Chapter 18 – The Support Team
"These wristbands are really beautiful Ria," Lillian Garcia said with a sigh as she handed Maria Kanellis the last of the boxes "You did such a good job, don't get me wrong, but I just wish we didn't have to have them made in the first place."
"You and me both Lil," Maria replied as she accepted the box and placed it amoungst the pile of others.
The pair of divas were currently unpacking the last of the boxes from the pallet that one of the stagehands had just brought to the Women's Locker Room not that much earlier. It was 2 hours before the start of RAW in Knoxville, Tennesse tonight and unfortunately the live show was the last thing on all the diva's minds.
It wasn't just tonight though and it wasn't just the WWE divas that were suffering the effects of the disappearance of Heidi Maree Orton that had taken place almost 3 weeks ago now. It was everyone backstage at RAW, it was everyone backstage at Smackdown, it was the entire WWE family that were feeling the effects, and Vince McMahon was trying to sail his company smoothly through it all whilst the WWE Champion Randy Orton, and Heidi's father, was still taking time off to be with his family. No matter who you were backstage or what your relationships was with Randy Orton, no one would wish this kind of tragedy upon even their worst enemy.
"This is ridiculous Ria," Lillian spoke again as she took a seat ontop of one of the stack of boxes "I have absolutely no desire to be here tonight at all."
"We were just saying the same thing," fellow diva Brooke spoke as she and her twin sister Penny walked into the Women's locker room, drawing Lillian and Maria's attention.
"But I mean what exactly are we going to do?" Lillian asked, shrugging her shoulders "The show must go on right?"
Brooke and Penny nodded in sync.
"Are those the wristbands Ria?" Penny asked, pointing to the stack of boxes underneath Lillian.
Maria simply nodded as she bent down to the box at her feet and folded open the stuff cardboard. The blonde finally pushed herself back to a standing position once she had retrieved two samples from the box of twenty-five. Maria offered a forced smile as she offered the two wristbands to the diva twins. Penny and Brooke accepting them with merely a nod of thanks.
The twins looked at the wristbands in their hands. They were pink, bright pink, just like the divas had planned they would be. It was funnily one of the only things they could all agree on from the get go. Everything after that got much much more complicated and created many many more arguments. Finally Maria, whose idea it was initially anyway, had thrown down the gavel and made the final decision herself because she "refused to fight over something as petty as design when it's the message behind the wristbands that actually matters". She'd been right and she'd put them all in their place and shut all their mouths about the matter. After that there'd been no more discussions about the wristbands period since the idea was put forward to all the divas last Monday night just before RAW went on air. It had all been left up to Maria. From the first impression of the wristbands in their hands, the twins knew that leaving it up to Maria had infact been the best decision.
Maria Kanellis watched the twins inspect the wristbands in their freakishly tiny hands, which she actually only noticed for the first time right now, and her eyes were soon drawn to the matching wristbands around Lillian's wrist and the same one sitting around her own. The diva inspected the wristband for what had to have been the millionth time already tonight rotating her wrist to let her eyes scan every inch of it. The pink looked ridiculous teamed with the black dress and boots she was wearing tonight but she knew that that was the point. It made the wristband stand out like a sore thumb and that was precisely its purpose. She also knew how fond Heidi Orton was of the girly bright colour. Pink was her colour. Although she hardly ever wore the colour she had an insane amount of pink stuff. It looked like Barbie had thrown up all over the inside of every purse she owned. Heidi was clearly partial to pink accessories. Maria's eyes then scanned the stitching sitting atop the wristband that sat on the inside of the wrist when on in the intended direction. The capital 'H' in white with the black trim around the outside of the letter actually worked and it made the letter readable. H for Heidi. It was on each and every one of the wristbands. Every single one of the wristbands in these boxes was for Heidi.
