AN: Well, here I am, again… I just keep losing my train of thought on this story, then getting mad when it's not what I want. Thus, the 400 year break in between each update. Anyway, this one's the longest update, and it's a little darker, but I hope you like it. Enjoy, and thank you for the 100th time for reading. You guys are so great for your continued interest and pursuit of this story. Virtual high fives for everyone!

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and twirling a lock of hair around my finger. The dancing shadows cast by the soft glow of a rising sun distracted my heavy eyes while my mind whirred with indistinct, but insistent thoughts. My fitting appointment for a prosthesis was scheduled for later that morning. A doctor was going to prod my stump and make a mold of my unsightly limb so that a fake leg could be fashioned to fit as seamlessly as possible. The goal was to design a leg that closely resembled my real one. Only it wasn't my leg. It would be an imposter. A artificial representation of a part of my body that no longer existed. A constant reminder of the hell that I went through and continue to trudge through everyday.

Sighing, I resigned to the fact that I would not be getting any more sleep. I glanced at the clock…six fifteen. That's a disgusting time to get up, but I figured that I might as well. Sitting myself up, I stretched before grabbing my crutches and hauling my tired and crippled ass out of bed.

I made it to the bathroom with only one slip. That tile gets my crutches every time. After what seemed like years, I flopped down onto the bench in the shower. I let the hot water wash over my lead-filled limbs. I seriously didn't want to go. I believed I was ready to go, and so did Callie, but I simply didn't want to hop into that office. Letting out a long stream of air, I poured some body wash onto my neon green loofah

Starting with my left arm, I rubbed gradual and soothing circles over my reddened skin. This I could control. I could control the soap spreading across my freckled shoulder, and the pressure applied to my bicep. I could control the showerhead to rinse the soap off my elbow and forearm. I could control how I arched my back to wash between my shoulder blades. I could control how I tipped my head back to gently scrub my neck and chest. I could control the path my hand took over my body. As the loofah grazed the remains of my left leg, I shuddered lightly. I couldn't control that. I couldn't control the absence of a piece of me that I had possessed since birth. Gritting my teeth, I quickly moved past the uncontrollable part of me and continued with the controllable.

After shutting off the water and pulling myself out of the shower, I toweled off slowly and purposefully. There was no need to rush my impending discomfort. After wrapping my body in a large towel, I grabbed a smaller one and began drying my hair as I listened to the movement begin in Callie's room. I heard the bathroom door open, then the toilet flush, then the water of her shower start. A minute later a smooth, rich voice singing "Here I Go Again" filtered through the wall.

I'm just another heart in need of rescue,

Waitin' on love's sweet charity.

And, I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days,

'Cos I know what it means

To walk along the lonely street of dreams…

Here I go again on my own.

Going down the only road I've ever known.

Like a drifter I was born walk alone

And I've made up my mind,

I ain't wastin' no more time…

I wondered for a moment if she chose that song on purpose for some reason. I always felt alone. I do everything alone. It doesn't feel as empowering as the song suggests.

My door opened quietly as I perched on the side of my bed, combing my hair, "Oh…hey, you're awake already. Should I be concerned of a coming apocalypse?" Callie quipped softly, not really making a joke, but attempting to divert my attention from the day's activities.

"Couldn't sleep." I answered simply, glancing quickly to her eyes before setting down my brush and wringing my hands together.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me. So, I guess, I'll make us some breakfast." She held up her hand as I opened my mouth, "Don't say you're not hungry. I know that you don't feel like eating, but today is going to be stressful. Since you didn't get much rest, you'll need fuel to help cope with the day. Pancakes or eggs?" Callie's eyes were soft and supportive, but resolute.

Despite her non-hostile approach, I felt an overpowering surge of annoyance well up within me, "Here we go again. Princess Calliope knows everything and is always right, and lowly Arizona is just being difficult and stupid. You don't know me. You don't know what's best for me or how I should feel or live my life. So, just back the hell off. If I don't want to eat, I don't have to eat." My words dripped with venom and I could literally feel my eyes flash with fury. But, honestly, I didn't think it had much to do with Callie.

