A/N: Eh...why not? Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I own it. I own it all. Every last bit of it. And I'm also a silver haired alien with blue tinted skin lovingly dubbed the 'Calamity from the Skies' by the Cetra, spawning a following of fans known as Jenova's Witnesses. Worship me, Puppets.
Tseng was having a psychological evaluation done as soon as he recovered from what was going to be one hellacious hangover.
Why he thought that this would be a good idea was completely beyond him now. Currently, he was sitting at the head of a very long mahogony table covered with a plethera of what appeared to be food-like substances, though that was still questionable. Some of his Turks could cook, Akalara, Elena and Nilto being the foremost on that front. Kandi could...somewhat. However, her contribution to the feast had been an omelet the size of a calzone, filled with five different kinds of cheese, pepperoni and mushrooms.
And that was the lesser of the rest of the evils.
Aside from the traditional Giving of Thanks Feast food that had been graciously provided by the three women who could, in fact, cook dishes that did not involve anything that came out of a chicken, there were other...things littering the table. Let us take a moment to survey the bounty of this feast from the Turk leader's point of view, shall we?
The three chefs of the group had gotten together to prepare a turkey, a ham and stuffing, the basic staples of the feast. Tseng, in all his infinite wisdom had thought that his Turks would be able to all bring one dish to help suppliment the meal. How wrong he had been!
Rude had been in charge of the mashed potatoes. However, skilled as the man may be in skinning the flesh off of a living victim, he could not for the life of him comprehend the peeling of a potato. So, Rude had done what most bachelors do; he bought a box of instant mashed potatoes to bring to the feast. Which is exactly what he did. Tseng was staring at the box now. The idiot had failed to prepare the instant potatoes, not taking the painstaking 10 minutes to nuke them in the mircrowave.
Feather had been in charge of the green bean casserole, one of Tseng's personal favorites. The dish was asthetically pleasing enough; the fried onions resting on the top a golden brown and very tantilizing. So much so that Tseng had snuck a taste of the dish, only to spit it into his hand a second later. It appeared that that pour girl had substituted the eight ounces of cream of mushroom soup for eight ounces of cream of tartar. Tseng had started drinking after that unfortunate incident.
Gravy had been Brit's job. She, as Rude had done, bought the packaged stuff and failed to mix in the appropriate ingredients to form the recognizeable food. So, they had dried gravy mixed to put on their dry instant potato mix.
Nina tried her hand at the candied yams. The flambed candied yams. The flambed candied yams that were still smoldering and looking like orange soot. If one scraped off the black tops of the marshmellows...they would find the black settled all the way through the marshmellows. And into the yams. Oh hell, they were flaming again.
Tseng dumped his glass of water on the yams and chugged down another glass of wine. Water was a waste at this point in time. It's only use being for the extinguishing of the side dish.
Torr and N.C. had brought vegetables. Torr brought a can of corn and N.C. brought a bag of frozen peas. The frozen peas were currently being shot through straws by the Turk Spawn and their trainer in the ways of the clinically insane, Niki-chan. Andria, Axys, Azrael, Kaya and Damian were all running around like the hellions they were, whooping like the Ancients who had begun this feast of thanks. Damn those bastards. To say the children were hyper was an understatement. This increase of adreniline was brought to them by one of the mothers. The one who, though her child was eight years old, she herself was still an infant in parenting years. Yes, the Vending Machine had been dispensing treat upon treat to the eager children, who all now adored her, while the adults loathed her.
Silhouette had tried her hand at rolls. She failed. The 'bread' was sitting in a basket, looking palatable enough, but each weight approximately 16.7 pounds and having the density of a small boulder. They would be excellent projectiles for assassinations, that was for sure.
Kai brought a tub of butter for the rolls. Unfortunately, it would not be put to use since the rolls were rocks.
Black and Widdow had brought some sort of dessert. Tseng couldn't even begin to desern what it was. It looked like a cross between rice cereal bars, red velvet cake and sushi. With frosting. The dessert had actual raw fish in with the frosting.
Pumpkin pies. Simple enough, right? All one really had to do was buy one at the local bakery. Tseng really didn't expect Magni to bake one. Or try to bake one. He would have been happier had she shown up with a can of pumpkin and a frozen pie crust than the...thing that was seeming to be alive and squirming on the table. Oh hell, yes...that was an eyeball.
Wei was in charge of the relish tray. Unfortunately, he didn't quite grasp the meaning of relish tray. One would normally get a variety of different raw vegetables and arrange them on a Lazy Susan with a nice dip selection for guests to snack on before the main event. Wei had bought a variety of different relishes. Hot dog relishes. There was dill, sweet, kosher, et cetera, all arranged on a platter for his friends.
Ram did the deviled eggs. She colored them red and put little horns and pointy tails on them. He doubted they were even hard boiled.
Katrina did the potato salad. She had opened a bag of lettuce and threw some baby red potatoes in with it and covered it with ranch dressing. It was...interesting to say the least. It would have been better had the baby red potatoes not been in her cupboard for six months and were sprouting.
Revan brought a bag of potato chips and some dip. Good enough. At least it was edible.
Sage brought some store bought cookies. Again, good enough. Especially compared to the other monstrosities.
Vincent showed up. That was good enough for Tseng.
Reno, had brought Niki. Who had brought her friends, the stray pack of dogs and two cats that had been with her during her street days. In addition to The Pack, Kandi had brought Axel and Akalara had brought Zexion. Niki's St. Bernard friend was resting it's head on Rude's lap and staring hungrily at the turkey. Tseng would shoot the dog before he let it touch one of the only good things on the table. No...he wouldn't. He would shoot Rude before he shot the dog for letting the dog eat the turkey.
Joel had brought his GS3 and the newest football game out. He had hooked it up to the flatscreen TV in the conference room and was currently playing against Randak for the Materia Bowl.
Tseng picked at the food that was served, some of it good, some of it...not. However, despite the bad judgment of relying on his Turks to cook the food in potluck fashion, he had to admit; having the group of misfits and their spawn and four-legged furry friends all together warmed his heart. He didn't even mind it that Scrappy Jack had leapt onto the table as was chomping away on the cream of tartar green bean casserole, or that Axel had lit the candied yams on fire again. This was his family and inspite of, or because of, their quirks and oddities, he loved them all very much. And he was very thankful for them.
But wait? What had Tseng brought to this feast? Why, the Wutain had brought a case of the finest wine his homeland had to offer.
And he'd drank every last drop.
A/N: I hope you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving and a wonderful time with your families. Remember, blood doesn't bind a family; love does. I love you guys.