The next day, I had completely regretted my decision to go to this baby shower with Callie. Not that it was really a decision, as Callie had sexed me into saying yes. Either way, I hate baby showers.
"How can you hate baby showers? You get to play fun games and watch the mother open gifts..." Callie said with a wide grin on her face. I would have found it cute how happy she was when she talked about baby showers, but I was too annoyed that I was at one.
"Baby showers are annoying. Yes, you get to play games, but they're crappy games. You have to act like you care what the kid's name is going to be and whether or not the mother in law will be allowed in the delivery room. Plus, all of the hormones. All that estrogen floating in the air makes me a little nauseated" Callie frowned at me.
"Well, put your happy face on because we are here. Try not to have that look on your face when you walk into the room" She said, pinching my cheek as she walked through the doors to the party.
"What look?" I whispered to her. She turned around, giving me her stern face. I rolled my eyes.
"Dr. Torres! Thank you so much for coming! I know how busy you are..." A very pregnant nurse whom I did not recognize said as she embraced Callie in an awkward half hug. That big belly must get in the way of everything. God, I never want to be pregnant, ever. I want sex and bikinis and alcohol, not stretch marks, baby formula and diapers.
"Oh of course, Jackie. I wouldn't miss it!" Callie said cheerfully.
"Make yourself at home. We will open gifts in a half hour or so. In the mean time, grab some food. The other nurses made pigs in a blanket" Jackie said with a smile.
"Thanks, Jackie!" Callie said, walking away towards the food.
"Her selling point is pigs in a blanket? Really?" I whispered in Callie's ear.
"Everyone loves pigs in a blanket. Including you. Eat up" Callie said, loading her plate with food. We sat down together at a small table near the corner of the room. There were easily over 50 women here, all of them looked to be Seattle Grace staff.
"Oh cute! Every seat as a little cloth diaper on it. Open yours, Arizona" Callie exclaimed.
"I don't get it. What's the purpose of an the mouse sized cloth diaper?"
"If your diaper has poop in it, it means you win a prize! Mine is empty" She said with a frown.
"Gross, I am not touching that" I said, throwing my tiny diaper across the table.
"It's not real poop you dink. It's probably a tootsie roll or something"
"I'm not taking any chances" I said.
"Well, you at least have to come with me to decorate a onesie!" She pleaded. I cringed at the thought.
"Let's finish eating first" I said. She nodded in agreement. I was hoping she would forget about the onesie station by the time we finished eating...
"You really don't like this? Any of this baby stuff?" Callie asked. I shrugged, not sure what to say.
"I like being here because you're here" I said, resting my hand discretely on her thigh under the table. She gave me a small smile, but obviously was not happy with my answer. Before I could explain more, Addison entered the party, spotted Callie and sat down at our table.
"What are you doing here? I thought you had an important surgery?" Callie asked.
"It was rescheduled last minute. I rushed over because I figured you would be here by yourself..."Addison said. By the look on her face, she was definitely confused as to why I was here.
"I hate going to parties alone, especially baby showers"
"So you drag your scribe with you? I hope she's getting paid for this" Addison said. I couldn't help but let a small laugh escape me. Callie looked to Addison, disappointed.
"Not you too! Am I the only one who doesn't hate baby showers?" She asked.
"Probably. Oooh! Pigs in a blanket" Addison said, taking one off of Callie's plate. Callie crossed her arms with the slightest pout on her face.
"Oh come on, Callie. You can honestly say you're having fun right now?" Addison asked.
"Well, I can't say this is the most fun I have ever had or anything. But how exciting for Jackie! In less than a month, she is going to have a baby! She is going to be a mother for the first time. I can practically feel the joy radiating off of her. That is what makes this so fun" Callie said.
"And tell me why you aren't the one who is pregnant?" Callie flushed, clearly caught off guard by her friend's question.
"It's...I... It just isn't the right time" Callie said. She was totally flustered, avoiding my eye contact and picking at her food.
"You and Owen were trying a while back, right? What happened? Did you run into fertility issues?" Addison asked. I suddenly felt ill, forced to think about Callie and Owen 'trying'. Sure I knew Callie wanted children, but I never knew Callie was actively trying for them.
"No, it wasn't anything like that" Callie said meekly. This was getting extremely uncomfortable, yet Addison seemed blissfully unaware of any tension she was causing between Callie and I.
"Well do you still want kids?" Addison asked.
"More than anything" Callie said.
"Well, you're not getting any younger! Get on it!" Addison said. As Callie attempted to form a response, both her and Addison's pagers went off.
"Looks like a major incoming trauma is coming in in 15 minutes. It must be all hands on deck if they are paging the OBGYN and orthopod" Addison said, putting her coat back on.
Callie and I stood up, neither of us willing to look at the other. More than anything. Those words cut right through me, because for me, there was nothing I wanted more than her. I suddenly felt the enormity of the age difference between us that had previously gone unnoticed. Despite the fact that Teddy had pointed out not only the age difference between Callie and I, but the completely different places we were in our lives numerous time, I had never truly felt it. But here we were. Callie, who was ready to be someone's mother. Not just ready, but desperately wanted to be someone's mother. And me, who hasn't even started medical school, much less thought about a family. Children were the last thing on my radar; the thought of becoming a parent overwhelmed me. I love Callie. I cannot imagine going through another day of my life without her in it. But was this what we were up against?
We had to find a way to move past this.
Before we stepped out of the car, I grabbed her hand. She looked to me, her eyes gazing off in the distance like she does when her thought are discombolulated and insensible to her. I wanted to say something to comfort her, to tell her that this was a difference we could work through. But i couldn't do anything more than offer her a worried smile before she let go of my hand and left the car.