Visitations
Chapter 12
Commitment
Kate stared into the fire that burned cheerily in the hearth as Castle sprawled peacefully in the old fashioned four poster bed. They had driven almost six hours to get there, a small but beautiful inn near the Canadian border. Kate had turned her phone off, there would be no calls from the precinct. The bed was fantastic and the lovemaking had been even better, without the threat of interruption. Alexis and Martha were far away and Johanna had solemnly promised not to intrude on Kate's intimate time with Castle. But with all that, Kate felt unsettled. There were so many things she had pushed to the back of her mind, hidden from herself and even from Dr. Burke. Johanna's appearance had stirred the pot, leaving her to question the motives behind choices of which she had previously been so sure.
The subject of Kate's thoughts made another appearance. "Can't sleep?" Johanna asked.
"I've been thinking about the things you've shown me," Kate confided. "Even after all of that, it's hard to figure out what I've really wanted, and what I want now."
"At least you're asking the questions," Johanna encouraged. "Without doing that, you're never going to get any answers. We were talking about commitment," Johanna recalled. "Have you thought about why you have so much trouble believing someone would make one to you?" Kate nodded. "Let's go back," Johanna continued.
Kate and Johanna arrived in the kitchen of the Candelas, a couple whose daughter had been kidnapped. Earlier Kate entered, surprised to find FBI Agent Sorenson somberly pouring himself a cup of coffee.
"Hey," Earlier Kate greeted him
"Hey, yourself," Sorenson responded, indicating the coffee. "Want some?"
Earlier Kate nodded. "Yeah, thanks." So, I just got word from my guys, and Ellers is a dead end," she informed him as he handed her a cup. "The owner over at Paradise Diner on East 62nd vouched that he was having his usual poached eggs this morning."
"Would have been too easy, right?" Sorenson returned. "Or over-easy".
Earlier Kate smiled at the quip."That's like something Castle would say."
"You like him?" Sorenson asked.
"No. I just, um... I don't know. I think he's interesting," Earlier Kate replied.
"Uh huh," Johanna interjected, as Kate winced.
"So you're not...?" Sorenson quizzed.
"Together? No..." Earlier Kate answered.
Sorenson gazed at her earnestly. "I meant to call. Must've picked up the phone a dozen times."
"Yeah, I know," Earlier Kate said bitterly. "You meant to do a lot of things. That's why you left, remember?"
"Boston was a great opportunity," Sorenson protested.
"I'm not saying that it wasn't," Earlier Kate stated. "I'm just saying it was a choice, that didn't include me."
"You could've come," Sorenson suggested
"And then done what?" Earlier Kate argued. "Joined the Boston PD, and then you have to move to Phoenix, and then Cleveland. And then you're back here. I mean, we both know what that life is all about."
"So he made the choice to leave you but you made the choice not to follow him," Johanna pointed out. "Was it really about Boston, Phoenix, and Cleveland?"
Kate considered her mother's question. "No, it was about the relationship. I wasn't really committed enough to want to follow him."
Johanna smiled knowingly. "Let's look at more choices, yours and Castle's"
Kate and Johanna were in Kate's apartment. Earlier Kate was on the phone as she chopped vegetables for dinner while Earlier Castle began to set the table. "No, that's great. Thank you," Earlier Kate said before hanging up. "So they found the laptop."
"I knew it." Earlier Castle declared triumphantly before hanging up. "So what was on it?" he asked, continuing to set the table.
"Well the hard drive is encrypted so techs are going through it now," she reported.
"Well," Earlier Castle speculated with relish, "somewhere on that computer is a conspiracy of lies so heinous, so deadly..." He picked up her jacket and a square of cardboard fell on the floor. He retrieved it and read it. "What's this?"
"What's what?" Earlier Kate asked, continuing her food preparation.
Earlier Castle held up his find. "Boarding pass."
Worry lines creased Earlier Kate's face. "Castle -,"
"Did you fly to DC yesterday?" Earlier Castle questioned, confused.
Earlier Kate put the knife on the counter and walked toward Earlier Castle. "Yes. I did."
