Integra woke to amber eyes staring at her from the across the room. It should have made her uncomfortable but it oddly sent a warmth through her body, knowing she had a loyal protector.
"Morning sir!"
"Seras." She greeted. It was hard ignoring the vampire's gaze as she rose from her bed.
"You may return to your room now."
"Y-yes sir."
The pain of rejection was easily heard in her voice. She told herself that it was necessary to send her away so soon. She had a job and now it was over. There was no need for her to stick around any longer.
When it was time for the men's training she still went to the fencing room. She didn't expect Seras to show. It had been almost a week and she hadn't enforced her attendance. However, a part of her hoped she had enough sense of duty and reasoning to show up.
She gave it a couple extra minutes before starting her own exercises. Seras was a no show.
She warmed up by executing various jabs and thrusts of her épée through the air, cutting just as hard and furiously as she would at a ghoul. Sometimes she wished she could go on the battlefield. To escape the monotony of working behind her desk but it was too risky without a named successor. These moments in the fencing room were the closest she ever got to an escape.
About half an hour into her training Seras snuck into the room. She had meant to be there earlier but the commander insisted she gave a quick demonstration for their newest recruits. Now the vampire stood off to the side, fully dressed in her fencing garb debating how to approach Integra. She took too long and after a particularly taxing series of moves Integra paused to catch her breath. When she did her eyes landed right on her.
"Seras."
"Sir Integra. I'm sorry I'm late the commander needed me to show the new recruits proper gun handling..." She trailed off after noticing the burning look sent her way.
"The why is trivial. Un garde." Integra growled while thrusting her sword towards her.
The sudden advance had her leaping to the side.
"Grab your épée."
"Y-yes sir." Integra's face was completely listless but there was a fire in her eyes.
"Do not let me score a hit. If I do I'm sending you back to Pip."
"What?! No! You can't."
"I can and if you want to stay you won't let me hit you."
She couldn't tell if Integra was just taunting her but she didn't want to risk it. The thought of having to spend another day with Pip had her ignoring the seemingly heavy feel of the épée.
Integra initiated their duel and she was attacking her fiercely, almost angrily it seemed, but Integra had pulled down her mask now and she couldn't see her face.
Integra was quick, light on her feet and somehow she managed to dodge her. It was humbling but also worrisome. Integra was attacking like her very life depended on it. Something was up. She just blocked and dodged, blocked and dodged. The heavy breaths of Integra carried out into the room as time crawled on by. At this rate she would collapse from exhaustion.
"Sir!" She squeaked.
She had blocked a surprisingly forceful thrust from Integra and decided there was definitely something bothering her. Integra lowered her sword and she mimicked the action. They both stepped back and Integra dropped her helmet to the floor. She was breathing heavily, sweat covered her skin and her blue eyes burned her like a hot iron.
"You've improved remarkably." She drawled. "It seems you no longer require my help. You may leave."
She was so confused what happened? Had she done something?
"Sir..."
Integra collapsed against the wall, sliding down to a sitting position, like she no longer possessed the will to even stand. Her sword lay carelessly on the floor beside her. Defeated. The word rang in her mind because that's exactly how she looked. Nothing like the strong leader she came to know and admire.
Integra removed her glasses to briefly rub at her eyes and when she finished the action a startling thought hit her. Integra was exhausted, and not just from the fencing. She could see it now. The way her eyes seemed to be missing that light, and how her movements seemed slow, and heavy. It made her heart clench in her chest.
She moved closer to her side fully intending on voicing her concerns but Integra started to speak out, seemingly more to herself than Seras.
"I've given everything to this organization...My entire life has been nothing but sacrifices for the Queen and God. And now..." Her head snapped back, and their eyes met. Those crystal blues looked tired and sad. So very sad. Integra shut her eyes tightly just to regain her composure. "You have to go Seras. You should have stayed with Pip."
Integra refused to look at her but if she thought by avoiding her eyes she could avoid her she was wrong.
"Integra." She said softly. "I respect your decision... But sending me away won't help-"
"It will."
