Love and the Time Travel Paradox

04:53PM

Each person being individual mini universes, with their own rules, thoughts, problems, their own dreams... it's not just difficult to understand one another. It was impossible. Making connections were small miracles.

They were two lonely people, trapped by their own pasts.

Of the six billion universes in this world, they'd found each other.

And it was beautiful.

The kiss on her forehead was so sweet, it nearly broke her heart all over again.

...How long had it been since someone had told her that they cared for her to such an extent, in no uncertain terms. And this man kneeling in front of her was saying that he'd longed for her since forever. It was a heady thought, to know that

She was unable to push him away.

Neither did she want to.

The depth of his complicated feelings for her were overwhelming, all encompassing, in a way she could barely begin to describe...

It shielded her from the dying sunlight and everything else in the world that was hurting her, like a security blanket.

Like the clouds.

04:54PM

And then, the swing finally gave up under the strain and broke. She scrambled to keep from falling, throwing her arms around his neck. He struggled to keep his balance but he was wholly unprepared for the sudden weight pulling him forwards.

Man and woman toppled to the grass.

Jade met emerald.

"Oh my gosh! It- it broke!"

She couldn't help but exclaim, blinking rapidly.

04:55PM

When the ridiculousness of their new situation sank in, it was as if she could feel something tickle her insides.

Her sobs turned into helpless giggles, and she clutched at him with both hands. Eventually he began laughing along with her too, his chin dropping lightly onto the junction between her neck and shoulder comfortably.

Of all the times for the swings to break...

To see him without his usual stoicism, and grinning like a little boy, was a pleasant surprise. For once, the lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth weren't visible, and he seemed to become much younger. Innocent-like.

This entire day was one full of surprises and revelations.

And even though it made her feel tired just to think about it... for once, it was a good kind of fatigue.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, she felt peaceful. Content.

Without a doubt, this was the happiest time of her life.

05:00PM

Dinner was the farthest thing from their minds right now, but she couldn't bring herself to care about that.

All she could concentrate on was the weight of his warm body on top of hers. If she closed her eyes, she could almost hear the sound of his heart beating.

Slowly, very slowly, the words she couldn't say began to form on her lips.

"...Do you remember the day we first met, after sixteen years? Do you remember it clearly?"

"Mmm. You were drinking beer and eating chocolate, and you were barefoot when I happened upon you."

"Yes. Well. On that day... on that day, I was planning to die."

Within her arms, she felt him go absolutely still. But he remained silent, so she continued her story.

"I was staying in this playground because it's very dear to me. It's where my parents took me to play; where I practiced my magic tricks in secret; where I brought my students for training, and also where I brought my son to play when he was still very young. ...Ah, but that's not what you wanted to hear. You want to know the reason why I was going to kill myself, on the day we met. Right? Sorry."

"No, I'm fine with that."

"R-really?"

"I will listen to anything you want to tell me."

"It's... it's not very interesting."

"I want to hear about everything that I missed these past sixteen years apart from you."

05:04PM

Parents tend to support certain illusions about their children. In her case, she believed was that she liked who she was, because her mother and father did.

When they died, so did that illusion. Because the truth was that, deep inside, she felt inadequate and weak, and she could never take pride herself.

She wasn't present when her parents died.

She should have been, but she was off in the front lines fighting off the invading Oto and Kumo ninja alongside her comrades in arms.

All to protect Konoha, just as she was supposed to do.

Her parents had died from a cave-in while running to shelter with other citizens; in other words, it was a tragedy, and there was no one to blame.

After their funeral, she took her first alcoholic drink. She became so hammered, she ended up passing out on the living room floor, and caused her son of three years to scream and cry for her in fear.

And since then, something had changed. One day is enough to change your life forever, and with their death, hers was changing for the worse.

When she was younger, her parents had been overprotective and strict with her, always giving her advice and smothering her even when she became an adult. There were times that she wished that they would leave her alone.

And then they did. They died. No more visits, no more nagging, no more family dinners.

She had no one to turn to, because she'd also lost her two teammates from her genin days during the invasion as well, and she'd been getting more and more solo missions as a jounin so she couldn't talk to her husband.

Her whole family, the people she'd loved since childhood, were gone.

Not long after her parents and teammates died, she lost two of her students to the snake Sannin and it was all her stupid fault.

She should have kept a closer eye on her students because they were suffering as well, but she'd been so distracted by her losses, her son, the missions, that she wasn't there when the last Uchiha really needed her, and ended up killed by her third student.

Without realizing it, she'd begun to drift along life without any real direction.

