Ch. 15: My Honor is My Own to Reclaim
Eily blinked back her surprise, too confused to answer as her eyes narrowed down on the hobbit. But his face did not falter; it did not even flush from her scrutiny. He simply looked down at her, smiling kindly and placidly like a cool river to a man dying of thirst.
"I mean it. Why should either of us stay? We're not really members of this company."
There was a painful sting of truth in those words for Eily; but it could not be denied that neither she nor Bilbo were obvious or organic additions to the party. She had an easier time of things than him surely, but Bilbo was right in sensing that while she may someday be a dwarf of Erebor, she was still beardless and homeless, and her trust in Thorin (and so the others) was disintegrating.
Bilbo considered her lack of response for a moment with a compassionate air, but continued.
"I am not a dwarf Eily, I don't belong on this journey… and you do not belong in the Blue Mountains."
There was sharpness to his tone that Eily had never heard before: it made her pause and stare into the hobbit's eyes, where she found a resoluteness and strength she had not expected.
"Bilbo…" she breathed, unsure how to respond, "I…"
"You?" Bilbo smirked, prodding her verbally.
She turned her head, staring blankly at the shafts of daisies, avoiding his steady gaze.
"I can't Bilbo. You see, that mountain, those dwarves, it's who I am. And as much as I may want to run, to hide away from all… this," she gestured to her beardless jaw, eyes crestfallen, "I can't. I can't just run away to the Shire with you. It would be a life and death without honor, and not just for me."
He could not possibly understand just how many would suffer should she fail to destroy the Arkenstone, but he perceived gravity in her words.
Bilbo's voice was soft and melancholy above her, "You can't live and die just for them Eily."
He could not perceive of a life such as hers, conceived in magic for a single purpose: choices were not among the blessings counted by her kind.
She was made by the mountain as a gift to the dwarves of Erebor, for the line of Durin: to protect and serve them faithfully and deliver them back to the mountain.
Only now that she had a life and a will and a name of her own did that purpose ring hollow. Only after tasting the water, breathing the air, and feeling the warmth of another's hands entwined in her hair did living an unchosen life seem wasteful.
"I was made for this quest, no matter the end."
Bilbo's lips tightened into a resolute frown, his gentle earthen eyes combing the ground as though the answer lay in the dust and flowers.
"Then it seems," he was near inaudible, "that so was I."
She turned again to face him, his curls falling across his forehead as he leaned down over her.
"No Bilbo, I cannot ask that of you, I cannot."
But that strange streak of mettle, (which Bilbo would later explain to her as his 'Tookishness') ran swift up his back, evening his voice and putting strength into his eyes.
"You're my friend Eily. And I will not abandon you to torment and captivity, not of Thorin's making or any other."
And his voice conveyed that he meant it. That though he wouldn't choose it, indeed would rather go anywhere else, he would aide her in her return to the mountain, and ask nothing for himself but her friendship.
An unselfish promise, made to her, Eily Vividstone, regardless of her beardless face or accursed mother.
A promise and bond all her own.
"Oh Bilbo!" she sighed shakily, not near tears but a bit rattled with appreciation, "Thank you."
At that she lurched up, embracing the hobbit tightly and pulling him down over her. He was warm and his soft curls tickled her face and neck as she crumpled the back of his velvet jacket in her fists, holding fast to him like he was the last anchor of her world.
And though her eyes were closed, she could feel the hobbit smiling as his embrace tightened to match hers.
It seemed only fitting that the first being who held her hand and professed friendship to her should also be her first embrace.
It was a short moment before they realized they were entangled in a compromising position in the dirt, and they were thankful they were hidden by the tall flowers, though they would have only laughed at their curious onlookers.
For theirs was a true friendship devoid of any physical awkwardness between male and female.
The two smiled widely at one another, faces flushed from giddiness and the midday sun.
"So," Eily began without ceremony, reclining again in the flowers for she found (to her surprise) she rather enjoyed it, "what is our plan?"
Bilbo grunted his amusement, for he had flopped down next to her, the two lying flat on their backs in the high flowers, fingers laced across their stomachs and staring into the clouds.
"It seems most prudent that I should wait for the company to leave, so that Thorin believes I shall be in the hands of his kin."
"Certainly," Bilbo granted.
There was a long pause.
"I shouldn't tell Gandalf of this, should I?" Bilbo sighed; though both knew it was not a question. Thorin had made no secret of Gandalf's choice to allow Thorin to take her for his own, and the hobbit had been deeply aggrieved to hear of it. Both now knew they would be acting against the wizard's wishes, and while it caused no small amount of disquiet in Bilbo's mind he simply could not surrender Eily to Thorin. Dragons and mountains be damned.
