AN: Um, hey. So, I'm genuinely sorry about how long it's taken me to update. Basically, it was a combo of lack of inspiration, graduate courses, and a crashed computer that fueled my inaction. I sincerely apologize, and also want to express my gratitude for those of you still looking for an update. Thank you so much for trying to stick with the story, I appreciate your interest. Anyway, here's the next chapter, finally. I hope you enjoy it. Have a wonderful day.
"Well, good morning, Whitney. Kevin." Dr. Wiles greeted warmly as I hopped in, followed closely by Callie.
"Will you ever stop calling us that?" I asked shortly.
"If you want me to." She replied with a non-committal shrug.
"Please."
"I kind of like it. I make a beautiful Kevin." Callie commented as she took her place in the corner of the room.
Dr. Wiles chuckled as I rolled my eyes and hoisted myself onto the examination table. "That you do. So, Arizona, how are you feeling today?"
I wrung my hands as I watched her roll up to me and begin to look over my leg again. "Um, okay, I guess."
"You guess? That's a terrible thing to do with your feelings." She responded flippantly. "Try again."
Gritting my teeth, I ignored Callie's snort of amusement and tried to pin down what I was feeling. At least, come up with some sort of verbal expression of the tornado whirling inside of me. "I'm a little anxious, but I'm ready for this."
"Now, that is an excellent answer. Never underestimate the value of your feelings. They deserve a label and acknowledgment." She finished with my stump and scooted backwards.
"Thanks, Yoda." I grumbled snidely.
"You're welcome. So, I got your new leg all ready for you." She walked over to the large table in the middle of the room. She grabbed something, then turned to me. "Here it is. Pretty isn't it?" She held out a limb. Pure panic raced through me. It if wasn't for my hands gripping the table so tightly, I might have toppled right off of it. The object was bright pink with rhinestones and purple zebra stripes.
I stuttered for a few seconds while she stared at me expectantly, "Uh, y-you're kid-kidding, right?"
She frowned and glanced at the leg. Several more long seconds ticked through our stand off before she grinned, fully displaying her dimples and pretty features, "Yes, I am. Could you imagine?" Her and Callie laughed lightly as I glared and struggled to reign in my pulse.
"That wasn't very funny." I mumbled, brushing some invisible lint off my shirt.
"I think it was, but I can see how you may not have enjoyed it. However, anything I give you now will be better than that, right?" When I just stared at her, she smiled and continued, "This is actually a surprise for my niece. She wanted a super cool leg for her birthday party next week. It was expensive as hell, but it's going to be so worth seeing her strut around on this."
I softened a little as I gazed at her back, "Your niece uses a prosthesis?"
Dr. Wiles turned back to me, holding another, more normal looking fake leg. Her voice quieted a little, "Yeah. A few years ago, her and my brother, her dad, took a motorcycle ride. Not that me or her mom liked the idea of her going on a motorcycle. My brother's Harley was his pride and joy before Ginny came along. He just loved to share the experience with her… Anyway, they got in an accident. My brother walked away with only some scratches and bruises, but Ginny…well, now, she needs me to make her right legs."
"I'm sorry to hear that." I answered genuinely.
"Thanks. She's doing great, though. She had it rough at first, but now she declares herself RoboGoddess."
I barely registered that she was now sitting in front of me with my new leg and getting closer to me. "What's RoboGoddess?"
Dr. Wiles laughed, "I have no idea, but if she's happy to be it, then who am I to argue?" In the pause that followed that statement, all eyes in the room dropped to the prosthesis cradled in the doctor's arms. "So, this is your actual new prosthetic leg. When you're ready, I'm going to put it on, adjust it the best I can, then help you to stand up. Ok?"
My pulse began to stampede through my body and my palms prickled with sweat. I held my breath, trying to focus on calming the trembling in my arms and legs. Staring at the plastic replica, I could feel my stomach roll with fear. Without thinking, I glanced over at Callie. Her dark eyes were already searching for mine. When our gazes locked, I could feel myself plead with her. Unsure of even what I was asking, Callie seemed to understand immediately. She strode over and placed her hand on my arm, nodding once. With that, I turned back to Dr. Wiles and motioned for her to go ahead.
"Well, that was special. Ok, here we go."
As I chewed on my bottom lip, I contemplated how completely different the reality versus the expectation of the day had turned out. The day had started hopeful. I had finally felt stable and ready to receive my new mode of transportation. I had been ready to take the next step in my new life. Ready to begin to truly accept that I wasn't the same woman I had been for so many years. Ready to be a better me. I had hope that there was a better me. However, a fake leg and seven falls later, the hope had hidden itself under a rock, waiting on a more appropriate time to grace me with it's presence.
"You know, Arizona, you're going to have to say something at some point." Callie sighed as we entered my apartment.