Callie just stared at me. Her face remained passive and unfazed by my outburst. "Pancakes or eggs?"

"Eggs." I mumbled in resignation.

"You got it." Callie left with a small smile, leaving me to stew in my unpredictable and intense emotions.

My body felt completely weighed down as I hopped down the hall of the physical therapy wing of Seattle Grace Hospital. Callie walked quietly behind me having dealt with multiple verbal lashings from me over the course of the morning. She seemed to have wisely chosen to refrain from interacting with me any further. I stumbled to a halt in front of room 4330, the door being the only thing separating me from fully confronting my future. I gulped and tilted my head toward Callie, "Ok, well, I guess, I'll find you when I'm done."

Callie seemed uncomfortable for a moment, then stated firmly, "Actually, I'm going to go in with you."

I turned to face her head on, a fierce glare manipulating my features, "Um, no, you're not. I don't want you in there."

I watched in brief amusement as Callie took a step back, "Yes, I am. Look, you need someone to know what's going on with you. You need someone to be able to support you, which would be much easier if they knew what happens in that room. I know that there's no way you're going to share that information with anyone, so that means that someone has to be in there with you. Someone that cares about you. As the person in charge of helping you out and helping you heal, it could be me. However, if you have someone else that will be there for you, then I'll go get that person. But, you are not going in there alone."

Studying her for a moment, I determined that she was not going to back down. And, honestly, she was right. We always tell our patients that they need a support system, and many times we will not perform a procedure unless we know they have someone that will be there for their recovery. I sucked in a deep breath and moved to open the door, "You stay in the back and don't say a word."

"Understood."

When I shakily entered the room, I didn't immediately see anyone else, and all I could focus on were the rows of prosthetic pieces. Feet, knees, thighs, joints, metal, plastic, and molds mocked me with their inorganic existence and necessity. I hated them. I actually hated inanimate objects for taunting me. I had never been more certain that I was losing my mind. As I tried to retreat from the room, I felt a soft hand gently squeeze my shoulder. Staying true to her word, she didn't say anything but simply let her hand trail down my arm before stepping toward the back of the room.

The room was large and open. Various equipment littered the room, joined by a large table holding the rude prosthetics, an examination table, and small work station. My heart hammered as I took in the realness of the room. The machines and equipment that I could see told me that my situation was not in my head, it was really happening. I shook my head and began to shuffle backward, "Callie, I can't-"

"Good morning, Arizona. Can I call you Arizona?"

I startled at the sudden appearance of a brunette woman from an unnoticed side door. Her wavy chestnut hair sat precariously on top of her narrow head in a messy bun, her slight frame held her lab coat and scrubs in loose manner, and her dark eyes were framed by thick, black, rectangle glasses. Her abrupt appearance momentarily flustered me, causing me to forget her question.

"Or not… Do you prefer Dr. Robbins?" The woman asked, watching me closely as she typed something into the computer.

"She likes Goldie Locks." Callie supplied from her corner.

That snapped me out of my strangely frozen state, shooting her a warning glare, I cleared my throat, "I'm sorry, Arizona is fine…are you Dr. Wiles?" Dr. Wiles is the name Teddy had given me, but I had yet to talk with the doctor, so I really had no idea what to expect.

"Oh, yes. I apologize, I am Dr. Shannon Wiles. I'm in charge of getting you fitted and walking again. You're welcome." At first, I was a little put off by her blunt attitude, but looking at her face, I realized that her expression was soft and oddly comforting. "This your bodyguard?" She motioned to Callie as she pulled up a rolling stool and indicated for me to get on the examination table.

"She wishes." I answered distractedly as I focused on hoisting myself up to the table top. Thoughtfully predicting my struggle, she placed a surprisingly strong hand on my arm and waist, securing me in my journey. Once up, I glanced at Callie, "This is Callie. She's…" I trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence. I didn't like identifying her as my nurse…but, friend didn't quite fit. "She's here for me." I finally finished softly.

Dr. Wiles cocked her head, shifting her eyes between the two of us suspiciously, "Ok…will you be coming any closer, Kevin?"