"No, we cannot speak of this to anyone," Eily insisted.
She sighed tightly, the reality of their scheming beginning to set in. She had never deceived anyone before, especially not Gandalf, whom she had traveled with since the evening of her birth. This brought her to a terrible realization.
"I don't know how to get back to the mountain."
Bilbo snorted amusedly.
There was a tight pause.
"You're joking?"
Eily remained silent but chewed the inside of her cheek gently.
"Oh you've just got to be… how can a dwarf not know their way back to their own mountain? Don't you have some manner of magical… something?"
Bilbo's hands were stiffly gesturing through the air until he let escape a frustrated sigh, covering his face in exasperation.
Eily sputtered in her own defense, but was in reality quite embarrassed and even ashamed. She should not have relied so heavily on Gandalf, or on her presumptions that the dwarves of Erebor would eagerly return to the mountain.
"I left the mountain not two days after being born and have been on the road since! Gandalf always knew the way, and I had always been under the impression I would return with a company at my back! Gandalf had promised me his aide… Could you find the Shire again if Elrond did anything short of put you on the East road itself? And let me assure you there are no such roads East of the Misty Mountains! It's treacherous and wild lands from here to Erebor!"
"Then it would seem we need Gandalf's help, yet we cannot tell him."
The two shifted against the dust and grass uncomfortably, stuck once again.
It was a long while before Bilbo spoke (on a topic not related to "what does that cloud resemble").
"I must remain with the company until we've crossed the Misty Mountains," Bilbo said suddenly, "It is the only way for us to make it to the mountain. I've seen a few of Elrond's maps, once we're across, it should be a simple task of heading East to the Lonely Mountain, it will be easy to spot. I will leave with the company, and you shall follow our trail until such time as I can sneak away to meet you."
"Yes but… how can I follow you without being discovered? Dwarves are not known for their tracking Bilbo, me least of all."
Bilbo's brow furrowed, that was a stumper.
"Eily… what do you know about moon runes?"
Eily cocked an eyebrow, her mother had taught her just about everything there was to know about the methods dwarves utilized the moonlight with, moon letters were among the more mundane to someone with her arcane knowledge.
Bilbo judged this look to be sufficient, "Before you and Fili were returned to us, Thorin, Balin, and Gandalf called me into a meeting with Lord Elrond. He used a stone to reflect moonlight into Thorin's map."
Eily shot upright, her eyes widened on Bilbo, "Elrond possess one of the kheledâl—tharakh?"
Bilbo simply looked up at her flatly, "I have no idea what that means Eily."
She snorted, rolling her eyes as if speaKing to an imbecile, "A reflecting rock. It's an incredibly rare stone, prized among dwarves and elves for its ability to harness, reflect, and enhance moonlight and starlight. It can even be used to store the light for a short time."
"Yes, that sounds right. Elrond placed the map on it and when the moon came from behind a cloud the light seemed to be magnified in the stone. He used it to read the moon runes."
A grin began to crawl across Eily's face, delight and mischief in her eyes, "You're recalling the silver pen I showed you earlier! The one I took from the troll horde. You mean to leave me moon runes!"
Bilbo smiled triumphantly, crossing his arms behind his head leisurely in confirmation.
"Bilbo that's brilliant! You'll go ahead with the company, and I'll follow a few days behind. You can leave moon runes for me to follow along the way and once we've passed the mountains you can establish a place to meet me! Then we'll sneak away and beat Thorin to the mountain!"
She rummaged through her larger belt pouch and pulled out the silver pen, whose tip was comprised of mithril and enchanted by the dwarves of the first age. Its value probably exceeded that of Bilbo's entire estate in Hobbiton, yet she handed it to him enthusiastically and without hesitation. Fili was the only other who knew she had it and he had not come close to guessing it's true significance when he first saw it, but Eily had recognized it for what it was instantly.
"Now we just need for you to steal some of Elrond's kheledâl—tharakh!"
It seemed Bilbo had not gotten that far.
"W-what?"
The dwarves of Erebor gathered together for lunch late that day, delayed by Thorin who had insisted he wanted to join them.
The dwarves had gotten into the habit of simply gathering outside the kitchen shortly before each meal, taking what they wished in large servings and setting their own table near their quarters. They sat on the ground as few dwarf sized chairs were available, but cushions had been provided and several short decorative tables had been pushed together to produce a passable eating surface.
