Love and the Time Travel Paradox

Third light

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06:20AM

She woke up to a single line of words, directly in her line of vision.

Please come back soon. I miss you so much.

Without meaning to, she smiled.

She was still half-asleep, so her thoughts were not sensible.

But...

Knowing that somewhere out there a child held such pure feelings of longing for her, made her a bit happy to know she was wanted.

A more maternal side of her wanted to give this sweet child a big hug. Her own son didn't want to be hugged anymore, claiming he was no longer a baby, and she was slightly disappointed.

It was a small miracle that the letter did not get torn or crumpled during the night.

While carefully putting it back inside its envelope, she spared a glance out the window.

She was surprised to see the clouds again, after the last two times.

Maybe it was an omen.

06:30AM

The kettle was put to boil again.

Once more, she contemplated the letter she'd received.

She would remain vigilant, but she no longer thought of it as a trap or a prank. It was just so sweet to be fake.

Or maybe that was her wishful thinking.

Either way, she did not feel threatened by the letter. And she felt just a little bit of her loneliness go away.

07:20AM

The phone rang.

She knew only one person who would call her.

True to her prediction, her master's voice boomed from the other end.

The older woman had been so good to her, just like her blond ex-student. The older woman was an unyielding and reliable figure, and did her very best to stamp out the gossiping of the citizens before it became too much.

So she greeted the older blonde with all of the warmth that she could muster.

The woman told her that she could get started on the resignation paperwork any time she wanted.

That was it, then.

Her chance to let go and be free.

She wouldn't even have to worry about the hospital management because her master would surely push the application through.

It was all laid out for her already. All she needed to do was sign.

08:30AM

Her personal funds were running low.

Today, she did not buy any chocolate from the convenience store.

Inside her handbag was a trashy romance novel and the can of beer she didn't drink the previous day. She would do her best to make the moment, and the beer, last for as long as possible.

Those clouds.

The playground.

Her swing.

They would not be denied her.

09:00AM

The man had beaten her once again to the playground, but she didn't mind. He was absorbed in a different book today, she noticed immediately. It was a book about... handmade paper festival decorations of different cultures.

First a children's science paperback. Now a do-it-yourself arts and crafts manual. Despite herself, she was intrigued by his choices in reading material.

Just as he had done the day before, he acknowledged her with a nod and a smile.

"Good morning."

She had much more success responding this time around.

Her smile was still stiff, but it was sincere and she was glad.

"Good morning!"

Just as before, he claimed the other swing and left hers alone. It was almost as if he meant to save it for her.

She would not disappoint him, then.

Her handbag was placed next to the empty lunchbox on the bench.

As if to remind her of its age and wear, the iron support of the swing groaned under her weight.

Clouded skies.

Fresh, clean air.

Solitude and serenity.

The can made a sound that was pleasant to her ears when it was popped open.

She'd enjoyed the scenery and had her fill.

Now it was time to get lost in the pages of a fantasy drama between a sheltered heiress and an alien prince from the moon.

10:00AM

I wish I could tell you that I'm happy for you. For the both of you.

But I really can't. I'm a bad person.

Because the truth is, I was hoping you'd say that I was still the one.

Please let it be me. Let it be me again.

Emerald eyes watered. Tiny droplets slid down her cheeks. She could not breathe. Her lungs felt crushed under the weight of the alien prince's response.

I love her with all that I am.

She loved me at my worst. You had me at my best.

And it meant nothing to you.

She sobbed loudly, startling the man who was still reading quietly in the swing next to hers. But she did not notice his alarmed expression.

The emotions were just too strong, and she was being swept away by the drama unfolding in the science fiction world. She deeply sympathized with characters' thoughts and desires.

Sympathized so much, that she could not stop from herself from reading the female lead's lines aloud.

"Is that really what you think? I just made a choice!"

And you chose to break my heart.

"No, I never meant to hurt you! Never!"

Jade eyes studied the cover of the romance novel, before trailing back up to her face in bewilderment.

10:10AM

"I don't need any of that!"

She felt very defensive when he tried to give her a packet of tissues, which he'd left the playground briefly to purchase.

It was very considerate of him.

But she did not need the tissues.

Really.

She didn't.

Why was he looking at her like that.

"The storytelling was just really good! And it was so realistic!"

He insisted.

She declined more fiercely.

In the midst of her adamant refusal, her beer slipped from her fingers and rolled away. The remaining liquid seeped into the ground.

10:20AM

They relocated to the bench after some coaxing.

He awkwardly patted her head while she hiccuped into his shoulder.

His lap was covered with balled up tissues.

11:20AM

She gasped and straightened, releasing her stranglehold on his arm.

To her horror, she'd fallen asleep against the poor man and trapped him for at least an hour after crying.