The divas were hoping that each and every member of the WWE would wear these wristbands every time they were on national TV from now on. It had been an initiative supported by Vince McMahon and Heidi's parents and all the WWE superstars backstage had wholeheartedly supported it. It was to be a little reminder to the public that the search for Heidi Orton was still going on and it would not cease until she was found. A little reminder to the public that if they knew or heard of something involving the young Orton's disappearance that they should contact their local sheriff's department or the WWE. This was the only way the divas thought they could help the cause. I mean what else were they supposed to do when they were under contract to travel with the WWE and appear on live television whenever they were needed every week. It wasn't like they could drop everything and start up a search party, and even if they could no one knew where to start anyway. Maybe if anyone had known where to start if would have been a different matter. If they'd had a clue here or a lead there or anything really, but no one had anything.
"You really did a great job with these Ria," Brooke finally spoke, breaking Maria out of her thoughts and drawing Maria's eyes to the blonde just in time to see her slipping the wristband around her wrist.
"Yeah you really did," Penny chimed in as she too slipped the wristband around her own wrist "We'll wear ours on RAW tonight."
"Did you two want to help hand them out to everyone backstage?" Lillian asked, making her presence known in the room.
"Oh yeah sure," Penny replied with an enthusiastic nod "Just give us a box and we'll definitely help."
"Are you sure you two don't have to warm up for your match?" Maria asked.
"Oh no we don't even have a 'match' tonight," Brooke replied "Just some silly Summer Bikini Contest or something like that."
"But my bikini's pink so it's going to go perfectly with this wristband," Penny chimed in with a smile.
"You're such an idiot," Brooke replied as she rolled her eyes at her sister.
"What?" Penny exclaimed, not knowing what she'd actually done.
"I can't believe you're thinking about how well the wristband is going to match your outfit!" Brooke exclaimed, looking at her sister and shaking her head.
"Why not?" Penny exclaimed again, still not grasping what was actually going on.
"That's not the point of the wristband idiot," Brooke explained "The wristbands are for Heidi not for a fashion statement!"
"Obviously I know that!" Penny exclaimed "I wasn't saying they weren't for Heidi."
"Well you weren't saying they were either!" Brooke quickly retorted.
"That doesn't mean anything!" Penny exclaimed back.
"I can't believe that you are so selfish!" Brooke exclaimed, turning her back on her sister and folding her arms defiantly across her chest.
"I am not being selfish!" Penny exclaimed as her jaw dropped at her sister's last comment.
"You are so!" Brooke exclaimed.
"Am not!" Penny exclaimed back.
"Will you too just shut up already!" Lillian Garcia suddenly exclaimed.
Suddenly the room went dead quiet. The twins immediately shut their mouths as their eyes darted straight for the re-hired RAW ring announcer. The blonde was staring daggers into the carpet below her feet as she remained sitting on the cardboard box full of wristbands underneath her.
"It's been a really really long week and the last thing I need right now is to hear you two fighting about something this stupid," Lillian sighed as she finally raised her eyes to Penny and Brooke.
The room remained silent as Penny and Brooke bowed their heads slightly in embarrassment at what had just happened.
"Look I'm sorry," Lillian quickly added "Like I said it's been a really really long week and there's a lot on my mind."
Penny and Brooke simply nodded at the blonde.
"It's OK Lil," Penny simply said.
"Lil went to visit Lita and Randy in Atlanta two nights ago," Maria suddenly chimed in, drawing the twin's eyes to her.
"Oh my god," Brooke replied.
"Yeah," Maria nodded as she turned to look at Lillian who was lost in her own thoughts.
"Lil, do you mind if I ask how they were?" Penny asked.
Lillian sighed.
"I wanna say that they're getting better but they're not," Lillian spoke softly "It's horrible this whole thing. They're so lost and confused and just sad. Heidi is all they have apart from having each other and it's just horrible that this has happened. They weren't in the slightest prepared for something like this. They just don't know what to do. I mean what can they do when they don't anything. They don't know anything about where she is or any kind of idea at all. They're just lost."