It was as Ori and Dori were rolling in a barrel of wine that Balin had arrived, announcing that Thorin would join them today rather than dining with the elf Lord or the wizard.
This had been a glad tiding to all but Fili, who had been quiet and tense all day, and now sat stiffly between his brother and Bombur, who every so often nudged at Fili when a joke was made or the conversation got particularly stimulating to urge him to join in.
Thorin arrived, unapologetic about his tardiness and sauntering slowly to the barrel to get his own wine from the tap. He took his place at the head of the table briskly, holding his goblet high to signal for silence. It was an oddly formal gesture so the company hushed carefully.
"Thank you very much for waiting. I have spoken with Gandalf and he agrees we shall set out again in four days. Everyone please be sure to thank the Lord Elrond for his gracious hospitality."
The dwarves all nodded and seemed unabashedly cheerful to hear that their journey would recommence before the end of June. Some began to chatter again but Fili's eyes remained trained on Thorin who had not sat down but merely took a hearty swallow of his wine.
"I should add before we dine, that the Lady Eily will not be joining us any further on this quest,"
At this the table again fell silent.
"After the incident with the river, Gandalf and I have found her presence here inappropriate. It is simply too dangerous for the only daughter of a First Mother to accompany us. I have decided her value lies elsewhere. There is no dishonor in this, as I have insisted upon it. I have already written to our kin in the Blue Mountains. They shall ride to gather her with all speed, and she shall find a place there among our people until such time as the mountain is retaken."
Fili could feel the blood drain from his face.
He looked around him tightly, certain his kin would see the deception in this: the others seemed to be agreeing with Thorin implicitly.
"It's for the best I think," Bofur nodded, "such a young thing as her shouldn't be goin off on dangerous missions such as this."
"Aye, and she's not of the blood so it's no shame to her," Dwalin added, "should she wish it there'll be other battles in later years."
The table seemed to be nothing but acceptance of this decision.
Fili was flabbergasted.
Did they really not see what his Uncle was doing?
Fili could not help but admit to himself that the idea of Eily leaving the quest was comforting. He would no longer have to watch out for her, he could sleep soundly knowing she was in the care of his kin in the Blue Mountains, and moreover he would not have to endure the thoughts that plagued him each time his Uncle looked at her, or the shooting pains in his gullet each time Kili spoke of her.
But though it would bring him comfort, would even ease his suffering, he could not allow it.
He could not trade her freedom for his own relief.
To go to the Blue Mountains under Thorin's order would be tantamount to imprisonment. With no family or position of her own she'd be no more than Thorin's future conquest, no doubt being held in their house (probably against her will) until she would be carried off to Erebor to become his hostage bride (that, or exiled for rebuking Thorin's affections).
But what if that was not the truth?
What if she wanted to go to the Blue Mountains, what if she wanted to be Thorin's bride?
No: that was absurd. He could not believe that the dwarf he saw standing in the freezing mud and rain to encourage an aging pony forward would ever willingly have her independence stripped from her at Thorin's pleasure. The Eily who had slept under the stars with him, had bathed in the freezing river, shared his pipe weed, and cooked him that infernal strawberry covered rabbit would never abandon the reclamation of her family honor to another.
He smiled quietly under his beard as he thought back on that morning she had made a poultice for his inflamed face. How her eyes had glittered with amusement and culpability when they realized it was the strawberries she had used to garnish the rabbit. How her nose had crinkled with disgust when he had tossed her the turtle he snatched up and killed, and how her eyes would fall when he was being grumpy or cross with her, but would bounce back to scowl at him when she thought he couldn't see.
His Eily would never compromise her every value, her every oath and moral, to become the plaything of any dwarf, even so great a dwarf as Thorin.
His Eily…
His…
Fili felt a wave of cold nausea roll over him. His shame only deepened as Kili leaned forward with a wide grin, nudging Fili and laughing loudly.
It would seem the conversation had taken an amusing turn while he had been occupied by his own dark ruminations.
Kili's smile faltered when he turned to him, elbowing him with playful concern, "Brother? Did you not hear him? He said it was a fish, get it?"
Kili's grin resurfaced as he emphasized the punch line, "A fish?"
Fili had no idea what Kili was talking about; clearly he'd missed a lot.
He had no patience for this silliness.
He took hold of a fistful of Kili's blue tunic, the laces entwining in his strong fingers. The gesture was fiercer than he intended, and Kili's expression became blank as he stared with large innocent eyes into Fili's stern face.
