"Das ist blöd." Greta muttered under her breath.
It was a week or so since Meep's body had been returned to the camp. They had mourned his loss and then moved on. Ethel had informed Greta, as gently as she could, that life was for living and not for wasting on missing folks who had gone. They could be sad and miss absent loved ones, but they couldn't let grief overrule everything else in their lives. Having grown up without her mother, Greta understood what Ethel was saying, but it surprised the blonde just how quickly the other residents of the camp had managed to get over their distress and go about their everyday routines.
That was how she had found herself standing in the middle of the stage in the big tent with the rest of the company seated in the audience watching her. Elsa had finally demanded that she find some way of being involved in the show and so they were now faced with the task of finding her something to do.
With no obvious act available to her in the freak show, Greta was having to suffer through the rest of the troupe shouting out suggestions as to how she could earn her keep. Suzi had suggested juggling, Paul had suggested gymnastics and Toulouse had suggested a comedy routine. Greta had dropped all the balls when juggling, landed on her head when attempting a cartwheel and not been able to think of a single joke.
"Can you dance?" Ethel called up to the stage.
"I do not think so."
"What about singing?" Jimmy suggested.
"I… I used to sing for money sometimes… on the streets."
"Oh, this is wonderful." Elsa threw her hands up exasperatedly. "First the twins decided they were going to sing and now my own daughter is stealing my act."
"You were the one who said I had to have an act." Greta reminded her grumpily. "I have tried everything else you asked me to."
"Just let the girl sing." Desiree suggested, sighing. "Show us what you can do, honey. Do you need an accompaniment?"
"I have never had one before." Greta told her. Taking a deep breath, she focused her gaze far above the faces gawping up at her and started to sing.
"Close your eyes and you'll see
A memory; memory of me
I will haunt you when you sleep
So when you wake, you'll wake with me
How did our love cause all these tears?
Frozen in anger from all the years
It's kind of funny, but it's sad all the same
I'm like a clown on fire in the rain
I'm like a clown in fire in the rain
And so I try, but I see you tense
You know we are broken but
It makes no sense–"
"That is enough." Elsa's voice sounded over her daughter's singing, cutting her off effectively. "It will do."
"She's good, Elsa." Paul announced. "Really good."
The woman nodded calmly. "Of course she is, she is my daughter. She has obviously inherited my talent." Waving a hand in Jimmy's direction regally, she made her next command. "Get a poster made up… what did you say your name was changed to when you came to America? Sally?" When her daughter nodded, she returned her attention to the young man. "Introducing Songbird Sally… You," she pointed her finger at the girl on the stage, "talk to Eve and work out a routine. You debut this afternoon."
Everyone dispersed quickly, going about their own business and leaving Greta alone with Eve. The Amazon smiled at her kindly, before taking her place at the piano and turning on the stool to face the blonde. For a moment Greta held her gaze and then, with a deep sigh, she walked across to join her on the stool.
"She is annoyed, isn't she?"
"She's jealous." Eve agreed. "You're young and pretty… you'll steal her spotlight."
"You think I am pretty?" Greta asked, smiling at the brunette. Then she blushed, remembering the events of a few evenings before and mentally kicked herself.
Eve shrugged and looked carefully at the piano keys. "You're not… unattractive."
Laughing softly, Greta sighed. "Well, I have no intention of stealing the spotlight from anyone. Ich möchte nicht berühmt zu sein."
"Sorry?"
"Oh… I do not want to be famous." The younger woman translated easily. "I forget sometimes… especially when I am angry… or upset."
"Elsa does that too." Eva assured her with a smile. "And don't worry about her… I'm sure she'll get over it." Smiling again, she winked. "Come on then, Songbird Sally, let's work on your act."
"Why does she get to be Elsa Mars and I have to be Songbird Sally?" Greta demanded. "Why can I not be Greta Mars? Surely the whole mother-daughter thing would sell?"
Eve shrugged. "Go pitch it to her, see what she says."
"I can already guess how she would react to that."
"So there you go. What's wrong with Sally, anyway?"
"Sally died." Greta murmured cryptically. "There is no Sally."
"What do you mean?" The brunette asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Her eyes swept over the profile of the girl beside her, trying to make connections and work things out in her mind. "Why did you leave New York?" Sensing that Greta was reluctant to speak, she nudged her gently with her shoulder. "It's just you and me in here, sweetheart. I won't tell anyone."
"I do not like to talk about my past."
"Why not? No one here will judge you for anything you've done."
The blonde shook her head. "It is not about being judged. I simply want to draw a line under the past."
"Talk to me, Greta. Tell me what happened in New York. Trust me." Eve urged her gently and, against her better judgement, the younger woman did.
"Joe snapped… something inside him finally snapped."