"I feel so bad for them," Maria chimed in "I spoke to Li on the phone last night and she was just so out of it. She was just so quiet and didn't really know what to say at all."
"Poor Li," Penny chimed in.
"Yeah," Brooke added.
"But I mean there's nothing we can do," Lillian said standing up and brushing herself off "We can't all just wallow in their sadness I mean it's not good for them to see us like this and it's not good for us to be like this."
"Lil's right," Maria nodded enthusiastically "So far these wristbands are what we can do to support them during this whole thing and until we can come up with something better I think we just all need to be strong for ourselves and Randy and Lita."
"The last thing they need is for us to be keeping them down because we're sad about losing Heidi too," Lillian spoke "They already know we are."
"I mean we were all close to Heidi right?" Maria added.
The twins nodded in agreement. The two veteran divas were right.
"I mean Heidi was one of our best friends," Brooke commented, looking at Penny "But I mean so many of you divas have known her since she was born."
"Even before that," Lillian commented.
"Yeah," Maria agreed.
"I don't think that this should drive a wedge between any of us for any reason," Lillian added "I don't think Heidi would have wanted to have seen that at all."
"And we definitely shouldn't be fighting either," Penny spoke, turning to face her twin sister "I don't think that fighting about it is any more good then being depressed and sad about it."
"Right," Lillian said with a nod "We all need each other right now for support. It's hard on all of us and we all know that, and it's 1000 times harder for Randy and Li. How are they possibly going to get through this if they don't have us for support?"
"Lil's completely right," Maria chimed in as she bent down and grabbed the box at her feet "So let's do the only thing we can do right now and go and get these wristbands out."
"Right!" Brooke and Penny exclaimed in unison, making their identical appearance a little creepier than usual, especially as they both clapped their hands infront of themselves at the same time.
Maria pointed to the stack of boxes behind Lillian, who was in the middle of moving herself.
"You guys can help yourself to any of the boxes there," Maria instructed "And everyone backstage is welcome to have one. I told pretty much everyone about them last week so you shouldn't really have to explain anything cause everyone should be expecting them. Superstars, divas, maintenance, tech guys, whomever. We have plenty to go around just in case."
"Just in case what?" Lillian asked, cocking an eyebrow at her fellow diva as she adjusted the cardboard box in her arms.
"Just in case Lillian got distracted from handing then out and decided to do nasty things with Dave," Maria replied, raising an eyebrow of her own at the blonde.
"And how exactly does that involve the wristbands at all?" Lillian asked boldly.
"Because you and Dave do nasty things EVERYWHERE and ontop of EVERYTHING," Maria replied with a smirk in her friend's direction.
"Whatever," Lillian rolled her eyes "We don't do it ontop of EVERYTHING!"
"Why do you think I refrain from eating at catering these days?" Maria asked.
"And the reason we don't actually use the benches in the Women's locker room," Brooke chimed in.
"EVER!" Penny replied with a smile.
"All the benches?" Maria asked with a look of disgust on her face as she turned to Brooke and Penny.
"Well just in case," Penny replied.
"You guys are so mean," Lillian pouted as she headed for the door to the Women's locker rom.
Suddenly and without warning all the divas were scared out of their skins as John Cena, without warning, burst through the door and entered the locker room without so much as a knock.
"CENA!" Penny and Brooke exclaimed in shock, bumping against each other in the process and almost dropping their boxes of wristbands on the floor.
"Cena you scared the living daylights out of us!" Maria exclaimed as she placed a free hand over her heart and started breathing heavily again.
"Jesus Christ Cena, I'm getting too old for this," Lillian sighed as she calmed herself down.
"Well you're still beautiful to me Lillian," John replied with a smirk.
"Funny Cena," Lillian replied rolling his eyes "You didn't even knock."
"Yeah what if we were naked?" Maria pouted.
"Well I was considering leaving and barging in again cause you all were fully clothed," John replied with a wink.