She slept badly. Ate badly. She seemed to age even while standing still.

The few times she was able to talk to her husband, all they seemed to do was argue, or ignore each other just to protect themselves, and their home life was breaking down into pieces.

And then, last year... that was the first time she tried to kill herself. To some, it was a big surprise. They figured that a 'successful', 'strong' woman like her, trained by the greatest medic in the world, would never consider the idea of suicide.

If her parents, or her teammates had been still alive, they would have pulled her aside and eventually found some way to to get through to her, because they were amazing like that.

Her parents would be their usual overprotective selves. Her teammates, her boys, would have just been their usual wisecracking selves.

But they weren't around, and that's the thing when your precious people die: you feel like instead of going into every fight with back up, you are going into every fight alone.

05:13PM

"What about your ex-husband? What did he do? Did he abandon you to fight your battles alone?"

She gently pinched his arm for the faintly snide way he'd said the word 'ex-husband' before explaining.

"He tried his best. It's his motto, actually, to never abandon those that he considers close to him. Even though we were hurting each other, he really tried to stay by my side despite battling his own demons. Especially when we were so alike, the both of us losing our important people in one day and being powerless to save them. In the end, it was I who gave up first and tried to commit suicide."

Her eyes were still leaking, but she didn't try to stop it this time.

"Ah, maybe I am a hopeless romantic for saying this, but even when our marriage ended, I think a small part of him will always remain with me. Because he was my first love, and the man I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with."

For the next few minutes, she did what she could not do before.

She mourned the loss of the happiness that she could have reached, together with her small family.

05:21PM

But her story wasn't over yet.

"As you probably already know, since you're a diplomat, divorce is frowned upon in Konoha because it's made up of many kinds of clans, both shinobi and civilian, who discourage the practice. My ex and I tried to keep everything under wraps, even my shishou tried to stamp out the gossip, but secrets like these rarely stay private in a ninja village. And to an old, traditional place like Konoha, this kind of event was purely scandalous."

"In other words, they made you the scapegoat."

His voice was oddly flat, but she did not notice. All she heard was the words he said, and she agreed with them.

"Yes."

"How? How could this have happened?"

"My husband was reabsorbed back into the black ops, while I quit Administrative work in order to devote my time to the hospital. Nobody besides shishou knew the full story behind our broken marriage, and since I was the only one they ever saw publicly, the naturally blame fell to me..."

Her entire body had begun shaking badly from all her pent up negative emotions.

"It didn't help my case that I was beautiful, and that I refused to seek pity from anyone. So to the women I was a threat, to the men I was an opportunity, and to children I was like the plague. My son... at school, they taunted him for what I was and tried to ostracize him, too!"

"...That's enough now. You don't need to think about it anymore."

He was no longer lying on top of her. He had rose to a kneeling position next to her body, commanding her with his jade eyes to stop talking.

But she wasn't finished yet.

"I can't count how many times they tried to take my son away from me, from us. All because of what I was a divorcee...! Despite everything I sacrificed for this village, why would they still do this to me...?!"

"Stop it. Just... stop it. Please."

Her voice was gaining volume and strength even as he grabbed her by her shoulders.

"My own son doesn't even want to see me anymore! Nobody wanted me as their doctor, or as their medic on team missions! They called me a whore! But I wasn't tricking anybody, I wasn't! I was just trying to do what I could! Why wouldn't anybody listen to me?!"

05:25PM

In one fluid motion, she was lifted onto his lap, her head cradled to his chest like a baby.

His voice was rough with emotion.

"I'm sorry."

I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. I'm sorry that your life will continue to be one of hardship.

"I- I was so scared... Everyone was acting the same! Everywhere I looked, it was all the same! I was so, so s-scared...! I just wanted it to stop! So I came to th-... to the playground to die, but then you-!"

She latched on to him with all of her might, as if he were her life support system and she would die if she let go.

"You...! You came-! With your stupid kids' book and your stupid hair and your- your stupid kindness and you-! You saved me... you saw me, and you saved me... and you ruined all my plans to make it stop hurting! How the hell was I supposed to die when you kept acting like such a stupid idiot eating all of that convenience store take out in front of me?! Looking at me with those eyes, sitting so close to me all the time?! It's all your fault! I hate you! I hate you!"

She gripped him even more tightly, as if challenging him to try and escape.

TBC...

Also note: this is an early update because the next chapter may come a day late due to an... ongoing alien invasion in my country.

Yeah. Totally.

I have been called to the front lines in order to save our innocent wifi devices from these terrible creatures.

Stay tuned.