Chapter 8

Sami paced her bedroom in a nervous huff.

She felt no better about this wedding today than she had last night.

She'd called the only person who had ever been able to truly make her see reason.

She'd called Lucas.

Her ex husband and long time best friend justifiably hated EJ, but he would always have Sami's back. He could always be counted upon to be straight with her.

But, apparently, he can't be counted upon to be on time, she thought angrily.

He should've been here thirty minutes ago.

She looked over at the gorgeous, sapphire blue chiffon gown hanging on her closet door. Would she ever wear it?

She'd picked it out with her mother and Jennifer Horton. Stunningly simple, it had a strapless, sweetheart neckline with a fitted bodice and a soft a-line skirt that fell in waves about her feet. The color was exquisite with her soft blonde hair and blue eyes.

No more white for me.

She was wearing a blue satin robe over her pretty nude lace strapless bra and panties. Her hair was pulled up in a lose chignon and adorned a sapphire and diamond clip. Her bouquet, a simple arrangement of calla lilies, sat in a vase on her vanity.

She knew she should be doing her makeup and getting dressed. She was running out of time.

She just couldn't go through with this without talking to Lucas.

Lucas would tell her what to do. He'd become the responsible one. She just had to listen to him.

That had always been their problem.

"I'm sorry, Sami. I got here as fast as I could." Lucas walked into her room suddenly, without knocking.

He stopped short at the sight of her in her robe.

"What's going on?"

She stopped pacing and stared at him anxiously. He'd come. Everything would be alright.

Lucas always knew what to say.

She'd counted on him for so long. He'd never failed her or their children. Their friendship meant everything to her.

"Why didn't we make it, Lucas?"

Lucas shut the door and took a moment to compose himself before turning back to face Sami...and her question.

Was she serious? Was she playing some kind of game? With Sami Brady, Lucas never really knew.

He turned and was about to make a flippant response when he noted the frantic look in her beautiful eyes. Her skin was pale and she had dark circle under her eyes. She looked exhausted and she'd clearly been pacing the floor awaiting him.

"Sami, please. Tell me what is going on. You called me over here to ask me why we didn't work out before you marry the man who tore our family apart?"

Sami had to sit. She turned, walked to her bed and her knees gave out.

Lucas was right. It was a ridiculous request and an insulting question.

Of course EJ had torn them apart.

She'd let him do it. She'd helped him do it.

"I have loved you for twenty years, Lucas. Why did I let it happen?"

He sat beside her and took her hands in his. This did not sound like Sami Brady. Something was seriously wrong.

"Where is this coming from, Sami? This seems like a little more than pre-wedding jitters."

Her eyes filled up with tears.

"Am I really just pushing good people away so that I don't have to move on with my life?"

Lucas's mouth gaped in stunned silence. He had no words.

"You grew up. You stopped scheming. You started a career and became a wonderful father. You're the one Will has always been able to count on," she cried. "Why didn't I do that with you? I wanted to. I really did. I just got in my own way."

Lucas wrapped his arms around her and held her while she sobbed. She was in full-on panic mode. Something terrible must've happened between her and EJ.

"Please tell me what's going on, Sami. What did EJ do to you this time?"

She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her robe.

"Nothing," she sniffed. "That's what makes this so hard. He...he's done nothing wrong. We are happy. The kids are happy. It's everything I ever thought I wanted."

He handed her a handkerchief from his suit pocket.

"If it's so perfect between you and EJ, why are you here crying with me instead of getting dressed for your wedding?"

Sami shook her head and threw up her hands in frustration.

"I don't know! I love EJ. I just don't know if I'm still in love with EJ," she cried. "I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life on this roller coaster. Can we ever really forget and forgive the things we've done to each other?"

Lucas had wanted Sami to ask herself these questions a few years ago when his engagement had ended and he thought they had a legitimate shot at being together again. He knew EJ was lurking and he had been powerless against their mutual obsession. They'd spent so long focused on destroying and possessing each other...how could either be convinced that they were actually making the right choice in committing the rest of their lives to this insanity.

"What do you want to do, Sami? Do you want to call it off?"

She shrugged. "What about the children? They want us together. They are so happy here."

"You weren't so concerned about our two children wanting us together," he snapped before he could stop himself.

She snorted and raised a brow. Lucas was right. She looked back at her wedding dress and sighed sadly.

"I just don't want to make another mistake. I'm scared," she said.

Lucas put his arm around her shoulders. He didn't know what to tell her. Sami had always been a wrecking ball, swinging back and forth in her life and taking out anyone and anything that stood in her way.

