Chapter 42

The children had long since been tucked in to the large bed, their father joining them on one side. Elizabeth would take the other side when I left, wrapping the children in the warm embrace of their love and devotion. I stayed whispering into the night with the young mother, until Elizabeth failed to stifle a yawn. Seeing this, I bid my dear companion good night before taking my leave into the empty halls of my lady.

The halls were quite, the time had slipped away as Elizabeth had chatted with me. She had produced ink, quill and parchment for me to write with (given to her by one of the crew a day before), and we had spent our time exchanging childhoods. She had grown up in England, the eldest daughter of a wealthy doctor. Raised by a kindly caretaker for her mother was lost in childbirth, her father fell ill when she was fourteen, and Elizabeth had found herself quickly married to a man she had met but once at a party many years ago. Carolus had been a long standing friend of her half German, half English father, and had treated Elizabeth with kindness throughout their marriage. She considered herself lucky to have such a man as her husband.

I could not imagine having been married at such an age. Not that we are completely sure of my age, but the year we suppose was my fourteenth, I was still learning how to work the wheel of my lady without turning us all on our heads. Marriage had been the furthest thing from my mind. True, I may have had a crush on Maitreya before I saw him exposed and he began to tease me mercilessly about it. And true, I had thought of what it might be like, having a man to love passionately, like in the novel I read. Someone that would hold me flush against them as I trembled. I admit to having those thoughts, I could not help them, but to truly be bound to them. To be a man's property, bear children, take care of a household while he went away to work. It was all so alien to me, to foreign for me to really comprehend. The men had told stories of their lives before my lady, where it is the norm for the woman to care for house and child. I had heard them, but I would never live them, and so I had not bothered to think about it more than a moment or two.

With Elizabeth, someone I wished to call friend on board, I now had a perspective I could more easily comprehend. She had a life she was happy with, felt blessed with. For a girl in her position, she had been very lucky to have a kind and loving husband. Yet even so, I would always dwell within my lady. A life on the land would be too horrible to bear. Despite the tragedy of being stolen away from their lives by M, the prisoners would soon be returning home to their lives there. They would once more be at ease with their way of life, and none would feel the need to retch while looking at the water (as Elizabeth had told me one had).

These idle thoughts of marriage and where I would reside were meaningless if I didn't survive.

I found myself in front of our makeshift infirmary. The place where I had waken, the place I had caused pain. Skinner was inside. It had been days since I had seen him. Was he still alive, was he suffering? I grit my teeth and pushed open the door. I hadn't noticed the smell earlier when I had awoken, but surely it had been there. The smell of flesh and blood and a dying man saturated the room.

The white sheet was up, and I stepped forward and gingerly pulled it aside. The sight I saw was not nearly as horrific as I had thought it would be.

Skinner was bandaged from head to foot. I moved to his side and stared down at his sleeping face. I knew he slept, for his shallow breaths were even. I hoped he could feel no pain in his sleep. I sunk to the floor, gripping the side of the cot to keep me from falling. I felt sick. My stomach held by fists once more.

Why did this have to happen to him? Why Skinner? Why the man that had so easily accepted me and made me laugh? Forced me to laugh is more like it. The corners of my mouth twitched, remembering how he had stolen my hat and removed the veil. How he had poked fun, and been witty, and taken care of me when I otherwise would have slept in the hall. I had never met a man so informal with me so fast, and maybe it was just bad manners from him but it had endeared me to him. I had felt a camaraderie and kinship I had never felt with an outsider before. I would have gladly given my life to have prevented this man from going through this ordeal.

I let myself sit there, hunched over, until I could trust my body to obey my commands. I stood, and looked gazed at the face of my wounded friend.

'Kali,' I thought, 'Kali, please. Spare him. He does not deserve to die this way.'

