A/N: (AT silently slips into her domain at ff dot net, tripping on overturned boxes and various other...shit) What the hell happened in here?! Where are all my documents?!

Reno: Yo! You're back! We thought you left so we ransacked the place trying to find anything about us that you may have left behind. All we found was some Kingdom Hearts yaoi. Perverted traitor.

AT: (sits at computer) Blow me. I was knocked up, moodly, fat, and had cankles and this kid was never going to come out of me. But she finally did. Now, I'm in the mood to kill something and you look like a damn fine victim.

Reno: I'll get you some coffee.

AT: DECAF!

This...sucked.

Forty weeks was a long damn time; and she still had three weeks to go. So far in this great adventure and 'spiritual journey' to motherhood, she had not found anything spiritual about it. Except maybe she had been praying to every diety she could think of to get the Spawn out of her body, with absolutely no results. Her doctor had refused to induce her until after her due date had passed; which was completely idiotic. Thirty-seven weeks was considered term; get the kid out!

Kandi slammed the lid of her laptop down and leaned back in her chair, hands resting on her enormous, swollen, dear gods this thing can NOT get any bigger, belly. She had been stuck behind her desk since she they had announced she was pregnant. No field work, no killing, no shooting, no going anywhere; just stuck either behind her computer or in the server room.

And it sucked.

Rude, the lucky bald bastard, was in Junon on a mission, probably having the time of his life ripping some jerk's limbs off. And she was stuck in the office...again. With a sigh, she pushed back from her chair and headed down the hall for a short walk. She'd been taking more walks during the work day lately. Sitting for too long hurt, standing for too long hurt, laying down on her left side for too long hurt, et cetera, et cetera, blah, blah, fucking blah.

Okay, so the pregnancy hadn't really been all bad. There was that time in April when Axys had asked if she could paint her for an art project for Planet Day. Of course, when Kandi had agreed, she hadn't thought she would be the canvas and found herself on display in the art room in nothing but a black bra and panties, her swollen abdomen a rather pretty replica of the Planet from space, the rest of her body painted black with constellations around it. Axys had called her 'Mother Earth' and had, happily, received an 'A' for the project. That was pretty wicked.

She had tried everything she could think of to naturally induce her labor. Kandi had eaten spicy foods galore, walked up and down stairs, drank that nasty oil Nilto had given her and she had even, gods forbid, gone the girly fru fru route and had a pedicure, instructing the girl doing the job to hit the pressure points on her feet that would make her go into labor. The one thing she hadn't done was sex, but that was because Rude had been gone for a week. If he didn't get back soon, she was going to grab a surrugate baby daddy and fuck him til she popped the kid out.

Stopping along the way, she leaned against the wall and winced, hands rubbing her lower back. Her back had been killing her all day, the pain coming in spurts and lasting about a minute or so. She snorted, wishing the pain was in her abdomen, that way she'd be having contractions and be in labor. But no, it had to be in her back, annoying her to no end.

It sucked.

When the pain stopped, she began walking again, heading toward Tseng's office. Things had been quiet around Turk HQ lately, most of her colleagues out on missions. It seemed it was just her and the Turk leader most days. Other times, it was just her.

And guess what? It sucked.

Walking into his office, she plopped down on the chair in front of his desk, propping her feet up on the rich mahogany. Tseng gave her a small smile as he glanced up from his paperwork. "You're out of uniform," he commented softly.

Kandi looked down at her maternity jeans, flip flops and novelty maternity shirt that read 'Stop Poking Me' with a picture of a baby en utero with a black eye. "I wear what fits me right now, Bossman," she replied with a grin. "I could be in a pair of Rude's boxers and a beater."

"This look is acceptable, then," he told her, capping his pen and leaning back in his chair. "Bored, I take it?"

"Irritated, more like," she answered with a sigh. "I want to be out there, doing something. Desk work is just so...suffocating."

Tseng nodded in understanding and checked his watch. "I'm feeling a bit clostraphobic myself. How about I take you out for an early lunch?"

"I'd say I love you but then Elena might kick my ass," Kandi laughed. She heaved herself out of her seat. "Let's go, Bossman."

"I haven't asked Rude, but have you decided on a name yet?" Tseng asked before taking a bite of his salad.

Kandi nodded, swallowing her bite of fruit and yogurt. "Yeah, but we aren't telling what they are until the baby is born," she replied. "And don't ask about the sex either. We decided not to find out."

"Really?" Tseng asked, arching and elegant eyebrow. "That's surprising. You don't strike me as the type to want to wait."

