chapter two: water of the womb

My mother, in all her subtle rebelliousness, taught me quietly through my teenage years about the basics of literature and poetry. She held on dearly to the old days when people were allowed to express any kind of emotion besides overall contentment, back when culture was still considered important. I learned a lot from what she taught me, things I wasn't ever taught in school. Literature wasn't a subject when I was coming up.

In particular, my mother taught me a lot in the way of thematic elements of a novel. She essentially said each novel or work has a message, and its message varies depending on the reader. More importantly, she reassured that no one interpretation was right or wrong, that my views on one theme could vary greatly from another reader's.

Of course, the only readers I knew were my mother and me. I couldn't very well compare thoughts with any of my friends for fear of being lynched.

Anyway, it was through this learning that I realized these skills can be applied to everyday life. And I don't mean when you start getting really good at analyzing literature and then begin to analyze everything you pass on the street – although that did happen to me too – but particularly the part where just because you base feelings and thoughts on the evidence you gathered, it doesn't mean they're the only ones that should be considered. Altogether, if I took anything away from what my mother taught, it was the ability to be a more sympathetic person.

Which I'm guessing is one of the reasons why the oligarchy took literature out of school curriculum.

The point is, when my sister betrayed me later that night, my feelings weren't too hard on her. She had valid reasons for doing so, and I can't blame her for wanting to follow the law. Also, it's possible I cut her a lot of slack because Ampharos almost killed her, and afterwards I only ever saw her on TV.

When I was on Versant lost in the woods, I realized I was never going to be able to smuggle a mega pokémon into Camphrier if I didn't calm down. So when I finally felt my heart rate return to a normal pace, I gathered my bearings and found my path back home.

I think I at least played it off nicely on the outside. On the inside, it felt like something was beginning to corrode away at me and reveal my feelings, like a fuse had just been lit and was creeping its way up to my volatile emotions. Maybe I felt my life hanging in the balance of the decision I made, dangling there between the scale that held my moral and immoral choices.

In the moment, however, the only thought running through my head was that I just committed a capital crime. It's funny, when you commit a capital crime, it tends to be all you think about for a while. It can be dangerous when you're trying to get away with it.

It was dangerous, in particular, when I walked to the town arch and saw swarms of government officials patrolling the nearby streets. I stiffened apprehensively. Were they investigating the gunshots? Did they notice me? I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I wasn't paying attention to anything.

It was even more dangerous when the realization hit me in the middle of the street. They weren't here investigating the gunshots. They were, in fact, the source of the gunshots. They were here looking for Ampharos.

Putting my hood up, I snuck quickly and quietly to my house close to the stone wall. Gently twisting the brass doorknob, I pushed my way inside. My sister was standing in the dark of the kitchen, staring out the window. She spun around when she heard the door close.

"Where have you been?" she said in a strained whisper, as if scared the people outside would hear her. Her eyes were contorted into an expression I'd never seen from her before. It was normal for her to be relatively uptight, but in that moment I saw pure, unadulterated fear on her face.

"What's going on?" I asked, ignoring her question. I lowered my hood to get a better picture of her. Looking at her was like looking in a mirror. We met eye-to-eye. Her chestnut brown hair fell in an uncannily similar way as mine. We could have passed as twins.

Luckily enough, we weren't. The only reason I wasn't given to foster care was because she was eighteen at the time of my parents' death. She took legal guardianship over me so that we could stay together. She worked harder than anyone I've ever met in my life, with little to show for it, especially now.

"They say there's a mega pokémon on the loose," she said, slightly panicked but confirming my suspicions as to the presence of the government officials. Her downfall, much like my dad's, was that she believed in the regime too much. It wasn't really that either of them supported what was happening in Kalos, but more like they feared authority and just aimed to please. I should have considered that before I pulled out Ampharos' poké ball and showed her.

I don't know what I was thinking. I probably wasn't. I was probably still stuck on the fact I had Ampharos in my hand. I definitely could have handled that situation better.

Ampharos was just scarcely visible through the poké ball, but she could make him out in the moonlight, just like I did in the woods. Her reaction was much like mine at the time, but I imagine different thoughts were stirring through her head, like why did her sister decide to be one of the worst kinds of criminal all of a sudden?

I opened my mouth to explain, but I was just as speechless. She was now in on my deepest, darkest secret. She had become an accessory to my crime. In reality, I expected her to take care of it. I expected her to do something to save us. She always did. She was the grown up. She took care of me.

She did do something, just not what I expected.

In the next moment, she was making her way out the door to the throng of armed murderers patrolling the streets.

"Marian!" I yelled quietly. I followed her outside in an attempt to grab her, but I only made it as far as the top of the steps. She had already caught the attention of a government soldier. They conversed briefly in the middle of the street, and all I could do was rigidly stand there in fear and silence.

To this day, I don't know what she said to them. My most educated guess is she was trying to bargain for my life, to explain that I didn't know what I was doing, I was just a stupid eighteen-year-old, or maybe she sold me out to save her own hide. If the roles were switched, and she was the one protecting a living weapon, I may have considered selling her out for myself.

I don't like to think about it. Out of all the things I've seen, watching her betray me might have been one of the most disturbing. I know I may seem confident and resolute now, but growing up in the regime was scary. The government got people so paranoid that it wasn't impossible for them to consider or do things they would be opposed to doing under normal circumstances.

I saw a glimmer of regret in her eyes the minute she finished her conversation with the soldier and he alerted everyone in the immediate vicinity to my presence. I got a little woozy when all of a sudden I was staring into the barrels of twenty-or-so assault rifles.

"Set the poké ball on the ground and put your hands in the air, now!" he yelled as he shoved my sister onto her knees and pointed the gun at her head. She began to cry.

I didn't actually intend to directly defy what he was telling me to do. Inadvertently, fear and uncertainty made me go blank again. I still had my hand firmly clutched around the poké ball as I lifted my arms into the air. I don't know what happened next, if my finger slipped and I hit the button, or if Ampharos came out of his own free will, but in a flash, the large electric-type stood at the foot of the steps. A few soldiers turned their aim from me to him.

I ducked quickly into my doorway as I saw the yellow fur on his body dance with electricity, illuminating the dark area around us. He let out a roar as the sparks jumped from his body and electrocuted everyone in the immediate vicinity. Twenty-or-so people hit the ground, including my sister.

I stepped back outside in shock as I saw silhouettes of the motionless bodies lying there lifelessly on the grass and asphalt. I felt my legs buckle under me, and I had to steady myself against the railing of the stairs. Ampharos looked back at me, waiting for me to do something.

"It came from over there!" someone shouted in the distance.

I was hyperventilating again, but I managed to straighten up.

"Gree!" Ampharos cried in urgency. I snapped back to reality and began to run.