"You're stronger than that Integra. "
"Stop it." She suddenly growled. "You will address me as Sir and you will not tell me what I am."
Integra lashing out at her hurt but she stood her ground. They were reaching a pivotal point in their confusing relationship and it was only expected of her to react this way. Then after a tense moment Integra was backpedaling, and soft words broke into the air.
"I'm sorry." Integra breathed.
It oddly drew Seras closer to her and stirred up too many feelings in the both of them.
Integra could practically feel the blonde vampire against her, her legs a mere centimeter away from her own. She didn't know why she longed to have that contact, logically it was just a leg, but her body wanted her to touch it. To find out if it was a smooth as it looked. Maybe she could just reach out to her, or accidentally brushed against the skin.
No. That would lead to something far worse.
Their kiss was still etched in her mind as fresh as it was the moment it happened and right now just being near her made her long to feel those strong, sweet emotions.
She thought back on the days she had sent Seras away. The urge to seek her out rivaled her need to even eat or sleep. Now Seras was here and looking at her with such a caring expression. But she couldn't do this to Seras, hurt her by indulging.
The lump forming in her throat was too hard to swallow, it seemed to weighed her down and she struggled to even hang her head forward.
"Sir what is it?" Seras' voice pleaded. Seras had to know this was tearing her apart inside.
She turned searching the vampire's eyes for the right words to say and everything became clear. She knew what she had to say to stop this torment.
She spoke slowly, trusting the blonde beside her.
"I've never done anything just for me, I've been purposefully denying it, avoiding it. Now... I don't know how to go about any of this..." She closed her eyes and rested her head back against the wall.
"Seras I want you." The words were forced as if it pained her to say them aloud.
"Sir-" she raised her hand, she wasn't finished.
"But I am mortal. This relationship wouldn't workout for you in the end."
Seras eyes fell. She knew this.
"Then become one of us." Seras replied quickly. "the Hellsing Organization would stand strong forever. You could carry out your family's duty for all eternity and you'd have me by your side!"
"Seras," she said sternly."this isn't the first time I've had the idea pitched to me."
A bloody tear welled in Seras' eye but neither acknowledged it, their minds were too busy trying to process what was happening.
"Can't we just... Make the most of your time with me. You deserve to be loved Integra." Her words were warming to hear but they somehow still caused her sorrow. Seras hand gently caressed her cheek. "I want to love you."
The affection and longing swimming in Seras eyes pulled painfully at her chest.
"What will it take to convince you?" Seras hand innocently slid down her neck, sending shivers down her spine.
"More than that..." She breathed.
Seras hand slipped beneath her jacket gripping her breast through the fabric, boldly advancing to a dangerous place.
She should have shot up to her feet in outrage, pushed her away and yelled but the moment Seras touched her all logic pooled away from her and she couldn't move away.
"Much more..." she added, because the contact was stirring something within her.
A smirk spread to Seras face.
"How about this..."
Seras inched closer to her, her lips hovering just inches away from hers. Her pulse raced with the anticipation, knowing just how soft and delicious the lips would feel. Except they never touched. Seras tilted her head downwards and latched herself onto her neck.
She let out a breathy moan at the sensation of wet lips on her skin. Seras didn't bite, she caressed with her tongue, sucked sensually at the skin, and just barely nibbled the flesh there. All of it sent her into a state of arousal. She willingly gave into Seras' advances now, disregarding how inappropriate this all was, and caved Into the need to feel lips on her own. When they met a feeling of deep content washed over her, and she knew that even if this wasn't the right choice, she would atleast enjoy it while it lasted.
The kiss woke something inside of her and she was suddenly pulling Seras onto her lap, gripping at her hips, like they were supposed to be one. Seras mewed with pleasure as it was Integra who took control. The shift was both arousing and unexpected given Integra's lack of experience.
"Integra." She gasped between a kiss. "I think we should move elsewhere."
"Don't... Want to." She groaned rubbing Seras' sides through her shirt.