Lillian rolled her eyes as she turned from Cena to the madly blushing faces of Penny and Brooke who were shamelessly whispering to each other and checking out John from head to toe. Lillian nudged Maria next to her when she noticed the veteran Diva was doing the same.
"You are utterly shameless," Lillian shook her head at her friend.
"I'm still allowed to look," Maria pouted in reply.
"So can we help you at all John?" Penny asked, getting all wide-eyed and cutesy as she addressed the only male in the room.
"Actually I was just wondering whether or not you girls had seen Alle?" John asked "I mean she text me a little while ago saying that she was at the arena."
Lillian chuckled softly to herself as she watched the faces of Penny and Brooke sink at the mention of Alle Dumas – John's well-known on/off girlfriend.
"I saw her in the parking lot when we arrived about ½ an hour ago," Maria honestly replied.
"Did she say where she was going?" John asked, turning his sole attention towards Maria.
Lillian shook her head, drawing John's attention towards her.
"She didn't say much really," Lillian replied "Just said that she was here to see you."
"You're welcome to join us in delivering these wristbands until you find her John," Brooke suggested, a small smile appearing on her face.
"Yeah for sure," Penny chimed in, smiling also.
Neither Lillian nor John had a chance to say anything when another voice chimed into the conversation.
"Hi girls," Alle Dumas started speaking as she entered the Women's locker room before her eyes had even scanned the entire room "Have you seen Jo…"
Alle stopped mid-sentence when her eyes finally landed on John Cena.
"Hey," John replied with a wide smile as his eyes caught the beautiful Alle Dumas.
Lillian and Maria smiled as they noticed John's eyes light up at the mere sight of Lita's younger sister.
"Hey," Alle replied, forcing a smile as she pointed to the hallway outside the locker room "Can I talk to you outside?"
"Yeah sure," Cena replied as he turned around to face the divas in the room "I'll see you ladies later."
"Don't forget your wristband!" Maria exclaimed as she retrieved a wristband from inside her half open box and offered it to John.
"Oh thanks Ria," John replied as he happily accepted the wristband and slipped it on to join the collection already adorning his wrists.
"Are those the wristbands you were talking about before Lil?" Alle curiously asked as she inspected the item now around John's wrist.
"Yeah," Lillian replied with a nod.
"Here take one," Maria chimed in as she retrieved another wristband and offered it to Alle.
The brunette smiled at Maria and took the wristband.
"Thanks," Alle replied with a forced smile.
"We'll see you ladies later," John said raising his hand in a small wave as he led Alle out of the locker room.
"Bye," Lillian and Maria replied with small waves of their own.
"How have you been?" John offered as soon as the two exited the Women's locker room.
"Fine," Alle replied, her eyes staring at the ground beneath her feet as she continued to walk alongside him "You?"
"Yeah good," John simply replied, his eyes looking at Alle's profile almost trying to will her to actually look at him.
Alle and John continued to walk the corridor of the backstage area of the arena until they came to a secluded spot a little further down from the guerilla area, not too far of a walk from the Women's locker room.
It was a mutual decision to stop walking once they had reached the area. Both had stopped within a couple of steps of each other. John wanted so badly to reach over and take her hand in his but he wasn't sure exactly why she had wanted to come to the arena tonight to see him so he wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to act around her right now. A small silence enveloped them as they remained in the spot where they were, the only sound between them was the sound of their breathing.
"I just wanted to give you this," Alle suddenly said softly, her eyes still not rising to meet with Cena's even though she knew he was looking right at her and waiting for that eye contact "That's why I came here tonight to see you."
John sighed as she continued to stare at the floor beneath her feet as she reached into her handbag and retrieved a small piece of film paper that she immediately offered him. John simply accepted the piece of paper and raised it towards his face to look at it clearly.
"It's the first ultrasound I had of the baby," Alle commented "Our baby."