"The American who brought you over from Germany?" Eve asked.
Greta nodded. "Yes… things were good and then one day… I will never forget the date, Friday June 13th '47… he just snapped."
"He threw you out?"
"No… he tried to kill me."
"What?" Eve demanded. She turned, quickly enough to give herself whiplash, fixing the blonde with a furious scowl. "He did what?"
"I woke up in the middle of the night… there was a bang. I recognised the sound of a gunshot straight away; I had heard enough of them in Germany. Then there were footsteps and another bang. I heard Helen screaming and then a third bang and nothing." She shook her head, staring at her hands in her lap. "I did not wait around for the fourth bang. I got out of my window and swung across into the tree. I watched Joe go into my room. He realised I was not in bed and looked out of the window. When he could not see me he went back into the hall. He killed himself." Greta looked at Eve with childlike innocence in her wide eyes. "I climbed back into the window and went to see what had happened. Violet and Eric, the Harpers' children, were dead in their beds… they just looked like they were asleep. There was blood in the hallway and drag marks, as though he had dragged Helen back to their bedroom. Joe and Helen were both in bed, too."
"Was there… did he leave a note? Did he explain why?"
Greta nodded. "I found it… It said that he could not live with the guilt of what he had seen and done during the war and that he did not want his family living in a world like this. He admitted that he had killed his wife and children, before killing himself. I left as quickly as I could and did not look back. I lived on the streets, begged for cash for food and slept wherever I could. I heard a few days later, that they were still searching for his eldest daughter, Sally, so I left New York and went to Philadelphia."
Eve reached out and squeezed her hand tightly. She wasn't sure whether the young woman had told her the whole story, she felt as though there was something else that she was keeping back, but Eve didn't push it. She guessed that it had taken a lot for the blonde to open up even that much.
Greta smiled at her before Eve nodded to the music on the stand. "Let's try this one."
After working out her song for that afternoon's matinee performance with Eve – and having it, reluctantly, approved by her mother – Greta made her way to the twins' tent. She hovered awkwardly outside, wondering whether to announce her presence or just enter. She found it difficult to know how to act around the Tattler sisters, especially Dot, as they didn't seem to like her very much at all.
"Umm… Dot? Bette?" She called awkwardly from outside, not wanting to intrude. "Elsa said I should come and see you for a lesson."
"Come in."
Doing as she was told, Greta pushed through the flap into the tent and smiled at the conjoined twins. They looked back at her, Bette with a bright smile on her face and Dot with a cynical frown. Bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet, the blonde shrugged her shoulders and looked around.
"So… Elsa said you were willing to teach me how to read and write?"
"Yes." Bette agreed with another bright smile and an enthusiastic nod, clearly looking forward to taking on the role of teacher. Her sister simply sighed and fixed the blonde with a hard stare. "We're all set up and ready."
She led the girl over to a table that was set up in the middle of the tent. There were flashcards laid out on it, each with a different letter of the alphabet written in neat, clear handwriting. Greta squinted at them, recognising the shapes but struggling to identify them in English. Patiently the twins, but mainly Bette, showed her each letter in turn and told her the letter name and the sound it made.
When they had been through each several times and she was able to confidently recite the alphabet, Bette had praised the younger woman for the progress she had made already. Then she challenged Greta to spell her name, identify and find the letters that made up her name. It took a while, but Bette had patience and with encouragement she managed to find the correct letters.
"You've done really, really well." Bette told her, patting the girl's hand. "I want you to practise recognising letters whenever you can, OK? Maybe try recognising letters on the caravans."
Thank you, Bette, Dot."
"She's done really well, hasn't she, Dot?"
"Yeah, I suppose so." Dot agreed half-heartedly.
Furrowing her brow and looking between them, Greta realised that Bette was chewing her lip and pointedly avoiding her eyes. Instead, the blonde focused on her sister, folding her arms across her chest and fixing her with a curious frown. "Have I done something to upset you, Dot?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well… you do not seem to like me very much." The blonde shrugged and rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. "I was just wondering whether I had managed to offend you in some way?"
"I don't dislike you… I just… we don't have much in common, do we?"
Slightly confused, Greta shrugged. "Maybe we can find something that we have in common? Perhaps you teaching me will bring us closer together? I really would like to become friends."
"Can I ask you something, Greta?" Bette asked suddenly.
The blonde looked at her and smiled. "Of course."
"What's it like being normal?"
"Normal?" Greta looked at Bette carefully. "There is no such thing."
"Normal is having one head." Dot pointed out bluntly.
"Maybe…" She agreed slowly, suddenly realising what might be causing the hostility that was radiating off the more serious of the twins in waves. "But normal is also having just one name… one life. Normal is having a mother and a father. Normal is doing what is expected, being who people think you are supposed to be, normal is boring."