"Oh, I'm not," she answered with a grin. "In fact, it's killing me to know. But, Rude was a dick the day of the ultrasound so when the technician asked if we wanted to know the sex, I responded with a prompt 'Hell no'. Rude's still kinda pissed about that."

The Turk leader chuckled and took a sip of his tea. "I would suspect so," he said, shaking his head. He eyed her across the table, watching as she arched her back and winced. "Are you all right?"

"Back pain," she replied. "It's annoying as hell. It's been coming off and on all day."

Tseng's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked. "How far apart is the pain?"

"I don't know," she answered. "I haven't really thought about it. Maybe every ten to fifteen minutes?"

"Hmm," Tseng said with a fond smile. "Leave it to you to not know you're in labor." He wiped his mouth and rose to his feet. "Let's get you back to the Medical Facility. I believe, my dear, that you are about to have a baby."

Kandi stared at him in disbelief. "WHAT?!" she shrieked. "No way! It's just back pain! These aren't contractions."

"I'd wager you're having a lot of back labor," Tseng explained moving behind her and helping her to her feet. He lead her back to his car and opened the passenger side door. "I just hope your water doesn't break in my car."

"At least you have leather interior," Kandi grumbled. She looked over at him as he got into the driver's side and started the vehicle. "I'm really in labor?"

Tseng nodded and pulled out into traffic. "Nearly one-hundred percent certain," he said. "And before you give me a smart ass reply, keep in mind I was the one who acted as mid-wife to Akalara when she had Azrael."

"Damn it," Kandi grunted, arching her back again and gasping.

Tseng glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "The pain starts in your lower back and now it's moving to the front of your belly, isn't it?"

"Yes, damn it."

Tseng whipped out his cell phone and hit the number four. "I'm cutting your mission short," he said into the receiver. "You need to get back to Edge immediately. You're about to be a father."

Closing the phone, he accelerated. "Voicemail," he explained. "I just hope he gets it in time."

"I'll kill him if he's not there," Kandi grumbled.

They got to the Medical Facility in the next two minutes. Rude had called back and was already in the chopper on his way back to Edge. Dr. Damon had examined her and informed her that she was dilated to seven.

"Seven?!" Kandi exclaimed. "Wait, what's that mean?"

Dr. Damon chuckled. "Before the baby comes, you need to be dilated to ten centimeters. You've got three more centimeters to go and then you can start pushing. But first things first..."

He pulled on a fresh pair of rubber gloves and took the wicked looking hook that the nurse handed him. "A little pressure and..."

Kandi screamed. "What did you just do?!"

Dr. Damon looked up at her in shock. "I had to break your water," he explained. "The contractions will now start getting stronger and you will hopefully start dilating quicker."

"Stronger contractions?" she asked. "Okay, so when do I get the pain meds?"

"Do you want an epidural?"

"What the hell is that?"

"Have you not read any of the information I've given you during your entire pregnancy?" Dr. Damon asked in shock.

"Uh...no?"

The nurse smiled as she washed her hands. "I'll get the video," she offered.

Kandi turned to Dr. Damon. "What video?"

Kandi's face was pale and she had broken out into a cold sweat. They wanted to stick a catheter thing in her spine? But it was supposed to help with the pain, right? But...in her spine?

There was a knock on her door and it cracked open a bit, revealing a head of green hair. Kandi almost cried in relief as she reached out her hand to her friend. Akalara came in a took her hand, sitting beside her.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm scared," Kandi admitted in a whisper. "I don't know about this epidural thing."

"I didn't have one," Akalara told her. "I had Az naturally."

"Did it hurt?"

"Like hell at the time, but now, I don't remember a thing," she replied. "Let's just say it wasn't bad enough for me to not want to do it again."

"Really?"

"Really," Akalara said with a smile. "Besides, you're strong. You're a Turk. This'll be a cake walk."

Kandi breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Ak," she said with a smile.

"No problem," she answered, returing the smile. "Is Rude on his way?"

"Yeah. I hope he gets here before I have to start pushing," Kandi said, breathing through a contraction. She forced a grin. "I've been looking forward to yelling obscenities at him during the entire time I've been pregnant."

Another knock and the nurse came in. "Let's check you and see how you've progressed," she said with a smile.

Akalara stood up. "I'll wait outside," she said, but Kandi grabbed her hand.

"You can stay," she told her. "I kinda need someone here who knows what they're doing. I'm completely lost."

Akalara laughed and sat back down. The nurse put on her gloves and examined Kandi. "Well, looks like you're about ready. You're at a nine. I'll go get the doctor."

