It was really cold outside but I hardly noticed when I was running. The exercise made my body heat escalate; but I could feel the air was cool against my skin, and there was an frozen feeling in my lungs as I panted for breath.
Without warning, I slipped on a patch of ice which I hadn't noticed on the ground. We were in the dark, because it was after work and Jace's classes. I would have had a nasty fall if Jace hadn't grabbed me at the last moment.
"Angels, they should salt the ground here." He complained, still regaining his breath.
I was really shaken. Silly as it was I felt a little adrenaline pump in my veins. Hey, I'd thought I was about to smash my face into the ground, okay? Unexpected falls are sort of terrifying.
"Are you okay?" Jace checked.
We picked our way towards a bench, with me being particularly careful about where I planted my feet. I tried to tug my arm out of my friends grip, because I felt ridiculous being coddled, but Jace held tight.
"I'm fine." I told him. He let me go when I'd sat down. "I slipped, no big deal."
"What's distracting you?" Jace asked.
Most other people would have just accepted that it had been an accident but Jace knew better. I was usually more alert than I had been that morning. Running helped me to clear my head, to focus. And in spite of the dark evening, the lights in the park actually served to make things like ice more shimmering and visible, if anything. If I wasn't focusing then there had to be something big.
Or in this case, many small things which collected into a large pile.
"I don't want it to turn into a counselling session every time I see you, Jace." I let him know. He had his own life, his own problems and stresses. The last thing he needed was to get bogged down with mine.
"Then we better get it out of the way." Jace urged me.
"I'm sure Izzy already told you everything." I grumbled.
"Well, duh." Jace smirked. "So, you're moving in with the old guy after all?"
"He's not old." I whined for what felt like the millionth time, giving my friend a decent nudge to the ribs. "Don't act like you don't secretly keep in touch, either. I know you two talk."
"Don't avoid the subject." Said Jace, catching me in the act of distracting him.
"It was worth a shot?" I smiled. Jace grinned too and shook his head at me. "Yeah, I'm moving my things on Thursday."
"That was fast." Jace noted with surprise. He wasn't wrong. It was terrifyingly fast. Magnus didn't know another pace.
"I have Thursday and Friday off work." I explained.
The truth was that Tessa's shop had been getting ridiculously cold with the Winter season. She kept telling me that she wished she could just close it for a while; but the holidays were an important sales time. She had, however, set aside a few days for a new heating system to be fitted into her old building. Magnus and I decided that we might as well take advantage.
"So you're all nervous about making the move?" Jace supposed. It was a perfectly valid guess, but it wasn't quite hitting the mark.
"I can't wait." I told him honestly. "The issue is what happens after I move in with him."
"Why? What happens afterwards?" Jace questioned, obviously confused.
"Absolutely nothing." I supplied. "I'm running out of things to look forward to. Sometimes I feel like I'm only getting out of bed for other people's sake."
"You're depressed?" Jace inquired, his face the picture of disbelief and astonishment. He looked me over like I was an entirely different person. Then furrowed his brows when he realised I looked the same.
"I wouldn't go that far." I said.
It seemed a bit extreme to call what I had depression. I was just, you know, a little dejected about life. I had my happy times too. I mostly only noticed I was feeling down when I was by myself, or when it got really quiet.
"Then you're verging on it." Jace professed, in view of what I'd told him.
I stayed quiet. That didn't sound right to me. I had always been a fairly serious person, a trait I felt I owed to my Father. He seemed to be perpetually displeased. Maybe I was just destined to become like him. Maybe I couldn't just settle down and be happy. But I was sure that I wasn't depressed.
"I feel fine, Jace." I assured my friend, who didn't seem to believe me. "What, did you switch to a psychology major all of a sudden?"
"I wish!" Jace laughed and smirked at me. "Just think of the dissertation I could write on you!"
I wrinkled my nose at him. I was used to people joking about how abnormal I was. It was happening long before Magnus came into my life, let me tell you. I was never much like the other guys at school.
"And I'd get extra credit if I could figure out what the hell goes on in Magnus' head." Jace continued to joke.
"I don't know about your Professor, but I'd sure be impressed." I said with a smile.
Anybody who really understood Magnus deserved a medal. In a perfect world, that would be me. Wasn't the general rule supposed to be that when you're meant for somebody you totally get them? I didn't have that with Magnus. But there was plenty of love there, so I didn't think our clashing interests really mattered.
Besides, guys were always complaining about how they didn't understand their girlfriends. Whoever came up with this 'soulmate' idea must have had a really romanticised view of the world. In fact, for want of a better example, I had felt completely indifferent towards Dr Zacheriah romantically, even though logic dictated he was probably perfect for me. Hearts didn't work in terms of logic.
I stood up and started to walk. Jace followed me and soon we were back to a jog. I was glad for it; sitting still in the cold was no fun even in track gear which should have kept some body heat inside.
"You could come back to school." Jace suggested. "Take History at the College."
"And then do what, exactly?" I countered. I'd thought about taking that route before and generally ended up on the same point.
"Who cares?" Jace complained. "You'd always loved studying and you'd have the whole time you were there to figure out what to do afterwards."
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at Jace properly. He slowed to a halt and raised an eyebrow. It seemed to say 'what are you waiting for?'
"You know I'm right." Is what he actually said.
I shook the unclear thoughts out of my head and caught up to him. It seemed that we just weren't getting back into the swing of running, so we started to walk towards the subway where Jace would make his way home.
"You think they'd take me?" I wondered out loud. "After I took this year off to procrastinate and throw away an apprenticeship?"
"The time of was for extenuating circumstances." Jace blagged an on-the-spot excuse. "And you thought you were being sexually harassed at that Museum."
"But I wasn't, not really." I reminded the blonde.
"That's not the point." Said Jace. "The fact you didn't put up with it shows integrity, or whatever."
"Integrity?" I mocked. "I gatecrashed an exclusive party where I got drunk and cursed my boss out."
"You don't tell them that." Jace rolled his golden eyes at me like it was all so obvious.
What my best friend didn't seem to realise was that although it might not be so easy to find out about what had happened between me and Dr Zachariah; there was still plenty more to discover. Even just googling my name returned old pages filled with gossip and sex scandals. Things like my integrity had gone out of the window with my innocence and - at least for a while - a decent portion of my dignity.
That wasn't important to me. I didn't have to see what was on the internet and I wasn't recognised in public often enough for my past to bother me. They all had the wrong idea, anyway. I just didn't like knowing details of my private life were available to anybody with my name and internet access.
I had no idea how Cam handled it. Or why my little sister would want to end up in that position. I was sure they must have been very passionate about what they did to stick it out through all the criticism.
I used to think that Camille only inspired teenage girls. However, thinking about it, I knew if she could make the world believe in her in spite of her reputation, then I could convince a couple of Professors to come around. If that turned out to be what I wanted.
I said goodbye to Jace in the subway - with him advising me to keep my chin up and to just relax and enjoy myself more - then headed back to my place, which wouldn't be my place for much longer. It was true that I had things to think about; but I decided I could take some time off worrying to chill out. Best-friend's orders.
Thank you for reading everybody! For some reason the site is not co-operating with me while i try to upload today, but if you're reading this then it worked in the end!
I think apologies are in order, as Izzy's reaction is going to be touched on a little more lightly than some of you may have been expecting. I'm sorry about that but I was having difficulty filling a chapter with it. That said, I hope that you like the chapter which is coming next.