Moving meant separating herself from Seras and she feared she would suddenly change her mind.
But a sudden dark rich laugh made the decision for them to move instead. Seras jumped off her like she had been physically struck.
"My master and servant are enjoying this recreational room far more than usual." He grinned. Integra scowled as she stood on shaky legs.
"Alucard. You're presence is not needed here. Return to your room."
"Yes master but first tell me. Is she as soft as she looks." Integra's eyes flared before she calmed herself. She should have been used to his heckling by now.
"Return to your room now. that's an order."
He chuckled once more before pooling away to nothing.
The air suddenly felt heavy.
"Seras...I.." Integra cleared her throat. "I think it's best that we move to my office."
Seras didn't know how to interpret that but wasn't going to give up the chance to spend more time with her. "Change and meet me there."
Minutes later they were both in their usual attire and addressing what just happened in the security of Integra's office.
"Seras...you have to understand how hard this is for me."
"I do sir..."
Integra let out a stream of smoke and watched it spiral upwards before speaking.
"I vowed to carry on my father's work. I will not let him down." Integra snubbed out her cigar and locked eyes. "But I don't want to fight this anymore. I can't..."
And with that Integra rose to her feet, just as strong and beautiful as the day she met her.
"You need to back off."
Seras choked on air as Integra seemed to suck the last piece of life out of her. She would never beat Integras sense of duty.
"Of course sir...I'll just -" she sniffed. "Head to my rooms now. Good night sir." Her voice broke and the tears filled her eyes.
It felt like Integra had taken a stake right to her heart, and ripped it out as some type of trophy.
She fled the office, leaving behind her broken heart and a cracking Integra. Neither of them wanted to believe that just happened but from the ache in their chests, and the void in their hearts they knew it did.
"Well done Police girl." Alucard grinned as she walked to her quarters. "I have only dreamt of doing such with our master and now I know why it was all in vain."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"But you must tell me all the juicy details." He purred and his grin spread so wide she thought his face might split. "And when you steal her virginity-"
She ran from the room unable to listen to his disgusting words any longer. She could hear his laughter in the background as the door slammed forcefully behind her.
Couldn't he see her heart was breaking? That because of him he interrupted the only chance she'd have at convincing integra she deserved to feel and experience love? Was he really that much of a monster? The tears were still streaming down her face as she ran through the manor. She needed air needed to get away from the cold constricting feeling of the walls surrounding her.
She didn't know where to go, but found a quiet spot on the grounds she could try to hide and gather herself for a while. she was away from him and that was all that mattered to her.
Integra went through her fifth cigar in the past hour, uncaring of the ill effects on her lungs. She needed something, anything to dull the pain. What sort of life was she living? Seras was offering her a new, possibly fulfilling opportunity but she turned it down out of fear. The feelings inside of her were too strong and too consuming. Yes her role had a large influence on the decision but it was the fear of throwing away her life for nothing. But really why did being a virgin really matter? Maybe she could - No! stop this at once. She shot up from her seat and paced over to the window that looked out upon the grounds. It was a beautiful day. Radiant, birds and bees humming joyfully, nothing like how she felt on the inside. She followed the path of a sparrow momentarily in awe of its grace, losing her thoughts for a little until she caught sight of a crumpled form off near the corner of her gardens.
She would recognize her anywhere but what was she doing? She looked harder to discover a slight shake to the hunched over shoulders. It hit her instantly, seras was crying. The surge of guilt sent her hurrying out of her office. Her steps quickened the more she envisioned the painful wracks of Seras sobbing shoulders. She was steps away from the outside door when she stopped in her tracks. She wasn't supposed to interact with her. It would only make things harder. Her own head hung now and she turned back to the confines of her office but this time she closed the blinds.
Two days. That's how long it bad been since they had even talked and it was slowly killing her-though she was already technically dead. They didn't talk much before but now it was painfully obvious Integra was avoiding her.
She never even saw the woman leave her office. Seras was brooding in her quarters , mulling over her immortality when Alucard decided to torment her more.
