Dark Sky Overcast
Six o clock, evening.
She spared a quick glance outside the window.
The clouded skies of spring hung overhead, but she knew there wouldn't be any rain. It was a kind of sense that all desert dwellers learned while growing up.
The door opened, and the chimes tinkled. Right on time, as usual.
Sensei greeted her politely. She returned it with enthusiasm.
She bent her head and pretended to read the magazine. Within her limited periphery, she could see his quiet, impressive form standing at the bookshelves where the new arrivals were displayed.
What books would he choose today?
The first one was The Traveler's Guide to Resort Towns' Delicacies. She had guessed that sensei would get that one. He always made sure to pick up a book that was connected to food in some way.
Mysteries of the Universe, vol. 12 was the next book. A paperback that she knew he favored greatly.
The last book made her blink. Honor and Reason was a slim tome published in the land of the samurai. It was their policy on contacting foreign powers.
This was the fourth time he'd selected such a book. She felt her admiration for him grow just a bit more. Bit by bit, he was moving closer to his dream of becoming a diplomat representing their village. On the other hand, she was still lost and did not know what to do with herself...
At last, he approached the counter, all of his reading materials in hand.
She smiled warmly at him as she rang up his purchases.
He observed that the store was as quiet and peaceful as usual.
She casually mentioned that the author of Honor and Reason was arriving at the border town Tenshu for a small book signing.
Sensei did not smile, but his jade eyes were warm as he thanked her for the information.
And just like that, he was gone. Like the wind.
.
.
She knew his weekend schedule by heart. On week days he was unpredictable, moving according to his own internal logic. But on weekends he was like clockwork, and she couldn't help but synchronize her own schedule with his.
Eight o'clock, evening. By now the clouds had more or less faded, and she could see the stars. Cicadas were especially loud at this time, and their music heightened her anticipation.
She waited in front of the bookstore, her ears straining for the telltale rustle of his flowing coat. On the surface, she looked like another young female who was tired after a long day of work. Only her racing pulse betrayed her true motives.
Sensei noticed her immediately as he turned the corner and walked down the street. Once he was close enough, he stopped.
She turned around and greeted him, like always.
He nodded in response, and offered to walk her home.
She hurriedly finished locking up the bookstore and accepted his quiet suggestion with good cheer.
If she had a tail like a dog, she would swing it right away.
With that thought, she was glad that she was not a dog, because of how silly it would be.
Even so, she always felt so happy whenever sensei walked her home.
The moon in the sky. The music of the desert cicadas. The pleasant cool breeze.
Walking side by side with sensei.
The sound of rustling paper drew her gaze back to him. He was entirely focused on the parchment in his hands.
Another letter, it seemed.
For as long as she knew him, he had always been keeping correspondence. He would sometimes use the reading table in the bookstore to write, and he was always so serious when he did. She did not know who the receiver of his letters were, but without realizing it, she would wish that he would give her a letter, one day.
.
.
From the beginning, sensei had something that was different from the other males of the village.
She first fell in love with him on the first day of weapons handling class at the new ninja academy. It was over a year ago.
He alone had understood her fear of using weapons. She had been intimidated by him, just like everyone else. And who would not, when faced with those jade eyes that could peer into your soul? But he was also her only hope, so she felt she had no choice but to approach him.
He had been standing at the edge of the field, rolling a curious dark object in his fingers.
When she entered his line of sight, nervous and trembling, he tucked it away and faced her fully. Granting her his undivided attention, his hands behind his back.
And she did not regret it since then.
More than anything, she wanted to be a shinobi that was strong enough to stand by his side.
Every time she caught a glimpse of his figure in the distance, or in a crowd, her eyes would naturally follow his movements. Just by looking at his profile against the sun she felt her feelings for him grow even more.
It was so scary. Each day was so very painful.
She was happy whenever she met him. She relished every second they spent in his company. But she couldn't do anything about it.
.
.
Monday brought many worries. She was the only student at the academy who did not know what field of ninja art to pursue after graduation.
In their village, because of the lack of manpower, individual efficiency was prized. Choosing specializations were a very important time for the students, as it dictated their subjects and training. No resources must be wasted at all costs.
She knew that. All of the people in her class knew that. And yet she was still floundering about with no direction, no real sense of self identity.
Weapons class, the one time of day she always looked forward to, did not bring her any comfort. Sensei was absent that day, and she could not find a proper rhythm and timing no matter what she tried.
At eight o'clock, she was walking home alone. Because it was a week day, it was near impossible to meet with him outside the academy.
It was another cloudy evening. She couldn't even see the moon, and she felt herself fall into deeper depression.
On a whim, she changed her destination and began deviated from her usual path to home.
The buildings around her changed, a sign of the poorer residential area.
As she turned the corner, her feet came to an automatic stop. In the playground on the other side of the road, a very familiar figure sat on a swing. Reading his correspondence quietly under the bright glow of the street lamp. Holding her attention like nothing else could.
After such a long and disappointing day at school, she felt every fiber of her being come alive.
