Chapter 4
Sami Brady sat alone in her mother's living room, staring out the window onto the softly lit streets of the Horton Town Square. I was 1 a.m., but there were still people milling about, laughing and having a good time.
Today is my wedding day, she thought with a soft grin.
She should be in bed. She'd had a terribly long day. Final preparations on decorations, the menu and a last minute cake adjustment had drained her. The rehearsal had been a bit of a joke. EJ hadn't paid any attention to the minister and no one even seemed to care if everything went according to plan.
Carrie's wedding plans had always been important, she thought selfishly.
She knew what people were saying about her. She'd had so many weddings, did this one even matter? Would it actually happen anyway?
They'd decided to follow at least one wedding tradition and spend the night before the wedding apart. Sami had agreed to take the children to her mother's condo and EJ remained at the mansion.
Sami believed in tradition. She'd been through a lot of failed weddings and marriages. Maybe following a few traditions would increase her odds have having one work?
The night had gone well. The kids loved their grandmother. Games, movies and family fun had left everyone exhausted and long since in bed...everyone except the bride.
Sami couldn't rest. She felt...off. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong.
Twice, she'd picked up the phone to call EJ just to check in. Twice, she'd thought better of it and put the phone back down. He loved her. She loved him. She was just being paranoid.
"I've had enough bad weddings to be easily spooked," she said aloud.
EJ had been acting so strangely at the rehearsal. He'd been distracted. Distant.
Did he feel it, too?
Sami knew that she loved EJ. He was the father of two of her children. He was gorgeous, powerful and passionate. He understood her darkness and accepted her for her true self. Sami knew she was selfish and impulsive, but EJ could always be counted upon to save her from herself.
She'd loved some pretty incredible men in her life. Austin, Lucas, Rafe...each man had shown her something new about herself. She'd tried to be the woman that each man had needed. Each time had been an utter failure.
Had that failure been because EJ was forever lurking in the shadows?
Enemy, friend, co-conspirator, lover...Sami and EJ had been everything that two people could be to one another. They always found their way back together.
Was there too much history?
Was she just waiting for history to repeat itself and her world to fall apart?
She closed her eyes. Was she making a mistake?
If EJ wasn't her happily ever after, she must surely be doomed to never have one. Who else could accept her, flaws and all, and still love her?
They fit.
But so had Lucas...her traitorous mind reminded her.
Lucas had only ever asked one thing of Sami... He'd wanted her to walk away from EJ Dimera. He'd had every right to ask that of her. EJ had hurt him over and over. He'd hurt them both. Why hadn't she been able to do it?
She'd finally accepted that the answer was pretty simple. She loved him. He alone would never judge or condemn her...anymore. How could he? He'd moved heaven and earth to have her. He would never leave her.
With Rafe, she'd always known it was only a matter of time before her true self came out and she pushed Rafe away. Rafe needed a pretty damsel in distress to protect. He needed a fairy tale princess. He couldn't handle Sami's impulsive behavior. He'd been too rigid for her. Not that they hadn't tried to make things work.
Austin had and would always belong to her sister Carrie.
Of all of the men in her life, only Lucas and EJ had accepted her for who she was, flaws and all.
EJ had always had a power over her. No matter what they did to one another, the pull was always there.
Was it love? Was it desire? Was it obsession?
Or was their relationship founded on two people settling for someone who didn't push them to change? Her mother had asked that question many times. Sami had always brushed it away.
Lucas had grown tired of scheming and her lies. He'd grown up. He'd become a wonderful man. He had only asked her to grow with him.
Was her mother right? Was Sami simply too afraid to move on with her life? Was that why she could not keep herself from getting into trouble?
She thought of her daughters, Ally and Sidney. Would she want this kind of life for her daughters? Would she accept this kind of relationship for them?
No. Sami had never been able to accept anything short of perfection in the people around her. She had interfered in every relationship that everyone close to her had ever had.
EJ did make her happy, though. After eight years, she still found him fascinating. Maddening. Infuriating. EJ would never bore her.
He worshipped her.
But that love had not stopped him from having relationships with Nicole, her sister Taylor and even Kate.
Would his obsession with her burn out? Would they burn each other out?
Could a relationship this tumultuous be sustained over forty years?
She walked over to her mother's mantle and ran her fingers over a photo from John and Marlena's most recent wedding.
She'd had a long journey to accept her mother's relationship with John Black, but she understood his hold over her. Marlena had walked away from a happy marriage and family because she'd found a passion she could not resist. Their love had almost destroyed her father and had driven Sami to some of the darkest moments of her life. She'd kidnapped her own sister, lied and faked paternity tests.
Twenty years later, Sami had grown up enough to understand her mother's love for John. Maybe they were soul mates?
But John had pushed her mother too far. Was their separation proof that fires too hot would eventually burn out, leaving nothing but desolation and devastation in their wake?
"Why are you still awake?"
She turned at the sound of her mother's voice from the doorway. She sighed and shook her head.
"I can't sleep, mom."
Marlena smiled. She knew her daughter well. They may not always get along, but Marlena understood Sami.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Sami had often resented the Dr. Evans treatment, but her mother's ability to help people work through their problems had made her a renowned psychiatrist.
"I'm afraid I'm making a mistake with EJ," she admitted in a rare moment of weakness. Sami hated her mother to see her vulnerable.
Marlena smiled knowingly and motioned for them to it on the sofa.
"Why is that?"
Sami sat beside her mother and shook her head.
"I love EJ," she said. "I love EJ in a way that scares me. We can be so good together. But we have also been so bad together. Can I really ignore all of that and pretend it never happened?"
Marlena had the same reservations about this relationship. EJ and Sami were so much alike. Both were prone to self destructive behavior and capable of anything. Neither had ever shown much of a conscience. She had tried to keep those feelings to herself, but Sami knew how her mother felt about EJ Dimera.
On top of the last name, EJ had hurt her daughter on so many occasions.
Sami had been willing to kill Nick Fallon for hurting her son and threatening his relationship with is daughter. She understood a mother's need to protect her children.
"What would you like me to say, Sami? Would you like me to say that you've been very happy with EJ lately and that happiness trumps the pain you've caused each other? Only you can decide that."
Sami nodded. They had been happy lately. But had they ever been happy for more than a few months at a time?
"I'm always telling people that EJ has changed, but I know that isn't true. Neither have I. We are both willing to do anything to get what we want...no matter the cost. Right now, we are united in what we want. That's why we are so good together. But that can't always be the case," she admitted.
Marlena tried to control her expression to keep from betraying her shock. She'd never heard Sami speak with such clarity and maturity.
"Do you trust EJ? Do you trust yourself?" Marlena asked simply.
Sami ran her hands through her hair and shook her head.
"I trust that we love each other," she said.
"That's not what I asked you and you know it," Marlena said. "You've both loved many people."
Sami glared at her mother and smirked. Fair enough.
"I know we will lie to each other again. It's not just EJ. It's who I am, too."
Marlena nodded. "Does that make your relationship easier? Knowing you'll get hurt keeps you guarded and prevents you from getting hurt as badly?"
Sami sighed. Her mother was right.
"Am I making a mistake?" she asked again.
Marlena shook her head.
"I can't answer that, baby girl," she said softly. "Can you?"