When we got to the OBGYN floor of the hospital, Addison was there waiting for us with an exam room ready.
"You could have called me yourself, you know" Addison said with her arms crossed, propping the door open for us.
"i felt stupid. I still feel stupid" Callie said. Addison and I locked eyes, smirking at one another.
"Well, this should be a good learning experience for Arizona, at the very least. Come in, let's get you set up for a pelvic exam" She said as she shooed us into the exam room.
"I don't have to stay" I whispered to Callie as we walked into the room.
"Please, stay. I want you to" She whispered back to me as she got into the chair. I nodded to her and she gave me a small smile as she slipped into her gown and out of her pants.
"Alright, Callie, you know the drill. Put one leg in each stir up and spread them wide" Addison said. I pulled a stool over and sat by Callie's side.
"Arizona, I would let you take a look, but I am guessing you don't want your former boss and professor's vagina etched into your memory" Addison said. Callie instantly flushed.
"Probably not" I said. If only she knew...
For a moment, Addison disappeared between Callie's legs. She was likely checking to make sure Callie's cervix was still closed. If it wasn't, that was a bad sign, though not necessarily fatal for the baby.
"Your cervix is closed. There are no signs of anything serious going on. I see the bleeding you are talking about, but it is minimal. Likely just residual blood from some minor irritation or injury. Maybe a uterine fibroid. But, nothing to worry about" Addison said. A look of relief washed over Callie's face and to my surprise, I felt as equally relieved.
"Should we do an ultrasound quick? Just to see baby's heart beat and what not?" Addison asked.
"Yes" I blurted out. Callie smiled at me, nodding in agreement.
"I figured as much" She said, applying the ultrasound jelly onto Callie's plump low abdomen.
"You have an interest in obstetrics, Arizona?" Addison asked.
"Yes, I do. I haven't made any decisions about a specialty yet obviously, but obstetrics is high on my list" I said.
"What else is on your list?" Addison asked, turning on the ultrasound machine.
"Well, I have always been interested in surgery..."
"OBGYN is a surgical specialty, sprinkled with primary care, of course. I should have you come in some time and watch me perform an in-utero surgery. Would that be something you're interested in?" She asked.
"Absolutely" I said.
"Great. I have heard nothing but good things about you, Arizona. The University of Washington was thrilled to hear you were joining their class this fall. And obviously, Callie has spoken very highly of you. Believe me when I say that I have heard first hand how intelligent you are" Addison said.
"I'm just happy to be here, Dr. Montgomery" I said confidently. Addison smiled and I felt Callie's eyes on me. Addison began manuevering the ultrasound wand, searching for the baby's heart beat. I could feel Callie's anticipation radiating off of her.
"Do you hear that?" Addison asked. Suddenly, I heard the quiet whooshing sound of the baby's heart beat. Addison showed us the ultrasound machine screen, pointing out the baby's head. For a moment, I heard nothing but the quiet whoosh of that baby's heart, the realization coming over me that that was Callie's child in there. I felt a smile spread across my face...a heart beat, a child, Callie's child.
"Oh my god" I said softly, overwhelmed with emotions, unexpected tears forming in my eyes. Callie locked eyes with me; she was beaming.
"Amazing, isn't it?" Addison said, interrupting our trance. I cleared my throat, trying to rid my head of the endorphins and emotions that had washed over me.
"It is" I said simply and softly.
"Are you sure you want to wait for the birth to know the gender?" Addison asked.
"Yes! I want it to be a surprise!" Callie said.
"Fair enough" Addison said. "I have one more patient to see so I have to go. Take all the time you need to change and clean up"
"Thanks again, Addy" Callie said.
"Don't mention it. I will see you both very soon" Addison said, shutting the door behind her. Silence fell between Callie and I. The intimacy of the moment we shared, seeing her child together for the first time, lingered between us.
"Let me get you a towel to wipe up with" I said, opening the cabinets in search of a hand towel.
"Thanks" She said after I handed her a wash cloth. I watched her gently was off her lower abdomen, as if she could hurt the baby if she wiped too forcefully.