"You cannot be agreeing with this."
Kili's dark brows knit together, the nostrils of his small nose flaring in confusion, "It's a joke brother, the man didn't actually marry a fish."
Fili growled low, his eyes rolling, "Not that. I'm talking about Eily (no, too familiar) er- I mean the Lady Eily. You can't agree that she should be shuffled off to our house. Retaking Erebor is her birthright."
Kili eyes were round and wide. He seemed torn just as Fili had been, his gaze shaky with sympathy.
But he was taking too long to answer; Fili shook him gently, giving him a hard glance to make him reply.
"I know Fili I know!" Kili whispered harshly, not fond of his brother handling him so but not pulling against him, "I just…"
He fell silent again, uncomfortable with revealing anything at the crowded table.
Fili let go of his tunic, not wanting to raise any attention their way.
"Kili," he mumbled austerely.
Kili swallowed against the dry feeling that had suddenly come over his tongue. What could he say to his brother that wouldn't make him sound like an overly delicate fool?
He wanted Eily to stay with the company, he did, more than anything he'd ever wanted. He wanted to confess his affection for her this moment, and then spend the journey lavishing his fondness on her.
The promise of it made his mind reel at the possibilities.
She would ride with him on the road from now on, her soft hands lacing over his firm belly, resting her golden head on his shoulder. They'd laugh and converse all day and share secrets only each other could hear. And when they made camp he'd finally be able to lay out his bedroll next to hers without arousing any suspicion, and while he didn't dare presume to share his blankets with her (for she was a fine Lady of noble house), he knew they would fall asleep gazing at each other, holding hands to cross the gap between them.
Every morning they would share breakfast, for she disliked sausages and he hated the texture of eggs over easy (which Thorin preferred and so was the usual morning fare). Then afterwards he would dote on her hair. She'd finally be able to join everyone in their morning grooming, for he would adorn her with the most ornate and beautiful plaits. He'd use the many beads his brother and mother had given him (to encourage him to adorn himself more properly) to embellish her shining mane and she would lean into his chest and mumble his name pleasantly.
But the river.
Kili felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
He could never endure something like that ever again.
"I know what this journey means to her Fili… and I believe in her strength but…"
He knew his brother was preparing for a dispute, but he would have none of it.
"But I can't let anything happen to her. I'm not strong enough Fili."
His brother's eyes blazed under his blonde brows, the long braids of his mustache quivered, revealing the subtlest shakes of rage that Fili was fighting to control.
"I know what you would say Fili," he whispered harshly, "but she was born destined for the line of Durin, and I shall reclaim the mountain in her name. She would prefer to reclaim it for herself, but she shall have it just the same. I will see to it, onto my death and the end of the world I swear it to you Fili I will reclaim what was lost for her and for our family. I will hold the Arkenstone in my hands and by the end neither you nor Thorin shall feel ashamed of me, and the Lady of the Vividstone will hold her head high among our people, her face beautiful and full bearded."
Fili had never seen his brother so resolute, but he was a fool to think that Thorin would go to such trouble over her for simply because she had an old bloodline.
And if Kili truly believed that Eily would accept his sanctimonious preaching about what was and was not for her benefit…
In all Kili's life Fili had never made an open display of his anger towards him, such spectacles were simply not his way. Fili was never ostentatious with his emotions, always careful to conceal them until the appropriate moment, if it ever came.
Often it never did, and Fili would sulk until Kili pried the truth from him.
Fili was so tired of hiding.
He stood swiftly, his thighs rattling the table and knocking over Bombur's wine.
And though he spoke low, much of the company had gone quiet at his sudden movement, so his words susurrated down the table with steely cruelty,
"It seems rather obvious to me brother, that you do not love the Lady so much as you like believing you do. For you speak grandly of what you shall do, and what you believe and feel, but little of her. So spare me the trivial ramblings of dwarflings," he turned away from Kili, who looked as though Fili had struck him a deep and deadly blow.
He turned stiffly to his Uncle, who stood again at the end of the table, his face thunderous.
"Excuse me Uncle," he bowed low but did not wait for any permission.
Kili took a shaky breath as Thorin barked after Fili.
He had turned his gaze low to hide the shame on his cheeks and the hot angry tears in his eyes.
Bilbo's pointed ears twitched involuntarily, whether from nerves or some soft sound he could not be sure, so he stiffened on the spot, crouching low under the rim of the babbling fountain. His lips were pursed in a perpetual scowl, how was it that the elves got any sleep when most of Rivendell had this odd glow about it?
