Hey guys! Sooooo sorry it has been so long since the last update. School got crazy for a bit there. Anyway, enjoy this chapter :)
xxxxxx
Hours passed, running around with Dr. Stephens so quickly I was completely disoriented nearly the entire time. Babies were flying out every which way. I barely saw Addison; she was in surgery all day with the most complicated deliveries. In the back of my mind, Callie was still there. We hadn't heard much about her in the last few hours, but that would never stop me from wondering. I wanted to be there, more than anything. Seeing her in pain had sparked something in me. For the first time in weeks, I felt purpose, needed.
After almost 6 hours without an update on Callie, I had to know. This had gone on too long. How had we not heard something, anything about her progress?
"Dr. Stephens, I know it isn't my place... but...we haven't checked on or heard about Dr. Torres in almost six hours...shouldn't we..."
"It isn't. Your place, I mean. My nurses are good. They will find me when they need a physician" She said, writing frantically in three charts at once.
"You're right..." I said dismissively. I chewed my lower lips. Dr. Stephens sensed my discomfort and slammed the chart down.
"What!?" She said, annoyed.
"It's just that we are swamped today, everyone is so swamped. How can we be sure that she is okay? Isn't it weird that we haven't heard a word from her or her nurses in so long?" She rolled her eyes.
"She's one of our own..The chief of surgery's wife..." I said quietly, belaboring the point. Dr. Stephens sighed, knowing she could never ignore the chief of surgery comment.
"Fine. Let's stop in on our way to the OR. Dr. Montgomery needs a hand on a difficult teratoma removal"
I trailed behind Dr. Stephens to Callies room. When we were about halfway down the hall, Dr. Stephen's pager went off. She looked down in concern and picked up pace, still heading towards Callie's room. Just as she was about to enter Callie's room, she bumped into a frantic looking nurse.
"Cindy, what the hell happened?" Dr. Stephens said as she barged into the room. I slipped into the room behind her, there were three nurses racing around the room, one grabbing drugs, another was grabbing supplies. Owen was no where to be found.
"We were swamped today... All of us. We were jumping from room to room with other critical and laboring moms. I had her hooked up to the montiors...but she unplugged them. I got in here five minutes ago to find her fully dilated and the baby halfway through the birth canal. I paged you as soon as I found her like this"
"Shit" Dr. Stephens said under her breath. I stood back, dumbfounded by the sight unfolding before my eyes. Paralyzed in fear, I couldn't take my eyes off of Callie, trembling in pain, curled up in the fetal position, blood pooling the sheets beneath her. I felt my heart hit the floor, the adrenaline coursing through my veins.
"Dr. Torres, we have to get the baby out, now. I don't know how long you have been like this, but every minute we wait the baby is increasing the risk for hypoxia related brain injury and you're at risk for hemorrhage" Dr. Stephens said, gloving and gowning herself quickly.
"Arizona, page Dr. Hunt" Dr. Stephens said to me. I looked to Callie, she made no objection to his name, but I hesitated. Did Callie really want him here?
"Do it, now" Dr. Stephens commanded me. "The chief of surgery will have my ass if he misses the birth of his first child" I nodded, typing his number into her pager and hitting the send button. Where the hell was he? How was he not here?
"Okay, Dr. Torres, it's time to push. Put your legs in the stirrups" Dr. Stephens said assertively. I could tell she was getting nervous, there was too much blood pooling beneath Callie. Callie's typical smooth, tanned complexion was now ghost-white and diaphoretic. And she didn't move a muscle when Dr. Stephens said to.
"Come on, sweetheart, it's time to meet your baby" one of the nurses said gently. I would have laughed if I wasn't paralyzed with fear in the corner of the room. Callie hated to be coddled or called sweetheart. No, that is not what she needed right now. She needed strength and support. She needed assurance, someone to tell her she would get through this, someone to tell her that she wasn't alone.
"Jesus Christ, Callie, I told you to call me when things progressed!" Owen said as he burst into the room, gowning himself quickly. After he got his gown on, he actually looked at her, realizing how much trouble she was in.
"What the hell is going on here! You need to get the baby out NOW" Owen commanded.
"I'm trying! Your wife isn't exactly cooperating" Dr. Stephens said.
