Tissues...?
Jack woke in the night, uncomfortably hot. Ianto, being Welsh, was perpetually cold, and Jack was about to tuck his half of the duvet around Ianto when another cramp hit him. Jack tried to lie still and breathe through it.
"S'wrong?" Ianto asked sleepily beside him.
"Shh. 'Nother cramp. It's alright, just sleep."
"Jack…."
"It's fine, Yan, really. You heard Martha, I'm healthy. Please just sleep, sweetheart?"
"I can't sleep while you're in pain, Jack," Ianto said, sitting up.
"It'll go away in a minute."
"I'm worried, though. This is the fourth time in a couple days."
"It's easing up, Yan. C'mere, just hold me. Told you, it's just a little tougher for me, but it's ok. I can deal with it."
Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack and pulled him close. "I just don't like seeing you hurting. Never did."
Jack smiled fondly. "Been looking out for me since that first moment."
"And I'll keep doing it."
"So will I."
"Think you can get some more sleep? You really need it."
Jack yawned and nodded. "Guess I do. Stay?"
"Where would I go?" Ianto smiled.
"How long have I known you? You wake up in the night, and next morning the place is spotless."
"So we've got cleaning elves."
Jack smirked. "Yeah. Ones called Ianto Jones."
"Jones-Harkness."
Jack pulled Ianto in for a kiss. "Sleep."
"Morning. How are you feeling?"
"Ok."
"Just ok?"
"I'm pregnant, Ianto. I'm fine."
"Do you feel like eating?"
"A little."
"Tea and toast alright?"
Jack nodded and sat down at the breakfast table. "Banana too, I think. Potassium will help the cramping."
Ianto still felt rather helpless, but hoped Jack was right about the bananas. He poured a couple mugs of tea but when he turned, he found Jack doubled over, his face contorted in pain.
"Christ, Jack. I can't stand this. I'm ringing Martha."
"Don't bother her, Yan," Jack gasped. "She was just here."
"You are in agony. That's not right. Something's wrong, Jack."
"You can't expect a typical 21st century pregnancy…," Jack said, "my own dad's pregnancy was rough. It's just -" Jack started, getting up to fetch the milk from the counter. But as he stood, he wobbled and then collapsed on the kitchen floor.
"Oh god," Ianto breathed, frozen in panic. "Jack? Jack! Come on…." Ianto knelt down and shook Jack gently.
"What…. Fuck, did I fall 'sleep?" Jack mumbled.
"You passed out, Jack! Come on, you're having a lie-down," Ianto said, helping Jack up and into the living room to lie on a sofa. "Do not get up," Ianto warned, sprinting upstairs for his phone.
Hello, Joneses! Is this – finally – a 'thank you' call about the banana tree?
"Doctor, he needs you. Now. Like, immediately-now. Not 'now' like in 6 months. Now."
What's happened?
"I don't know. I think something's really wrong. Please."
On my way.
"Thank you. Mind the roses."
Ianto ran back down to Jack and knelt beside the sofa. "I've rang the Doctor."
"Ianto… it's just a little cramp."
Ianto clenched his teeth and glared as he stood up. "You've been saying that for days. I have seen you bloody impaled – no jokes! – but never have I seen you in this kind of torture. This is why men aren't meant to get pregnant. You especially. You'll tough everything out because you're so used to taking everything and not dying. Well, I'm not used to it! I'm fucking terrified!"
"You're terrified? Of what? What you don't know? I'm from the 51st century; I am perfectly capable of pregnancy. So if you want to be provincially-minded, try it someplace else!"
"This is nothing to do with -"
Ianto was interrupted by the TARDIS engines outside the window. He hurried out to the Doctor to bring him in to the living room. "He's been having awful pain for the last couple days. He keeps brushing it off, but he passed out just before I rang you this morning."
"I'm fine, Doctor," Jack insisted. "My husband just refuses to believe that this is the way it always is."
The Doctor cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable standing in the middle of a domestic quarrel. "Mr. Jones… I was wondering if I could have a cup or two of that brilliant coffee of yours?"