It was making hiding in the twilight shadows rather difficult, since he had always been under the impression that one needed shadows if one was to hide in them.
After a few moments of nothing but the tumbling of water over stone he recommenced, hunched over and near crawling from spot to spot. The company was not supposed to approach the Lord's private rooms unless escorted, but there seemed to be very few elves nearby to notice him. Once he had scaled the landing he was more at ease, straightening up to have a look about.
He did not yet possess the calm of a thief, and the constant threat of detection made his movements hurried and clumsy. It did not occur to him that he could simply lie if discovered, claiming he had gotten lost as the dwarves so often did.
Bilbo padded, quickly and so not as quietly as normal, over to one of the many tables that dotted the room. All were simply layered with papers and books, and he rifled through them impatiently, certain that every sound was the draw of an elvish bow taking aim at his round head.
The things he did for friendship.
He located several maps that would suit their task, but most were too large or lacked the detail he needed. Finally he came across a functional dwarf/hobbit sized map that detailed the lands East of the Misty Mountains. He rolled it up gingerly and stuffed it into his jacket without even so much as an upward glance.
He tapped the outside of his jacket with the flat of his palm, making certain it was secure in the lining under his breast pocket. Contented the map would hold there, he turned his attention now to the path through the wood, which he knew led to the ledge behind the waterfall where the reflecting stone awaited.
Though normally Bilbo would be even more undetectable in the woods and underbrush, these trees and statues which lined the path seemed strangely… well, aware.
There was an uncomfortable buzzing in his small ears which made them throb, and he felt a headache rising up from compression in his sinuses as though there was pressure in the air. He wanted very much to leave the path but knew of no other way. He could only turn to eye the statues over his shoulders skittishly.
Eily sat (quite literally) on her hands waiting for Bilbo to return. She had chosen to wait in a frequently used courtyard central to the Lord Elrond's palace. She figured that as long as she stayed in the areas the elves frequented the other dwarves would not come looking. She let out a long sigh, the waiting was torture and every moment she sat there she imagined Bilbo being caught with a shard of Elrond's sacred stone in his tiny fist. She ran her fingers through her unbraided tresses, coming across a small knot which she tore out savagely, shaking her hand disgustedly to encourage the long tangled hairs to fall to the ground. She huffed, eyes scanning for a method to detract attention from waiting.
She should have brought some wood to whittle.
"Eily!"
She stood and turned curiously to see Kili bounding up the path, pushing his way past large busy elves who cocked thin groomed eyebrows down at his elation.
He stopped just shy of knocking her over, still not having grown into his feet.
"I wondered where you had gone off to!" he laughed childishly, wide smile pushing his round cheeks up into the unselfconscious grin she found so fetching.
"Hello Kili," she smiled back though she didn't mean to.
Curse his infectious ways.
"Would you walk with me?" he asked hopefully, gesturing towards a less crowded path towards the falls.
"Well…" she considered lying to him but then did not see the point, "I'm waiting for Bilbo."
"Ach!" Kili waved away her excuse, taking her hand and gesturing again towards the path, "It isn't as though he won't find you later, come with me, you look like you could use the air."
He tugged at her playfully and she conceded some of her reservations.
The two walked in relative silence until the crowds of elves had dispersed. Kili hummed a jaunty tune but she could not recognize it, and she still felt too awkward around Kili after his declaration in the grass a few nights prior to ask about it.
Finally, when he was confident they were alone he turned to her, "I know that you feel out of sorts around me, and I understand why."
His tone wasn't accusing or unpleasant in any way, he had an oddly mature understanding about him at the moment.
"And I can't say that I'd really blame you if you didn't want to but-" he began to rummage in his surcoat,
"Uhm… well I wanted to give you these."
At this Kili pressed a small package wrapped in thick parchment and twine and a crumpled up folded note into her chest.
He licked his lips nervously as she unfolded the note, but began to visibly glow when she smiled softly at his inexpert scrawling.
He shifted his weight to and fro, bouncing a little, eager for her to finish.
When she finally began to refold the note he did not even allow her to get in a syllable.
"Now open the gift! Open it!"
She could not restrain a giggle at the young dwarf's excitement, "Okay okay I am!"
But her gentle fingers were not tearing into it quickly enough for his zeal, she was struggling against the tightly knotted twine, "What? No! C'mon open it like you're excited!"
She laughed as he took it from her and ripped the twine from it like it was nothing at all.