And yet...
Standing at the edge of the shadows like this, watching him like this. She couldn't help the ache in her heart.
No matter what she wished, this distance between them was just too wide for her to cross.
Jade eyes flickered to where she stood.
She smiled and waved, cheerfully as always. Her chest tightened as she neared his place.
He returned his focus to the letter in his hands once she was seated on the bench, to the left of the swings.
She simply watched him for a minute, drinking in his appearance, his presence. Like a parched man who had been trapped in the desert for days. Her eyes then fell to the political journal that lay innocently on the bench next to her lap. There was no doubt as to whom it belonged.
After receiving sensei's consent, she flipped through the pages. Not really registering the titles of the articles. She could only marvel at how difficult the subject matters were.
Iron Refuses to Host Chuunin Exam, "Samurai do not serve the shinobi," says Mifune
Trade Agreements Between Wave and Earth to be Finalized
Apprentice to Senju Tsunade Marries the Shamed Son of the White Fang
Wind Daimyo's Decisions on Taxes were "in the Best Interests of the Civilian Population"
Being a diplomat must be hard, she mused while skimming the journal. He needed to understand his own culture, and the culture of other places, and figure out a way to make these vastly different cultures work together in harmony.
But she had faith in sensei. Thirteen was still quite young, perhaps. But intelligence and intuition would see him through. Sensei would make a wonderful diplomat. When a man knew what he wanted, he would go after it with all of his being.
Compared to him, she still did not know what to do with herself.
He glanced up from his letter at her casual remark. He asked her why she thought like that.
She shrugged. It was like he knew where he belonged in life. But she still did not know what she wanted, or how she wanted to serve the village.
The letter was folded and tucked away.
Everyone was like that, in some way, he said.
She did not believe him. Sensei, to her, appeared to know what he wanted from life and how to get it. Never looking troubled by anything.
He calmly rejected her assessment.
Even he would become puzzled by a problem. He had no choice but to simply do whatever he could, and nothing more.
She was speechless from surprise.
So, even he could feel lost and unsure of himself at times. But even so, he walked forward, unafraid of anything. Constantly reaching for something just beyond the horizon. His words reassured her like nothing else had.
In the next moment, he had stood up from the swing.
Without thinking clearly, she reached out and grasped his sleeve. Heart thumping ever faster.
No. What was she doing? Why did she have to do that?
Why did she break her own rules and touch him like that? Crossing that forbidden threshold, which separated him from her.
Jade eyes met dark brown.
After a moment of silence, he quietly asked her if there was something wrong.
She shook her head. Nothing was wrong. Nothing...
With reluctance, she released his sleeve.
He said that he would escort her home that night.
She tried to refuse. She didn't want to bother him on a week day.
He simply remarked that a change of pace was not bad, once in a while.
And she was unable to change his mind. With lightly flushed cheeks, she accepted his quiet offer.
.
.
The cicadas shrilled their usual night time song.
There was no moon or stars visible tonight. The clouds seemed to stretch from every corner of the sky, blanketing everything in stillness and shadow.
For some reason, walking next to sensei like this felt different than the usual.
Jade eyes watched the clouded skies. As always, she was unable to understand those depths. His private thoughts remained beyond her reach.
Even though he was right beside her, he was still so far away.
This distance... made her feel lonely.
And one day, he would become a diplomat. He would be traveling for extended periods of time that made her heart freeze.
The distance would only get wider and wider.
It suffocated her.
His eyes snapped down to hers instantly.
She did not realize she was crying until he asked her what was wrong.
His simple kindness stripped her of her defenses. She was helpless in the face of those magnetic eyes.
The tears continued to fall despite her efforts.
Her throat seized with all of the words she longed to say to him.
I adore you.
I cherish you.
Please don't leave.
She found strength in herself because of him. When he was close, she did not fear the future and what it could bring. She was a better person, and it was all thanks to sensei. The only one in this place who understood her weaknesses and fears, and didn't hold it against her.
The tears fell faster. Faster than she could wipe them away. He watched her silently, growing increasingly worried over her unnatural behavior.
Please... please don't be kind to me...
Because if he kept doing it, she knew that she wouldn't be able to stand it the day he finally left the village.
.
.
It was only when she lay down in her bed that night did she realize what she had tried to do.
She had been struggling with these feelings for so long, and his unexpected comfort had tempted her to confess to him.
She understood what made sensei different from the others.
In the same way she had known that he was not looking at her. Had never looked at her, from the start.
Because of that, she could not bring herself to tell him her feelings.
Her fingers clutched her pillow.
Underneath that aloof facade, sensei was kind. Very kind. But his eyes were always searching for something beyond the horizon. In the clouded skies. So far into the distance, she could barely understand it.
Her wish wouldn't be granted.
Even so, she loved him today, tomorrow, forever...
Eleven o'clock, late night.
Her thoughts were filled with him as she finally drifted off to a restless sleep.
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Dark Sky Overcast
The End
TBC...