"A hundred days have made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face a thousand lies have made me colder... I'm here without you, baby but you're still on my lonely mind I think about you, baby and I dream about you all the time"- 3 Doors Down
John stood across the street staring the intersection. He watched as people walked by, talking on their cell phones, laughing with their love ones, oblivious to the fact that, the woman he loved had died on the cold hard pavement.
He was getting better at hiding his pain, he functioned well enough that they had all stopped asking if he was okay. The lies had been building ever since she died, he had probably told a thousand lies in the form of Okays and I'm fine.
But he was anything but those two things; he was angry, sad, depressed or lonely. The only time he found solace was when he was asleep dreaming of her. He spent his time remembering all the things that were and dreaming about all of the precious things that could have been.
But when he was awake he was cold to the world and did his job. There would never be anyone like her again. He knew she would probably be disappointed in him with the way he behaved since her death. But no matter how hard he tried, being stuck in this world without her was a waking nightmare and constant reminder of how he failed.
John turned away from the intersection and started walking back to his apartment.
Now and until the day he died, they only comfort he could look forward too, came from intangible memories and bitter sweet dreams.