"I'm sorry!" she laughed carelessly, "I've never gotten a present before I didn't know I was supposed to unwrap it so fiercely!"
This stayed Kili's hand, and he considered the thick parchment for a short instant.
He was giving her her first real gift?
He felt a warm light in his chest, and he handed it back to her gently, "Well okay, now you know so tear into it!"
She beamed into his eyes for the first time as she tore into the wrapping, and he thought he would die if she didn't approve of what he had made for her.
"Kili," she breathed, "Kili did you make these?"
Kili nodded eagerly, "Yep!" and he dove a hand in to retrieve one.
The present was, as she well knew, a traditional courtship gifting of beads. An old practice that had fallen somewhat out of fashion in higher circles in favor of more elaborate or expensive trinkets, but being on the road as they were they were quite satisfactory. It seemed Kili had some skill in carving; each wooden bead was covered in a basic series of overlapping convex polygons with interlaced segments of a single unending rope.
"I noticed you had none for your braids, and I thought that-"
He was silenced by her knowing smile, "I love them. I have never received such a thoughtful gift."
Kili felt five feet tall, pride overflowing inside him as he took hold of some of her hair and affixed the bead in his hand to the end of it, covering the tip and letting the new braid fall haphazardly into her eyes.
She exhaled a bit in exasperation and pulled the plait back to meet the others as he continued setting the beads into her locks.
"The wood is very beautiful," she remarked, "where did you come upon it?"
Kili cleared his throat roguishly, eyes and hands still busied in her hair, "Yes well… you may not want to wear these until you're out of Rivendell… they're carved from a rather fine chair I happened to come across."
Eily burst out into unconstrained laughter for the first time in days when she imagined Kili sneaking into a hall and covertly carrying off an entire chair. She covered her mouth and nose with embarrassment when a snort erupted from her in an attempt to gather air, but she could only gasp and continue to laugh and heave as she imagined the looks Kili must have garnered from passersby when he was curled on the ground over what was obviously a chair leg.
Kili laughed warmly at her snort, hands whisking across her now braided and beaded head. All her hair had been pulled to one side, which was now intricately woven and bedecked in the silvery beads.
The elvish wood caught the dim light of twilight in Rivendell, casting back a silvery shine to the eye.
"You look like reflections of starlight in a golden river, like the sun and moon have conceived a daughter and brought her to earth for my eyes alone," he remarked unthinkingly. He seemed not to have even noticed he said it, his hands still playing mindlessly in the tresses that hung free.
Her eyes climbed his body regretfully, the note had been clumsy but heartfelt, and the beads were a beautiful gesture.
She wanted to believe his heart was truly as tender and sincere as it seemed.
She thought on her oath to Gandalf, and then to how he had betrayed her to Thorin.
She thought of Bilbo, and their mission to destroy the stone.
Would accepting Kili really interfere with any of that? Would simply trying really cause so much harm to her heart as she feared?
She found she could not avoid being touched by his innocent devotions.
"Kili," she breathed.
"Mm?" he finally brought his gaze up from the hair that caressed her neck and into her lush eyes.
He could not bring himself to move as she leaned up to brush his stubbled cheek with her soft petal lips.
His heart was a kite on the soft wind of her favor, and in that moment he flew.
He was suddenly struck with an uncharacteristic timidity, his chest heaved with shallow breaths and his cheeks flushed as he gazed on her.
He was elated to find the whisper of a blush on her cheek.
"Thank you Kili, for everything, it's all so beautiful."
She loved it, just as Fili said she would.
Fili
The still spiteful thought of his brother made him dig deep within himself to find his courage again, and he boldly took her into an embrace, his rough cheek pressed into the crook of her neck, her hair a fragrant pillow of flowers and nectar and wind and youth.
He smiled into it and breathed deep, "I am so glad it pleases you," he exhaled, squeezing tighter and feeling her timid arms wrap around his waist to hold him at his back, a single hand moving up to caress the back of his head tenderly.
As he nuzzled into her hair his nose came into contact with the flesh of her neck, and for a moment he quivered against the urge he felt to kiss and nibble there. But he was still all too keenly aware of the fact that she had not actually accepted him as her suitor yet. So he withheld, though it curled his toes and made the muscles of his back go rigid to resist. He muttered sweet nothings to her in Khuzdul as she deftly stroked his hair.
He sighed, trying to be content with only this innocent embrace, "Just be patient with me Eily. Soon you'll be draped in silks and stones instead of plain wooden beads and trinkets. If you permit me to say so, perhaps you'll even someday be clad in the sigil of Durin once I have finished assisting my Uncle in the retaking of Erebor."