John felt his heartbreak as soon as he heard the words out of her mouth. His eyes scanned over the picture infront of him and of course he couldn't really make out the picture clearly. I mean after all, the baby hadn't even been fully formed at that point. It didn't matter though, it was still a picture of his baby. Their baby.
"Thank you," John replied, which finally drew Alle's eyes up to him.
John was surprised to see her eyes were free of tears. He knew that he probably shouldn't have been that surprised considering that whenever he'd spoken to her on the phone in the last couple of weeks were all conversations free of tears. He didn't know whether or not she'd cried at all apart from that initial phone call where she'd broken the news to him. He was sure that that was the fact that had surprised him. She'd been absolutely devastated when she'd called to tell him that she'd lost the baby and then the following day when he'd turned up 2 days later, after he was finally able to get time off from the WWE she'd told him everything he'd wanted to know but there were no tears. She'd told him that it was a standard miscarriage. Her blood counts had been compared over a couple of weeks and whilst she had been pregnant when she'd told him she was, she'd soon heard from her doctor that that was no longer the case. He remembered how she'd talked so calmly and had answered all his questions but had wanted to change the subject as quick as possible. She had wanted to talk about Randy and Lita and her missing niece, Heidi Maree.
And John had told her everything he knew about the whole fiasco. He'd told her about his visit to the police station with Randy and what had transpired. He'd recounted the entire night to her right up until the last time he'd seen Heidi backstage when she'd finished her Wrestlemania debut. He'd even told her about the conversation with the divas and his fellow WWE co-workers that had taken place in Randy and Lita's home the night Heidi had gone missing and what they all thought about it. She'd listened so intently and he had expected her too because after all Heidi was her family, her niece. Cena had expected her to want to know everything.
The weeks passed and John wouldn't hear from her unless he called her first. He called to ask how she was. It would be the same routine. She would reply that she was fine and then she'd direct the conversation straight to the topic of Heidi and if he had heard any news. John, of course, would let her know everything she needed to know but that seemed to be pointless because he knew that she had gone to visit Randy and Lita in Georgia and that she called her sister pretty much everyday to check up on her.
"I don't know if it's something you want to keep or not but I," Alle suddenly spoke again, breaking Cena out of his thoughts "I just thought you might like to see it. I mean, because you weren't actually there when I went for the first ultrasound."
"Can I keep it?" John asked "I mean I'd really like to."
"Sure," Alle reply simply with a small nod of her head.
"Are you sure?" John asked again "I mean you do have another copy for yourself right?"
"Um, yeah," Alle replied quickly "Yeah I have my own copy. You can definitely have that one."
John simply nodded and looked down at the picture in his hands again. All the thoughts started coming back to him, just as they had whenever he'd thought about his unborn child. He wondered if it was going to be a boy or a girl. He wondered if they were going to have his eyes or whether they were going to have his nose or his ears. He always hoped that the baby looked more like Alle than him. She was much prettier. And then his eyes travelled back to look at the woman before him. She was so much prettier than any other woman he'd ever laid eyes on. She would have been an amazing mother and he was sure of it.
"Anyway I'm sure you have to warm up before the show so I better be going anyway," Alle quickly mumbled.
John just looked at her, trying to read her. Trying to figure out what was running through her mind. He hated for that reason that she was so hard to read. It had been all the more exciting when they'd started dating. It had been an exciting mystery, but at moments like this when she wouldn't talk to him. When she was trying to avoid him and runaway. It was moments like this that he desperately wanted to get inside her mind because he knew she wouldn't talk about it of her own free will.
"OK," Alle nodded to herself before she turned heel and hesitated before she took the first step to walk away from John Cena.
Cena, however, guessed her movement and immediately reached out a hand to grasp her arm softly. It stopped her in her steps. Alle took a deep breath and John could hear it, but she didn't turn around.
"Alle please don't go," John said softly, his hand still grasping her arm "I wish you would just talk to me."
"There's nothing else to say," Alle softly replied, still facing in the other direction with her feet planted where they were.