Ianto gave him a look of mild wariness, knowing the Doctor just wanted him out of the room. "Certainly. I'll just be a moment," Ianto said stiffly, walking out of the room.
"Jack…," the Doctor started, perching on the coffee table in front of Jack. "You've been pregnant before?"
"Yeah. Well, kinda. A long time ago."
"A long time as in?"
"Before we met."
"And what happened then?"
"I was in a time-loop for 5 years with my partner. I got pregnant. But after about three months, we finally got outta that damned time-loop and it… well…."
"Biological reset."
"Yeah."
"Was that pregnancy anything like this?"
"Not really," Jack shrugged. "But I figured that would have come eventually. It's just… male pregnancies, right? My own dad… he used to say mum had it a lot easier with my brother. I've never known a guy who didn't go through hell. One worse than the last."
"Always one-upping one another, you mean?"
Jack snorted. "Yeah, kinda." Then he looked up. "Fish stories?"
"Pretty much. 51st century. You're all the same. And, actually… I should have known that."
"Known what?"
"Ah, coffee. Lovely. Thank you," the Doctor said as Ianto returned and handed him a mug.
"You're welcome."
"One more little favour, if I might ask?" the Doctor said, setting the coffee aside as if he never had any intention of drinking it.
Ianto gave him a tired look.
"Could you just slip in under Jack's shoulders and prop him up a bit?"
"'Course," Ianto said, sitting down as Jack sat up and fixing a scatter pillow under Jack's head as he lie back down. "Sorry I shouted," Ianto said softly to Jack.
"I'm sorry, too. I know you're scared," Jack said, reaching for Ianto's hand. "Known what, Doc?"
The Doctor was quiet for a moment. "As I started to say… all those stories about how bad those pregnancies were…. That's a 'guy' thing, apparently," the Doctor shrugged. "Everybody wants to have been through the worst."
"I figured. It's the wrist-straps all over again. Always a bloody pissing contest."
"Yes, well… the point is, Mr. Jones, you are correct, it shouldn't be that bad, really. Not by 51st century standards."
"Ok, so what's that mean?" Jack asked.
The Doctor took out his screwdriver and scanned Jack, head to toe. The look that came over him wasn't good. "I should have known," he muttered.
"Known what?" Jack asked for the third time, and beginning to grow impatient.
The Doctor sighed, barely able to meet Jack or Ianto's eyes. "51st century DNA and 20th century DNA."
"What do you mean?" Ianto asked quietly.
"They just don't quite match up. There are a few little evolutions that… well, one sort of just… doesn't recognize the other."
"Doctor?" Jack said, trying to understand what he meant.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"What… why?"
"It's like a zipper," Ianto said flatly, "the DNA. If they don't fit together right, it doesn't go. I think… I think it's… not good, is it, Doctor?"
The Doctor shook his head.
"Doctor, wait…," Jack said, sitting up slowly from Ianto's lap. "You can't mean…."
"He does, Jack. Same thing happened to Rhi, just after I started at uni. Only, not because of different centuries, obviously." If Ianto had thought it was difficult to see Jack in pain, seeing him looking so numbed was devastating.
Jack stood up and walked calmly out of the house as if nothing bothered him in the least.
Ianto remained sitting for a minute, not sure he'd be able to stand steadily. He took a long, shaky breath and tried to hold himself together. Jack would need him, he told himself.
"Doctor… I gather you're about the nearest thing to omniscient or a god there is in this universe. Can you… is there any kind of explanation? I don't just mean this, I mean everything. His whole life. He's never had a break from the time he was a child. Why does the Universe or whatever it is… why him?"
"I don't know, Mr. Jones," the Doctor said softly. "And I'm not sure I could stand knowing. Maybe whatever-it-is knows the ones who will have someone to help them find peace, though."
Ianto shook his head slowly as if that didn't explain it at all to him. "Excuse me," he said, getting up and following the direction Jack went.