"Why?" Castle asked.
Earlier Kate paused, searching desperately for the right words for an answer. "I was invited down for an interview."
"What kind of interview?" Earlier Castle pressed.
"For a position," Earlier Kate responded nervously, "with the Federal Task Force."
Dismay and anger warred on Earlier Castle's face. "I'm sorry, you interviewed for another job in another city … and you didn't tell me?"
Earlier Kate tried her best to justify her silence. "I didn't tell you about it because it was just an interview and I knew you would be upset."
"Oh … yeah. Yeah," Earlier Castle agreed. "You're damn right I'm upset."
"Castle," Earlier Kate returned, trying to smooth things over, "I just wanted to see what was out there. What's wrong with that?"
"What's wrong with it," Castle replied furiously, "is that you hid it from me. In fact, you lied about it. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Castle," Earlier Kate protested, "this isn't about you. This is about me. This is about my life."
"So you're seriously considering this?" Earlier Castle asked.
"Yes!" Earlier Kate declared defensively. "This is a wonderful opportunity. It'll be a chance to do more."
Earlier Castle starred down at her, nodding vigorously. "Without me."
Earlier Kate was stunned by the intensity of his response.. "Castle, please don't do this," she pleaded. "Don't make this about us."
Earlier Castle's pain suffused the room. "I'm sorry, tell me how this isn't about us. You get this job, you move to DC, I'll never see you. That's pretty much the end of our relationship, isn't it?"
Earlier Kate shook her head in denial. "You don't know that! And I probably won't even get the job."
"That's not the point, Earlier Castle insisted. "The point is, you knew what this could mean. And it didn't occur to you to include me. Or worse, it did occur to you. And you chose not to. Now what does that say about us?" Earlier Castle moved to grab his jacket. "Not much, you ask me."
Earlier Kate sighed helplessly. "Castle."
"I can't be here right now," Earlier Castle gritted out, walking past her to the door.
"See any parallels?" Johanna asked.
Kate nodded in slow realization. "I was doing to Castle what Will Sorenson did to me."
"What choice did Castle make?" Johanna asked.
"He - he proposed to me, before he knew whether I'd gotten the job or not, he proposed to me," Kate replied in wonder. "Then when I told him I got it, he promised me we'd work it out and D.C. would be great."
"Was it?" Johanna asked.
Kate shook her head ruefully. "No! When we were engaged, we saw each other less than we did when we were just dating. It was a hard time.
Shall we see what Castle did?" Johanna suggested.
Kate and Johanna were in the loft.
"Listen, um …," Earlier Castle said soberly, "we really have to talk about something."
"Okay," Earlier Kate agreed.
"We've been doing this long distance thing for months, and uh, honey, and we never see each other," he told her standing and walking across the room. "And when we do," he continued, it's a day here, it's a weekend there. Let's face it, it's not working."
Dread flickered across Earlier Kate's face. "I – I know, Castle. But I don't – I don't know how to fix this," she replied, going to him.
"I do," Earlier Castle announced, metal visible in his upraised hand."
"What … is that?" Earlier Kate asked looking at what he held up.
"It's a key," Earlier Castle exclaimed. "To our DC apartment. I mean, the truth is, I can – I can write anywhere, so I found a place with a little home office." Earlier Kate exhaled a breath she hadn't known she was holding, as Earlier Castle continued. "Listen, if you don't like it when you see it we can always..."
Earlier Kate grabbed the key from his hand. "No! I don't need to see it. I love this." Throwing her arms around him, their lips met.
Kate laughed as she and Johanna were returned to the Inn where Castle still slept quietly. "As it turned out, we didn't need the place. I got fired and came back to New York," she reported ruefully.
"Hardly the point, is it?" Johanna asked.
"No," Kate agreed. I wasn't committed enough to follow Will Sorenson, but Castle was - is - committed enough to follow me."
"And knowing that, how do you feel about your marriage to him?" Johanna asked.
"A lot better than I did," Kate realized. "Thanks Mom."
As Johanna shimmered from the room, Kate slipped under the covers to cuddle up to her fiancé.