Callie and I exchanged confused looks before her words registered, leaving me unable to suppress a small giggle. Seeing that Callie was still lost, I provided, "Kevin Costner, from The Bodyguard."

Callie rolled her eyes, answering, "Clever…and, no, Whitney wants to do this as solo as possible, I'm here on my insistence. But, I was an ortho surgeon, so I can follow."

"Bully for you." When she swivels back to face me, I can't hold in the snigger the bubbles up at the look on Callie's face. "Alright, Arizona. First, I'm going to do a visual examination of the leg. Will you please lift up your pant leg?"

I suck in a nervous breath, "Um, sure…" I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting to have such an active role. I know it sounds trivial. But, it would be so much easier if she would just take charge and lift up the pant leg herself. Glancing to her eyes, I took in her intense, but compassionate gaze and realized that she was doing that on purpose. A few loose strands of brown hair outlined her face as her head tipped and she studied me closely. Behind her glasses, her eyes twinkled with patience and understanding. She was forcing me to participate in the process. Forcing me to deal with the realities, and not just sit by while someone else handled the unpleasant details. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Callie stand up straighter and narrow her eyes, it almost seemed protective.

With trembling hands, I grasped the material of my loose sweats and slowly slid up the material until my stump was exposed. I immediately diverted my eyes as Dr. Wiles leaned over and looked closely at my limb. After an awkward moment, Dr. Wiles nodded curtly, "Yep, it's gone." When my head snapped up to meet her gaze, my jaw dropping slightly, her dimples popped in a grin, "Just kidding. Just to warn you, I will never stop trying to remind you that there is still humor, fun, good things, and hope in your world. And, it will probably annoy you…in fact, I'd be willing to bet that that's why Kevin over there annoys you so much."

I could hear Callie's soft laughter as I gaped the woman in front of me. "What-what makes you think she annoys me? Or that she tries to make me see the good things?" I didn't really know exactly what I wanted to ask her, because her assessment was freakishly accurate, and I hadn't even realized it.

"I'm fantastically observant. Ok, I'm going to touch your leg now." Holding my breath, I watched as she used her fingertips to prod my thigh. Five seconds later, she stood up, "Alright, I have an idea where to start. Give me a few and I'll have a leg for you to try on. She's all yours, Kevin." Dr. Wiles spun on her heal and strode to the long table, quickly sorting through pieces and materials.

Callie practically tip toed closer to me, eyeing me carefully, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." I answered succinctly, avoiding her eyes.

"Yeah, you sound it…can I get you anything?" She asked, taking a few more steps forward.

"Space." I growled, still refusing to look at her. Nodding once, Callie backtracked to her spot against the wall.

Complete silence filled the room as we waited for the first draft of my new leg. I had no idea why Dr. Wiles was ignoring me, but it unsettled me a bit. After what felt like years, the doctor approached me with a plastic limb. "Okie dokie. We'll start with this one. I'm going to attach it and ask you to stand and test it out. Then, I'll need you to tell me where there is any discomfort."

Swallowing hard, I shook my head, "Isn't it too soon to be actually standing on it? I thought you'd just be getting the fit right today." I was beyond freaking out at the prospect of standing on the fake leg.

Dr. Wiles paused in her process, "I can't get the fit right without you standing on it. And, physically you are ready to really try it. All I need is your ok to continue."

Panic gripped my insides. I couldn't possibly face the entire situation today. I wasn't ready. I couldn't do it. I could handle putting it on and adjusting it, but actually feeling the thing support me…that was a whole different thing.

"She's ready." Callie strong voice rang clear and sure throughout the room. My wide eyes darted to hers, to which she replied, "You're ready." Our eyes locked across the room and I instantly felt my pulse slow down and my breathing begin to even out.

Breaking our gaze, I turned back to Dr. Wiles and nodded, "Ok, go ahead."

"Great." She slid the plastic pocket over my residual limb and started fastening the buckles and straps. It was an odd sensation. The material was cool and snug, not warm like a leg should be. A minute later, she patted the leg and scooted back, "Alright, it's on. When you're ready, I'll help you stand up on it."