Knowing that this was not going to be the moment to say something, I threw my purse down on the couch and stomped, the best that I could, toward my room. An inferno was building within me, and I just wanted to escape any witness to my break down.
"Arizona, please. Stay and talk to me." Callie pleaded softly behind me.
I halted my retreat, but refused to turn around as fierce currents of fury tumbled through my veins. Disappointment sat bitter and thick on my tongue and coated my throat. My fingers wrapped around the handles of my crutches so hard, that my knuckles were white and they lost all feeling. The day had caught me unprepared and exceeded my expectations of hardship, tripping right into unbearably tough. I had thought I was ready.
After moments of loaded silence, Callie tentatively spoke again, "We can keep working on it. I'll be right here with you, working on getting you walking. You knew you wouldn't be able to do it right away. It takes time to learn to walk on a prosthetic leg."
Clenching my jaw against the tidal wave of emotions slamming into my chest, I drew in a deep breath through my nose. Finally unable to restrain the power coursing within me, I whirled on my well-meaning nurse. "Really? You know I know that, yet you're going to lecture me anyway. Why? To hear the sound of your own voice? Does it get you off to constantly remind yourself how superior you are to me?" The venom in my voice surprised even me, but I couldn't stop it.
I watched in half satisfaction and half dread as Callie's eyes steeled and her body stiffened. "You know that's not what this is about-"
"Stop telling me what I know!" I, all but, screeched.
She took a calculated step toward me, "Fine! Then, I'll tell you what I know." I held my breath as her voice gained volume and intensity. "I know that I'm sick and tired of you lashing out at me when you're frustrated or scared. I know that I have never once thought that I was superior to you. I know that today frustrated the hell out of you, because once again you were slapped in the face with the reality that you'll never be who you were before the accident. I know that you tried to walk on your new leg and it didn't work perfectly. In fact, you couldn't even stand for more than a second. I know that there is nothing wrong with that. I know that you will gain the strength and knowledge to walk on that leg. And, I know that somewhere along the line you are going to have to stop hating yourself if you ever want any kind of life back!" She was yelling by this point, and when she stopped her chest heaved with the effort of breathing.
"I don't hate myself! I hate you!" I bellowed back. We were close now, faces just half a foot or so from the other's.
"No, you don't. You hate what I represent." Callie stated, somewhat more calmly, but still with a roaring fire in her words and eyes.
"There you go again. Telling me what I feel. We just keep having this same stupid fight because you're too damn stubborn to realize that you don't know everything!" I refuted.
"I'm too stubborn?!" Her voice began to raise again. "Seriously?! You're the one that straight up refuses to let me help her! You're the one that continues to fight me even though you-even though I-" Callie suddenly stopped. "You know what? Nevermind. I'm thinking I may need to reconsider my position here. I may be staying for the wrong reasons. Reasons that don't actually exist." Her shoulders slumped a bit, and her posture became less aggressive, but her eyes stayed connected with mine.
"And, what reasons would those be?" I snapped, but felt a slight with-drawl of hostility.
We were even closer now. Our breath mingled in a heated stand off, a nameless but very real challenge suspended in anticipation of the next move. After several long moments, the tension broke in a fragment of a second. Callie's strong hands slipped across my cheeks and hooked behind my neck, gripping the base of my skull. Her firm, but miraculously velvety, lips closed on my stunned mouth. Every thought in my brain evaporated into the chilled room, as all consciousness zeroed in on the sensations created by her lips against mine. Even as fire wicked from my mouth down my body, ice somehow frosted over every nerve. My insides trembled with previously unexperienced emotions, creating a shockingly thrilling sensation of unbalance. My entire existence fragmented and reformed to center around our kiss. If my life depended on it, I could not determine exactly how long our lips pressed together, but I'd guess less than ten seconds.
All at once my fragile emotions hit their boiling point. The amorphous, figurative mass that was my complex and confounding feelings frothed over my ability contain them. On reflex I braced my hands on her shoulders and shoved her away, my lips instantly missing the contact. Before I could grasp any single one of the emotions that I had just been experiencing, they vaporized and slid through my fingers. Finding no other choice, I clung to the one emotion I recognized. Fear. And, I reacted in my perfected dance of defense. In a low and weirdly controlled voice, I growled, "Get the hell out of my house."
So many times before this moment I had told Callie to leave. I threatened, I dared, I asked, I demanded, and yet she had always found room to argue. This time, I left no space for her to squeeze into and stand her ground. Which is why, when I uttered my steady warning, she didn't argue. Callie took three steps back, an unprecedented expression of pain washed over her features, only to be instantly replaced with inflexible stone. Three monotone words escaped her impressive lips, "Fine. I'm gone." Then, in one swift motion, she slipped her jacket onto her shoulders and gathered her purse. She offered no last glance back as she exited my tiny world with a resounding slam of a door.
AN: So, there it is.