Her face burned.

Her body was already moving on its own.

Without glancing back at him, she grabbed her handbag and ran home as fast as she could.

Fourth light

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06:40AM

She woke up to a faint nostalgic sensation.

Last night, she had a dream. The first one in a long while.

It was a dream about when she was still a child.

Or at least, she thought it went like that. She could barely remember it now.

All that remained were the emotions the dream evoked within her.

Almost unconsciously, her gaze flickered to the window.

The majestic dark clouds beckoned to her, as always.

06:42AM

Suddenly, a memory of the day before flashed through her mind.

Her pillow did not completely muffle her screams.

07:30AM

When she first moved to her apartment last year, she'd grown ornery and distant.

No patience for socializing.

No motivation to deal with people who wouldn't drink with her.

Her student, her master, her ex-husband, her son.

There was a limit to how much time she could stand to be with them.

Never did they do anything to deserve the cold shoulder. Her son was innocent. Her student was unchanging. Her master was supportive. Her ex was there for her despite everything. But she couldn't help it. And she wasn't proud of herself.

So when she stepped out of her apartment that morning, there was no hesitation in her stride. No room for second thoughts.

If the man always took his breakfast at the abandoned playground, then he would surely be there at this very moment.

At least, she hoped so.

She needed to apologize to him for running away so abruptly, and make amends for burdening him. He had been her first successful contact with another stranger in so long. She did not want to ruin whatever frail bond they'd formed.

08:04AM

With much nervousness, she stepped out of the trees.

There he was, sitting on the bench and eating. Just as she'd hoped.

He slowly lowered his takeaway coffee cup.

Jade met emerald.

08:09AM

"I just wanted-"

"Please allow me-"

"I'm sorry, I cut you off."

"No, I am sorry. Please go ahead."

"No, I insist. You go first."

He held out a second disposable takeaway cup to her.

At first, she thought his face was emotionless, but actually it was more like... he was embarrassed.

"Please accept this as a token of my apology. For causing you to spill your drink the day before."

She bit her lip and graciously accepted it from him.

In turn, she apologized for using his shoulder as a pillow. She was not going to apologize for crying over the romance novel, though.

With complete seriousness, he asked her if the novel she was reading was truly that interesting.

08:41AM

She had been animatedly discussing literature with him for a good while now. As she suspected, he was a very wide reader like her, and had many thoughtful comments to share on books they had both read.

His tastes in genre appeared to lean towards philosophical and theoretical, but he had a surprising amount of knowledge about many kinds of topics in general.

Then he began telling her of places he had seen and people he had met in his travels. A little hamlet hidden inside a sleeping volcano. A civilization of artists and dreamers, who believe that they are all just living in someone else's story. Tribes of nomadic people who live and speak the language of the stars.

What wonderful places the man had seen. His words made her feel small, yet also incalculably large.

He explained the concept of sonder, the realization that everybody around them, all have thoughts and hopes and dreams and fears. She was her own tiny galaxy, and so was everybody else.

09:14AM

The drink he'd bought for her would be cool enough to drink by now. She kept her eyes on him, listening to his tale with rapt interest.

To her surprise, she tasted the rich flavor of the black coffee just fine.

A very strong, blunt flavor. Smooth. Not too bitter.

A special blend served by the coffee shop on the 31st street.

Inside her chest, she was warm.

She had a cup before, on a whim. But it this was different, somehow.

It was the most delicious coffee she'd ever had in a long, long while.

09:30AM

"Is this conversation... boring?"

"What? No, not at all. Why do you ask?"

He gave her a somber look.

"You have asked me so many questions. Not once have I allowed you to speak of your own experiences."

She quickly shook her head.

"I think it's very interesting! I think you have an incredible talent for it. For storytelling, I mean."

"Thank you."

10:29AM

The sunlight was coming out much sooner than yesterday. Her reluctance to leave the playground felt stronger.

She wanted to stay. She wanted him to tell her more about the universe, about herself, about whether or not his camel ever stayed attached to his cart during his long pilgrimage into an unknown wasteland.

And once again, she wondered why. Why did the man's words make her so emotional. What about them, specifically. Why did she feel so much for the hardships of a man she'd only known for a couple minutes.

The answer was immediate and obvious.

Because he was a stranger.

Sometimes it was just easier to talk to strangers about important topics - suicide, religion, metaphysics - than it was to have the same conversation with a family member or very good friend.

The barriers that kept a person from sharing could often melt away when you know you don't really know someone. When there was far fewer context to be judged within.

Somehow, between their first meeting and now, she had become his sounding board.

Maybe, just maybe, he could be that for her.

And so her thoughts went, as she turned her back and finally stepped out of the playground.

TBC...