I felt my body begin to shake at the thought of being so close to doing what I was terrified of doing. It would be the first time that an imposter limb would act as my own. The crutches were different. The crutches weren't pretending to be a part of me, they were a tool. Everyone knew their place. The prosthesis would be posing as my leg, I would start to pretend it was my leg. When covered, people would assume that it was my real leg. That would be the moment that I outwardly acknowledged that I wasn't whole, that I needed external assistance to be whole. It was a monumental moment.

A few minutes passed before I jerkily nodded and Dr. Wiles immediately grasped my arms and gently led me to my new feet. An instant state of panic and nausea arrested my body. As I felt her hands slide from my arms, I started shaking my head, "No, no, no. It doesn't feel right, I need to sit down, now." I vaguely registered that I was yelling at the kind doctor, but I couldn't summon the strength to care. My butt crashed down on the stool as I threw myself backward, not giving Dr. Wiles the chance to oppose. When I felt more stable, I cut my blazing eyes up to the doctor. "I told you I wasn't ready! What the hell kind of doctor are you! That was really stupid, and I going to look for another doctor that possesses the ability for logical and compassionate thought." Her hand started to reach out to comfort me, but I jerked back, "No! Don't touch me again!"

My chest heaved as I stared daggers at the nearly unfazed woman. Through my hazy mind, I heard Callie's voice, "Shannon, can I call you Shannon?"

"Of course."

"Shannon, why don't you give us a few minutes." Callie suggested as she walked towards me.

"Sure, I could really use a cup of coffee anyway." With a short nod and a small smile, she exited the room, letting the door click softly behind her.

Struggling to control my raging body, I gritted my teeth, "You didn't need to do that. I had everything under control."

"Yeah, I know. I did that for me. I don't like to see you freaking out." Callie answered calmly.

"I wasn't freaking out! You need to mind your own damn business, Calliope! I can take care of myself, I don't need you watching me like my mom!" Callie ignored my outburst and got down to her knees in front of me. When her hands came to my knees, one real and one not, I felt tears begin to prick at my eyes, "Stay the hell away from me!" I screeched and brushed her hands from my knees. The first tear broke free from my lids and scorched down my cheek. Callie's brow furrowed when she noticed the tiny drop and then quickly yanked my body to hers and wrapped her arms tightly around me. Furious, I mumbled, "I said-", but I couldn't finish through the sobs that suddenly seized my body. Despite my best efforts, I felt myself return her embrace and cling to her. My face slipped to nestle in between her neck and shoulder, my entire form shaking from the force of my crying. Callie held tight, stroking my back and hair, and faintly rocking me.

As I started to calm, I stuttered, "I c-can't-t do-o thi-is."

She placed a frighteningly tender kiss to my temple and pulled back. Her deep brown eyes, connected with mine. We stared into each other's emotional orbs as a warm and soft hand came up to cup my cheek. Her thumb swiped gently at the remaining tears, our faces just inches apart. I watched her swallow thickly, our eyes never straying, "You can do this." Her voice was barely above a whisper, her hot breath washed over my face. "You're so much stronger than you think you are."

My fingers tangled with her shirt as they tightened their grip, I responded in an equally quiet voice, "Do you really believe that?"

"Yes. I do."

A feeling of calm begin to filter through me. As my heart rate returned to normal, I started to notice other things. I noticed how amazing Callie smelled. I noticed how tenderly she held me. I noticed how strong her fingers were as they traced patterns on my back. I noticed that her eyes had darkened just a shade as she stared into my eyes. I noticed that a pleasurable tingle was replacing the previous anxiety in my body. I noticed how soft and curvy her body felt in my arms. I noticed that I was starting to panic for a whole different reason.

She must have felt me stiffen slightly, because she slid herself out of my grasp. "Are you ready for me to bring Dr. Wiles back in?" When I took a deep breath and nodded, she finally disconnected our intense gaze. I watched her carefully as she left the room to retrieve the banished doctor. I had no idea what had just happened between myself and my nurse, but somehow I was more scared of that, then standing on my new leg…

AN: So…how's it lookin'?