"Callie, honey, it is time to push. Don't fight this." Owen said to her. Again, she was unresponsive, still rocking herself back and forth in the fetal position. The fetal heart monitor was starting to go off.
"God damn it. We need to do something" Owen said in frustration. "Page Addison Montgomery. We can do a C-section"
"The baby is already halfway through the birth canal. It will take one push. Pushing the baby backwards up the birth canal is going to cause more problems than it solves" Dr. Stephens said quickly. She was starting to lose her cool. The panic was heightened in the room. The nurses exchanged nervous glances. Everyone was slightly more fearful given the fact that this was the chief of surgery's child.
"Well we have to do something!" Owen said forcefully.
"Fine, page her" Dr. Stephens said, relenting. "This is your last chance, Dr. Torres. You're putting your child's life at risk here" She threatened. Was anyone in this room thinking about Callie besides me? Had anyone noticed that she was scared out of her mind, literally trembling in fear? More than that, did anyone care?
Callie looked up just briefly, enough for me to make eye contact. She needed me, like she needed me during the shooting. I needed to step up, to protect the woman I loved. I couldn't let her do this to herself. She had wanted this for far too long.
I walked to her bedside and kneeled down beside her, my head level with hers.
"What the hell is she doing?!" Owen said abruptly.
"Arizona, you are out of line" Dr. Stephens said. But truthfully, I hardly heard either of them. It was just Callie and I in that room now. I put my hand on her available cheek, rubbing it softly with my thumb. She was slick with sweat, her hair messy in her face.
"Calliope." I whispered. She looked up at me, her eyes wild with fear like I had never seen.
"I'm scared, Arizona" She whispered, her voice cracking and shaking with every word.
"It's ok to be scared. I'm scared. But I am here, now. With you. You and I, we can do this" I said back to her, squeezing her hand.
"I can't lose you. I can't. I won't make it. I need you." She sputtered, her breaths quickening, tears pouring down her face.
"I'm not going anywhere. You hear me? It's you and me now. It's us. Together. I've made my choice and I choose you, Calliope. I will always choose you. We are in this, together" I said firmly to her, feeling my own tears fall down my cheeks.
"But first, we have to meet your daughter" I said, kissing her hand. The room had come to a halt, all eyes on Calliope and I. Callie gave me a small smile and nodded, shifting into the delivery position in front of Dr. Stephens. No one said a word.
"Just one big push. We can do this" I said, holding her hand. Somehow, as tired as she was from fighting hours of contractions, Callie pushed our daughter into the world.
That moment, hearing that baby cry for the first time, finding out that it was in fact, a girl, brought me to my knees. All that anger in the room, the panic, it fell away for that moment when Dr. Stephens held a healthy, crying baby into the air. The intensity of the love I felt in that moment, for both Callie and the baby, was indescribable. Suddenly, unexpectedly, the love in my heart doubled for this new, beautiful baby. Callie's baby. Our baby. In that moment, I felt joy, real joy. I never thought I would be happy again and now her, this baby, our new family.
No more than a minute later, everything became very dark. Because shortly after Callie and I grinned from ear to ear, my hand in hers, joyous about the arrival of our daughter, Callie's eyes rolled to the back of her head. Blood poured out of her. Montiors started beeping, her heart rate accelerating and her blood pressure falling. The nurses took the baby away and Owen followed. Dr. Stephens turned white as a ghost; she was out of her depths. Time stopped. I started screaming, telling Callie to wake up, yelling at the nurses to get O neg blood, screaming at someone to find Addison. She was dying. Dying. I saw the light leave her eyes. There was so much blood.
I saw our lives flash before mine.
Meeting, our first surgery, credit cards and chai lattes, learning about her, dancing in her office, our lips millimeters apart for the first time, the electricity, sparks and fireworks, the shooting, the med closet, pizza in bed, the shower, watching the water drip down her back, making love for the first time, every little thing about her, the therapy and the tears, falling in love with her, over and over again, losing her, seeing the baby for the first time, the bungalow, the dance and that moment when ours stars aligned again, losing Tim, the pain, knowing she was there, her. Callie. Callie. Calliope.
Who am I without you?