"I know you're upset," John sighed "I'm upset too. I mean we just lost our baby Alle."
Alle didn't reply. John gave her a moment but she still didn't make a sound. She did, however, turn around slightly. She wasn't facing him full on but he could see her eyes now, even though she wasn't looking at him.
"I know you're upset for Randy and Li about Heidi," John spoke again "We're all upset about it. It's downright awful. It's a tragedy if you will, but you can't use that as an excuse to not deal with what you're feeling."
John reached forward with his other hand and shifted so Alle was facing him more full on and he had each of her hands in his. She had silently obliged his movements. She's easily complied, but she still hadn't said a word though.
"I'm not asking you to cry," John continued, trying his best to draw her eyes to his "I'm not asking you to break down and get all depressed and traumatic over it but baby it's alright to feel something. I know you were feeling something when you called me and told me at Wrestlemania, and I know how much this baby meant to you cause I know our baby meant the world to me."
At his last words Alle lifted her eyes and they locked with his. He could see the blank expression behind her hazel orbs. She looked so confused. Like her mind was turmoil, trying to juggle a million and one thoughts all at the same time. She looked so lost.
"It's OK to let yourself grieve sweetheart," John spoke again, using his hands to draw her closer towards him "It's OK. You just lost your first child. We just lost our first child. You're supposed to take your time. You're supposed to take it slow. I don't know if you thought I expected you to get over it quickly but I don't. I don't expect you to let go of something as precious as our child, born or not, over night. I never expected that of you Al and I hope you never expected that of yourself."
"I didn't," Alle spoke softly as her eyes remained glued to Cena's.
It was then that John saw the first stray tear fall from her eye. It was then that he saw her heart sink and it made his do the same.
"It's going to take time baby," John spoke softly, drawing Alle closer to that their entwined hands were the only thing separating them in their close proximity "It's going to take time for both of us. Please let me in. Please let me help you. We can do this together. We can get through this together. Please Alle. I know you need me right now, and you know that I need you too. I need you more than ever."
John closed his eyes and he felt his first tear fall. He didn't even make it a point to brush it from his cheek as he felt it trickle down. He just left it, and when he opened his eyes a moment later he noticed the second of Alle's tears trickling down her cheek too.
"You need me?" Alle softly spoke, her eyes diverting away from his for only a moment.
"I need you Alle," John replied, taking a deep breath to get a hold of himself.
He wanted to be there for her right now. He didn't want to break down and make this about himself. He wanted to be there for her.
"I need you Johnny," Alle immediately replied, the tears welling in her eyes before she absolutely lost it.
John could see it in her eyes and immediately detached his hands from her and engulfed her in a warm embrace. Her tears started falling and the sobs and heavy breathing followed not long after. His tears stopped immediately. He had to pull himself together and be strong for her right now. He didn't think any good would come of them both breaking down into tears right now.
"I wanted this baby more than anything," Alle mumbled inbetween her sobs as he arms wrapped around Cena tightly.
"I did too Alle," John replied "I didn't even know how much I wanted it until it started happening."
"Me neither," Alle replied, burying her head into his shoulder "And then I lost the baby and I hate myself for it."
"This wasn't your fault Alle, please don't blame yourself," John immediately replied, his hand coming up to stroke her head and run his fingers through her hair "Please don't blame yourself. It just wasn't meant to be right now."
"What if I never get another chance to have a baby," Alle continued to cry, each sob were pronounced that the one that preceded it "What if this was my one chance to have a baby and I never ever get another chance to be a mom."
"You are definitely going to be a mom one day sweetheart," John said as he continued to hold the love of his life closer to him "One day you're going to be an amazing mother."
"I don't know John," Alle continued to cry "I'm getting too old and I know the chance of me getting pregnant is slim."
"Alle sweetheart," John spoke as he finally distanced himself from her to look her in the eyes.