Eily stiffened in his arms.
"Once you've assisted Thorin…" she rasped.
"In your name of course," he purred, feeling emboldened to let his nose nuzzle against the line of her jaw.
Eily could feel every drop of her blood curdling at Kili's words, and she shoved him from her like poison on a plate.
"In my name you say?" she hissed, her eyes steely.
So even he was a pawn of Thorin's plot to ensnare her?
Kili stood with arms agape, completely at a loss, "Yes… of course. Is not the honor of retaking the mountain what you wish for?"
She could feel the muscles of her face twitching in an unsightly but uncontrollable manner, "Is it not- You don't understand?" she stomped her foot in frustration, her small fists clenching at her sides.
"I do not want you to take the mountain for me, what good does that do me? I've no interest in being your little princess Kili, someone for you to protect and claim you do mighty deeds in the name of for in the end it is your glory, not mine!"
Kili seemed a bit incensed by this, "I'll not allow harm to come to my chosen! What honor is there for me in allowing you to endanger yourself needlessly?"
"NEEDLESS?" Eily tried to compose herself, "You think my purpose needless?"
"Your purpose is with the house of Durin just as Thorin-"
Eily recoiled from the young dwarf at the sound of his Uncle's name, "Thorin? Thorin! You agree with him then that I belong in one of Durin's cages until one of you should have use of me, for are your whims not my purpose?" she laughed bitterly as she began to tear the beads from her hair, keeping them locked away in her fists.
Kili could see his every hope unraveling before him, but he was angry.
"I do not presume to-"
"YOU PRESUME EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!" she screamed, eyes fixing shut.
She would not cry in front of any Durin's son.
"And you do not mean to find out," she whimpered.
Kili had never been so undone and exasperated before, and his usual faltering command of words was not serving him.
Kili had never been good at thinking before he spoke, that was Fili's talent.
Why did she have to ruin their happiness? Her place was in his heart and so he must keep her safe. He had worked so hard to get to this moment.
He was just so angry.
"I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO UNRAVEL JUST WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE SINCE THIS JOURNEY BEGAN BUT YOU WILL NOT GIVE ME A PASSING GLANCE! YOU'RE MUCH HAPPIER WITH YOUR WIZARD AND YOUR HOBBIT! AND IT IS NO WONDER WITH A FACE LIKE THAT!"
Kili wished he had fallen on his own sword the moment he let those hateful words escape his lips.
He could only watch in horror as all the fury and righteous anger in the warring dwarf woman bled out, leaving only a shivering little dwarrowling standing with tears erupting from her shamefully beardless face.
Words tumbled from his mouth like the tears from her eyes,
"No Eily, no I did not mean that I was angry it should not-"
"My honor is my own to reclaim Kili," she said sorrowfully, "I wish you could see."
At that she turned from him.
His brother had been right, he had not understood.
And not since the river had taken her from him had Kili wept so profoundly, for now he could not imagine how he should ever recover.
Fili had fumed for hours in the dying light, waiting impatiently for his Uncle in his private chambers. He smoked but it did not ease him and he could not eat or drink but for the occasional sip of water, for he was making himself hoarse practicing the words he planned to exchange.
Fili had begun to light the lamps as his Uncle entered.
His Uncle was not surprised to find Fili waiting for him when he entered his chambers; he merely nodded toward him and closed the door quietly behind him.
Thorin threw down his furred surcoat on the large bed and joined Fili on the balcony, "I see you have calmed since lunch," he remarked.
Fili did not like the way Thorin always encouraged him to dance around the point, it was very unlike Fili to do so.
Thorin had never liked Fili's directness; King's should never show their hand too early.
"What are you thinking Uncle? The Lady Eily is too young and vulnerable to be courted by the King Under the Mountain. I don't understand what gain you see in it."
Thorin spent the next hour explaining (in what Fili could only call a circular and not all together logical manner) his plans for Eily. It made Fili sick to think of Eily in his Uncle's marriage bed, and Fili tried to dissuade his Uncle fruitlessly.
"Thorin I cannot see the wisdom in this. We are not so petty as the race of men as to treat our women like thoughtless objects! Eily is a dwarf Lady, a Lady of Erebor! She deserves more respect than this! She is our subject! We should be protecting her not thinking only on how best to exploit her."
"Fili, when you are King you will understand the need for such things."
"I will never understand the need for betraying my-"
Fili faltered, and the pause made him frightened.
