A/N: Next partnered mission, featuring Magni Zeal and Elena. (This came out of a popcorn fused conversation last night between me and KD Zeal via YIM.)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this bitchin' plot and the computer in which it is written...unless I'm at work and then that computer belongs to The Company.

Reno snickered as he saw the number of hits his little post to the message board was getting. Of course, it was just a link to some story that had been written about a certain Turk leader, but still...he posted it.

The doors to his office burst opened and Tseng came in, face flushed with indignation. "Where did you get that?" he demanded.

Reno shrugged. "Found it online," he answered. "I didn't realize we Turks were such celebrities as to inspire fanfictions, Sir. You should be honored."

Tseng flipped out his cell phone and dialed the number to the IT department. "Kandi, I want that post removed and the IP address traced to the writer of the story," he ordered. "Call me when you have the results."

He dialed another number. "Elena, you and Magni come to my office immediately," he ordered. "I have a mission for you."

Turning back to Reno, he sneered. "As for you," he hissed. "Since you enjoy fiction so much, I want you to write one...about you, pregnant with Kadaj's child."

"The kid died before he hit puberty," Reno said. He did a double take. "Yo, what?! Me? Pregnant?"

"An eye for an eye, Reno," Tseng said as he exited. "Or rather, a fetus for a fetus."

Magni gaped as she read the print out of the fiction involving a very pregnant and very hormonal Tseng. "I wonder what male maternity clothes would look like," she pondered. Shuddering, she crumbled up the papers and threw them aside. "Beside the disturbing plot line, it was a well-written piece of fiction."

"It's disgusting and the person who came up with it needs to be shot, execution style," Elena grumbled.

"Oh, you're just pissed that it wasn't your child he was preggers with," Magni snorted. "Who'da thought that the Ancients could impregnate males from the Lifestream like that? Now, Aeris' line will live on."

"The male torso was not meant to be distended like that," Elena said. "Tseng's six-pack marred with stretch marks? Please, that's just wrong."

"What if it was your kid?" Magni teased.

"Please, if Tseng and I have a child, I will carry it and give birth to it," she said. "Those abs are not to be touched."

"That good, huh?"

"Fuck yeah," Elena drooled. She pulled the car over to the side of the road and looked up at the apartment building. "This is the place. Apartment 68."

"Let's do it."

The lock to the front door was picked and the two women in black made their way into a dark, poorly kept apartment. Wutain take-out boxes were lined everywhere, stacked on top of pizza boxes. Empty tubs of butter littered the living room, making small towers that rested against the walls and furniture.

"Are you sure we aren't in Reno's apartment?" Magni whispered, pulling her gloves on to keep the germs off her hands.

"Feels like it," Elena shuddered. "Except for the tubs of butter."

They stopped, listening for sounds in the apartment and hearing the unmistakable sound of the clicking of a keyboard. Elena motioned for Magni to follow her and they stepped over the mess towards the sound. A very large woman in a Mideelian print gown sat at the computer, an opened tub of butter to her left. They peered over her shoulder, reading what she was writing, their pressence undetected.

It was another Tseng mpreg fanfiction.

"Oh, that is SICK!" Magni exploded. The woman turned around sharply and stared at the two women over her. "Dude, what is your problem?!"

"Okay, first it was with Aeris' child and now Yuffie's?" Elena shrieked. "Why not MINE?!"

"Elena, chill," Magni said rolling her eyes. She turned to the woman. "Okay, so you know that male pregnancy is impossible, right? I mean, physically impossible. Doesn't work. The child and male would die."

"Uh, who are you?" the author asked.

"Oh!" Magni laughed. "Sorry! Where are my manners? I'm Magni and this is my partner Elena. We're Turks and we're here to kill you because of your sick fascination with knocking our boss up. See ya!"

With that, Magni revealed a dagger and plunged it into the woman's throat, watching as she choked on her own blood. "Well, that was easy," she said, wiping the dagger off on the Mideelian print gown and returning it to it's sheath. She pushed the dead woman away and sat down at the computer. "Let's see what else psycho bitch has."

Elena was on her cell phone. "Hey Kandi? Can you guys tap into this chick's computer? What? Who? Oh...Sage...of course he already did. He's such a smart ass. I'm so going to...OH SHIVA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?"

Magni looked to where she was pointing. "Uh, it's a dildo," she said. "Gods...virgin."

"Why does it have cables hooking it up to the computer?" Elena shrieked.

Magni heard laughter from the cell phone. Elena put it on speaker so Magni could hear. "Sage," Kandi was saying. "Explain your findings to the girls, would ya?"

The phone was traded off and Sage came on. "So, apparently, our little authoress had an online relationship with Palmer," he began. "Only, she was under the impression that he was actually Tseng. Lard-o posted as Tseng, displayed Tseng's pic as his avatar, the whole nine yards. Even told her about Wutai, crazy fucker. So, they took their online relationship to the next level. Palmer had a 'Puter Pussy he had hooked up to his computer and the dead chick had a dildo hooked up to hers. The software they were using enabled the other participant to control their devices. I'm sure the cable connected to the dildo is a USB cable?"

"Yeah..." Elena said weakly.

"Yeah, so Palmer controlled the dildo and the author controlled the pussy," he concluded. "She went under the screen name Aeris the Ancient, so that's why Tseng was preggers with the Cetran's love child in the fic. After we offed Palmer, she started writing to ease her pain from his lack of communication. And thus the story was born."

"Oh sick!" Magni exclaimed jumping up from the chair. "So, the dead chick and Palmer had virtual sex and she used that dildo and was sitting in that chair?"

"Essentially, yeah," Sage said in a bored voice. "All right, I'm outta here. Time for my lunch break. Later, Bitches."

Elena closed her cell phone. "Let's go," she said, her stomach rolling dangerously. "I've got to get out of here!"

Magni followed her out the door. "Ditto!"

Mission Report: Target eliminated in own residence.

Turks Assigned: Magni and Elena

Status: Magni: Rookie, Second Level; Elena: Veteran Turk

Specialties: See individual profiles

Target: Jane Doe, Author of Male Pregnancy FanFiction

Death by: Knife to the Throat

Mission Complete

A/N: BLECH!!! I think I threw up a little in my mouth! Review please!