my head. I called him everything I could think of, from silly to nancy boy to the worst of sailors' curses. In the end, I even ended up cursing him in different languages. Captain's native tongue, French, Latin, and the few Spanish and Asian I knew.
When I had exhausted myself of insults to curse Prabir with, I found myself pacing uneasily. I knew I could easily beat Prabir, but the wait to do so was killer. I found myself fidgeting with one project only to end it suddenly and start another a moment later. I could not focus on anything, and in the end, I stubbed my toe.
I slumped down to the ground and rubbed my sore toe. This was utterly useless! I could not continue to just sit here, and sleep was all but impossible with my mind racing in anticipation. With resolve, I decided to go and find Maitreya and speak with him. I know he was most upset with me for my supposed 'engagement,' I shuddered, but he would understand if I explained at least a little. It would not cause Prabir to take unnecessary actions if I told him a little…
I slipped off my shoes and slipped on my sole-less slippers, for I had no intentions of being heard. I opened and closed my door as silently as possible so as not to alert anyone walking nearby, and as quietly as I could, I slid down the halls. I hoped to get lucky and catch him as the shifts changed. Or perhaps on his way to the bathroom, I am not picky.
I suddenly heard a voice and froze. Oh Kali, it was Prabir! I quickly dived into the nearest conjoining hallway and pressed myself against the wall. If Kali was on my side, I would not be caught for I do not believe I could stand another of his superior looks.
It took several heart pounding moments of me pressed against the wall to realize the voices were not getting closer, but were in fact quite stationary. I cautiously pushed off the wall and took a few steps toward the cracked door where Prabir's voice came from, and heard Maitreya's voice as well!
What was going on? What reason could the man who was blackmailing me have for talking to the man who had wanted to marry me? It made no sense, and suddenly I was hoping that they were not arguing. More specifically, I hoped they were not arguing about me. I leaned closer to the door in fear. They actually did sound upset, and despite my conscious, I could not help listening:
"-Crazy! I've kept the charade up for years, and it's been enough! How could you suddenly-?" It was Maitreya, and he seemed to be trying not to scream as Prabir cut him off. "-Dong you see? If I marry her, the cover is set. There'll be no room for rumor and we can-"Prabir seemed exasperated as he tried to explain, and I felt myself growing cold as Maitreya cut him off, "-Can what? Continue our relationship as an affair because you blackmailed my best friend into marrying you to stop the rumor that you fancy men!"
I gasped in horror as Prabir quieted loudly, coving my own noise. Oh Kali! Prabir and Maitreya? I felt like ice had been injected into my veins as I stood there. Their betrayal cut deep. Maitreya had kept such an important thing from me. How could he? Did he believe I would turn him away from the Nautilus? How could he?
"I did it for us, Maitreya! So that when Marina is Captain she can protect us from the men who are less forgiving to our positions…" His voice trailed then, and then turned desperate. "For gods' sake Maitreya, do you think I've been enjoying this? It makes me sick what I'm doing to that poor girl. I'm keeping her from the one she loves. The exact same thing they do to us! I hurt her. Most unforgivably, I hurt you…" He trailed off again and my paralyzed body remained until I heard a moan.
Then I ran.
Slipping down the halls in my sole-less slippers, I ran until I could barely breathe, ignoring the few I passed and their stares. I must have looked sick. Sick, horrified, and betrayed. I was being used, and it was really, truly that simple.
Tomorrow, Prabir would fight with all his heart, because he believed that to be the only way to keep his secret safe. Maitreya would hate me whether I won or lost. For ruining what Prabir had sacrificed, or for marrying him.
This was cruel and unfair. How could I fight against someone with ammo such as his? If I lost…Not that I would…but if I did…
I would lose everything…
With the weight of such burdens blinding me, I did not even realize I had made it to the latter that lead to the deck. Not surprisingly, we were gliding about thirty feet out of the water, and I climbed the latter expectantly. I could see the stars, and maybe they would encourage me…
At night, the wind was even more brisk, the water colder and more surprising since you never could tell where it would attack. I walked slowly to the railing in front of me and leaned into the freezing metal, which numbed my arms almost instantly. I looked towards the sky expectantly, and frowned along with my disappointment. The sky was cloudy, and no stars shown through.
I gave a loud sigh, the closest to cursing I could get, and closed my eyes in defeat. Without thinking, I leaned down and pressed my forehead to the railing. After my first jolt from the cold, I relaxed and leaned fully against it. You hear people say it all the time, they say:
"I'd rather freeze than burn. Burning hurts, freezing is just like going to sleep."
I wanted to sleep there, cold and without problems. I was truly considering doing so, until-
"You'll catch cold if you stay like that," Henry warned me, and I smiled at his concern. He leaned against the railing beside me, and I could tell his gaze was on me. "Would you like to talk about it?" he asked, and I grinned. Standing upright I signed, "Talk?" and laughed softly as he colored slightly. He managed an embarrassed grin, "You know what I mean. Would you like to tell me about it?" he asked. I smiled fondly, but shook my head, for I could not burden him with something only I could solve.
He looked away, then at the ground as he fiddled with the hem of his vest. "Marina," he said softly, and I listened intently. He gave a small sigh, and then cleared his throat. Twice. "W-well, um, I just wanted to say…" he faltered, and I held my breath. "To say, well…" he failed again, and then seemed to suddenly give up. "I hope things work out for you," he said quietly, and seemed angry with himself. I sighed, and must have looked as crushed as I felt, because he made a small noise of shock and took me into his arms.
I knew it was a dream, a wish, but if he could only love me, and tell me so, the problems could resolve themselves. He did not though, and I had to be content with breathing deeply his scent, and holding him tightly.
I did not want to lose him. I wanted to be always by his side. To keep him, I would have to make things work out for myself, no matter what. Who cares if the sky was cloudy? Henry was all the encouragement I needed.
My own personal star…
Side Note:
SQUEE! I don't believe it! I made it to chapter 30!! Throws a party for everyone Thank you all so much, I couldn't have done it without your support and motivation! I hope you continue Marina's journey with her until the end! Thank you!
On another note, I hope everyone who hates Prabir (and I know that's most of you) can at least forgive him a little, he is, afterall, in a bad situation...
On another note, how awesome is it that Prabir and Maitreya's secret is set loose on the 30th chapter? lol Sorry, just thought it was cool...haha