A/N: Our next applicant is xxFireDemon256xx. Good luck.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the bitchin' plot and the music I downloaded legally off of iTunes.

Note from The Bosslady to New Recruits: If in your application you do not specify a target or method of assassination, I will assign one to you. And as this next mission will dictate, I have a fucked up imagination. (evil grin followed by sadistic laughter). Ye have been warned.

The Bosslady

"Reno? Are you okay?" Elena asked passing by his office as she escorted a new applicant to discuss an initial mission. She studied the red-head. "Are you...crying?!"

"Don't be stupid," Reno said, wiping at his eyes. He gestured to his computer screen. "Some fucktard flamed my fic."

"Your what?" she asked, eyeing his computer. "Oh my gods, what the hell is that?!"

"Remember when you and Magni offed that chick for writing the mpreg about Tseng?" he inquired.

"Yeah?"

"Since I posted the link to the message boards, Tseng made me write a mpreg fic about me getting pregnant with Kadaj's kid," he said solomnly. "I was actually kinda proud of it. See, the way I wrote it, I was fuckin' drunk off my ASS and thought Kadaj was a girl, cuz you know, in the right light and with enough hard liquor in your system, he kinda looked like one. Anyways, so I pick him up at the bar and thought he was just some chick into sex with a strap on, so I let her give it to me up the ass. And because he's a fuckin' fucked up fucker remanant of Sephiroth's, his weird freaky Jenova sperm knocks me up. I thought it was pretty good, so I posted it on that same site as the dead chick...FreakyFanFantasies dot net. I was getting good reviews and had a shitload of hits, and then this fucktard...GrEeNmOoGlEgOo flames me."

"What'd he say?" the new recruit asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Read it," Reno said, highlighting the flame.

Review from GrEeNmOoGlEgOo: omfg, u r sucha ifritdamned noob . kadaj wud nvr fuck reno . he got far fuckin betr taste thn tht . get a fuckin life u fag!!!!111

Elena laughed. "You got flamed by some teenager, it looks like," she told him.

"We can find out," the recruit said. She motioned Reno to move out of his chair and sat before the computer. She clicked on GrEeNmOoGlEgOo's profile and then hit the Start button, selecting Run and typing in cmd in the text box. After that, Reno and Elena couldn't tell you what the hell she did. Her fingers were flying so fast on the keyboard, they were a blur. Highlighting a section of the text, she pulled Reno's internet browser back up and pasted it into a Streets & Cities program. Flicking her dark blue hair out of her eyes, she did a Google search, grinning with her results.

"What the fuck did you just do?" Reno asked.

"Each computer has a path to it that you can reach with any post, comment, remark, whatever to a message board or forum," she explained. "I simply reversed the path and followed it into the backdoor of the computer. I found the name and address of the person the computer was licensed to and then double checked the results with a Google search. Got the address to the guys house and everything. He's not a teenager. He's 39-years old and it appears that he still lives with his mother in Old Midgar." She clicked on the Streets & Cities window. "Sector Five to be exact."

"You fuckin' rock!" Reno said, kissing her cheek. "What's your name?"

"Kailani," she said, rising from the chair and facing him. She was nearly as tall as he was, just a couple inches shy of his 5'11 frame. "Everyone calls me Kai."

"You got his address and everything for real?" Elena asked. Kai nodded, pointing to the computer screen. She grinned. "Kai, looks like we got your first assignment."

Reno smiled. "Cool," he said, nodding his head. "Thanks, Laney."

She ruffled his hair. "No problem. No one calls you names but me," she said, leading the way out the door.

The locks in Sector Five were easy enough to pick and in no time, Kai was in the apartment of the flamer. She crept through the living room, peeking into each of the two bedrooms. The first one, his mother's it appeared, was neat and tidy; undisturbed. She wasn't home. The second, was dissheveled and filthy. It looked like a free-loading son would live there. And so it was.

He was sitting on the floor, his back against his bed as he played an RPG on his gaming console. Kai grinned as she snuck back down the hall to the bathroom. Entering silently, she looked around. With a smirk she grabbed an object, heading down the hall to the kitchen. Rummaging around, she found the one thing that every household needed; a can of WD-40, complete with handy straw insert. Taking the can of WD-40, she placed the straw into the dispenser and insterted the straw into the underbelly of the pink rubber ducky, filling it with the liquid. That task complete, she took both objects and headed back into the target's room.

Exercising much stealth, she sat behind him on the bed, cross-legged. "Excuse me," she said.

He nearly jumped out of his skin and turned to face her. "What the fuck?" he exclaimed. "How did you get in here?"

"Through the door," she said, blinking. "Are you GrEeNmOoGlEgOo from FreakyFanFantasies?"

Scratching his head, he nodded. "Yeah."

She smiled. "Good," she answered, sending a long leg flying, her foot connecting with his jaw and knocking him out. Rising from the bed, she flipped him over onto his belly, pulling his sweat pants down. Taking the WD-40 infused rubber duckie, she sprayed more of the liquid onto the plastic bath toy, giving it a good coating of lubrication. With just enough force, the inserted the duck up GrEeNmOoGlEgOo's ass, leaving the underbelly showing. Inserting the straw from the WD-40 into the duck, she took out her lighter, flicking it to life and igniting the straw. The flames, carried by the flamable WD-40, burned their way into the rubber duckie, where it exploded, taking out his intestines with it. It was a quick and painless death.

Smiling, Kai left the apartment, pleased with her successful mission.

Mission Report: Target eliminated by inserted improvised explosive device into anal cavity. Inceneration of vital organs ensued.

Turk Assigned: Kailani "Kai" Simmus

Status: Rookie

Specialities: Hand to hand combat, computers and poison

Target: GrEeNmOoGlEgOo; Flamer on FreakyFanFantasies dot net

Death By: WD-40 fill rubbie duckie exploding enema.

Mission Successful

A/N: (evil smile) Let the imaginitive assassinations begin.