Kandi bit her lip to keep her tears in check. She wasn't going to cry. She was not going to cry. Rude couldn't help it that he was on a mission. He couldn't help it that he wasn't there. She was still three weeks from her due date. Her breath caught in her throat as another contraction hit, this one really hard.

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, OH MY FUCKING GODS OW!" she yelled.

Akalara squeezed her hand. "Okay, you have to breathe, Kandi," she told her. "Breathe through it. Find your focal spot and breathe!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" she shrieked. "What focal spot?"

Akalara pointed to a spot on the ceiling. "The next time you get hit with a contraction, look at that spot and do not look away. Breathe in deeply through your nose and out through your mouth. Trust me!"

Less than a minute later, bam! "Ow!" Kandi whined.

"Breathe and focus! Do it, damn it!" Akalara ordered, grabbing her head and forcing her to look at the spot on the ceiling. "Breathe!"

Kandi did as she was told and breathed deeply, finding it actually did help. "Thanks, Ak," she said with relief in her voice.

"Don't thank me yet," Akalara said, looking at the monitor tracking her contractions and the baby's heartbeat. "You have another one coming up right now."

Kandi took a deep breath and looked at the spot on the ceiling, breathing through the pain. Akalara smiled proudly. "You're a fast learner," she said gently.

"Yeah, don't talk to me while I'm breathing," Kandi laughed.

Akalara laughed as well. "Sorry."

"S'ok," Kandi said, leaning back on her pillow. She felt another contraction coming on just as a loud commotion started up outside of her hospital room. "Someone had better shut up out there! I'm in pain, damn it!"

The door burst open to reveal Rude, with a nurse hanging off his back trying to prevent him from going into the delivery room. "Sir!" she nearly shrieked. "You can't go in there!"

"Like hell I can't!" he bellowed trying to get the woman off of him without hurting her. "That's my girlfriend and my kid."

"He stays!" Kandi growled. She pointed to the nurse. "I thought you were getting the doctor! I want this kid out NOW!"

The nurse slid off Rude's broad back and went to check her again. "Oh for fuck's sake, get the doctor!" Akalara yelled at her. "She's had several strong contractions since the last time you checked. I'm sure she's dilated to twelve by now!"

"That's not possible..."

"Get the damn doctor!" Kandi and Akalara yelled at the same time, Akalara drawing a gun and pointing it at the woman since Kandi was, unfortunately, unarmed.

The nurse ran out of the room to obey the command and Rude turned to his girlfriend. "You okay?" he asked.

Kandi punched him.

Rude rubbed his jaw and grinned. "Guess that's a no," he chuckled.

"Don't talk to her, she's having a contraction," Akalara ordered as Dr. Damon came in wearing full scrubs. She turned her red-eyed glare at him. "About fucking time."

"Get it OUT!" Kandi screamed.

Dr. Damon slipped on his gloves and checked her. "Oh boy, here we go," he said. "The baby is crowning. Okay, Kandi, next contraction, I want you to push. Ready?"

Akalara grabbed her hand as did Rude. "You can do this," Akalara reassured her. "Kick this labor's ass."

Kandi glared at Rude. "I hate you!" she yelled as the contraction started and she pushed.

Reno looked up as he heard the first cries of a newborn coming from the delivery room. He grinned over at Tseng who was smiling proudly. "Another Turk Spawn enters the world," the red-head chuckled.

"Indeed," Tseng replied. "There seems to be no need to recruit the next generation."

Reno smirked. "Nah, it's more fun this way."

They waited for a little while before Akalara came out of the delivery room. Tseng looked at her in expectation. "Well?" he asked.

"Seven pounds, twelve ounces, twenty-one inches long," she said with a smile. "Absolutely beautiful and mother and baby are doing fine."

"Hurray for all that, but is it a boy or a girl?" Reno asked.

Akalara simply smiled.

Kandi lay back against her pillows, exhausted, looking down into the face of her newborn baby. She looked over at Rude and smiled. "I love you," she said.

Rude returned the smile. "Glad you changed your mind, Babe," he said, grabbing ahold of the baby's hand. "He's beautiful."

"He's got your hair," Kandi giggled, tracing her fingers over the baby's bald head.

"He's got your mouth."

"Well, he's definately got my lungs," she said with a laugh. She looked down at their son and smiled. "Welcome to the world, Zack."

A/N: Yeah, it's a boy! They named him Zack! You saw that coming, right? The baby's measurements are actually the same as my little girl's were. Kandi had a boy and I had a girl. Yay! I updated!