"Normal is being able to walk down the street without being stared at."
"I had a 'normal' life… twice." Greta informed them quietly. "Both times it turned to scheiße. Normal is simply an idea… everyone strives for normal, but very few achieve it. No one is truly normal. There is no such thing."
Bette smiled. "We heard about what happened at the diner."
"I just told them the truth." The blonde replied. "People cannot treat other people the way they were. It is not right."
"We've seen the way Jimmy looks at you." Bette blurted out, earning herself a furious scowl from her sister.
"I have no interest in Jimmy." Greta assured them both quickly.
"You say that…"
She smiled and shook her head. "I promise you… I have no interest in him and he has no interest in me; not like that."
"You promise?" Bette asked, her eyes wide with child-like innocence.
"I promise you. All I am interested in is building a home and a family for myself. I consider you a part of my family, even if you do not like me very much. That means that I would never consciously do anything that would hurt you."
"Family." Both twins repeated together, Bette with a contented smile and Dot looking cynical.
"Anyway," Greta shrugged and headed towards the door of the tent, "if anyone should be jealous, it is me."
"Jealous?" Dot asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Of us?" Bette added, looking quickly at her sister, before turning her gaze on the blonde.
"Why would you be jealous of us?" Dot demanded suspiciously.
"Because you have got someone who has always got your back." Greta told them seriously. "Someone who loves you and is there for you no matter what happens. You are lucky."
Smiling between them, Greta turned and left. She headed towards the big tent, already ten minutes late for her last minute rehearsal with Eve for her debut performance that afternoon. Dot and Bette looked at each other for a moment before following her.
Despite the lights and the audience, the only thing Greta focused on was her mother, dressed and ready for her own performance, leaning in the entrance to the tent and smoking a cigarette. Her own eyes were trained on her daughter, standing in the middle of the stage nervously.
Dell introduced her to the audience and the music started up. The spotlight suddenly shone down on Greta and she was blinded by the lights, unable to see anything in front of her. Having been warned that would happen, she listened intently, waiting for her cue to come in. As her eyes slowly became accustomed to the brightness, she found her mother once more and she frowned slightly as she realised that Elsa was smirking.
"I pronounce it aluminium,
'Cause there's an I next to the U and M
Now write it down slowly and read it out fast
She's got eyes, preposterous eyes
I've never had a lover who's my sister or my brother before
I've been counting on the wrong things
To make life feel alright
You could be my acid queen
Until the end of time
'Cause you can have it all
You're stuck in the middle
Raise them one and all
I was born on a horse, that's all
I like to think I'm just a thoroughbred
In all but name and with no horses flesh
We're galloping slowly through this broken glass
She's got hooves, preposterous hooves
I've never had a lover who's my sister or my brother before
I've been counting on the wrong things
To make life feel alright
You could be my acid queen
Until the end of time
'Cause you can have it all
You're stuck in the middle
Raise them one and all
I was born on a horse, that's all
'Cause you can have it all
You're stuck in the middle
Raise them one and all
I was born on a horse, that's all."
As she sang the final note of the song, Greta gave the microphone a hard shove so that it fell over with a loud, electronic screech and stalked off the stage without a backwards glance. She paid no attention to the cheering of the crowd or the bewildered stares of the other performers. Descending the short flight of steps, the girl ignored Dell's hissed warnings to stay where she was and went in search of Elsa who had been smirking derisively throughout the entire song.
"What?" Greta demanded as soon as she found the older blonde in her own tent.
"I do not know what you are talking about, liebling."
"Du bist ein Lügner."
"In English, please." Elsa requested calmly. "And I am not a liar."
"You are." Her daughter argued. "You know exactly what I am talking about."
"Humour me." Elsa suggested with a smile. "What exactly is it that has upset you."
"You… I never asked for any of this. I just wanted to meet you… I did not want to be alone anymore. I never asked to be put on stage. But now you are acting as though I have offended you."
"I am doing nothing of the sort."
Greta shook her head. "I am not trying to steal your spotlight, Elsa. I would not… I do not want it."
"That is just as well, my darling, because I am the star of this show."
"Good, fine, I do not care." She smiled, sensing that Elsa had thawed a little towards her. "So… what did you think of my performance?"
"It was good." Elsa admitted grudgingly. "But I think knocking the microphone over at the end was a little dramatic."
"We can discuss that." Greta told her with a grin.
"Come on… it is nearly time for me to go on. You can watch a real star performing. Maybe you will pick up a few tips?"
A/N: The lyrics in this chapter were Clown - Heather Peace and Born on a Horse - Biffy Clyro. They're both amazing songs, so give them a listen if you have time :)
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