a/n: this episode directly follows the motel scene in Requiem and then throws canon right out the window. you're welcome.

Two mornings after they got back from Oregon, Scully woke up in her own bed, which she couldn't have been more thankful for. And since the weight she felt pressing against her back she thought was Mulder, she was relieved that he had seemingly recovered from the case and put all of his fears for her safety and his own guilt in the back of his mind. But rolling over revealed the mass to be Zach and Megan, who were snuggled up together and sleeping soundly. Smiling, Scully couldn't admit to herself that she was disappointed. It was always a treat to see their sweet faces first thing in the morning. But she couldn't help but wonder where Mulder was, how long he'd been gone, and why he'd left.

Zach's nose scrunched up as Scully's movement slowly awoke him. His beautiful brown eyes opened, and both he and Scully smiled.

"Hi pumpkin," Scully greeted him. Zach, who usually did not like being called baby names, had no problem with it that morning.

"Hi Dana."

"Did you have a nice sleep?"

"Yeah."

"When did you come in here? Last time I checked, you were asleep in your bed."

"During the storm. It was Megan's idea."

Glancing out the window, Scully did notice that the leaves on the tree just outside were still soaked with rain, not an odd sight for winter in DC.

"Was Mulder gone?"

Zach nodded.

"I wonder where he went," Scully said more to herself than to the child.

"Can we have scrambled eggs?"

Scully's stomach lurched at the thought. Eggs were not something that she wanted to be cooking that morning.

"I don't know if we have enough time before school. What about some cereal? Or I could cut you up some fruit?"

"I'd like some fruit," he agreed, moving closer into her embrace. Until just recently, the kids had never had much fresh fruit or vegetables in their diets. So to have Zach agree to eat either was a big step forward.

Although, there seemed to be no reason to get up as Zach snuggled himself up tightly against Scully. One arm went securely around him, gliding up and down his side, and the other rested on her stomach.

"Dana?" Zach started.

"Yes?"

"What makes you love me and Megan so much?"

His question was enough to threaten tears in her eyes. It was no secret that Zach had some self esteem issues concerning the adults in his life. It wasn't the first time he had felt unworthy of Scully and Mulder's love, if he ever stopped feeling that at all. And it was frustrating for Scully to know that this little boy who was the sun in her sky and who she would do anything for didn't know why he was valuable enough to be loved.

"Well, there are so many reasons. You're smart, you're funny, you're a good big brother to Megan, you say sweet things to me when I'm not feeling that good, there are so many good things about you Zachy. But even if you mess up or make mistakes, I'll still love you because there's a special spot in my heart that only you can fill. That's how love works, I guess," Scully explained, realizing some things about her own relationship with Mulder in the process.

"Do you think my mom had those spots in her heart?" Zach didn't like to talk about his mom a lot, not even with Julie, so Scully thought about what she was going to say next very carefully.

"Every mommy has those spots in her heart for her babies. Your mom did love you, Zach. But remember what Mulder said about how it was hard for her to make good choices?"

Zach nodded.

"Those choices sometimes made her forget about the spots in her heart. And she tried to fill them with something that didn't belong there. That was a bad decision to make, but it didn't mean those spots weren't there or that she didn't need you to fill them."

Scully herself was focused on taking deep breaths to keep it together while Zach stayed characteristically silent on the matter.

"Zach?"

He looked up at her with the body of a little boy, but with the eyes of someone who had seen much more.

"I love you. I'm not your mommy, but I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before."

Relaxing his tense little body more into Scully's embrace, Zach breathed a sigh of relief. No matter how many times he needed to be reassured that he was loved, she'd do it.

"You ready for that fruit now?" she asked before she kissed Zach's forehead. He nodded, and they both carefully got out of bed to avoid waking Megan.

Before she made the trek out to the kitchen, Scully stopped in the bathroom. Looking in the mirror critically at herself, she noticed the sudden gauntness in her cheeks. The paleness of her flesh. It had been a long time since she'd looked like this; not since her cancer could she remember looking so sick. And Mulder was certainly worried about cancer. Ever since she'd collapsed in the woods in Oregon, he'd been silently torturing himself with thoughts of her being sick again. Scully knew that he was, that they both were, the type of people who once something good happened would wait for the other shoe to drop. And while Scully was slowly accepting the fact that maybe it wouldn't, Mulder had almost convinced himself that it was coming down, and that Scully's cancer was going to hit them hard for daring to be so happy. He'd essentially begged her to leave the X-Files, something that he didn't realize hit pretty close to her. She didn't want him to throw her out of the way of the bus, though, only to be hit himself. She wanted both of them to be safe.

Despite the fact that she felt and looked like hell, Scully smiled to herself in the mirror. The woman whose dreams were coming true. She never thought she would be this woman.

She lifted up her shirt and turned sideways.

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