He kept one arm around her waist and used the hand of the other arm to hold the side of her face. His palm gently cupping her cheek. In response, Alle's eyes lifted to meet John's and her hands came to rest against his strong, muscular chest. Her palms resting softly against his T-shirt clad skin.
"I promise you," John spoke tenderly and softly as the pad of his thumb continued to stroke her cheek "I promise you that one day you're going to have a beautiful baby and you're going to be the best mother ever. You're going to watch your baby grow up and whether they're a girl or a boy they're going to be just as beautiful as you are."
A small smile quickly formed and then disappeared across Alle's complexion. She couldn't help the smile when she thought about all the things that John had just described. She'd gone from graduating a year early at high school, to college, then law school and then straight into working in a DA's office up north in Boston. Her whole life she'd worked in furthering herself in her career and she hadn't even realized that she'd forgotten to have kids. It was the only part of her life that hadn't been completed. It was the only thing left in her life she knew that she wanted to do.
"How can you promise me that John?" Alle asked, still not convinced by his words no matter how tenderly he spoke them to her "Me falling pregnant wasn't planned. We didn't plan this. It just happened. It was an accident."
John sighed as he forced a small smile in her direction.
"It may have just happened and yes, it was an accident," John replied honestly "But it wasn't a mistake."
Alle sighed and shook her head.
"It wasn't a mistake," Alle replied, still shaking her head.
"No," John replied with a shake of his own head.
"How can you promise me something like that John?" Alle asked again, returning the conversation to her original question.
"Because we're going to keep trying and trying until it happens again," John replied calmly.
Alle's eyes grew wide at his simple comment, but John spoke again before she had a chance to voice a response.
"I promise you that I'm going to help you have a baby," John continued "Because I want my child to have a woman as amazing as you as their mother. I want you to be the mother of my children Alle."
Alle's throat was dry. She didn't know what to say and even if she did, she couldn't find the words right now. She couldn't believe what she was hearing from a man who had once told her he wasn't sure if he wanted kids at all. She was scared when she found out that she was having John's baby. She was scared he wouldn't want the baby. She was scared he wouldn't want anything to do with her anymore. Had she been wrong about him the whole time?
"I saw the way you were with Heidi when she was growing up," John added "You were meant to be a mother and we were meant to do this together."
"I love you John," Alle suddenly blurted out as she wrapped her arms around John's neck and brought him flush up against her.
John held her close to him and closed his eyes at the feeling of her body up against his. At the same time he braced himself for when she would break away because he couldn't tell her he loved her. It was the same story. Every time.
"I know you can't say it right now," Alle suddenly spoke again, her warm breath in his ear causing John to pull her closer "But I know you do. Maybe one day you can tell me."
And yet instead of feeling relief that she finally understood. Instead of feeling relief that they wouldn't be having the same argument they always did when she said those 3 little words to him. Instead of feeling happy that they were finally on the same page, John felt a huge sinking in himself. He wasn't happy. He wasn't relieved. He felt like he'd let her down because he couldn't tell her the God's honest truth that he loved this woman more than life itself. Because of what had happened to him all those years ago, he couldn't tell her that he loved her. Because of one stupid thing that had happened so long ago he couldn't say those 3 little words even though that's exactly how he had always felt and how he felt right now. Right now he just felt like a coward. A complete and utter coward.
A/N: So I know this chapter wasn't very excited but there were a couple of things that I needed to get done in this chapter so that the next couple of chapters can really move forward! Hope you all liked it – so sorry it's taken forever to post, I've been so busy with work and college and all that. It didn't help that I was having trouble finding inspiration for this chapter. I definitely know exactly what to do with the next chapter: Chapter 19 – The First Time, so hopefully I will get that done with any spare moment I have. READ AND REVIEW! Love all you readers and reviews – special mention to Natters who has just been getting into One Secret and My Daughter and for the really nice reviews in much nicer quantities! Until next time, God Bless, Mrs Bridget Orton xoxox