"But think of Kili!" Fili implored, reaching the end of his rope.
Thorin turned to Fili patiently, having maintained a calm demeanor throughout the discussion, "You were right to deceive him."
Fili balked for a brief moment, "What?"
"I spoke with him before coming here; he confessed to me that he intends to present the Lady with his courtship gift today. He would hardly have told me that if he knew of my proposal to court her. Don't worry Fili, you were right to deceive him, your brother does not always think rationally, and often he speaks and acts even before thinking."
Fili felt a pinprick in his heart at the thought of his brother presenting his courtship offering, but all that would be of no consequence if he could not dissuade his Uncle.
"How can you allow Kili to offer himself to her if you've already done so? Don't you care?"
Thorin shrugged helplessly as though Fili were talking complete nonsense, "His youthful imaginings are hardly any threat. And besides," Thorin sighed, "Once the mountain is retaken I may be persuaded to relinquish my claim to her. Her womb would make a Kingly gift for any dwarf."
Fili did not recognize the dwarf standing before him; could this truly be his Uncle? The same Thorin that had sung to him and Kili in their beds when they were small?
"Fili, I do not want this to be common knowledge. Better that no one know her value to me until the quest is ended, I have told our kin only that she is of great importance to me. As for Kili, let him have his infatuation, it will end when we set off again."
Thorin turned back to Fili gravely, "These secrets are to keep her safe, do you understand?"
Fili stared blankly at Thorin, confused and torn.
"Fili…" Thorin rumbled, "are you not an heir prepared to do his King's will?"
Fili swallowed the dry lump in his throat, what madness was at work here?
"Yes Uncle."
Thorin rested a heavy palm on Fili's shoulder, "Rest easy this night Fili. I assure you that once we leave that girl far behind, safe in the knowledge that she is in the hands of our trusted kin, the journey will be as it should have been all along. Everything will have returned to the proper order."
Fili found himself acting completely out of character, hurdling his way over fence and tall grass and across smooth stone paths, knocking into poorly lit statues and muttering and cursing his way across all of Rivendell in search of Eily.
He had to find her; had to warn her. He had to caution her away from the Blue Mountains. She must not relent to Thorin no matter what.
He had to help her concoct some plan of escape.
That was when he heard it.
It was no elf sound to be sure.
Without even thinking he ducked low into some decorative topiary: feeling stupid as he did so for what did he have to hide from?
He fixed his gaze into the courtyard some ways off, for it was dark and he had only elven lanterns to aide his sight (for the hazy dim that the elven magic of Rivendell gave off in the night caused his dwarf eyes to blur slightly).
It was Bilbo, and from the look of his pacing he seemed to be in another of his moods.
"Where could she have run off to? We agreed to meet right here!" he pouted aloud, pointing and pounding his foot on the stones in front of a bench.
Fili strained to hear the hobbit's mumbles, for he could only be referring to Eily.
Fili watched for a few moments more as the hobbit fingered at something in his jacket pocket, and then pulled something shiny from beneath his vest.
It was Eily's silver pen: Fili recognized it instantly.
Bilbo strained his neck for a moment to examine the moon, which had been full two nights before. He seemed to judge it sufficient (yes Bilbo, the moon hasn't gone anywhere), and then disappeared below Fili's eye line for a moment. When he straightened again, he stowed the pen back under his vest and padded off soundlessly.
Fili scrambled from the bush to examine the scene.
Nothing seemed to be extraordinary. It was just an elvish bench, identical to nearly every other bench in nearly every other nigh indistinguishable courtyard in this forsaken place.
Then the moon peaked out from behind a cloud, and he saw it: a dim ethereal light peeking out from under the bench.
Fili tried to cock his neck low but the hobbit was smaller than him, he had to lay flat on his back and wriggle under the seat to see it.
Moon letters.
Eily's silver pen was no ordinary trinket.
The hobbit had scrawled only three words:
"Nest reflecting stone"
**Author's Note: My goodness! I originally intended to save this until Friday but owiak's feels emergency pushed me to get it out faster!
As usual I hope everyone enjoyed and deepest gratitude for my reviews and followers (Please note that I don't usually respond to reviews in private messages like some authors do but don't think that means you aren't appreciated)!
I'm sure you all realized the reflecting stone isn't an actual thing, the name for it is just a hacked together bit of Khuzdul (with kheledâl meaning reflector and tharakh meaning rock, but I figured Bilbo would replace "rock" with "stone" in the common tongue because it just sounds nicer).**