A/N: I'll just go ahead and put this here…
References specifically to season 2 episode 20 – What is and what must never be – and season 6 episode 11 – Appointment in Samara
I begin, simply.
"What happened to you to lead you upon this path?"
He almost looks relieved that I have spoken again, as he clings to his brother ever more tightly. "We were…hunting…hunting what we thought was a small group of demons. They had hellhounds with them, we weren't prepared—"
"That is not what I mean."
He doesn't understand me.
"Then what…"
"How did two humans like yourselves gain such heavy souls?"
"Wh-what?"
"Your souls. They are…damaged. Far older than they should be."
"I don't…" He furrows his brow. Understanding flashes upon his face.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. We've seen enough in our day, it's not all that weird that you can see my…uh…soul."
"I see many things, human. Now, if you may, tell me."
He fumbles for the words. "…Well, we've, uh, we've hunted our entire lives. We've done a lot, screwed up a lot."
"And in return the world has done much to you."
"Guess so, yeah."
"Do you regret it?"
"I…I don't know. I regret some things, yeah."
"Tell me."
"What?"
"Tell me what you regret."
The younger one coughs again, breaths raspy and painful as he clings to the remnants of life. The elder one grows ever more agitated, and looks at me in desperation.
"Please, he's out of time. If you can do something, I'll tell you anything you want to know, just—"
"He has time enough here. The reapers will not claim him yet."
"…what?"
"I shall keep them at bay. He is safe here, for now."
"Wait, how can you—"
"There are creatures upon this earth much older than reapers, angels, and demons, child. And wiser. Now speak."
"…why? Why do you care?" He is defensive, confused.
Why, indeed. Even I do not know why I am so curious, not truly. I decide to lay on the truth as simple as it can be.
"I wish to hear your stories."
"Will you help him if I tell you?"
Always about the brother. I wonder how much of his being is due to the younger. Some people are just inextricably connected, lives and souls brought together, destined to mould one another's.
"I will hear your stories, and then I will decide."
"I…okay. Okay." He pauses to gather himself, perhaps unsure of what to say or perhaps how to say it.
"I, uh, I regret…I regret a lot of things. I didn't do enough or say the right thing, I made the wrong call or didn't pick up on things quick enough. I've gotten people killed, innocent people. Good people. There are so many things I look back on and wish I had done differently. God, there are so many things..."
"And you are made broken by the weight of them."
He looks at me, eyes cast dull. "Maybe, yeah."
"If you could go back, and alter those actions of yours, would you?"
"I wish I could, but I know…I can't." I sense regret as he speaks, but also a sense of solidarity. "Those moments, you can't change them. Trust me, we've tried." He lingers, searching for the words that wait on his tongue.
He sighs. "I've finally come to accept that there are some things that just have to happen. And we've fought against it for so long, and we've won, a little. But the things that have happened in our past…you are who you are in those moments and you deal with the results as best you can."
He speaks in 'we's and 'our's. His soul and his brother's, intertwined.
"So even if you could spare yourself the pain? You wouldn't change your past?"
"No. I wouldn't. I used to think I could. All the way back when that djinn grabbed me, the world he put me into, I thought it would have been better."
He is no longer speaking to me. He is lost in himself. I let him be, for I want to see the memories he is living in. They pour out of him in flashes. I see a warehouse, an ambush. I see the falsity impressed upon him by the creature who caught him. I see its appeal, and its danger, and its sadness. An interesting tale, I suppose.
"Having the people around me safe, and happy, that would have been perfect. But it wasn't right. It screwed everything else up. So I knew it had to end, knew I had to go back. I didn't like it, but it was right to keep things the way they were." He sighs, long and heavy. The colors shift around him.
"And then…when I had the power to change people's lives, I tried to, I tried to make things better. Told myself that the rules didn't matter, if I could save a little girl, I would. But then other people got hurt. Messed up the balance."
He sighs. I see the task that Death had set towards him. I see him refuse to take a girl's soul, and I see the fight leave his eyes when he finally comes to accept that she has to die.
"I couldn't go back and change anything. All I can do is watch what happens now. I control what's ahead, and I let what's happened in the past stay there."
He looks at me, expecting some form of judgment. I have none to offer. His response is…unique. Accepting of and anguished by his fate and his past. No wonder his soul is so bruised.
"You and your brother have done things to shift the balance on this earth, more than once." It is not an accusation, but merely a fact. After all, the same could be said of me.
"Yes, we have."
He looks at me, unsure if he should continue. I prompt him along.
"You and your brother began an Apocalypse on this earth."
He snorts. "Yeah, go us. I started it…I, uh…I broke the seal that started the whole mess. And I wish upon everything that I had been strong enough not to…do what I did. But I can't regret my actions that led me down that road. I can't because they let me save him. And no matter the shit that happened or happens because of that, I can't say I wish I hadn't done it. Hell, I'd sell my soul again if that's what I needed to do."
Ah, there it is. The tarnishes did not lie.
"So you sold your soul, and picked up the blades in Hell, then. You broke the First Seal of the demons."
He nods, ashamed.
"Good."
I surprise myself with that statement, and he looks up at me, shocked. The words begin to tumble out, untethered, as I find myself opening up to a human for the first time in ages.
"It does not matter what kind of being. Angels, demons, reapers, deities. Creatures that have absorbed artifacts to become strong or ones that were already mighty. They think they can hold dominion over the world. They know so little. Nothing can rule this world and nothing can end this world, not yet. It lives on. And you two, with your actions, you proved that."
He keeps his eyes downcast.
"Look at me, child."
Slowly, gently, his gaze rises upward. He needs to know this, of that I am sure.
"Sometimes it takes awful acts to prove greatness. Sometimes we need to be broken, so that we may reassemble ourselves into something more. You broke, in Hell, and yet here you lay. Your soul is bruised and weary, but it still shines. You still are."
I watch as his eyes shift from one side to the other. There is much to be said about the stories that come from the eyes. They reveal much more than words ever could.
"So, what else do you want to know?"
I smile, amused at his boldness. "You are rather interesting, for a human."
He almost laughs at that. "Glad I can keep you interested."