"She is kicking" Callie said quietly, "Do you want to feel?"
Unsure at first, I met her gaze. She took my hand and placed it near her belly button. I felt it, the soft vibration. It took my breath away. How incredible to feel something so alive, growing within Callie.
"She?" I asked.
"Just a gut feeling" Callie whispered to me. I nodded, holding my hand in place beneath Callie's, waiting for another kick.
"She's amazing" I said softly. I felt Callie shift her hand, webbing her fingers into mine. I looked up at Callie, her eyes were soft, loving. She leaned towards me, our foreheads mere inches apart. I closed my eyes, waiting for our lips to connect. Suddenly, the door flew open and we separated in milliseconds.
"Callie! Is everything okay?!" Owen asked, kissing Callie on the top of her head. My stomach churned.
"Yep, just a little bleeding. Addison said there was nothing to worry about" Callie said. There was an apology in her eyes. I turned away.
"Oh good. Don't want anything to happen to our little man" Owen said, I looked back at Callie, confused.
"Owen is convinced the baby is a boy" Callie explained. I nodded.
"Thanks for covering for me, again. Hope medical school is going well for you" Owen said to me.
"It is" I said.
"Good. Well, we better get going Callie. Good to see you Arizona" Owen said, shooing Callie out the door.
"Likewise" I said.
Just like that, they were gone, leaving me standing alone in Addison's office. The loneliness washed over me again. Seeing Callie's baby for the first time made this entire situation so real. I didn't expect to feel so much...love. I never wanted kids, yet here I was in complete adoration of this unborn child. I expected to resent the baby for coming between Callie and I, for it forced Callie to choose between us. But seeing her (or him, I guess) for the first time was similar to how I felt when I saw Callie for the first time. It stunned me, changed me.
This was too much. This wasn't even my baby. It was Callie's, OWEN'S. Yet here I was standing in an obstetrics clinic, trying to hold onto the image of a face I saw on the ultrasound machine. Why did she do this to me?
I took out my phone and dialed Leah's number.
"Hello?" Leah said, answering on the second ring. She sounded a little surprised; I had never called her before.
"Hey. Can I come over?" I asked desperately.
"Uh, sure! When?" She asked.
"Now" I said.
"Yes, of course. I will be waiting" Leah said.
"Great. Bye" I said, hanging up the phone. I grabbed my purse and walked out of the hospital. I needed to clear my head in the only way I knew how.
I drove straight to Leah's, trying to calm my emotions en route. I blasted the radio and rolled the windows down, all in an effort to clear my head. Fleeting thoughts raced through my mind. Callie, her fear, her reliance on me to alleviate that fear. The baby, innocently seen on the ultrasound screen. Her breath on my lips for the first time in months. The look she gave me when we saw the baby, together, a new connection between us made. Owen barging into the room during our moment. This was all so surreal. Too much
Still overwhelmed when I arrived to Leah's, I ran up the stairs to her second floor apartment, knocking frantically. She unlocked the door slowly, opening cautiously.
"Arizona, you are knocking like a serial killer. And you're sweating. Are you..."
I cut her off with a kiss. I pulled back for a moment, stunning myself that I had come onto her so strongly. But I grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her into me. She didn't resist this time. We stumbled clumsily into her room, ripping each other's clothes off. I closed my eyes; I saw Callie. I felt the moment in Addison's office when our lips were so close. Would she have kissed me? I couldn't shake this. I threw Leah on the bed, crawling on top of her. Leah tossed me aside, getting on top of me, ripping my panties off. I kept my eyes open, desperately trying to keep my focus on her, wanting her to consume me. Even as she entered me, pleasured me, kissed my neck the way I like, I felt Callie between us. After five minutes or so of her efforts, I flipped Leah over and pleasured her. It was hasty, rough, nothing like lovemaking should be. Leah didn't seem to notice; she came in minutes. And just like that, it was over. I rolled off her, somewhat breathless from the frantic nature of our sex. I thought it would help, I really did. But when all was said and done, I still felt Callie around me, in me just as much as I would have if she had physically been there.