Please be aware that parts of this chapter may be deemed M rated.

Chapter Ninety Six

"For the record, I am not a drug addict."

"I don't harm people or steal to get my fix. I have it with me."

I see myself again

Behind the light I flicker

.

"I know exactly when to take it, it's not like I am trying to get out of my responsibilities."

My shadow starts to bend

Into the night like a whisper

.

"I am completely lucid and can stop at any time. I don't go to sleep, if anything, I am more aware, not alert, but aware of what is happening around me. I am more focused, if that makes sense?"

Because of you

The darkness fades

.

"It's not like what people think. I just don't feel the guilt anymore. You know, about the friends I have lost and the fact that I am still here. Fek, if anything, I should be the one dead on the field! How many times have I turned my back on the enemy to treat a brother? How many times have I placed my unit in danger rushing out and just expecting everyone to cover me?"

I feel alive again

I feel alive again [8]

.

"And they would, without question. It should have been me lying out there."

" It should be me."

.

Kix quietly walked back to his quarters and grabbed his wet pack and a towel. He was glad that Jesse had been assigned to the R&D team and was currently out for most of the day. The pair had never discussed the episode on board the Twilight and Kix was happy that Jesse hadn't raised the issue again. He didn't care what his oldest friend thought of what he saw. He would deny it emphatically if he ever did. Fek, it wasn't as though Jesse was perfect and Kix had helped him through enough drunken and debauched episodes after all.

This wasn't the same anyway. He wasn't abusing his body as Jess had done. If Jesse hadn't caught him, no one would even know.

Jesse owed him one.

He had the routine down pat. He would only use half a hypo and save the other half for the following day. He wasn't wasteful and greedy, using only enough to get him through. He was being resourceful and conservative with his dosage.

Good old reliable Kix.

"Don't worry, here comes Kix," they'd say. "He'll patch you up. Just hang in there buddy."

Just hang in there.

.

[8] Alive Again. Behind The Light. Phillip Phillips. 2014.