"Police girl why aren't you comforting our master in her time of need?"
"What?"
"Do you not hear it?"
"Hear what master?"
"The sounds of her heartache."
She strained to hear it and when she did, her own heart mimicked the feeling.
"She told me to stay away from her." She replied sadly.
Alucards brow rose but his grin never faltered. "Of course she would say that. You need to make another move."
"Why?"
He stared at her seriously.
"So I can rest in peace tonight. Her weeping is getting rather tiresome ... And you call yourself a vampire..." He didn't stick around any longer but his words had the desired effect.
Integra was crying and he thought she could stop it? Somebody needed to put a stop to this and if that meant Integra sending her away then fine. All of this was too painful anyway.
She knocked on Integras door anticipating a reply but found none. She tried again a little harder this time. Still nothing. Her concern drove her to barge in.
"Sir Integra?" She called out for the woman that seemed to be nowhere in sight.
A stream of smoke was the only indicator that she was there.
Then her voice invaded the quiet room.
"I told you to stay away."
" I work for you." She growled finally finding her backbone. Integra was being rude when all she wanted to do was check up on her!
"Yes you do but that doesn't require you to be here in my office."
"I needed to speak with you."
"Then speak and make it worthwhile. It may be your last time."
Seras stepped towards the chair Integra sat behind, it was turned away from her, from her work and to the outside world.
"Well police girl I'm waiting." It was a mean and ugly bite.
"Go."
This was a mistake.
She was leaving but her ears picked up on what Alucard had been saying before. Integra was crying. She never thought she'd see the day but the small almost nonexistent sniffle, and the catch in her throat gave it away.
Her logical side told her to give her space and let her work it out but her chest told her to go to her. Integra was tough yes but not heartless.
"I can't go." She spoke.
"You know why you have to ." Integra said.
"Which is why you know I can't."
"And what do you expect will be the outcome?" Integra stood from her chair, blue eyes steely yet calm, a hint of red from her crying.
"Um..." She shifted nervously.
"Did you think that by coming in here I would suddenly change my mind? That I would remember how perfect you felt against me?" Integra moved closer to her as she spoke never breaking eye contact. "That I would want to pull you close and kiss you? "
They were just a step away now. If Integra's words were meant to make her feel idiotic she was failing. In fact all she did was make her want her more. The strong way she spoke and the imagery it created had her breath catching.
"Is that what you thought?" Integra's own voice was breathy now and her eyes felt devouring.
"No..."
"Well then you thought wrong."
In one swift motion Integra pulled her into her, pressing soft lips into her own. Instantly she caved. Gripping onto Integra's jacket and welcoming the onslaught of feelings that washed over her.
"Integra." She moaned. "Does this mean-"
"It means I don't care anymore."
That didn't really clarify much for her but Integra made it clear she had no intention of stopping.
Her back met the door frame that just seconds ago she had been about to walk through, forcing a moan out of her, and Integra's body was against hers, her knee wedging itself between her legs.
After a few more seconds like this Integra broke away to catch her breath, her lips swollen and red. She never eased up the pressure or the subtle intensity behind their embrace.
"These past couple of days have been torture..." Integra supplied. She rested her forehead briefly against the same door frame Seras was pinned against.
"I don't want to deny this any longer."
"Integra ." Seras gently turned Integra's head towards hers. "If you change your mind I... will respect your wishes."
A deep chuckle erupted from the woman momentarily startling Seras. Then she slowly pulled away, taking away the heat and comfort her body offered.
"Like how you respected my order to leave?"
"That's...different."
"It's not but I'm in no mood to argue. " Integra readjusted her cravat and cleared her throat.
"Fencing room 7pm."
The declaration caught her off guard. Was it just another exercise? Or a date? Either one made her nervous.
"Yes sir."
Integra smirked.
"Oh and feel free to stay in your uniform. You won't be needing to change."
The almost predatory look on her face made it hard to reply so she nodded instead. A minute later Integra was dismissing her but the dismissal couldn't even touch her newly revived heart. She would see Integra again.