Visitations

Chapter 7

Scars

Kate was examining herself in the bathroom mirror when Johanna popped in. "Mom, a little privacy would be nice!" Kate protested.

"You're looking at your scar," Johanna noticed. "Does it still hurt?"

"Not physically," Kate answered with unusual candor. "But it makes me feel, I don't know, imperfect."

"Kate," Johanna reassured, "no one is perfect. Does the scar bother Castle?"

"I don't know," Kate answered, "he certainly accepts it, but the shooting, and what led up to it, complicated our relationship even more than it already was. For a while it seemed like Castle lost faith in me."

"Sounds like there are some things you still need to know," Johanna advised.

They were still in the loft and Earlier Castle was answering the door. "Can I help you?"

"That's Dad!" Kate exclaimed. "I never knew he came to see Castle."

"Let's listen," Johanna suggested as Jim Beckett and Earlier Castle sat down together.

"I feel like I already know you, Rick," Jim said. "I've heard a lot of great things about you from Katie."

"Really?" Earlier Castle asked in surprise.

"So how's she holding up?" Jim asked.

"You know it's kind of tough to tell with her," Earlier Castle replied. "She doesn't flinch."

"I know, "Jim agreed. "She wouldn't accept a nightlight when she was a little girl. Not that she wasn't afraid of the dark, but I think she felt it was a point of pride to, you know, stare it down."

Earlier Castle laughed.

"This man she's chasing." Jim asked. "How dangerous is he?"

"He's a trained killer," Earlier Castle answered soberly.

"What happens when she finds him?" Jim asked. "I've already lost my wife over this. I've already lost – No, look. It took me years but I've made my peace with that. But Katie? She won't listen to me. And she won't back down. Not unless someone can convince her that her life is worth more than her mother's death." Earlier Castle wasn't sure what Jim was telling him when Jim moved to leave. "Look, she cares about you, Rick. And unless you're a lot dumber than you look, I know you care about her. Don't let her throw her life away."

"I never knew that happened!" Kate exclaimed. "I never even knew that Dad and Castle had met. That explains so much about Castle's behavior."

"Why?" Johanna asked.

"Castle said some things to me. I don't know..." Kate replied.

"Let's go," Johanna decided.

Earlier Kate found Earlier Castle at her door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Earlier Kate responded hesitantly.

"So we went over all of Raglan and McCallister's old arrest records and you were right," Earlier Castle explained. "There was a third cop that was with them on a lot of those arrests. But then someone went back into those reports and removed their name. So Ryan and Esposito are right now looking into who was running the records room back then."

"Castle, you couldn't have just called me and told me this over the phone?" Earlier Kate asked, exasperated.

"Well, yeah … I thought that…." Earlier Castle stammered.

"Castle," Earlier Kate requested, "if you've got something to say just please say it."

Earlier Castle paused, knowing that she wasn't going to like what she would hear. "Beckett, everyone associated with this case is dead. Everyone. First your mom and her colleagues, then Raglan, now McCallister. You know they're coming for you next."

"Captain Montgomery's got a protective detail on me. It wasn't that hard to spot," Earlier Kate argued.

"That's not going to be enough to stop Lockwood, you know that," Earlier Castle protested. "Think of what they're up against. Professional killers? Look, I … I've been working with you for three years You know me. I'm the guy who says we can move that rubber tree plant but you know what Beckett? I don't think we're going to win this."

Tears were beginning to form in Earlier Kate's eyes. "Castle, they killed my mother! What do you want me to do here?"

Earlier Castle swallowed against the lump in his throat. "Walk away."

Earlier Kate looked at him stunned.

"They're going to kill you, Kate," Earlier Castle pleaded. "And if you don't care about that, at least think about how that's going to affect the people that love you. You really want to put your dad through that? And what about Josh?"

"And what about you, Rick?" Earlier Kate demanded angrily.

"Well of course I don't want anything to happen to you!" Earlier Castle exclaimed. "I'm your partner. I'm your friend!"

"Is that what we are?" Earlier Kate questioned.

Earlier Castle's frustration exploded."Do, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss, and then we never talk about it. We nearly die, frozen in each others' arms, but we never talk about it. So no, I've got no clue what we are. I know I don't want to see you throw your life away!"

"Yeah well last time I checked," Earlier Kate insisted, "it was my life, not your personal jungle gym. And for the past three years I've been running around with the school's funniest kid." She stormed past him. "And it's not enough."

Earlier Castle couldn't hold back."You know what? This isn't about your mother's case anymore. This is about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this thing so long you're afraid to find out who you are without it".

Earlier Kate turned to face him. "You don't know me, Castle. You think you do, but you don't."

"Sounds like he knew you better than you thought," Johanna commented.

"He did," Kate agreed, "I couldn't deal with how well. There was more."

Earlier Castle continued his tirade."I know you crawled inside your mother's murder and didn't come out. I know you hide there, same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy. But you're afraid."

Earlier Kate was riveted to the floor. "You know what we are, Castle? We are over. Now get out!"

Shaking his head in anger and sadness, Earlier Castle left.

"Was he right?" Johanna asked.

"He was," Kate realized. "He was just trying to keep me from getting killed, but I was so obsessed I couldn't see it."

"Did he walk away?" Johanna inquired.

"No," Kate admitted. "Later, Montgomery called him and asked him to keep me out of the line of fire when Montgomery faced down Lockwood and his men. Montgomery knew he was going to die, he was trying to keep me from dying with him. He had Castle pick me up and carry me out of danger. I fought Castle all the way, but he kept me safe. I blamed him for keeping me from saving Montgomery."

"Did he?" Johanna asked.

Kate shook her head. "Roy Montgomery signed his own death warrant nineteen years before. He just picked the best place and time he could to try to make things right. If it hadn't been for Castle, I would just have died with Roy."

"You almost died anyway, didn't you?" Johanna questioned.

"Castle tried to prevent that too," Kate admitted. "He tackled me to the ground as I was shot at Roy's funeral. Then he told me he loved me. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept it for another year and even then I had a lot of doubts."

"The question," Johanna declared, "is do you have doubts now?"

"Of Castles love," Kate acknowledged, "none."