She wasn't known for caution and self reflection. She didn't think before making decisions.

Was she thinking now? Or was she just panicking?

"I just feel really rushed right now," she said. "I thought we had to do this quickly so that we'd get it done. What does that say about us? Was I really afraid that if we waited something terrible would happen and we'd never make it? If we can't last long enough to have a normal engagement, how are we supposed to last a lifetime? I should know better than anyone that going through a ceremony doesn't mean you'll have a happily ever after!"

"Have you talked to EJ about any of this?" Lucas asked softly.

She closed her eyes and a new tear rolled down her check.

"No," she admitted. "How can I? He loves me. He's given up everything to be with me. He'll just kiss me and I'll lose myself. I don't know what it is with us. When he touches me, I lose all reason."

"He seems to have that effect on every woman he's with!" Lucas quipped. "Look Sami, I'm not trying to be deliberately nasty about the guy, but he's always been obsessed with you. He's obsessed and then finds a new toy and moves on for a bit. He breaks the new toy, and he's back again. Do you really think that is love?"

Sami looked up into Lucas' eyes. There was no judgment there, only concern. He wasn't trying to hurt her or get back at EJ for all of the terrible things he'd done to him.

"I don't know," she said.

"You need to talk to EJ," he said. "You need to tell him how you are feeling before you walk down the aisle."

She couldn't talk to EJ. They didn't do "talking" very well. They fought well. They schemed well. They screwed well. That's the way it'd always been between them. Fire and ice.

She was just having cold feet, right? Maybe she needed to talk to EJ. Maybe talking to EJ would steady her nerves and reassure her that she wasn't making another wrong move.

What would he say? He'd tell her she was just nervous. He'd tell her that everything was perfect and she was just having a meltdown. Classic Sami Brady overreaction.

"I can't do it. I can't talk to him," she said. "He'll never understand."

Lucas shook his head.

He couldn't believe that he still loved this maddening woman.

He'd loved Sami Brady for as long as he could remember...ever since he'd realized that his dream of her sister Carrie was just that...a dream. Carrie was too perfect, too vanilla for Lucas. He would always be captivated by Sami and her passion for life.

Sami had so much fire. She could light up any room... or burn it down.

He'd been burned by that fire so many times.

But part of him knew that Sami would always been the love of his life. No other woman had even come close. None ever would.

Old Lucas would have taken advantage of this uncharacteristic display of vulnerability. He would have pointed out all of the evil things that EJ had done to them. He would have made his move.

Maybe Old Lucas had a point?

He touched her cheek softly. She felt so good in his arms.

Sami looked up into his eyes. What was it about the two of them together that just felt like home? Lucas would always be the man she turned to in times of need. Wasn't that what she should want in a husband? They had been happy together for so long...until EJ had cast his spell on her.

She loved Lucas. She'd never doubted her feelings for him.

Was it possible to love more than one man?

Sami had spent her entire adult life torn between men. Austin and Lucas. Lucas and EJ. Rafe and EJ.

Why couldn't she pick one and settle down?

"Sami, what do you want to do?"

Sami leaned slowly leaned toward Lucas and pressed her lips against his.

Why am I doing this?

She couldn't believe she was kissing Lucas on the day of her wedding, but it felt so good. He pulled her onto his lap and took control.

He lips molded to hers, his hands pushed aside the shoulders of her robe.

He moved from her lips to the base of her neck.

Sami moaned.

She pulled her arms free of the robe and wrapped them around his shoulders, her hands tugging at his hair.

"Lucas..."

He unclasped her bra and tossed it aside.

She unbuttoned his shirt and ran her hands over his broad shoulders, pushing him back onto her bed.

It had been so long since they'd last made love, but it felt like heaven. He rolled her beneath him and his mouth sought hers again.

She unbuckled his belt and pulled at his pants. He chuckled, pulling away from her long enough to lose the rest of his clothes.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Sami?" he asked her, lifting her chin so that their eyes locked. "You aren't doing this to sabotage your own wedding, are you?"

She wanted to look away, but couldn't. She nodded.

"I want you, Lucas," she answered honestly.

Old Lucas smiled triumphantly. New Lucas had doubts.

"What about EJ?"

Sami's eyes clouded and she cursed.

He was right. Making love to Lucas would feel incredible. But it would be a mistake.

Lucas could see the struggle on her beautiful features. He pulled away from her and reached for his pants. He couldn't do this.

"I'm sorry," she said, with genuine regret. "I'm so sorry."