A/N: Inspired by a chain email. Couldn't help it. Forgive me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously. At all.

Dirty cops were fun.

Especially the ones who were anti-ShinRa. They were the best. Give them a couple thousand gil smuggled from ShinRa's corporate expense account and they were in your back pocket like a snug fitting wallet. And getting that couple thousand gil was easy as hell...especially when you were ShinRa's Chief Accountant.

Edmond Franklin sat in a diner across from Edge Police Chief, Michael Smith, both nursing a cup of day old coffee.

"So, where do I factor into this?" Smith asked.

Franklin smirked and leaned back, examining his nails as he spoke. "I need you to make sure that your force doesn't find any evidence should ShinRa become suspicious of the information being given to Data Nex, Inc."

"What information are you talking about?" the chief asked, cringing as the coffee slid down his throat like tar. "We haven't heard nothing from ShinRa. They usually take care of their own affairs. They're too good to use us."

"Yes, but with the new image ShinRa is trying to portray, they will begin using local law enforcement, very shortly," Franklin chuckled. "I heard from ShinRa himself, just last week, that he was disbanding the Turks."

Smith's eyebrows raised at that. "Really?" he asked in shock. "I never thought I'd see the day that would happen. Why did he say he was doing that?"

"Rufus feels the Turks bring too much negative publicity to the corporation," Franklin explained. "With the new image ShinRa is trying to build for itself, as a Planet friendly company set on reversing the adverse affects the company itself caused to the Planet, the President feels the Turks remind people of the way they used to be. Power hungry, greedy, set for world domination."

"Huh," Smith commented, scratching his chin. "No more Turks, eh? No more free license to kill. No more running around like they own the place."

"No insiders to discover what I've done," Franklin smirked. "I've sold all of ShinRa's new alternate energy plans to Data Nex, Inc."

"Ah," the chief grinned. "That's how you paid us off then."

Franklin chuckled. "No, no," he answered. "ShinRa's own gil paid for that. Now, what you need to do to earn that gil. When and if ShinRa discovers what has happened, they will order an investigation. Take several days, weeks if you wish, to perform the investigation. But here's the deal; even when you find the evidence requested, you don't find the evidence requested, understood?"

Smith smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's gonna cost you a helluva lot more gil that you just gave me," he informed Franklin.

The accountant arched an eyebrow. "Just how much are we talking about, here?" he asked.

"You still have access to ShinRa's accounts?"

"Of course, you idiot. I still work there."

"I want a million gil. No less or no deal."

"Son of a--. How the hell am I supposed to get that out without being detected?!"

"You're a smart guy. You came up with this whole thing. I'm confident you'll think of something."

Franklin sat back in his seat and glared at the police chief across from him. Smith simply continued to smirk. Their staring contest would have lasted longer had they not been interrupted by a disheveled looking red-head plastering himself up against the window by their booth.

"What the hell?!" Smith exclaimed, staring at the man dressed in a dirty black suit.

Franklin had to suppress a chuckle. "Well, well," he said, eyeing the red-head. "That's one of the former senior Turks. My guess, he just got his pink slip and now has gone to drink away his failure."

"Fantastic," Smith crowed, rising to his feet. "My first Turk arrest."

Reno stumbled against the wall, following the police officer as he made his way to the door. He jingled his keys at him when he exited the diner. "Ofcicifer...you gotsta hep me. Ssomeone sstole my caaar!"

Smith crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the Turk. "Really?" he asked in mock curiousity. "And were you planning on driving your car should you find it?"

"Hells yeah!" Reno replied, draping his arm around the policeman. "Itsa really bitchin' ride, Man. Imma not gonna leave it ou' here for ssome asshat ta fuck wit!"

"Well, where was the last place you saw your car, Sir?" Smith asked, pushing the drunk former Turk off of him. The only ride this guy was taking was downtown in the back of his cruiser.

Reno stumbled as he was dislodged from the officer. "It wuz on th' end of thissh key!" he said, holding up his car key.

Franklin had stepped out of the diner to witness the exchange and nearly erupted in laughter. However, his air supply was abruptly cut off and his world went black.

He never got to finish the scene.

Smith shook his head at the drunk in front of him, unaware that his companion was gone. He stopped and glanced at something sticking out of the red-head's pants. Alarmingly, his penis was in full view in the night air, there for anyone and everyone to see.

"Sir," Smith said sharply. "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Reno curled his lip in question and looked down at his cock. "Holy fuck!" he shrieked. "My girlfriend's gone, too!"

Smith didn't know whether to laugh or deck the bastard. He didn't get the chance to make the decision, however, as he was knocked out with a swift blow to the back of the head. His body was slung over the opposite shoulder being occupied by Franklin.

Reno adjusted himself and zipped his pants back up, grinning at his partner.

"Good job, Buddy," he said, taking a cigarette out of his pocket.

Rude smirked. "Likewise. You're a convincing drunk."

The red-head chuckled as Rude stuffed the two men into the trunk of the car and Reno climbed into the driver's seat. "Some things, Partner, ya jus' can't act," he replied, taking a swig of his flask and shoving the vehicle into first.

Mission Report: Informant and ShinRa employee, Edmond Franklin, and his accomplice Edge Police Chief Michael Smith, taken into custody for questioning.

Turks Assigned: Reno and Rude

Status: Senior Turks

Specialties: Fucking hot babes and drinking large quantities of alcohol

Rude rolled his eyes and thumped Reno on the back of the head. "Reno," he warned.

"Ow, fuck, fine."

backspace, backspace, backspace

Specialties: Anything and everything Turk related

"Better?" Reno asked.

"Kinda vague."

"I'm a lazy fucker, so sue me."

"Tseng won't like it."

"Meh."

"Fine. Your ass, not mine."

Target: Edmond Franklin and Michael Smith

Death by: N/A

Mission Successful

A/N: I read the email about the drunk losing his car and his girlfriend and went, "OMG! RENO!!" Yeah...hope you like. Reviews are loved!