I closed my eyes. Bargaining with a God was never a good idea. For what mortal could really say they were smart enough to understand the workings of the Gods well enough bargain with them? I knew I wasn't one who could, but that did not stop me from pleading. I would give up my life for him I knew, but I was too cowardly to think it directly to Kali. Instead, I kissed a bit of Skinner's unwrapped flesh and fled the room.

I had more to do. Sleep could not come yet, and I pushed through the yawn that overtook my face. I made my way to Captain's study, hoping he would stay true to sitting there when troubled by something he could not easily fix.

I knocked on the door softly, and waited restlessly, bouncing from one foot to the next. When I finally heard his gruff, 'Enter,' I did so anxiously. He was sitting at his desk, a book open in front of him. I froze in the doorway, no longer confident now that I had him alone. I shut the door slowly as he stood and circled the desk. He regarded me with stern eyes, and I swallowed painfully.

I bent forward, a bow so low I saw the wooden panels of the floor as a bird would see the land.

"Rise."

I obeyed. His arms were open and I ran to them, hugging him tighter than I had in what seemed a long time. He held me, his beard mixing with my hair as he rested his face on my head.

"Marina, even if Dr. Jekyll will not perform it, you must have the surgery."

I was shocked to hear him say that. I had not expected him to ever pressure me in a matter of doctors and outsiders. He or mother or the men had always taken care of me when I was ill. Never once had he brought in an outsider for an illness. If the men were sick and wanted to leave, he let them, but they never returned. I did not want to be added to the list of lost men. I pulled away from him gently.

"I came here to beg your forgiveness at the way I behaved, Captain," I signed. He watched my hands closely.

"...And to ask you to help me find a doctor willing to perform on the Nautilus, if you will allow it."

His eyes seemed to instantly soften. He took me back into his arms and held me as one would a child.

"I allow it. It will be done as soon as we land in Germany."

I nodded into his chest and hugged him tighter.

"My wife and two children have long since passed. You are my last, and all I have left, little one. I will not lose you too."

A warmth spread through me, easing all the pain I had ever felt with his words, all the heartache was gone. My father had made it all go away.

I must have fallen asleep talking on the sofa next to Captain, fore I woke in my bed. Unsure of the time, I stumble out of bed and to my desk, where I open the pocket watch I keep there. It was five in the morning, and I was struck with the thought that I had one more right to wrong. I don't know how Henry and Hyde had reacted to my proclamation, but I needed to make sure they were well. Putting the watch back down I grabbed a shawl from the chair and draped it around my arms as I left my room.

The halls are deserted, the lights are low. I glide silently to his door and find it cracked open. I can hear mumbling, and peak through the crack. Henry is pacing, his shirt unbuttoned and half out his pants. He is barefoot with tousled hair, and I can only imagine what he has been through.

I push the door open and it squeaks. He turns on me, takes a moment to discern who I am, then takes a step back. I step forward, close the door behind me. He watched me cautiously, I know now what a mistake I've made. Either Hyde had been putting him through hell, or he had himself. I couldn't help but feel it was a mixture of both.

I walk to him, and he watches me, black rings around his eyes and skin blotched red. Not in the best shape, but so oddly beautiful I catch my breath. I've never had someone apart from my mother and father lose sleep over me. Never had someone so worried about me it caused them physical and mental strife. I stop before him, take his hand and kiss his palm.

"Marina-"

I shake my head quickly. I don't want him to speak.

"I was asked what I was dying for," I sign.

"I didn't have an answer, because all I could think of is things I must live for. I have much to live for, Henry. Captain, Nautilus, the Crew, the League..."

I paused, not afraid. If I singled him out, that would be it. An admittance of everything I had tried to hide from him. I would risk rejection, risk losing him all together. Was it worth losing him completely if I could at least have his friendship?

The air was think. We were both waiting. Waiting on my choice.

"The League..." he said.

I looked into his blue eyes. Saw the clouds swirling in them.

I mouthed, 'You.'

And before I could think about it, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his.